Dear bison: the May advice thread.
 

A couple weeks ago I made a thread to try to save you from yourselves. Advice was distributed, I shat on some people, lives were changed and souls saved. Nonetheless, it has come to my attention that some people still help need. Plus, I'm running a fever, so I'm bored out of my hot hot throbbing skull, which is why this May advice thread is getting off the ground on April 30th.

So the premise remains the same: many of y'all are broken cymbal monkeys, thrown in the trash behind the carny booth of life, and I'm here to patch you up, and help you get back on that big old prize shelf we call happiness.

If you post an interesting and/or sincere question in this thread, I will respond with life-altering clarity, compassion and concision. It's the least I can do.

Re: Dear bison: the May advice thread.
 

How much longer until I qualify for the WSOP?

Re: Dear bison: the May advice thread.
 

I [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] this thread.

Dear Bison,

I have no ambition. There is only 1 thing I really enjoy, and that is sports. Anyways, I'm not good enough to be an athlete and I doubt that I'm smart enough to get into management. However, since this is my only ambition and I know that I won't be able to succeed in it, I don't have motivation. Help!

Re: Dear bison: the May advice thread.
 

Dear bisonbison,

I have for the last month become somwhat depressed or in a general funk. Cures?

Re: Dear bison: the May advice thread.
 

Dear bugstud,

The proper format is going to be "Dear bison," followed by a question that isn't dumb.

Re: Dear bison: the May advice thread.
 

Dear bison,

My girlfriend (who I live with) is gone for the week. I have plenty of things to do (ie my normal schedule) but I feel like I should do something more, something crazy. The problem is, there's nothing I'm not "allowed" to do (except smoke inside). I would never date a girl like that. I went to the strip clubs last night, but like I said, I could do that any weekend.

Her cat is starting to look pretty hot, is that the answer?

Help me!

Re: Dear bison: the May advice thread.
 

[ QUOTE ]
Dear bugstud,

The proper format is going to be "Dear bison," followed by a question that isn't dumb.

[/ QUOTE ]

ok.

Dear Bison,

Who do you like in the NL Central this year?

signed,
Cubs fan

Re: Dear bison: the May advice thread.
 

Dear tbach,

Three things:

1. Most sport franchises are not run or staffed by geniuses. They're staffed with reasonably intelligent people. Most people, with effort, can achieve reasonable intelligence.
2. For most non-players, the most straightforward and forgiving way to get a job with a team is to start low and work hard. I'd suggest writing to every pro team in your area (minor or major league/Arena Football/IHL/MLS/whatever as long as you're entertained by the sport) and ask if they have any internships, paid or unpaid.
3. Motivation is like a disease - you don't catch it by sitting around the house, you get it by exposing yourself to new things and seeing what nests in your chest cavity.

Re: Dear bison: the May advice thread.
 

Dear Noncomformist,

The basics of getting out of a medium-sized funk: stop doing what you're doing and start doing something else. Not posting on internet forums is always a good first step, but for more details I'd need to hear a little bit more about where you're at right now.

Re: Dear bison: the May advice thread.
 

Dear Bison,

Is there any place that serves a better Linguini With Clams and Mussels (in red sauce) then "Frankie Johnnie & Luigi Too" in Mountain View?

DAMN this is good stuff! My tastebuds are exploding in delight! [img]/images/graemlins/shocked.gif[/img]

Re: Dear bison: the May advice thread.
 

Dear mason,

I would suggest not tapping that cat.

As for something stupid and crazy that won't lead to relationship drama: this fits the bill.

Re: Dear bison: the May advice thread.
 

Dear ThinMan,

I'm not a big seafood fan, so I'll just say that if you go on a weekday afternoon, Amici's at the corner of Castro and El Camino has some very attractive waitresses. It's not a full menu of italian dishes, and they serve the rolls cold, but smiling at pretty girls often compensates for that.

Re: Dear bison: the May advice thread.
 

Dear Cubs Fan,

I don't like any of the teams in the NL central, but if anyone in the division finishes within 5 games of the Cards I will be very surprised.

Re: Dear bison: the May advice thread.
 

[ QUOTE ]
Dear ThinMan,

I'm not a big seafood fan, so I'll just say that if you go on a weekday afternoon, Amici's at the corner of Castro and El Camino has some very attractive waitresses. It's not a full menu of italian dishes, and they serve the rolls cold, but smiling at pretty girls often compensates for that.

[/ QUOTE ]

Dear Bison,

Is that the one Ralph Barbieri goes to or is there another in the city? I use to call that guy all the time and call him Gary to piss him off...would love to get a chance to do so in person... [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

Re: Dear bison: the May advice thread.
 

Dear bisonbison,

I'm not sure if it is a medium sized funk, truthfully it may be more serious. I don't know how to explain it other than physically it feels as though I have a weight pressing down upon my chest. Emotionally I can only describe it as a constant feeling of sadness but about nothing specific. I haven't experieced any recent tragedy or upheval. I have been playing poker for a living and have finally gotten to the point where I would be able to make a lot of money, yet I not have little or no desire to play. I don't know it that is that cause or an effect. I don't know, this is over your head.

I'm willing to give up posting on forums though as I only do it now out of habit and not enjoyment. For how long should I abstain?

NC

Re: Dear bison: the May advice thread.
 

Dear bison,

Yesterday I gave my two weeks notice at my place of employment. I have been burned out for some time and there is simply no way I can co-exist with my boss. The notice was the result of the most recent, and most egregious berating he has given me. All of my co-workers feel the same way about him, though they recognize that he treats me far worse than any of them. Without my knowledge they went to his boss, who works in another building, to let him know that he is about to lose a good employee because he employs an ineffectual boar. They were advised to tell me to wait it out for a week or two and some things were going to change. This is not to say that they enacted said change, only that they were told of it.

Honestly, I don't know that this knowledge makes a difference in my decision. I'm ready for a change, and I've been wanting to do this for some time. Should I choose not to withdraw the resignation, how can I show my appreciation for my colleagues' support without diminishing their actions?

Thank you

Re: Dear bison: the May advice thread.
 

Dear Bison,

Thanks for this, however my personality won't let me do something for a long time that I don't succeed or think I succeed in. Therefore, I feel that climbing the ranks slowly would torture me. Also, I want to make lots of money, and feel that doing something like that wouldn't give me it. I'm still in HS and this may be due to the fact that I get really into things (so far this year I've decided I want to be a physicist, pro poker player, sports writer, and a mathematician also), but sports generally are what's going on for me and they rarely make me upset. Is there another profession that ties the stuff I like (analytical thinking and such), pays a lot, and would allow me to continue to be obsessed with sports? Should I just wait and see what interests me in college?

Re: Dear bison: the May advice thread.
 

Forgive the interuption of bison's thread but how about a sports writer, assuming you are planning on going to college. You could broaden the scope of the writing to beyond just sports if you wanted to.

Re: Dear bison: the May advice thread.
 

Dear NC,

Disease is the handmaiden of war. Isolation and burnout are the handmaidens of playing online poker for a living.

When I was playing for a living, I came to associate that feeling with the endless sameness of my days. You know you have to put in X hours a week or a month to pay your bills, and you'd like to put in Y hours on top of that so you could save some money up or buy toys or whatever, but essentially, no matter how much you make, you'll need to do it again next week or next month or whatever. If you don't enjoy those necessary hours of play, then it just becomes this dreaded, boring burden, where BBs are the only thing you produce.

Some people get more or ask less from poker than others, but I would consider, at the very least, taking a break and considering what you want to be doing in a year and whether or not poker is going to get you any closer to that.

If not, and you don't want to find a full-time job, then you might consider signing up for classes at a local college or finding a part-time job to keep yourself socially and intellectually engaged with actual people.

Re: Dear bison: the May advice thread.
 

[ QUOTE ]
Forgive the interuption of bison's thread but how about a sports writer, assuming you are planning on going to college. You could broaden the scope of the writing to beyond just sports if you wanted to.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, my things are open to anyone who will give advice. I thought about sports writing especially when I was deeply involved in fantasy football and writing 2-3 articles per week and spending lots of time thinking about it, but my brother and friends say they don't make too much. That's a big turnoff for me. Also, my writing = brutal.

Re: Dear bison: the May advice thread.
 

sunlight.

also web page

Re: Dear bison: the May advice thread.
 

Dear Soul Daddy,

Talk to your boss's boss directly. Tell your coworkers that you're greatful for the support, which you are, but talk to him and find out if he's actually willing or able to make things better for you there. If he makes a compelling case, then maybe you'll decide it's worth it to stay, but at the very least you won't be waiting for someone else to take action.

Re: Dear bison: the May advice thread.
 

Dear Bison,

I've ben with my gf for several years, but have never been with another girl. I'm 21 and feel like I might be missing out on something but I'm not sure. I think if I ended up marrying her, it would be fine, but I will probably always wonder and may regret it some day.

What's my line?

Pwn Thai

Re: Dear bison: the May advice thread.
 

im in a similar situation, my gf of 5 years just broke up with me about 2 months ago (im 21 also)...she is the only girl i have dated seriously...i still have dreams where we are together, any ideas?

Re: Dear bison: the May advice thread.
 

ask jessica alba out [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

Re: Dear bison: the May advice thread.
 

Dear Bison,

A commercial just reminded me that its mother's day exists. What should I get her?

Re: Dear bison: the May advice thread.
 

Dear Pwn,

It's a little mental game we play when we say "I might be missing out" here. You are missing out: if you stay with your girlfriend, you miss the opportunity to hook up with and be in relationships with other girls.

Whether those opportunities make ending your relationship with your current girlfriend worthwhile is entirely up to you, but I would think about how happy you are with her right now, and what you're thinking about when you think about other women. Cause just wanting to hook up with hot girls is different than thinking "oh, maybe there's someone I could happier with."

Re: Dear bison: the May advice thread.
 

Dear Kerssens,

Write her a note. If you live in the area, take her out to dinner. Otherwise, get her a certificate to a day spa.

Re: Dear bison: the May advice thread.
 

Dear Bison,

My friends have a dilemma this evening. Shall we go with the original plan of the alphabet drinking game, where you must name a drink starting with a--->Z and drink said drink, or to go play beer pong. Doing both would kill most people involved.

Thanks!

Re: Dear bison: the May advice thread.
 

Dear Bison:

My friend has this hot itching sensation, you know, down there. He has not told his girlfriend about it yet. What is it, and could he catch it from a toilet seat?

Freakin

Re: Dear bison: the May advice thread.
 

with the way Wood's first inning went, I don't blame you for trying to get so trashed

Re: Dear bison: the May advice thread.
 

the answer to this seems obvious...do both...

Re: Dear bison: the May advice thread.
 

dear bison,

i recently got involved with my best friend's ex-girlfriend. After hanging out for a week, we had sex. I now have no desire to ever see her again. My friend said he was totally cool with me seeing his ex girlfriend.

How should i break it off with this girl?

And is this a good enough topic to start a more detailed OOT thread?

Re: Dear bison: the May advice thread.
 

Dear Ian,

You're going to have those dreams for a while. Been there. Done that.

My advice would be to ask your friends if they know anybody who might like to have some non-serious fun.

If your ex ever wants to get back together, then you can deal with that when it happens. In the meantime, the best way to get on with life is to go out there with the sincere intention of having some remorse-free laughs/hookups.

Re: Dear bison: the May advice thread.
 

[ QUOTE ]
the answer to this seems obvious...do both...

[/ QUOTE ]

note that I stated that doing both would kill all particpants involved.

Re: Dear bison: the May advice thread.
 

Dear Bug,

Play beer pong.

Re: Dear bison: the May advice thread.
 

Dear Freakin,

Your friend needs to see a doctor.

Re: Dear bison: the May advice thread.
 

bah, fine, take a break in between then [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

or...go until K or M and then play beer pong [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Re: Dear bison: the May advice thread.
 

Dear Klepton,

There's no smooth way to say "Hey, it turns out that my interest in you was purely sexual novelty value," so I would probably just be brutally honest: "Katie, I don't think I want this to turn into anything more serious."

Have fun with that. But be honest and expect her to either not be happy or not care at all.

Re: Dear bison: the May advice thread.
 

dear bison,

how have you been doing recently lifeqise / pokerwise?