I\'m a card mechanic.
 

I am a dealer in Vegas. I have been practicing card control and manipulation at home just for kicks. Blind riffles, blind shuffles, blind cuts, bottom dealing, second dealing, stock shuffling, cull shuffling, palming etc.
I have not, and will not attempt anything like this while on the job, but I wouldn't mind giving it a try in a home game of sorts. I wouldn't want to cheat my friends so finding the right game is hard. Especially in this town. Everyone just goes to the casino.
Anyone else put any practice into this? Anyone else put this into practice in a game? Anyone ever catch a hanger and get the [censored] kicked out of them by 50 cops?

Re: I\'m a card mechanic.
 

Why are you expecting any answers on this, cheat? Go to RGP where you belong

Re: I\'m a card mechanic.
 

You're a disgrace for even thinking about cheating at poker. I'm sure the people you scam will feel the same way. I hope you don't get your ass kicked, or worse.

Re: I\'m a card mechanic.
 

Not much anyone can say about your cheating plans. But I thought this was interesting:

[ QUOTE ]
...so finding the right game is hard. Especially in this town. Everyone just goes to the casino.

[/ QUOTE ]

Nice point, had never thought of this before. Probably really tough to get a home game organized in Vegas.

Re: I\'m a card mechanic.
 

[ QUOTE ]
Not much anyone can say about your cheating plans. But I thought this was interesting:

[ QUOTE ]
...so finding the right game is hard. Especially in this town. Everyone just goes to the casino.

[/ QUOTE ]

Nice point, had never thought of this before. Probably really tough to get a home game organized in Vegas.

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Not according to "Tilt" just make sure you check your guns at the door.

And for most home games, at least not serious ones the players arent paying attention to the dealer shuffleing the cards. Just for kicks i've (blatantly) gone through the deck and organized cards just to see how things panned out. Never for myself, just for my own amusement in my friendly home game.
Noone ever notices.

Re: I\'m a card mechanic.
 

[ QUOTE ]
And for most home games, at least not serious ones the players arent paying attention to the dealer shuffleing the cards. Just for kicks i've (blatantly) gone through the deck and organized cards just to see how things panned out.

[/ QUOTE ]
You mean people trust their friends not to cheat them out of their money? How shocking. Maybe you should try taking advantage of that trust so you can go out to eat a little more often.

Re: I\'m a card mechanic.
 

Cry me a river.
I have a deck of cards in my hands 8 hours a day, 5 days a week so it is really not to far of a strech to wonder what kind of control you can develop with the deck.
If I were able to sit in a home game with total strangers that were there to take my money, I would not have any moral qualms about cheating. It's foolish to think that 95% of people that you might play with, wouldn't do the same thing if they were capable.
Can we be any more naive?

Re: I\'m a card mechanic.
 

Big line between thinking about doing it and doing it. You've crossed it, and I'm not going to judge you. To each their own. However, many people on the site wouldn't cross said line and that's where the animosity comes from.

Cody

Re: I\'m a card mechanic.
 

[ QUOTE ]
Big line between thinking about doing it and doing it. You've crossed it, and I'm not going to judge you. To each their own. However, many people on the site wouldn't cross said line and that's where the animosity comes from.

Cody

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Well I don't think you can say I have crossed any line until I actually attempted something in a game. That to me is the line. Not playing with a deck at home in my spare time.
I understand the animosity. I wouldn't want to be cheated. But I also know that when it comes to games of chance for money, MOST people will look for an edge to win.
I know enough not to be cheated, and so should all of you.

Re: I\'m a card mechanic.
 

[ QUOTE ]
Cry me a river.

If I were able to sit in a home game with total strangers that were there to take my money, I would not have any moral qualms about cheating.

[/ QUOTE ]

Scratch that. I hope you DO get your ass kicked... or worse.

Re: I\'m a card mechanic.
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Cry me a river.

If I were able to sit in a home game with total strangers that were there to take my money, I would not have any moral qualms about cheating.

[/ QUOTE ]

Scratch that. I hope you DO get your ass kicked... or worse.

[/ QUOTE ]

Since you are taking the moral high ground here a couple questions.
What would you do, if you were walking down the street and found a wallet with $5,000 in it, complete with the owners drivers license address and phone number?
Or rather, you are playing poker and are involved in a huge heads up pot (by your standards) and notice right as you're raking it that your opponent missed the fact that he had a winning flush hand?
Or how about, you move into a new house or apartment and realize that the cable company has failed to disconnect the cable?
In any of this situations, do you cheat someone, or take the moral high ground?
Don't lie.

Re: I\'m a card mechanic.
 

Hmm. Good questions.

The wallet I give back, the poker hand I probably keep quiet about as the rules of the game say it's not my job to check what the other guy has, and the cable connection I take advantage of for as long as it's plausible to argue that I didn't realize what was going on. (I hate cable companies. If cable companies were morally good entities, I'd own up to the missed connection.)

YMMV.

I understand that if you deal all day, you'd be bound to wonder what can be done with a deck. I remember seeing Michael Close, a magician in the piano bar at the Monte Carlo, and after that show I was terrified of what could be done with a deck. Enough that I'm always going to be nervous about playing really high limits, I think.

And yes, you're right, people are often bastards and try to get an edge over each other. Look at insider trading on the stock market. Look, also, at Martha Stewart and hopefully soon, Ken Lay: society doesn't like the cheating when it gets too egregious, and we put you away.

Surely there's a happy middle ground between being a hopelessly naive hick who allows others to fleece him, and becoming the sort of predatory amoral jerk you seem in danger of becoming? Surely we can be cautious about the less-than-perfect intentions of others but still agree to play by the rules?

Re: I\'m a card mechanic.
 

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What would you do, if you were walking down the street and found a wallet with $5,000 in it, complete with the owners drivers license address and phone number?


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Return it. If he offers me award, accept so long as it isn't absurdly large.

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Or rather, you are playing poker and are involved in a huge heads up pot (by your standards) and notice right as you're raking it that your opponent missed the fact that he had a winning flush hand?


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Give him the pot. If he insists on rewarding me for my honesty, I'd probably accept no more than 5% of the pot.

I've awarded a bunch of pots [in casinos and home games] to the correct hand after dealer mistakes or misreads.

[ QUOTE ]

Or how about, you move into a new house or apartment and realize that the cable company has failed to disconnect the cable?


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This one's tricky, because technically the contract could be prepaid. Also, corporations are evil things that act more in line with your cynical expectations of the world. Stealing from them is an entirely different matter than stealing from individuals. Additionally, with their profit-at-all costs nature, cable companies rarely if ever let this happen nowadays, so I would assume the cable had been stolen and, primarily with the motive of avoiding legal and criminal repercussions, let them know. I might watch a little free porn first, tho.

Let's not get the argument out of hand with this marginally relevant example.

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In any of this situations, do you cheat someone, or take the moral high ground?
Don't lie.


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You can't justify something morally just because you can get away with something or you expect others to do that same thing were they able to avoid the consequences. The very fact that you'd be willing to walk into a home game and cheat other individuals without remorse makes you a discredit to humanity by the merit of your willingness to dishonest on a face-to-face, person-to-person level simply for the sake of profit. It's sad to see that you have as little faith in the rest of society's collective morality as you have in your own.

-adam

Re: I\'m a card mechanic.
 

lupin is correct, and it is not close. Do you see why?

I'll let others elaborate.

Re: I\'m a card mechanic.
 

This is hilarious.

Suppose we have a heavyweight boxer who decides that to maximize his win rate, he'll only fight featherweights. When anyone calls him on it, he says "Hey, it's a fair fight," no matter how badly he pummels his undersized opponents.

Then one day, he catches his opponent using brass knuckles. He jumps out of the ring, screams "That's not fair!" and raises a holy stink.

People who aren't involved in this sport might have difficulty seeing where the clear line between cheating and not cheating is.

Re: I\'m a card mechanic.
 

About 8 years ago I caught a hanger in a home game who was dealing off the bottom of the deck. Yes I agree that in a home game no one is really looking out for a mechanic but when they get greedy(which you probably will)is when they leave themselves open to getting caught. After about 1-2 hours of play It became evident that this player was winning EVERY hand he dealt. So over the next 5/6 orbits I would politely fold my hole cards on his deal and try to catch a glimpse of something to support my suspicion. It didn't take long for me to develop the opinion that some cards where coming from the base but if you are going to accuse someone of cheating you better be 100% sure which I wasn't. So I focused my attention to the hands themselves and this is where he made his mistake. This guy always dealt himself excellent hole cards and ALWAYS drew a monster on the river. See it wasn't enough to win the hand this guy wanted the maximum from the pot betting out on miracle draws and hitting them, multiplayers with juicy pots. So I decided to pull him up on his next deal. He dealt the hole cards out and the community cards in the middle face down. I took a big gulp stood up and yelled "Stop everything get away from the cards, this guys dealing from the bottom of the deck and has been doing it all night". So the commotion began, needless to say he got very defensive. As calmly as possible I asked him to step away from the table and explained my theory to the rest of the players. Obviously we needed to see some proof and I openly stated that if I was wrong I would apologise and leave the game immediately. I turned over his holes JJ. Then the board 5676J, fair to say there was some anger flying around the room and that Mr Cheat left without his $1000+ winnings. For me personally I was relieved, I went out on on limb and had I been wrong I would have looked like a right royal a$$. Ever since that experience every time I sit down at a table I'm paranoid that someone is running something similar, subsequently I've stopped playing in home games with people I don't know. When youre paranoid and looking out for a cheat your game suffers and you start playing like a tool. So my advice to you is very simple...........Don't do it.

Re: I\'m a card mechanic.
 

[ QUOTE ]
If I were able to sit in a home game with total strangers that were there to take my money, I would not have any moral qualms about cheating.

[/ QUOTE ] What the hell is wrong with you? How is this any different than mugging someone?

Re: I\'m a card mechanic.
 

Besides the morality of "to steal or not to steal," there's a self-satisfaction issue as well. The best, most serious poker players I know enjoy the money that comes with the game, but they probably derive more enjoyment from the fact that they can beat the game. I'd love to make oodles of money playing poker, but I also love the competition and being able to play well, and cheating would completely kill that part of the game.

How much fun would that be?

Re: I\'m a card mechanic.
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
If I were able to sit in a home game with total strangers that were there to take my money, I would not have any moral qualms about cheating.

[/ QUOTE ] What the hell is wrong with you? How is this any different than mugging someone?

[/ QUOTE ]

Mugging someone? You are kidding right?
Poker is a sport. Poker is about money. I don't know about most of you, but I play poker to win money. It is also a fun game and I enjoy the competition. But first and foremost I am trying to win money.
Look at what is happening in other sports. Baseball, football, track and field for example. Everyone is on juice. Barry Bonds used steroids to gain an edge. And its about money, make no mistake. The more you excel at your sport, the more money you are going to make.
Besides, card manipulation is not something you do every single hand. It could be used to gain an advantage at the right moment however. Even if only to drag one large pot.
If you are not aware enough to know when someone might be cheating you at cards, then you don't deserve to keep your money. I fear that those of you that are so against this idea, are the very ones that would be completley in the dark if being cheated.

Re: I\'m a card mechanic.
 

It would be interesting to see what your employer thinks about this thread.

Re: I\'m a card mechanic.
 

[ QUOTE ]
It would be interesting to see what your employer thinks about this thread.

[/ QUOTE ]

I am not stupid enough to even consider doing something like this at work. Period.

Re: I\'m a card mechanic.
 

[ QUOTE ]
Cry me a river.
I have a deck of cards in my hands 8 hours a day, 5 days a week so it is really not to far of a strech to wonder what kind of control you can develop with the deck.
If I were able to sit in a home game with total strangers that were there to take my money, I would not have any moral qualms about cheating. It's foolish to think that 95% of people that you might play with, wouldn't do the same thing if they were capable.
Can we be any more naive?

[/ QUOTE ]

You're a waste of humanity. Congrats.

Re: I\'m a card mechanic.
 

[ QUOTE ]


I am not stupid enough to even consider doing something like this at work. Period.

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I don't think the leap from stupid to stupid enough is that far for you.

Re: I\'m a card mechanic.
 

Woah, this thread got derailed pretty fast by the haters.

I don't see what the real problem is. The_Tracker has a skill and it's begging to be used. If other people aren't aware, then they're failing to do their due diligence. That's not his problem.

Real world example: I'd been dating this girl (let's call her Henrietta) for 2 years. She happened to be going out of town at the exact same time her sister Geraldine was visiting, and Gerry was going to stay at Henny's apartment, where I had a key.

Now Gerry and I had never gotten along that well, but I knew she was really trashy cause Henny would always talk sh[/b]it about her behind her back. Gerry was just going to visit some friends while she was back home, but I thought, why not try to bang her? I mean, she looked alright and come on, sisters, that's hot.

So I went over to Henny's place one afternoon to scout things out, and I let myself in but it turns out that Gerry wasn't home, so I was snooping around, you know, rifling through her bags and rubbing my body with her shower puff when I heard a key in the front door. Holy sh[/b]it! So I ran out of the bathroom but I realized I was half naked, so I just dove right under Henny's bed in a panic. I thought I was going to poo myself, which would have been doubly bad cause I was wearing Gerry's panties.

So she comes in and sits down on the living room couch and starts watching tv. It's 3 in the afternoon and there's no way I can get out of the apartment cause the windows either A) don't open or are B) too small and the only door out is right next to the TV. So I think, well, maybe she'll go to the bathroom, then I can run or something and besides maybe she'll get really horny watching tv and masturbate on the couch cause that'd be really hot.

But no, two hours go by and there's not a peep from her and she's watching some kind of Undercover Brother marathon where they talk to all the actors and the guy who produced the first internet shorts and then they run the movie and then the movie again with commentary, and she's not really getting turned on but she is laughing a lot which is not hot cause she has kind of a horsey snort when she thinks shi[/b]t's really funny.

Now, by this time, I'm just kind of pissed, cause I've gone through all this effort to scout the apartment for stuff I can blackmail her with so I can drop it in her, but she didn't pack anything dirty, not a dildo or a romance novel or anything, just Jane magazine and some linguistics book. Lame.

And that's when I realize: my pants are right beside the couch. In my hurry to scout things out, I'd sorta just ripped my clothes off without thinking of contingency plans, and if she so much as got up for a soda, I'd be dead. There'd be a heap of men's clothes right in the middle of the room and she'd call the cops. Not good, and waiting for her to go to the bathroom wasn't going to work cause same problem.

I knew action was required, so as quietly as I could, I unplugged the bedside lamp and picked it up and also removed the shade and bulb to make it easier to carry. I tiptoed up behind her and hit her as cleanly as I could on the side of the head right behind her right ear. There was a gross soft crunch as she fell forward onto the coffee table, but she didn't even whimper and she wasn't bleeding so I think it went pretty well.

And then after I put my clothes on and was ready to leave I just was looking at her lying unconscious in a shallow pond of her own drool and I realized that she was never that hot to begin with and especially not now with that big old welt on her head. I was already dating her sister, and Henny could be a freak, so why bother?

Almost made me wish that Gerry had caught me so I could have told her what an ugly ho she was, but I wasn't gonna complain. Long story short: she should have been wearing a helmet.

Re: I\'m a card mechanic.
 

no but I did kick Famke Jensen to the curb one night instead of doing her like she wanted.

RB

Re: I\'m a card mechanic.
 

OMFG. I for one, wanted to let you know that was some of the funniest [censored] I've read in a long time.

Re: I\'m a card mechanic.
 

I was going to reply to the OP, but after this there is really nothing left to say. [img]/images/graemlins/shocked.gif[/img]

Re: I\'m a card mechanic.
 

[ QUOTE ]
If other people aren't aware, then they're failing to do their due diligence. That's not his problem.

[/ QUOTE ]
I make a living scamming old folks out of their retirement funds. And I started with my own grandparents and friends of the family. Its not my fault they're gullible!

Re: I\'m a card mechanic.
 

I am a professional chemist for NASA. I have been practicing producing mild hallucinogens at home for kicks. LSD, mescaline, PCP, and even Rohypnol (“rufies”).
I have not, and will not attempt to give any of this to my coworkers, but i wouldn't mind taking it to a home poker game of sorts. I wouldn't want to cheat my friends so finding a bunch of people who don't know I am a lunatic will be hard. So what do you think about me slipping it into the guys drink at the table and taking thier money afterwards whilst I have the advantage. I mean it's their own dumb fault for not knowing thatI know how to make these drugs and can slip them in their drinks. They'll be fine the next day anyway.
[img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

Re: I\'m a card mechanic.
 

bisonbison - if that's a true story (sounds made up to make a point) then you're a freak. If it's not a true story, well you're still a freak. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] Interesting reading though.

Mechanic - You can justify scamming people all you want. I hope you get caught. I have been around when cheaters have been caught. Sometimes it's peaceful and they are walked out and banned, not hurt though. Sometimes they get hurt really bad or killed, obviously depending on the crowd.

Obviously you will make up your own mind. The real question is whether you have morals or not. Sounds like you don't. AT ALL. Furthermore, if you need that extra edge, you must suck as a Poker player.

Karma can be a bitch.

Re: I\'m a card mechanic.
 

I think bison's right on here... maybe we all need to be wearing helmets but just because we're not doesn't mean we should be taken advantage of even if we're lying in our own drool. Besides Henny will get all up in our face if we get caught.

Henny's to you!

ROTFLMAO,
Fins

Re: I\'m a card mechanic.
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
It would be interesting to see what your employer thinks about this thread.

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I am not stupid enough to even consider doing something like this at work. Period.

[/ QUOTE ]

But why? You have already made it very clear that you would have no problem doing this in a home game. I assume for you its just a risk VS reward situation. You would not be risking as much in a private game because the worst that would happen is that you would probably get a size 11 shoe in the testicles and a pretty good beating to go along with it. In a casino you would obviously lose your job and that would change your lifestyle. But suppose you got into a situation in a casino where the potential reward went way up and maybe the risk goes down a little because you have gotten better at being a scumbag. Maybe you deal a real big game, get a chance to pick off a jackpot, whatever. You would have a hard time convincing me that you wouldnt think about doing something dishonest while on the job. The fact that you work in a casino bothers me.

Re: I\'m a card mechanic.
 

So basically in this single thread we have established that this forum contains a cheat,a sexual pervert, a scam artist who cons old people out of money and a chemist who wants to drug people at the table........very nice world we live in

Re: I\'m a card mechanic.
 

Please tell me this is sarcastic. You know they were joking right?

Cody

Re: I\'m a card mechanic.
 

Bison, thanks man... thats got to be about the funniest reply I've ever read.

Re: I\'m a card mechanic.
 

I sure hope they're joking excluding card cheat who we know is serious

Re: I\'m a card mechanic.
 

I'm thinking they are, and yeah the cheat isn't.

Cody

Re: I\'m a card mechanic.
 

This guy sounds like some punk who's watched Rounders a few too many times. Even the rhetoric is the same. What a loser.

Re: I\'m a card mechanic.
 

Why not just buy a gun and rob people at gunpoint? Or maybe just break into their house when they're not home and take whatever you want? That way, you're not limited to stealing just from poker players.

Re: I\'m a card mechanic.
 

[ QUOTE ]

I don't know about most of you, but I play poker to win money. It is also a fun game and I enjoy the competition. But first and foremost I am trying to win money.

Look at what is happening in other sports. Baseball, football, track and field for example. Everyone is on juice. I fear that those of you that are so against this idea, are the very ones that would be completley in the dark if being cheated.

[/ QUOTE ]

This justifies nothing.

Could someone remind me how to block/ignore someone's posts? I need to plonk/killfile this troll.

-adam