A family with a history of addiction ... and me
 

My wife and I were driving back from my parents' house this afternoon after a visit to my hometown. She was very quiet for the first 20 minutes of our 90-minute drive - which is rare, to say the least - so I asked her what she was thinking about.

Basically, my wife, Katie -- a red-headed doll who is the mother of my 1 child and my best friend in the entire world -- went on to say that, throughout this past weekend and last weekend, when she was visiting her parents at home in the Twin Cities while I was on vacation in Boston, several family members had expressed concern about me and a possible gambling problem.

In short, I was stunned. I had never considered myself to be a gambling addict, and, to be honest with all of you, I'm pretty sure I'm not. I mean, I don't play craps, slots and blackjack. I don't bet on sports, unless it's $5 over a Packers game with some friends. I play a little fantasy football - two $50 leagues per season. And when I play poker, I stay within my means, and I walk away from the table/shut down the CPU when I'm tired or sick of playing. I'm not someone who steams, tilts, and 'tries to win it all back' when I get beat. And I'm also not someone who, when they're ahead, continues to go up in levels that my roll can't handle. I play at my limits, I set aside time to play when I can, and that's it.

I do play a lot of poker, but I've never played off of a credit card or anything like that. I started with $50 on Stars and another $50 on Party about a year ago, and since then, I've built a roll up to about $7,000, very slowly, of course, because I really only get the chance to play an $11 or $22 SNG per day because I watch our son, Max, while mom is at work (I get two SNGs in when he's napping around 11-noon each day). And, occasionally, I play in an MTT when I get home from work at night (I work nights, Katie works days, so no daycare for our son, which is fantastic). Also, about once every two months, I play the $2-$4 at Potowatomi in Milwaukee or the 3-6 at Oneida in Green Bay. I really don't have time to play much more than that, but I'll admit I think about poker - mostly all Hold Em - quite a bit and I read these boards every day.

After not saying anything for a little while and just thinking about it, I explained to Katie - who has always been VERY supportive of my poker playing, especially because I've been able to prove to her that I'm a winning player at the levels I play at - that I don't feel like I'm a gambling addict. Mostly, I think I'm probably 'addicted' to poker like some children are to video games, or like some folks are to football, etc. I like what I like - poker, family, friend, movies, football - and I do spend a lot of time thinking about these three things. I've always been that way - I have about a handful of things going on in my life that I'm totally in to, and I tend to immerse myself in those activities/aspects of my life. For example, in high school, it was soccer and girls. Every waking moment of my day was spent thinking about soccer, or playing soccer, or reading about soccer ... or thinking about girls, or asking out girls, whatever. In college, it was newspapers and movies. I got pretty heavy into journalism (something that I've made my career - I'm a copy editor at a major newspaper in Madison, WI), and I began getting into film pretty heavily, watching and discussing film whenever I could. And now, like I said, I spend most of my free time with poker and football, more poker than football.

So, I am comfortable with where I'm at in life - with my wife and child, with my career, with poker. I know I'm a 'safe' poker player, playing within my limits, and I am not sacrificing family/career obligations, savings, credit, etc., to continue to play.

The trouble, though, is that my family has a history of addiction. My grandfather - my dad's dad - died about 4 years ago after a lifetime of alcoholism. My grandmother on the same side has been addicted to non-prescription pain medication since she was 40. My father is a recovering drug addict and alcoholic (he's been clean and sober for 27 years, thank God, but he's still a very compulsive person). My younger brother has battled athletic anorexia and bulimia ... my other younger brother has had sexual addictions. You see where this is going - while every member of my immediate family (outside of my mother) has had some sort of an addiction that, even though they've overcome, hey, they've shown compulsive tendencies and addictive personalities in their life. So ...

Because I play a lot of poker, and talk about poker a lot, and go to casinos, and play on the Internet ... I 'must' be a gambling addict. And it seems as if they're very, very worried about me.

So, how do I convince them that I'm 'OK'? I have a very strong relationship with these people and respect the fact that they've battled their problems and come out on top. But, I also want them to respect the fact that, unlike them, I don't have a gambling addiction.

What do I say to them to reassure them? How do I bring it up (remember, they haven't said anything to me, only to my wife)?

And, above all else, could they be right?

Serious stuff, I know, but I thought with this type of Web site and forum, perhaps other people have either battled a gambling addiction, or have had to reassure family members that they are 'OK' and not in any danger of ruining their lives because of poker.

I guess this wouldn't be such a big deal, but really, my family means a lot to me, and I don't want them to worry. But also, with my family history of alcoholism and overall addictive and compulsive behavior, I must admit that if they're worried, well, maybe I should be, too?

Thanks in advance for your thoughts, and take care.

-- yoadrians

Re: A family with a history of addiction ... and me
 

I think it is a very touchy subject, especially in your situation. I think the best idea is to just try and explain to them (pretty much your original post stating why you aren't addicted) and talk topenly to them about it. Honesty is the best policy, but remember, some people no matter what you tell them will NOT change their minds.

Re: A family with a history of addiction ... and me
 

You're fine. Poker, for you, does not seem as though it is an addiction. The way you put it, you like poker like a kid like video games, which is not an addiction but a hobby. I would not worry about this, it's just a concern that has erupted from people who don't know enough about poker, nor enough about your situation, with poker, to even give their opinion.

Re: A family with a history of addiction ... and me
 

Print out your original post and give it to you family. You are fine....

Re: A family with a history of addiction ... and me
 

Good post yoadrians (and screenname for the matter)

I remember when my ex girlfriend's mom (I'm 23 FWIW) decided to start in with the moral superiority horseshit and criticize me for spending so much time playing poker and act like she was concerned that I was addicted. Then she talked about how so many people have lost tons of money and it would eventually happen to me etc etc.

I handled it by telling her that I was saying this with all due respect (even though I couldn't stand her) and that if she doesn't have a knowledge of poker and a gambler's lifestyle (IE BR management etc) that she wouldn't really be able to understand my explanation of the way playing poker for profit "works". All I was really able to get through to her was that the initial deposit I put into EmpirePoker after I got serious about the game was cashed out to my checking account a long time ago and I've never had to invest more money in it since. Some people just don't understand.

Now if you're concerned about whether or not you're addicted believe me I highly doubt it, you sound safe, but you can always take the GA poll on their website, but I think in your post you have a lot of their questions answered correctly for a non-addict anyway.

Good luck,
Matt

Re: A family with a history of addiction ... and me
 

If you spend 8 hours a day at a job making money, does that mean you are addicted to your job? Preaching to the choir, I know, but just felt I'd say it. I think the real problem is that most people don't understand it's actually possible to make a long term profit playing poker. Perhaps that's a good thing though. Let them think poker is no different than craps, as long as they're sitting across the poker table that is.

Re: A family with a history of addiction ... and me
 

Very interesting post.

I play poker and really enjoy it (most of the time) and get a kick out of winning $$$. But the longer I play, the more I find it's best not to tell anyone about it. If you spend your time reading 2 plus 2 and you have a couple of poker buddies, you get comfortable talking about bankroll management, EV etc etc. Step into the real world and you forget that people don't understand this. They've seen too many movies and don't understand the skill element at all.

Poker is gambling, but it isn't. Everyone here knows what I mean. But try explaining that joe average or your mother in law.

When I tell people I play poker, here's what I get in response.

"Be careful."

"Isn't that risky."

"Be careful"

"Can't you lose all your money doing that?"

"How do you know there are not people who work for PP playing against you?"

"Be careful."

You get the picture.

Even though it's on ESPN all the time, poker is not mainstream and people don't understand it as much as we like to think they do.

I have learned a few things from my experience telling people about my poker playing: People tend to think they know a lot about subjects they know nothing about; People will use anything possible to appear morally superior to you.

I think your in laws reaction is just the common reaction of most people. You just happen to be married to their daughter and they're naturally more concerned.

Here's my advice. Don't ever mention poker to them again.

Re: A family with a history of addiction ... and me
 

Guess what, you have an addictive personality. Quite a few of the better players do, it is something that most of the pro's I've met have in spades. It is also something that I have struggled with myself, and I much like you have a family that has exhibited many of the same problems that you have seen. I am very thankful that I am not haunted by drink or pills; I've seen what that does to people, children, and families. However I do recognize that whatever I step into, whatever holds my interest will be an addiction to me in that I do not want to just participate but I want to master what is there.

The trick is to channel yourself into constructive pursuits, gambling may or may not be a good thing for you to follow. There certainly are areas were you will have an advantage but there will always be an area were your friends and family will look into and only see depravity. This is some thing that the model train expert, Civil war history buff, or weekend softball champion never has to face even though their own addiction may be more substantial.

I know it sounds terrible, but it's not worth sugar coating.

Re: A family with a history of addiction ... and me
 

[ QUOTE ]
Here's my advice. Don't ever mention poker to them again.

[/ QUOTE ]

What is easy for you to understand is not for others. Trying to explain it isn't worth the time or effort.

I'd make sure your wife understands and is able to keep her eye on you, but don't talk about it with family and friends as it isn't worth the hassle.

Re: A family with a history of addiction ... and me
 

Hey bro that is a great topic.

I agree with the others that I don't think you have a physiological gambling problem at this point- I think the issue is more to do with your family and relationships (and they seem lucky to have you in their life as you obviously are considerate and respectful towards them).

But remember, one of the earmarks of addiction is the inability to stop playing despite adverse consequences. If it ever gets to the point where poker causes real problems beyond the occasional well-meaning comment and it threatens to cause a big rift in your family then continuing to play would actually be getting closer to fitting the definition of addiction.

It doesn't sound like it is anywhere near that point and that they are just voicing some concerns- but if gets more heated and it really starts to threaten your relationships then continuing the activity would technically classify as addictive behavior in at least this sense.

I think I would just lay low without actually lying or hiding it (lying or hiding a behavior is another symptom of addiction) and if addressed directly about it, you can explain your position in the above post. After a time these folks will find something else to worry about if no obvious problems appear.

Best of luck to you- I have also dealt with addiction stuff, both personally and in my family and it is all tricky as hell.

Re: A family with a history of addiction ... and me
 

I too have a family history of addiction. I have at least 2 generations of alcoholism. After reading yr post I think you seem like a guy with yr head on straight who wants to keep it that way, the same way I try to be. The problem is, as someone who has a history of addictions, we are even less apt know ehen we HAVE a problem. But you have a great tool at yr disposal -- the same one I have: a spouse.

You are a lucky man, as am I. I have had a talk with my wife about this, and have also talked with my family. I would not know it if I ever developed a real problem with drinking, so I have to rely on my wife. She will tell me. I'm a guy that loves his beer (southern Louisiana has this great microbrew called Abita), so I could see how I could get into a cycle when I drink too much too often. She also knows I love poker, and gambling is a potential addiction. My wife won't let that happen -- she is a wonderful woman who takes it upon herself to make sure it won't. I'm a lucky guy.

I have not seen my dad in like 20 years (I'm 28). He's an alcholic and drug addict, and as far as I know never succesfully went into recovery. (He could be dead for all I know.) These things haunt us -- it's something I have carried with me my entire life, and those that have not have no idea what it is like.

I would encourage you to be as open with your family as is possible. If they are worried you have a gambling problem, maybe you should sit down with them and tell them about your poker playing. Let them ask anything they want, and be honest with them. Tell them you enjoy the game, and why. Make your case.

It's good to be a little worried about these issues I think. I have it, and hope I never lose it. The fact that you made this post likely demonstrates you are okay right now.

On a side note: it's good to see someone who has these same thoughts.

Re: A family with a history of addiction ... and me
 

I came from the same background. Family (and personal) history of extreme addictive behavior. I'm still dealing with it w/r to my concerned family. The thing I realized a while ago is that if I am truly OK with my decisions around gambling, then there is nothing to be insecure about. My co-dependent relatives can bounce off the walls all they want. If their concerns put me off center and have me feeling embarrassed, guilty and ashamed, then I need to take a good moral inventory, examine my motivations and decide whether I am making good decisions. If I am, then I need to let go of my irrational attachment to what others think of me (which takes a lot of help for an obsessive person).

I, like one of the other posters in this thread, have an addictive personality and it affects ANYTHING i find interesting. This has allowed me to often get very good at doing very unhealthy things. So I have to constantly safeguard myself against myself but having people around me who love and support me and who aren't afraid to question me and help me get perspective on my own behavior. "Managing" an addictive personality takes support from like-minded people, a good spouse/girlfriend/whatever helps, and a willingness to always be open to question whatever I think the truth may actually be about my “self” and the world around me.

What a pain in the ass.

Re: A family with a history of addiction ... and me
 

It sounds like you have something of an obsessive personality. There's nothing wrong with that, but you can see how combining that with a poker interest might look like gambling addiction from the outside. And it's worth watching in yourself as it could always develop into something worse. I have two suggestions for you:

1. Get another hobby/interest. I'm not saying you should abandon poker for it, but realize that if you're spending all your time thinking about holdem and the NFL you're an incredibly boring human being.

2. Presuming they trust your wife and she's willing, have her do regular (quarterly?) audits of your gambling finances. This is the best way to combat both gambling addiction and the illusion of it -- have a responsible, non-gambler party with access to all the data. This will both reassure her family, and give you a backup system in case you ever do start unreasonably chasing losses.

Re: A family with a history of addiction ... and me
 

Well, to start, if your description of your post is accurate you aren't addicted in the way that your family is talking about. The common sense of addiction that they are using has to include a component of a very large negative consequense to the addiction.

I guarantee you I spend more time at work and thinking about work than you do playing poker and thinking about poker. Sometimes it interferes with my family activities, its been known to intrude on weekends and in the evenings I sometimes put my daughter to bed and then hit the 'puter, foregoing my evening time with my fiance to handle whatever crisis has hit the blackberry that night.

Oddly enough, nobody has ever said that I'm addicted to my job.

I wouldn't push the issue. If they talk to you about it, or if it comes up in conversation, sure, lay it all out calmly and logically. I like to end up giving them the bottom line which is: I will never, ever, spend any money out of my pocket on poker. [This actually annoys my fiance, btw, since she would like me to be more liberal in tapping my poker winnings for other things].

--Zetack

Re: A family with a history of addiction ... and me
 

I just wanted to thank everyone who has taken the time to respond to my post. I'd also like to thank a couple of you who opened up a bit and shared a bit about your compulsive behaviors and talked about your family history, too.

Now, more than ever, I'm quite convinced that I'm NOT a 'gambling addict'. That said, I do realize that perhaps I need to be a little more selective in my sharing when it comes to talking about poker with both sides of our families - especially with the strong and painful history of addiction on my side of the family. Also, I liked the idea about involving my wife more - having her do an 'audit', so to speak, of my poker finances four times per year.

And, most of all, I have come to the conclusion that I need to broaden my interests a bit more. I'm a 29-year-old with a wife, a child, a full-time job at a newspaper, a couple great friends (one of whom posts here and has helped me become a better poker player and a better person since we met), two sets of close families, a mortgage, and countless amounts of other fiscal/personal responsibilites. The amount of time I spend just THINKING about poker - not to mention playing, talking about it, etc. - is a little out of whack. I think I need to pull the reins in a bit.

Of course, I'll continue to play my home games/tournaments, and I don't plan on stopping my online play, because it has been a solid source of extra income. But perhaps just trying to put it into perspective a bit more, and not letting the game control much of my thoughts throughout the day, is something I'll be able to do.

As for my family, and my wife's, I'll probably just take a low-key approach to the game and just not talk about it so much. And if they're worried and bring it up with me, I'll just be honest with them and tell them that it's something I like to do and, hey, the extra income isn't bad.

A little closure to the story: After posting my initial thoughts and questions last night, I went home and spent some time with Katie. We sat outside (very nice night here in Wisconsin) and had a couple beers and chatted. She let me know that in no way, shape or form does she believe I have a problem ... rather, she just wanted to let me know some family members had expressed concern. Furthermore, she let me know that if she ever thought it was becoming a problem, she would let me know immediately and work with me on it. So at least I know that she has her eyes open and, most importantly, she does support me and my passion for the game of poker.

I guess as long as I don't bring it up at the dinner table or in bed, I should be OK with her [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Once again, thanks to all of you for responding, and I'd welcome other comments if there are any out there.

Take care,

- yoadrians

Re: A family with a history of addiction ... and me
 

Thing about playing poker is that nobody who knows you play will ever understand what it's like until they study and go through it all too and realize if you know what you're doing there are no worries. To everybody else it's just gambling and we're all idiots who don't know what we're doing, even if we make money or not. Nothing you can do about it.

Re: A family with a history of addiction ... and me
 

[ QUOTE ]
(one of whom posts here and has helped me become a better poker player and a better person since we met)

[/ QUOTE ]
You are soooo gay.








Also, spending time with your wife and kid is always better than poker. Maybe not as fun, but definitely better.

Re: A family with a history of addiction ... and me
 

Adrians,

Don't know you much at all, but just judging from the tournament the other night, you're like a lot of 2p2ers -- a guy who is fascinated by the game, likes to play and think about it, does well when he plays... just like anyone with a hobby.

If your wife is keeping her eyes open and doesn't think you have a problem, I wouldn't worry about having a "gambling problem." You might want to evaluate if you're giving up too much time to your hobby in lieu of your family, and it sounds like you're doing that -- good for you.

As for the extended family and friends, there's not much more you can do than be open and honest with them about your playing. I still have family members concerned for me, and others that are very proud. I have an open book policy -- I assure anyone who wants assurance that I'll print out my PT stats, Neteller transactions, etc. I'll give them a lecture on probability if they want. Whatever it takes to reassure someone. And most people, even if they don't get it, are reassured that I'm taking it seriously and cautiously, and they trust me not to mess up my life. There are still a few people who worry, and a lot of people who I haven't gotten a chance to discuss it with (more, after that WSJ article... [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]). Some people will refuse to view poker as anything but negative EV gambling, like slots/roulette/craps. Or that it is a dishonest, immoral way to make money.

Thankfully, no one in my life that REALLY matters feels that way. I don't know what I'd do if they did. But I'd imagine if a parent/spouse truly felt that way, it'd be worth reconsidering whether poker was worth damaging that relationship.

In summation, you sound like a guy with his head square on his shoulders to me, and certainly not a problem gambler. I'd suggest not constantly bringing up poker around the family/friends who might be concerned, other than to just let them know that if they're truly concerned, you would be glad to talk with them openly about it. If you have nothing to be ashamed of, there's no reason to hide.

Best of luck man,
madtown

PS: Please inform your friends that I'm not a "ringer." [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

Re: A family with a history of addiction ... and me
 

The easiest way to prove you aren't addicted to poker to your wife and her family is to stop for a month.

Both an addict and a non-addict will tell you they aren't addicted. Only a non-addict can stop.

Re: A family with a history of addiction ... and me
 

Perhaps you do have an addictive personality. The real question is about what impacts your poker playing is having on your life.

The definition of an addict is someone who continues to engage in a behavior regardless of the negative impacts it is having on their life. You seem to have good control over your playing and you seem to be able to balance it within your lifestyle.

IMHO, you are probably healthier in this regard than 90% of the people on this board!

Re: A family with a history of addiction ... and me
 

I don't think you need to justify your behaviour to these people. I would point out to your wife that you are a responsible husband and father and let her know that you are not all that concerned about her families opinion of your "gambling problem" and that you will not make an issue this time of their misguided judgements.

I would also keep an eye on these people. They sound like troublemakers to me. It sounds to me like they are trying to interfere and or control you and your relationship with your wife. Big red flag.

Re: A family with a history of addiction ... and me
 

http://www.nndb.com/people/529/000026451/bee-sized.jpg

"But what about the people who don't suck at gambling?"

Re: A family with a history of addiction ... and me
 

I think there is a big difference between addictive personality and compulsive personality.

To the casual observer (ie anyone that is aware of the amount of time and energy I invest in poker) I am addicted and I will eventually lose it all back and be forced to live in a van down by the river.

In fact I have a compulsive personality that would quit poker in an instant if I weren't making money at it. As long as I am though, I am totaly absorbed.

I proved this in the past with chess. I started studying chess and playing tournaments very late in life. I had a goal of making 'expert' (elo 2000-2200). On my way I ate, slept and breathed chess. When I finally made expert I realized that the next step - master - would require me to double my efforts. There were too many other things to do in my life so instead I just quit.

If this sounds like something you've done, tell the people around you that they're the addicted ones. Addicted to illinformed speculation.

Re: A family with a history of addiction ... and me
 

[ QUOTE ]

PS: Please inform your friends that I'm not a "ringer." [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

you didn't even make the final table in a 2-table tournament. I don't think they were too worried.

[img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

Re: A family with a history of addiction ... and me
 

[ QUOTE ]
Adrians,

Don't know you much at all, but just judging from the tournament the other night, you're like a lot of 2p2ers -- a guy who is fascinated by the game, likes to play and think about it, does well when he plays... just like anyone with a hobby.

If your wife is keeping her eyes open and doesn't think you have a problem, I wouldn't worry about having a "gambling problem." You might want to evaluate if you're giving up too much time to your hobby in lieu of your family, and it sounds like you're doing that -- good for you.

As for the extended family and friends, there's not much more you can do than be open and honest with them about your playing. I still have family members concerned for me, and others that are very proud. I have an open book policy -- I assure anyone who wants assurance that I'll print out my PT stats, Neteller transactions, etc. I'll give them a lecture on probability if they want. Whatever it takes to reassure someone. And most people, even if they don't get it, are reassured that I'm taking it seriously and cautiously, and they trust me not to mess up my life. There are still a few people who worry, and a lot of people who I haven't gotten a chance to discuss it with (more, after that WSJ article... [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]). Some people will refuse to view poker as anything but negative EV gambling, like slots/roulette/craps. Or that it is a dishonest, immoral way to make money.

Thankfully, no one in my life that REALLY matters feels that way. I don't know what I'd do if they did. But I'd imagine if a parent/spouse truly felt that way, it'd be worth reconsidering whether poker was worth damaging that relationship.

In summation, you sound like a guy with his head square on his shoulders to me, and certainly not a problem gambler. I'd suggest not constantly bringing up poker around the family/friends who might be concerned, other than to just let them know that if they're truly concerned, you would be glad to talk with them openly about it. If you have nothing to be ashamed of, there's no reason to hide.

Best of luck man,
madtown

PS: Please inform your friends that I'm not a "ringer." [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

Madtown - Thanks for the response, man.

I'll immediately lie to my family and tell them you aren't a 'ringer' [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Hope to see you at the next one - it was great to have another 'thinking' player at the table with 'jacki' and I.

Peace ... and thanks for the words, once again.

- yoadrians

Re: A family with a history of addiction ... and me
 

You MIGHT have obsessive compulsive disorder.

Try to explain there's a difference between being addicted to poker and addicted to gambling. Just say stuff like "I'm not going to go and bet our house on red at the roulette table". I'm addicted to playing poker, which is just like a video game, except money is involved. Insure them that you have NO interested in slots, blackjack, craps, horse racing, sports betting, etc, etc, etc.

Nothing inherently wrong with having an obsessive mind imo. The best in brightest in the world all have obsessive minds, else they wouldn't be able to excel in their fields without the total dedication.

Re: A family with a history of addiction ... and me
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

PS: Please inform your friends that I'm not a "ringer." [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

you didn't even make the final table in a 2-table tournament. I don't think they were too worried.

[img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

[img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

Dude, Max runs good. Also, you didn't mention when you said there'd be one other person under 25 there, that it was going to be a 12 year old that'd bust my ass.

I just found it funny walking up, when I was getting introduced to you and Adrians that I heard the people that were grouped a few feet away muttering "Is that the ringer?"

Like I said, I suck at NL. :-\

[ QUOTE ]
Madtown - Thanks for the response, man.

I'll immediately lie to my family and tell them you aren't a 'ringer' [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Hope to see you at the next one - it was great to have another 'thinking' player at the table with 'jacki' and I.

Peace ... and thanks for the words, once again.

- yoadrians

[/ QUOTE ]

No problem. It's no fun dealing with the social aspect of poker sometimes, but most reasonable people will give you a chance to explain the nature of poker to them, or at least have faith in you until you give them reason to think otherwise.

Re: A family with a history of addiction ... and me
 

[ QUOTE ]
You DO have obsessive compulsive disorder.

[/ QUOTE ]

FYP.



You should see this guy's nightly work checklist.

Re: A family with a history of addiction ... and me
 

Thanks for the honest constructive post.
Sounds like you are on the right track wiht developing some other interests. Registering on 2+2 at a similar time as you and having a similar post count lets me know how much time you spend on here. I think the big thing that affects people's perceptions of you is what they see you talking about and or doing in your spare time. Make a special effort to tone it down around them and that should help.

The other thing is your wife. I just got one of those myself and its been interesting sorting out how to make it all work. I'd higly reccomend not letting your wife see you on 2+2 all the time. Set regular hours for your playing together with her and check in regularly to make sure that some night she wouldn't rather cuddle with you and watch TV. Since your not a poker pro and your income doesnt depend on getting in hours i'd def prioritze your family.

Your wife's family's perceptions of you are gonna be pretty heavily based in stuff they hear from her. Make sure she is doing well emotionally and let her know that you also care how they think of you and that will go a long way to making sure she presents you and your activites to them in a favorable light.