Girlfriend says I have major gambling problem and need help.
 

About six months ago I was introduced to the game of limit holdem at one of the local card rooms. I ordered several books and tried to learn as much about the game as possible. In order to really learn the game you need to play a lot. I started playing online and occasionally at the local card room. Since she worked until 9:00 at night I had time to play from 5:00 – 9:00. One night she game home from work early and busted me playing cards online and flipped out. She asked me how long I have been doing this and I told her that I played almost every night which made her even angrier. I got the silent treatment for about 5 days and then she leaves me a note that says unless I get help for my problem we are through.

My ex girlfriend is an alcohol and drug counselor and thinks she is an expert on other peoples problems. I really did not know if she was right and I was wrong so I went to a clinic that deals with people who have gambling problems and had an assessment. I was completely honest with the gambling that I had been doing during my assessment. In the end he said that I really did not have any problem at all. He said it becomes a problem when you borrow money and get in to deep, steal, miss work, cant make payments all of which I had never done. The only thing wrong that I did according to him was to sneak out and play. In which my reply was if I asked her if I could go the answer was going to be NO. So with my new clean bill of heath I go home and tell her that the counselor said that I did not have a gambling problem. She again went nuts and said the guy sucks and was going to call him the next day and that I was sick and in denial about my gambling problem. We got to arguing about it and I got so pissed that I booted a 90 yard field goal with the plastic garbage bin directly into the oven putting a small dent into it and let a few f in himers slip out.

The next she comes back from work with a list of gambling clinics that I can pick anyone from and go see. In addition is a list of anger management clinics that I also need to pick out one and go see. My dad said that she was very controlling and that I had to put my foot down at sometime and not let her push me around. I told her that not only was I not going to any of those clinics that I would be playing cards 2-3 times a month and if she did not like the door was over there.

She decide that she could not live with a person as sick as me and moved out. Cost me $4600 to refinance to a higher interest rate in which my house payment went from $1100 to $1900. The funny thing is that now with the bills taking up so much of my monthly income I can no longer afford to play cards.

Re: Girlfriend says I have major gambling problem and need help.
 

That sucks.

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The funny thing is that now with the bills taking up so much of my monthly income I can no longer afford to play cards.

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Keep working at it, and eventually you'll have to play poker to meet the bills [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

Re: Girlfriend says I have major gambling problem and need help.
 

thats rough. But it sounds like she was very controlling. Thansk to gambling, you dodged that bullet.

Re: Girlfriend says I have major gambling problem and need help.
 

Whats your question?

Re: Girlfriend says I have major gambling problem and need help.
 

I empathize, but you may want to post this in the Psychology forum.

Re: Girlfriend says I have major gambling problem and need help.
 

This is something you want to do. You're able to do it in a healthy manner, but it's a real bad sign if you can't share that with your significant other

Guy gets secretive, because he expects girlfriend to overreact. Girl discovers guy was being secretive and overreacts.

Sounds like you two were not meant to be. Try to find someone you can be comfortably honest with.

Re: Girlfriend says I have major gambling problem and need help.
 

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Sounds like you two were not meant to be. Try to find someone you can be comfortably honest with.

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Great advice bison, and I second it.

Dude, get a new girlfriend
 

My fiancee is a russian orthodox christian and still lets me gamble all I want. You can do better. Good luck.

I love the Simpsons . . . .
 

Reminds me of that episode where Marge gets addicted to the slots.
---------------------
Homer: Marge, we need to talk. You're spending too much time at the casino and I think you may have a problem.
Marge: I won sixty dollars last night.
Homer: Woohoo! Problem solved!

Yes, bison\'s advice is very good and more tactful than mine
 

'nuff said

Re: Girlfriend says I have major gambling problem and need help.
 

Sorry to hear your house payment went up so much. These things happen. In the long run, having her walk out is probably +EV.

Short term looks bad, but really, long term you are better off. Life is too short to take that kind of abuse and control from anybody.

Dogmeat [img]/images/graemlins/spade.gif[/img]

Re: Girlfriend says I have major gambling problem and need help.
 

Damn that chick sounds like a huge bitch.

Good thing you figured that out sooner than later.

Re: Girlfriend says I have major gambling problem and need help.
 

Why did you have to refinance because she moved out? was the loan only in her name?

Re: Girlfriend says I have major gambling problem and need help.
 

no doubt, good thing she's gone, you'll be better for it. Find a nice chick who likes poker, they are out there. Any complaints about poker can usually be solved by unnecessary gifts bought with poker money.

Re: Girlfriend says I have major gambling problem and need help.
 

I finally came to the conclusion that if I could not do the things in life that I enjoyed what is the point in even living. In order to remove her name from the mortgage I had to refinance. Another scam by the banks to rake more needless my from us.

Re: Girlfriend says I have major gambling problem and need help.
 

I bet if she was posting her side of the story the responses would be different. Is it possible you are focusing your energy on the way she acted and not truly focusing on whether you have a real problem? I'm not saying you're wrong or she's right: I'm just saying that maybe you both could be partially correct.

Re: Girlfriend says I have major gambling problem and need help.
 

Lol, a gambling problem with online poker is laughable. Mainly because I don't have one. Seriously though, don't degenerate gamblers usually favor slots or video poker? I would think real poker doesn't provide enough chances to "hit the big one".

Re: Girlfriend says I have major gambling problem and need help.
 

Did your girlfriend look like this?
http://sportsmed.starwave.com/media/...ounders2_i.jpg

She is just hypersensitive because of the line of work she is in. She is projecting the issues she sees every day onto you. In the long run, you will be much better off without her.

Re: Girlfriend says I have major gambling problem and need help.
 

I have 2 friends who have serious gambling problems with online poker. One has lost every cent he has and just sold his car to go to go play 6-12 at Canterbury. I think the poster is fine, and I'm not saying he has a problem. I'm just saying that it happens, and it's possible. She stepped across the line when she tried to overule a professional. There's no question about it.

Re: Girlfriend says I have major gambling problem and need help.
 

The videos at this link should give you some handy tips on how to deal with the situation.

http://www.homefrontcalgary.com/announcements/index.htm

Re: Girlfriend says I have major gambling problem and need help.
 

You need a more understanding girlfriend. That is ridiculous, you made a great decision.

Now get you stuff in order, and get yourself a bankroll. Prove her wrong and remember there is no short term in poker. [img]/images/graemlins/spade.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img]

Re: Girlfriend says I have major gambling problem and need help.
 

Read this you will feel much better.

http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/sh...14&fpart=1

That could be you in ten years... whew!

Re: Girlfriend says I have major gambling problem and need help.
 

[ QUOTE ]
This is something you want to do. You're able to do it in a healthy manner, but it's a real bad sign if you can't share that with your significant other

Guy gets secretive, because he expects girlfriend to overreact. Girl discovers guy was being secretive and overreacts.

Sounds like you two were not meant to be. Try to find someone you can be comfortably honest with.

[/ QUOTE ]

Damn it Bison, I'm the psychologist here. You are, of course, right. One of Milo's Laws goes something like, "If you need to hide what you are doing from your partner, you probably shouldn't be doing it."

In this case, it may point more to a problem with the relationship than with the poker. One major concern is that you reference not being able to afford to play poker. This suggests you are a -EV player. Another of Milo's Laws is "Never make a -EV bet." If you are losing money at poker, you need to figure out why, or quit.

Re: Girlfriend says I have major gambling problem and need help.
 

You could have just did an assumption on the loan to remove her name without refinancing the loan. That's how I got my wife off ours.

Re: Girlfriend says I have major gambling problem and need help.
 

Damn it Bison, I'm the psychologist here.

Big balls,

Being a therapist is a lot like playing poker. The challenge is being entirely present in the current situation while keeping yourself emotionally and intellectually balanced for the long run. If you can do that, the work takes care of itself.

Re: Girlfriend says I have major gambling problem and need help.
 

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I have 2 friends who have serious gambling problems with online poker. One has lost every cent he has and just sold his car to go to go play 6-12 at Canterbury. I think the poster is fine, and I'm not saying he has a problem. I'm just saying that it happens, and it's possible. She stepped across the line when she tried to overule a professional. There's no question about it.

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A professional who was the poster's ex-girlfriend, not exactly an impartial source. Whether she realized it or not, she was likely influenced by her prior relationship with the poster. I think his girlfriend asking him to seek the advice of *another* professional was fine, but saying "You definitely have a problem, here's places for you to find help" is over the line. And I think people saying that you can't be a gambling addict with online poker is about the most ignorant thing i've read on these forums. It's like saying that you can't be an alcoholic if you're only drinking beer, cause it doesn't get you drunk fast enough. Suspecting someone who hides the fact that he plays poker 20+ hours a week of having a gambling problem is certainly not unreasonable. The way she handled herself from that point was immature and did little to help the "problem" that she thought you had.

Despite what happened, I think it would have been more effective to seek advice from a professional in a clinic rather than an ex-girlfriend who is in the field.

Freakin

Re: Girlfriend says I have major gambling problem and need help.
 

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The next she comes back from work with a list of gambling clinics that I can pick anyone from and go see. In addition is a list of anger management clinics that I also need to pick out one and go see.

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lol i laughed so hard when i read this. you're girlfriend sounds hilarious.

Re: Girlfriend says I have major gambling problem and need help.
 

Break-ups suck. but you're likely better off.
either you were going to do EXACTLY as your GF wanted in virtually all respects or this relationship was going to go down the tubes one way or another.

If your Dad was even able to detect that your GF was overly controlling that should say something.

We are only getting your side of the story so can't REALLY say for certain....but it sure sounds like she was over-reacting to something that she's been almost brain-washed to over-react to.


The fact that the payments went up so much is hopefully irrelevent to whether or not you broke-up.
The other option is to stay together BECAUSE you don't want to pay more on the house.....and that would just be silly.

Having to pay more sucks....but you are STILL better off.
You don't want to have to stay in a relationship just because you can live more cheaply....and you don't want to have to stay in a relationship with a controlling GF who thinks your attempts to play a positive EV game indicates that you are some sort of addict who desperately needs intervention.

Re: Girlfriend says I have major gambling problem and need help.
 

you never specified how much money you were losing at poker. you may not be addicted but she may not be able to handle the money that you so carelessly lost. if you cant play poker cause you need the money to pay the bills then clearly you dont have excessive cash at your disposal. if i had a girlfriend or a wife that was a losing poker player and lost several hundred-several thousand a month i would either give her the boot or get her to quit. i am a professional poker player and while i understand that most poker players are losing players, i see no reason why a losing player should be playing... he should simply quit or get better using other methods until he is good enough to at least be break even. i was never a losing player when i first started, because i took the time reading books and never played against tougher competition. call me a sissy but poker is about money, and thats why i play it.

sorry if i was so harsh but sometimes i feel that it may be necessary.

Re: Girlfriend says I have major gambling problem and need help.
 

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Lol, a gambling problem with online poker is laughable. Mainly because I don't have one. Seriously though, don't degenerate gamblers usually favor slots or video poker? I would think real poker doesn't provide enough chances to "hit the big one".

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you can easily lose a lot of money playing online poker. it's definitely possible.

i used to have an online poker problem. i was losing money i din't want to lose. then i learned how to play (enough to win at small stakes, anyway). problem solved.

Re: Girlfriend says I have major gambling problem and need help.
 

you didnt seem to mention any results specifically. it sounds like youre down. if you were down enough, i could see some of her reactions being reasonable.

Re: Girlfriend says I have major gambling problem and need help.
 

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She is just hypersensitive because of the line of work she is in. She is projecting the issues she sees every day onto you.

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Ding, ding, ding!

I think it was good of you to go and speak with a conselor, but when you did what she asked (and she still flips out on you) you have to wonder who has the real problem.

Hope things work out for you,
J

Re: Girlfriend says I have major gambling problem and need help.
 

Sometimes, that's just the way it is. She had to go

Re: Girlfriend says I have major gambling problem and need help.
 

Apart from poker, this girl will control your life in many other aspects. You need a backbone and you have one. Good for you.

Lawrence

lesson #1
 

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In order to remove her name from the mortgage I had to refinance.

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Don't be stupid enough to buy a house with a girl unless you're married. You got yourself into that situation when you didn't need to.

b

Re: Girlfriend says I have major gambling problem and need help.
 

The only thing I can take issue with is saying you can no longer afford to play cards. In the new era of online poker you can have a fun time where you can work on your game playing .05/.10 or less. If it's an intelectual challenge for you, your set, go to pokerstars and play. If it's only fun when playing higher stakes, be real carefull, as that IS a sign of a problem.

P.S. I was formally married to a royal bitch and used to hide things all the time as it was hard to predict what was going to set her off. Go on with life knowing you are better off. Nicer women are all over the place.

Steve

Re: Girlfriend says I have major gambling problem and need help.
 

[ QUOTE ]
I finally came to the conclusion that if I could not do the things in life that I enjoyed what is the point in even living. In order to remove her name from the mortgage I had to refinance. Another scam by the banks to rake more needless my from us.

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As someone who works for a bank, I can tell you this much- if your mortgage went up from 1100 to 1800, then you either have a really bad credit score, got a lousy deal, or refinanced for more than the original loan.

I have no idea what your oginial loan and terms were, but using a decent rate over the past 2 years of 6.00%, to get to about $1100 a month it would be a $175,000 mortgage.

Now in order to make that same mortgage payment go up to $1800 a month, you would have to almost double the interest rate to 12%.

In order to have todays going "A" credit rate, your new mortgage would have to be on a $300,000 house, which means you took a lot of cash out.

Or it could be somewhere in between. But in order to go all the way up to a 12% mortgage in today's world, no offense, but your credit score must be pretty low.

A low credit score usually means you have trouble with finances, which might lead to why she got so upset.

There might be more of the story that we are not hearing here.

Re: Girlfriend says I have major gambling problem and need help.
 

My house payment went up so much because I had to return the 90 grand she had put down on it in addition to the principle on 16 payments. As far as the money goes I probably lost about a $1000 total on online at first, but I eventually got better and could play at about break even.

I do not play online anymore, however I still get out and play 4-8 or 6-12 a couple of times a month. It is real nice being able to play as long as I want and no longer facing the dreaded 9:00 deadline. Thanks for the replys.

Re: Girlfriend says I have major gambling problem and need help.
 

perfect move. you had alot of folding equity here, so you pushed and she called. unfortunately you got stuck with the mortgage refinance on the river, but sounds like you still came out ahead [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

Re: Girlfriend says I have major gambling problem and need help.
 

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My house payment went up so much because I had to return the 90 grand she had put down on it in addition to the principle on 16 payments.

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My apologies, I did not think of this. Of course, you didn't HAVE to give the money back, but that's the perils of buying a house together without being married.