Favorite lines from Seinfeld
 

From one of the "Kieth Hernandez" episodes:

"Thank you for the lovely evening, George. It's been a long time since I've had a Big Mac"

(line delivered by the hideously ugly daughter of the unemployment official that George is trying to schmooze into an extension of benefits)

Re: Favorite lines from Seinfeld
 

"You're and idiot."
Susan to George after he asks her who leads when she and her girlfriend dance.

Re: Favorite lines from Seinfeld
 

the whole naked woman speach delivered by Kramer in The Contest episode

Re: Favorite lines from Seinfeld
 

Seinfeld sucks.

You double-dipped the chip.

Re: Favorite lines from Seinfeld
 

From the episode where they get stranded at the party out on Long Island. Some annoying woman keeps talking to Elaine about her baby and Elaine finally turns around and goes "MAYBE THE DINGO ATE YOUR BABY" in this ridiculous Aussie accent. Kills me ever time I see it.

Re: Favorite lines from Seinfeld
 

Well you know who's responsible for astroturf, don't you? The jews.

Re: Favorite lines from Seinfeld
 

Jerry and George are out on separate dates.

George's date: do you wanna come up for some coffee?
George: No thanks, coffee keeps me up.

Jerry's date: why don't we go back to your place?
Jerry: well ok, but I don't have any cake if that's what you're looking for

Re: Favorite lines from Seinfeld
 

[ QUOTE ]
Cosmo Kramer: The bus is outta control. So I grab him by the collar, I take him out of the seat, I get behind the wheel, and now I'm driving the bus.
Jerry: Wow.
George Costanza: You're Batman.
Cosmo Kramer: Yeah, yeah, I am Batman. Then the mugger, he comes to and he starts choking me. So I'm fighting him off with one hand and I kept driving the bus with the other, ya know. Then I managed to open up the door and I kicked him out the door, ya know, with my foot, ya know, at the next stop.
Jerry: You kept making all the stops?
Cosmo Kramer: Well, people kept ringing the bell.

[/ QUOTE ]

[ QUOTE ]
[staff meeting at J. Peterman; Anna, one of Elaine's employees, enters wearing George's Yankee jacket]
Elaine: Anna, whose jacket is that?
Anna: It's mine.
Elaine: Oh really? Because, it looks a bit big on you. It looks like something a short, stocky, slow-witted bald man would wear.

[/ QUOTE ]

Re: Favorite lines from Seinfeld
 

I'm also a fan of "A George divided against itself cannot stand!"

Re: Favorite lines from Seinfeld
 

No soup for you!

Re: Favorite lines from Seinfeld
 

"Why don't you just tell me the name of the movie you'd like to see...."

"A George, divided amongst itself, cannot last" (Errrr, "stand", and I just saw it last night...)

"Stelllllllllllla"

"Maybe the dingo ate your baby!"

Re: Favorite lines from Seinfeld
 

"maybe the dingo ate your baby"

wow. great minds think alike....

Re: Favorite lines from Seinfeld
 

When Jerry is dating that girl that was in the whole nine yards or whatever in the Tony's award and its the summer of george, they decide that:

"Maybe the two of us working at full capacity could do the job of one man"
"Then we'd only have to be like ... a half man! ... That sounds about right!"

Re: Favorite lines from Seinfeld
 

These pretzels are making me thirsty.

Re: Favorite lines from Seinfeld
 

Don't remember it word for word, but the part where Kramer is talking to Jerry about how something was unbelievable. Kramer said something to the affect:

"Is it?!? Or is it so possible, I just blew your mind?!?"

I'm sure someone will remember the rant better than me.

Re: Favorite lines from Seinfeld
 

too many to list, but one that always comes to mind for me:

"rising like a phoenix from arizona!" (frank costanza)

Re: Favorite lines from Seinfeld
 

Hi My name is George, I'm unemployed and live with my parents

Re: Favorite lines from Seinfeld
 

[ QUOTE ]
George Costanza: The sea was angry that day, my friends - like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli. I got about fifty feet out and suddenly the great beast appeared before me. I tell you he was ten stories high if he was a foot. As if sensing my presence, he let out a great bellow. I said, "Easy, big fella!" And then, as I watched him struggling, I realized that something was obstructing its breathing. From where I was standing, I could see directly into the eye of the great fish.
Jerry: Mammal.
George Costanza: Whatever.
Cosmo Kramer: Well, what did you do next?
George Costanza: Well then, from out of nowhere, a huge tidal wave lifted me, tossed me like a cork, and I found myself right on top of him - face to face with the blowhole. I could barely see from the waves crashing down upon me but I knew something was there. So I reached my hand in, felt around, and pulled out the obstruction.
[George reveals the obstruction to be a golf ball]
Cosmo Kramer: What is that, a Titleist?
[George nods]
Cosmo Kramer: Hole in one, huh?

[/ QUOTE ]

Re: Favorite lines from Seinfeld
 

[ QUOTE ]
Don't remember it word for word, but the part where Kramer is talking to Jerry about how something was unbelievable. Kramer said something to the affect:

"Is it?!? Or is it so possible, I just blew your mind?!?"

I'm sure someone will remember the rant better than me.

[/ QUOTE ]

Jerry: Ah, you're crazy.
Cosmo Kramer: Am I? Or am I so sane that you just blew your mind?
Jerry: It's impossible.
Cosmo Kramer: Is it? Or is it so possible that your head is spinning like a top?
Jerry: It can't be.
Cosmo Kramer: Can't it? Or is your entire world just crashing down all around you?
Jerry: All right, that's enough.

Re: Favorite lines from Seinfeld
 

Yo-yo Ma!

Re: Favorite lines from Seinfeld
 

George: "I don't want hope. Hope is killing me. My dream is to become hopeless. When you're hopeless you don't care. And when you don't care, that indifference makes you attractive."
Jerry: "So, hopelessness is the key?"
George: "It's my only hope."

Re: Favorite lines from Seinfeld
 

Hellooooo!!!

Re: Favorite lines from Seinfeld
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Don't remember it word for word, but the part where Kramer is talking to Jerry about how something was unbelievable. Kramer said something to the affect:

"Is it?!? Or is it so possible, I just blew your mind?!?"

I'm sure someone will remember the rant better than me.

[/ QUOTE ]

Jerry: Ah, you're crazy.
Cosmo Kramer: Am I? Or am I so sane that you just blew your mind?
Jerry: It's impossible.
Cosmo Kramer: Is it? Or is it so possible that your head is spinning like a top?
Jerry: It can't be.
Cosmo Kramer: Can't it? Or is your entire world just crashing down all around you?
Jerry: All right, that's enough.

[/ QUOTE ]

That's it! Awesome.

Re: Favorite lines from Seinfeld
 

NEWMAN: June 14, 1987.... Mets Phillies. We're enjoying a beautiful afternoon in the right field stands when a crucial Hernandez error to a five run Phillies ninth. Cost the Mets the game.

KRAMER: Our day was ruined. There was a lot of people, you know, they were waiting by the player's parking lot. Now we're coming down the ramp ... Newman was in front of me. Keith was coming toward us, as he passes Newman turns and says, " Nice game pretty boy.". Keith continued past us up the ramp.

NEWMAN: A second later, something happened that changed us in a deep and profound way front that day forward.

ELAINE: What was it?

KRAMER: He spit on us.... and I screamed out, "I'm hit!"

NEWMAN: Then I turned and the spit ricochet of him and it hit me.

ELAINE: Wow! What a story.

JERRY: Unfortunately the immutable laws of physics contradict the whole premise of your account. Allow me to reconstruct this if I may for Miss Benes as I've heard this story a number of times.

JERRY: Newman, Kramer, if you'll indulge me. According to your story Keith passes you and starts walking up the ramp then you say you were struck on the right temple. The spit then proceeds to ricochet off the temple striking Newman between the third and forth rib. The spit then cam off the rib turned and hit Newman in the right wrist causing him to drop his baseball cap. The spit then splashed off the wrist, Pauses In mid air mind you- makes a left turn and lands on Newman's left thigh. That is one magic loogie.

NEWMAN: Well that's the way it happened.

JERRY: What happened to your head when you got hit?

KRAMER: Well. uh, well my head went back and to the left

JERRY: Again

KRAMER: Back and to the left

JERRY: Back and to the left Back and to the left

ELAINE: So, what are you saying?

JERRY: I am saying that the spit could not have come from behind ... that there had to have been a second spitter behind the bushes on the gravelly road. If the spitter was behind you as you claimed that would have caused your head to pitch forward.

ELAINE: So the spit could have only come from the front and to the right.

JERRY: But that is not what they would have you believe.

NEWMAN: I'm leavin'. Jerry's a nut.

KRAMER: Wait, wait,

JERRY: The sad thing is we may never know the real truth.

Re: Favorite lines from Seinfeld
 

[ QUOTE ]
the whole naked woman speach delivered by Kramer in The Contest episode

[/ QUOTE ]

JERRY: (Nodding) Yes. Yes I am. (Kramer chuckles) Master of my domain. But I will tell you this: I am going over to(Gestures to the nudist) her apartment, and I'm tellin' her to put those shades down!

KRAMER: Woah, woah, woah. What-what did you just say?

JERRY: I can't take it anymore! She's driving me crazy! I can't sleep, I can't leave the house, and I' here, I'm climbin' the walls. Meanwhile, I'm dating a virgin, I'm in this contest - something's gotta give!

KRAMER: Do you hear what you're saying?! Can you hear it?! (Jerry puts on his coat) This is a beautiful woman walking around naked, and you want to tell her tostop?! That's the dumbest thing I ever heard! I mean, think comprehens- I'm not gonna let you do it.

JERRY: (Persistent) Well, I'm doin' it, get out of my way.

KRAMER: (Stopping him) No, no, no, no. You can't! You can't! This is something that comes about once in a lifetime! When we were boys, looking through our bedroom windows, we would think: "Why can't there be a woman out there, taking her clothes off?" And now that wish's come true, and you want to (Makes a

noise) throw it away?!

JERRY: Look, I'm sorry-

KRAMER: No, I'm not gonna let you do it, Jerry.

JERRY: Kramer, (Trying to pass him) get outta my way!

KRAMER: (Frantic) No, no, no. Don't do it. Don't do it! For my sake! God knows I don't ask you for much! (Pleading) Now, come on. Please, Jerry. Please! I'm beggin' ya! Please! (Claps hands) Come on! Please!

Re: Favorite lines from Seinfeld
 

"And now as Festivus rolls on, we come to the feats of strength."

Re: Favorite lines from Seinfeld
 

Steinbrenner: Mrs. Costanza?
Estelle: Yes?
Steinbrenner: My name is George Steinbrenner, I'm afraid I have some very sad news about your son.
Estelle: (gasps)
(Costanza living room)
Estelle: I can't believe it. He was so young. How could this have happened?
Steinbrenner: Well, he'd been logging some pretty heavy hours, first one in the morning, last one to leave at night. That kid was a human dynamo.
Estelle: Are you sure you're talking about George?
Steinbrenner: You are Mr. and Mrs. Costanza?
Frank: What the hell did you trade Jay Buhner for?! He had 30 home runs and over 100 RBIs last year. He's got a rocket for an arm. You don't know what the hell you're doin'!

Re: Favorite lines from Seinfeld
 

Poppy's been sloppy...

Swede

Re: Favorite lines from Seinfeld
 

"We went out for dinner, I had the lobster brisque - a little too salty, we went back to my place, and yada yada yada, I never saw him again."

Re: Favorite lines from Seinfeld
 

"And you want to be my latex salesman..."

"George is getting angry!"

"I don't think you wanna get hurt. Because if you wanna get hurt I can hurt you. Now, just back off."

"You kept making all the stops?" "People kept ringing the bell!"

Re: Favorite lines from Seinfeld
 

[ QUOTE ]
"Why don't you just tell me the name of the movie you'd like to see...."

[/ QUOTE ]

Awesome

Re: Favorite lines from Seinfeld
 

One of my favorite dialogues:

Kramer: Dean Jones, you wanted to talk to me?

Dean Jones: I've been reviewing Darren's internship journal. Doing laundry, mending chicken wire, hi-tea with a Mr. Newman.

Kramer: I know it sounds pretty glamorous, but it's business as usual at Kramerica.

Dean Jones: As far as I can tell your entire enterprise is nothing more than a solitary man with a messy apartment which may or may not contain a chicken.

Kramer: And with Darren's help, we'll get that chicken.

Dean Jones: I'm sorry, but we can't allow Darren to continue working with you.

Kramer: Well, I have to say this seems capricious and arbitrary.

Dean Jones: Your fly is open.

Re: Favorite lines from Seinfeld
 

George, when he gets rid of the hairpiece:

"I feel just like my old self again. Completely inadequate, paranoid, neurotic, it's a pleasure."

also,

Jerry: "But Kramer, cockfighting is illegal!"
Kramer: "Well, only in the United States."


So many more classic lines, great ones from other posters.

TSP

Re: Favorite lines from Seinfeld
 

Jerry: "So where's my sneakers?"
Kramer: "That's what I want to know."
Jerry: "What do you mean?"
Kramer: "Well, I saw mom and pop this morning, but when I went by the store on my way home the place was empty. Everything is gone. Mom and pop vanished!"
Jerry: "So all my sneakers are gone?"
Kramer: "I'm afraid so, and that's just the tip of the iceberg. I've been asking around. They didn't even have any kids."
Jerry: "Mom and pop aren't even a mom and pop?
Kramer: "It was all an act, Jerry. They conned us, and they scored big-time!"
Elanie: "So, mom and pop's plan was to move into the neighborhood, establish trust - for 48 years - and then run off with Jerry's sneakers?"
Kramer: "Apparently."

Re: Favorite lines from Seinfeld
 

"they're real, and they're spectacular!"

unfortunately none of my friends seem to remember this if i ever use it in conversation...

Re: Favorite lines from Seinfeld
 

[ QUOTE ]
"they're real, and they're spectacular!"

unfortunately none of my friends seem to remember this if i ever use it in conversation...

[/ QUOTE ]

Classic line. You need new friends.

Re: Favorite lines from Seinfeld
 

"Where does the meat go?"
"Right there."
"Ok, where do you turn it on?"
"Right there."
"But WHERE does the meat go?"

My truly alltime favorite is more of a facial expression than quote, but involves George when the company thought he was fully handicapped.
He wedges his little handicapped cart into Jerry's coffe table, and honks his horn to get Jerry to help him...

"Now if you will kindly unwedge my front wheel, I will be going."
(Honking Horn)
The face he makes is priceless

Re: Favorite lines from Seinfeld
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
"they're real, and they're spectacular!"

unfortunately none of my friends seem to remember this if i ever use it in conversation...

[/ QUOTE ]

Classic line. You need new friends.

[/ QUOTE ]

good, I was beginning to lose faith in pop culture.

Re: Favorite lines from Seinfeld
 

[ QUOTE ]
George: I am not giving you my code.

Kramer: I'll bet I can guess it.

George: Pssh. Yeah. Right.

Kramer: Oh, alright. Yeah. Uh, let's see. Um, well, we can throw out birthdays immediately. That's too obvious. And no numbers for you, you're a word man. Alright, let's go deeper. Uh, what kind of man are you? Well, you're weak, spineless, a man of temptations, but what tempts you?

George: Huh?

Kramer: You're a portly fellow, a bit long in the waistband. So what's your pleasure? Is it the salty snacks you crave? No no no no no, yours is a sweet tooth.

George: Get out of here.

Kramer: Oh you may stray, but you'll always return to your dark master, the cocoa bean.

George: I'm leaving.

Kramer (building up steam as George bolts for the door): No, and only the purest syrup nectar can satisfy you!

George: I gotta go.

Kramer: If you could you'd guzzle it by the gallon! Ovaltine! Hershey's!

George: Shut up!

Kramer: Nestlé's Quik!

George: Shut up

[/ QUOTE ]

Right On, Klepton!
 

I agree. That is the single funniest facial expression in all of Seinfeld. George is looking at Jerry like he expects Jerry to immediately bow down to his every whim and fancy, since he is now "handicapped". Hilarious.

TSP