what\'s better?
 

.

Re: what\'s better?
 

*LOL*

Re: what\'s better?
 

Why can't I feel good now and later?

Re: what\'s better?
 

how do you edit a poll?

Re: what\'s better?
 

I dunno, I've never edited one. I was assuming the same way you edit a post though. Is it not?

I'll test.

Re: what\'s better?
 

feel crappy now feel good later, man if you want to feel good now and feel crappy later ur most likely overweight

Re: what\'s better?
 

[ QUOTE ]
how do you edit a poll?

[/ QUOTE ]

Everyone's a damn polltard today! First Dominic now you. He should stick to making porn and you should stick to...well something else. [img]/images/graemlins/mad.gif[/img]

Re: what\'s better?
 

its those stupid girl questions from last month. Search 'the stranger - dating' if you missed it. I don't feel like posting the links again.

I have been directed to leave her alone until she has more sober time. I still like her a lot. We never fought. I see her all the time at meetings still, and I can tell she still likes me too. Its hard.

Re: what\'s better?
 

[ QUOTE ]
its those stupid girl questions from last month. Search 'the stranger - dating' if you missed it. I don't feel like posting the links again.

I have been directed to leave her alone until she has more sober time. I still like her a lot. We never fought. I see her all the time at meetings still, and I can tell she still likes me too. Its hard.

[/ QUOTE ]

i still don't get it. [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

Re: what\'s better?
 

[ QUOTE ]
I dunno, I've never edited one. I was assuming the same way you edit a post though. Is it not?

I'll test.

[/ QUOTE ]

You can't edit a poll once you create it. You can edit everything else though. Didn't know that. Groovy.

Re: what\'s better?
 

[ QUOTE ]

i still don't get it. [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

Okay, girl screws up her life with drugs and alcohol. Comes to recovery to change her life. Meets me, three years sober. Starts coming after me. At first I was like, "yeah, whatever." Then I start liking her too. We start getting close. I say, "I would like to have a more serious relationship with you, but I need you to be healthier first, but lets be friends." She says she loves me. My sponsor says not to hang out with her, and to just leave her alone until she has six months sober. Not to date her until she has a year. She has two months right now.

I'm not asking for a solution. I have my instructions that I can't deviate from. I'm just saying, it feels crappy.

There's no guarantee that I'll feel good (with her) later, but at least there's a possibility. Plus knowing I did the right thing might feel good down the road too.

Re: what\'s better?
 

Since you didn't really put a question up there, I was going to say that I almost always choose good now, crappy later, as evinced by how often I drink.

Since it turns out this is about a couple of recovering alcoholics, I'd say that's not the way to go.

Re: what\'s better?
 

I remember when you first posted about this situation.

I dunno, I think going very very very slow is better than not hanging out with her. Be a friend now, and follow your sponsor's advice about later.

Then again I don't know much about alcoholism.

Re: what\'s better?
 

did I mention she's dating my best guy friend now? He's a player, so I know he's not serious. But yeah, uggh.

Re: what\'s better?
 

Your addict sponsor tells you who you can [censored]? Is this normal? Get a new sponsor.

Re: what\'s better?
 

Plus she would go on and on about her ex back east. Finally I asked her how long they were together. Eight weeks. She surely has some issues to work through.

Re: what\'s better?
 

[ QUOTE ]
did I mention she's dating my best guy friend now? He's a player, so I know he's not serious. But yeah, uggh.

[/ QUOTE ]

Um, that sounds bad. Getting involved with a player who will inevitably dump you a few months later is not a good situation for a recovering alcoholic to be in.

On the bright side dating your friend is a good situation for keeping the friendship existant but not a relationship.

Re: what\'s better?
 

[ QUOTE ]
did I mention she's dating my best guy friend now? He's a player, so I know he's not serious. But yeah, uggh.

[/ QUOTE ]

That means you are "safe". Ugh. Dude, be her friend, nothing more, nothing less. If you can't just be her friend, then maybe you need to explain to her that you have feelings for her and can't be around her if she just wants to be friends.

Of course, since your boy is now hooking up with her, you're in no man's land. I'd not hang out with her, be nice, cordial at the meetings, and that's about it. Ask your friend not to hang out with her and you at the same time if it bothers you.

Dude, you gotta get out and about and meet other women. That's the best course of action, and probably the hardest.

Re: what\'s better?
 

[ QUOTE ]
Dude, you gotta get out and about and meet other women. That's the best course of action, and probably the hardest.

[/ QUOTE ]

Agreed. But what's hard about it?

Re: what\'s better?
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Dude, you gotta get out and about and meet other women. That's the best course of action, and probably the hardest.

[/ QUOTE ]

Agreed. But what's hard about it?

[/ QUOTE ]

I based this off of info El Stranger gave us in previous posts. I believe he said he doesn't get out much.

Re: what\'s better?
 

[ QUOTE ]
I believe he said he doesn't get out much.

[/ QUOTE ]

Well that does make it difficult.

Re: what\'s better?
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I believe he said he doesn't get out much.

[/ QUOTE ]

Well that does make it difficult.

[/ QUOTE ]

Well, I'm involved in some new meetings now, with like 400-1100 people. I have a commitment at one where I have a chance to get to know a young lady who is roughly my age, pretty cute, friendly and outgoing. I failed to ask her how much sober time she has, but she seems to know all the other young women there, so if she thinks I'm a good guy, I might get some cool new opportunities.

Re: what\'s better?
 

[ QUOTE ]

I have been directed to leave her alone until she has more sober time. I still like her a lot. We never fought. I see her all the time at meetings still, and I can tell she still likes me too. Its hard.

[/ QUOTE ]

Good for your sponsor, and good for you. It is hard, but best in the long run. Be friendly, but don't hang out with her.
Do go out with other women, even just friendly dates that you don't expect to go anywhere.

Re: what\'s better?
 

[ QUOTE ]

Do go out with other women, even just friendly dates that you don't expect to go anywhere.

[/ QUOTE ]

what's the rationale here?

Re: what\'s better?
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

Do go out with other women, even just friendly dates that you don't expect to go anywhere.

[/ QUOTE ]

what's the rationale here?

[/ QUOTE ]

1) get her off your mind.
2) you never know who will strike your fancy once you get to know them.
3) alcoholics tend to attract each other. (and the co-dependant) you might find a better match with someone you are not immediately attracted to.

Re: what\'s better?
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

Do go out with other women, even just friendly dates that you don't expect to go anywhere.

[/ QUOTE ]

what's the rationale here?

[/ QUOTE ]

1) get her off your mind.
2) you never know who will strike your fancy once you get to know them.
3) alcoholics tend to attract each other. (and the co-dependant) you might find a better match with someone you are not immediately attracted to.

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks I agree completely.

For some reason I read your sentence as, "Do not. . ." at first.

Re: what\'s better?
 

on a funny aside, I printed out the thread where I was asking, "should I make a move?" and gave it to her a few weeks later. The first time I kissed her was the day after I made that post.

I thought she'd think it was cute, but she was actually mad that I'd talk about that with strangers, instead of talking to her. I think she's over it, but you never know.

Re: what\'s better?
 

Last night I called her.

I said, "I know I've been acting cold toward you lately. I just want you to know it has nothing to do with how much I like you. It has one-hundred percent to do with sponsor direction. Last time I told you we couldn't hang out I was kind of emotional and mean about it, so I just wanted to clear that up. I like you just as much as I ever did, and that's why it's hard for me. I couldn't possibly leave you thinking I'm pissed off or wounded or anything like that."

Her response, "Oh okay. I'll give you a call. Maybe we can get together this weekend." [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

So I tell my sponsor this, and he says, "That's it. No more communication." I deleted her number from my cell.

Re: what\'s better?
 

What's up with your sponsor?

Is this typical?

(I'm being genuine here, I really didn't realize they have this much control over who you interact with)

Re: what\'s better?
 

Are you also a scientologist, by any chance?

Re: what\'s better?
 

[ QUOTE ]
What's up with your sponsor?

Is this typical?

(I'm being genuine here, I really didn't realize they have this much control over who you interact with)

[/ QUOTE ]

Well there's a few different schools of thought on sponsorship. The particular group I'm affiliated with right now has a tradition of very strong sponsorship. They feel that one of the keys to working a program is to take direction without questioning it. My sponsor is probably actually considered the most lax in the group.

The other school of thought on sponsorship is that the sponsor tells the sponsee what he did in a similar situation, and how he took the twelve steps, and the sponsee decides for himself.

Re: what\'s better?
 

[ QUOTE ]
Are you also a scientologist, by any chance?

[/ QUOTE ]

no.

Re: what\'s better?
 

Is this lady friend from the same school of thought on sponsorship? My first thought was that she just really didn't understand what you were getting at. It sounds like you and your sponsor - well, actually just your sponsor, because you haven't given much detail about your own, independent thinking - think that she's actively or passively trying to subvert you.

Re: what\'s better?
 

Should I give the Baja Blast another chance today?

http://www.borderfoods.com/gtm/images/bajablastweb.jpg

Re: what\'s better?
 

[ QUOTE ]
Should I give the Baja Blast another chance today?

http://www.borderfoods.com/gtm/images/bajablastweb.jpg

[/ QUOTE ]

How many chances have you given it so far? I usually give a new item 3 chances. Then they have to do something "special" for me to try it again (offer it for free or include a blowjob from a hot chick in the deal - either works).

Re: what\'s better?
 

Eh, I like the Stranger, his posts are usually on target and not the garden variety uselessness that most of OOT is.

I say let's stay on target here.

Re: what\'s better?
 

[ QUOTE ]
Eh, I like the Stranger, his posts are usually on target and not the garden variety uselessness that most of OOT is.

I say let's stay on target here.

[/ QUOTE ]

I though the other thread was much better than this one. This is garden variety QLC.

Re: what\'s better?
 

Feel good now cause I might not survive until 'later'.

Re: what\'s better?
 

[ QUOTE ]
Is this lady friend from the same school of thought on sponsorship?

[/ QUOTE ]

no

Re: what\'s better?
 

No way dude, the girl he likes is now dating his best friend, and his sponsor told him to severe contact with the girl.

He's still got feelings for her. This is quality. Reminds me of Melrose Place in real life.