What just happened with me and this girl??
 

Okay, so I'm 20 and in college. There's this girl that's played on my intramural basketball team for a couple years, and she's pretty cute (don't have pics), nice, sweet, and I've always gotten good vibes from her in the sense that I think she might be into me. She's really friendly towards me but not as much towards other guys on our team, and it's like she's always happy to see me when we run into each other.

So I think this quarter we kinda grew a little closer (our team hit some tough times, and we leaned on each other for support), and we made plans to hit up the gym tonight and play some basketball after she got some studying done for finals. Then she calls me at like 10 and says "I'm too tired to play...wanna do something else that doesn't involve a lot of activity?" so I invite her over to watch a movie at my place. We select the Bad News Bears (for its lightheartedness) and sit on the couch together in front of my 50" HDTV...thank you cards.

Anyway, I'm thinking I should probably make a move, but this girl is definitely a bit conservative - she doesn't drink whatsoever, is religious, etc. - I haven't figured out if that might be a problem for me down the road, but whatever. She's really sweet and I like her personality, but I definitely get the vibe like she might not even make out with a guy until the end of the third date or something.

So we're watching the movie, and slowly our positions are slowly gravitating towards each other, until our arms are touching at one point...(and by the way, if anyone knows some smooth lines/tricks that enable me to get from that position to cuddling position easily, I'd love to know)...so finally I just say [censored] it, and put my arm around her shoulder. She doesn't seem to mind, and repositions herself so that she's laying against my chest. We watch the rest of the movie in said fashion. After it ends, we talk about random stuff for a little bit, and she gets up to go home. I walk her out to her car.

This is where it gets confusing: I thought that putting my arm around her, and her accepting it, was kinda establishing "hey, I kinda like you, you kinda like me, that's cool, let's do this again sometime." But when we get to her car, she's just like "Have a good break if I don't see you again (break starts Dec. 10), and call me if you want to play basketball some time, or if you go skiing in Oregon" (we'll be about two hours away from each other over winter break, and there's a ski place in between that we each said we might go to). I was expecting something more like "yeah, let's hang out again soon." We then hugged and she left. So now I'm just confused, because if she's into me I'd expect a more enthusiastic response when she left about what had just happened during the movie.

I know I'm subjecting myself to some ridicule by making this post, and it's probably deserved, but I'd appreciate some advice as well. Is she into me? What's my play?

Re: What just happened with me and this girl??
 

Well, if she is the religious type take it slow. I dated a girl like that in high school. That way gets pregnant, it stays pregnanat. Trust me, I know. Uhhhhh....no i don't.

craig
(GOB)

Re: What just happened with me and this girl??
 

If she's super religious and doesn't drink, you shouldn't waste your time with her unless you share those inclinations.

If you're really into her you need to be more direct and confident. Someday before break send her a text message in the evening that says "What are you up to?" She'll reply with something like "Nothing, just sitting around." Then you drop a message that says "Come over and hang out." If she likes you she'll come over or at least make immediate plans to hang out soon. If not she will react tentatively and you will know to move on.

This seems like the kind of girl you'll have to take on several dates before getting any kind of action though so I don't know if it's worth it.

Re: What just happened with me and this girl??
 

You should have made a move. Nothing more too it. Don't worry so much about what she says. Don't call her but ACCIDENTALLY running into her again wouldn't be a bad idea. If you do call her, do it to make plans. Get her over again and make a move.

Re: What just happened with me and this girl??
 

There's still plenty of time before you end up in the friendzone. I wouldn't sweat it.

BEP's middle paragraph is good advice.

Re: What just happened with me and this girl??
 

Ya'll are friends, make a bold move, or continue being friends. Either one, there is no middle ground here.

Re: What just happened with me and this girl??
 

she wants you but she wants you to make the move. You have one shot i.e. the next time you see her. Don't eff this one up.

Re: What just happened with me and this girl??
 

Good comments BEP.

Re: What just happened with me and this girl??
 

Grow some balls. Your 20, in college, and asking for tips on how to get close to a girl? Just do it.
Worst case, just bust out a guitar and your in(just don't tell utmt40).

Re: What just happened with me and this girl??
 

[ QUOTE ]
Grow some balls. Your 20, in college, and asking for tips on how to get close to a girl? Just do it.
Worst case, just bust out a guitar and your in(just don't tell utmt40).

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah you would really piss me off you had to bust out a guitar to get this girl. Seriously though, you are already in just call the girl and things will fall into place.


BTW Banks...nh!

Re: What just happened with me and this girl??
 

So I assume making a move = kissing her? Any way to make that happen more smoothly than just going for it sometime when we happen to be looking at each other?

I'll have to call her, finals are next week so I won't be seeing her around at all.

I'm not religious, and do drink, but unless she'd judge me badly because I differ from her in those areas (she doesn't seem like the snooty type to do that at all) then I don't think it should be a problem, as long as she respects my decisions and beliefs just like I respect hers.

And yeah, I'm not a pro with girls...that's why I'm asking. I have the guts, I'm just too analytical about [censored] like this and never know how to go about doing it.

BEP, you ever go to Chumash? I'm up in SLO.

Re: What just happened with me and this girl??
 

there's lots on this already in here. Search for me or dominic or alobar for threads that talk about dates/girl issues (not necessaily for our advice, mind, but to help locate threads on it, and see the range of advice).

Or try finding 'one armed wussy hug' thread.

BEP + others pretty much said it tho - confidence + boldness is key.

who dares wins, Rodders!

Re: What just happened with me and this girl??
 

Arm around = good. establish body contact.
Call to see if she wants to get together after finals. Make it a date, not hanging out.
Those 'good girls' can surprise you on how freaky they will get.

Re: What just happened with me and this girl??
 

[ QUOTE ]
This is where it gets confusing: I thought that putting my arm around her, and her accepting it, was kinda establishing "hey, I kinda like you, you kinda like me, that's cool, let's do this again sometime." But when we get to her car, she's just like "Have a good break if I don't see you again (break starts Dec. 10), and call me if you want to play basketball some time, or if you go skiing in Oregon" (we'll be about two hours away from each other over winter break, and there's a ski place in between that we each said we might go to). I was expecting something more like "yeah, let's hang out again soon."

[/ QUOTE ] you are obssesing over her every move way to much. what i mean is, you are looking for meaning in everything she does/does not do. take it easy. you have said she is religious/doesn't drink. both of these variables suggest she is not that well versed in smoothly picking up a guy she's into. it's a losing game to try and anylize her every move, looking for meaning. i think the arm around the shoulders on the couch was a smooth play. keep it up. call her and see if she wants to watch another movie with you. worst that happens is she says no. if she says yes, step it up a little. also, just because she's religious doesn't mean sh'll turn out to be a total prude. college is where sheltered religious girls turn over a new leaf. i mean you prolly wont SIIHP next time you hang out, but i'd guess you can get some quick action if that's the goal.

Re: What just happened with me and this girl??
 

You already messed up by not making a move, but you might be able to save it with something the next time you see each other, I say call her up and ask her to dinner.

Re: What just happened with me and this girl??
 

I dont see any possible near-future labia contact if thats your question.

Re: What just happened with me and this girl??
 

WWJD?

Re: What just happened with me and this girl??
 

Sorry man, but the arm around shoulders thingy doesn't really mean alot here i think. Some girls just like snuggling.. It does however mean that she doesn't find you directly repulsive, which is a good thing i guess.

Good luck though.

Re: What just happened with me and this girl??
 

Shes probably a cuddle whore, you NEEDED to make a stronger move on the couch. You didnt [censored] up your chance completely, but before you break you need to do something to let her know how you feel...Ie ram your toungue down her throat (jk). But something to keep her excitied while you two are on vaca.

Re: What just happened with me and this girl??
 

[ QUOTE ]
she wants you but she wants you to make the move. You have one shot i.e. the next time you see her. Don't eff this one up.

[/ QUOTE ]

well said, you missed this opportunity...if a girl wants to spend time with you she will make excuses to, like the line where she says she is still too tired to play ball but still wanted to hang out. If she wanted to shine you off she would've said "I'm too tired to play ball, we'll hang out another time"

Simple as that, don't be such a pussy or wimp = woussy

Re: What just happened with me and this girl??
 

You're over-analyzing everything. The girl obviously likes you and has probably been waiting for you to ask her out for awhile. When she suggested getting together for something other than basketball, that was a sign that she thinks of you as more than just a team-mate.

Don't read anything into her comment at the end of the evening. She's probably just as unsure as you are about where things stand, and was just trying to sound aloof.

Ask her out to dinner and a movie. When you drop her off at the end of the date, that's when you kiss her. As long as the date went well, that is.

Mauling her is not the answer if you want her to be your girlfriend as opposed to just some tail. It sounds like you really like this girl, so I'm guessing you don't want to scare her away.

Re: What just happened with me and this girl??
 

Call her and ask her out. If she says no, she says no. Girls don't snuggle like that if they don't like you. Her comment was probably made because she was even more nervous than you. Please note, she asked you to call her. Do it.

-Milo

Youth is wasted on the young.

Re: What just happened with me and this girl??
 

try to lose your virginity fast, then you wont post dumb crap like this.

Re: What just happened with me and this girl??
 

[ QUOTE ]

If you're really into her you need to be more direct and confident. Someday before break send her a text message in the evening that says "What are you up to?" She'll reply with something like "Nothing, just sitting around." Then you drop a message that says "Come over and hang out." If she likes you she'll come over or at least make immediate plans to hang out soon. If not she will react tentatively and you will know to move on.

[/ QUOTE ] Sure... [censored] like this means to a girl: He wants to hang out with me!!! He is a real friend!!!!
Also the fact that you didn't make a move last time, isn't helping your case.

Only one option...

Dress up like an angel (with wings and [censored]) and "visit" her at night. When she goes religious on you, tell her she is the new virgin Mary.

Re: What just happened with me and this girl??
 

[ QUOTE ]
"Have a good break if I don't see you again (break starts Dec. 10), and call me if you want to play basketball some time, or if you go skiing in Oregon" (we'll be about two hours away from each other over winter break, and there's a ski place in between that we each said we might go to)

[/ QUOTE ]

You are an idiot. This was her way of saying she wants to see you during the break without seeming too forward.

Re: What just happened with me and this girl??
 

[ QUOTE ]
intramural basketball team

[/ QUOTE ]

[ QUOTE ]
(our team hit some tough times, and we leaned on each other for support),

[/ QUOTE ]

I think you both take intramural sports WAAAAYYY too seriously

Re: What just happened with me and this girl??
 

goofball,

there's a wealth of information on the boards about this kind of situation. but your situation is unique so you probably won't get the answer you're looking for.

don't worry about what she said before she left. chances are just as good that she's saying "wtf did I just say that" as her really meaning that she wasn't planning on hanging out. what matters is whether she's gonna remember having a good time hanging out with you. and the more you let yourself obsess over this kind of thing, the less you'll be able to be yourself in the future.

I don't entirely buy the argument that you can enter the "friend" zone and never return. what happens in that zone is determined by both of your desires. I think the reason most guys enter that "friend" zone and never come back is because they're constantly trying to push it to be something more, which makes the entire relationship unnatural. of course you want to avoid it, because it only gets harder from there, but it's not the end of your chances. most relationships I know of started from friendships.

right now I think you ought to not call her at all, but act excited to see her the next time you run into her. it's not in your interest for her to think you've been obsessing over her. it's all about supply and demand. and if you saturate her market with offers to hang out, she's gonna be more likely to back off. but if she thinks you'll get away if she doesn't meet you halfway, she'll be more likely to be the one inviting you over.

advisificationalizingly,

man

Re: What just happened with me and this girl??
 

She's probably insecure because you didn't make a move. Call her in the next couple of days, ask her to do something. Show affection. First time you make lingering eye contact, make your move.

Re: What just happened with me and this girl??
 

Having dated several church girls back in the day I can tell you she has gone above and beyond the norm to show you she is interested in you.Stop expecting your life to be like a letter to penthouse.All is not lost however.She has given you a chick test.Her comment "if I see you later" is girl speak for "If your interested you will take it upon yourself to see me before the break, I have done everything my religious beleifs will allow me."As for making your move,take it slow.Hold hands walking to your car,make excuses to touch her etc...If your looking for a homerun right out of the gate forget it with this girl.

Re: What just happened with me and this girl??
 

[ QUOTE ]
So we're watching the movie, and slowly our positions are slowly gravitating towards each other, until our arms are touching at one point...(and by the way, if anyone knows some smooth lines/tricks that enable me to get from that position to cuddling position easily, I'd love to know)...so finally I just say [censored] it, and put my arm around her shoulder. She doesn't seem to mind, and repositions herself so that she's laying against my chest.

[/ QUOTE ]
Wait, so instead of laying some smooth talk on her, and staring deep into her eyes as violins swelled, you just put your arm around her and it worked? Holy [censored]! Too bad this approach can't be utilized in similar situations!

Seriously, next time be assertive and go in for the kiss. She'll let you know pretty quickly if its welcome or not, and "smooth tricks" won't change the outcome.

Re: What just happened with me and this girl??
 

[ QUOTE ]
try to lose your virginity fast, then you wont post dumb crap like this.

[/ QUOTE ]

When in need, hookers range anywhere from 5 dollars up!

Re: What just happened with me and this girl??
 

ask her, "would you like to kiss me?" if she says yes go for it, if she says maybe then say "let's find out" and go for it, if she says "no" say "i didn't say you could, it just looked like there was something on your mind"

Re: What just happened with me and this girl??
 

Call her. Say, "I was wondering if you'd like to go on a date with me."

You'll instantly know where you stand. This isn't complicated.

Re: What just happened with me and this girl??
 

[ QUOTE ]
Okay, so I'm 20 and in college. There's this girl that's played on my intramural basketball team for a couple years, and she's pretty cute (don't have pics), nice, sweet, and I've always gotten good vibes from her in the sense that I think she might be into me. She's really friendly towards me but not as much towards other guys on our team, and it's like she's always happy to see me when we run into each other.

So I think this quarter we kinda grew a little closer (our team hit some tough times, and we leaned on each other for support), and we made plans to hit up the gym tonight and play some basketball after she got some studying done for finals. Then she calls me at like 10 and says "I'm too tired to play...wanna do something else that doesn't involve a lot of activity?" so I invite her over to watch a movie at my place. We select the Bad News Bears (for its lightheartedness) and sit on the couch together in front of my 50" HDTV...thank you cards.

Anyway, I'm thinking I should probably make a move, but this girl is definitely a bit conservative - she doesn't drink whatsoever, is religious, etc. - I haven't figured out if that might be a problem for me down the road, but whatever. She's really sweet and I like her personality, but I definitely get the vibe like she might not even make out with a guy until the end of the third date or something.

So we're watching the movie, and slowly our positions are slowly gravitating towards each other, until our arms are touching at one point...(and by the way, if anyone knows some smooth lines/tricks that enable me to get from that position to cuddling position easily, I'd love to know)...so finally I just say [censored] it, and put my arm around her shoulder. She doesn't seem to mind, and repositions herself so that she's laying against my chest. We watch the rest of the movie in said fashion. After it ends, we talk about random stuff for a little bit, and she gets up to go home. I walk her out to her car.

This is where it gets confusing: I thought that putting my arm around her, and her accepting it, was kinda establishing "hey, I kinda like you, you kinda like me, that's cool, let's do this again sometime." But when we get to her car, she's just like "Have a good break if I don't see you again (break starts Dec. 10), and call me if you want to play basketball some time, or if you go skiing in Oregon" (we'll be about two hours away from each other over winter break, and there's a ski place in between that we each said we might go to). I was expecting something more like "yeah, let's hang out again soon." We then hugged and she left. So now I'm just confused, because if she's into me I'd expect a more enthusiastic response when she left about what had just happened during the movie.

I know I'm subjecting myself to some ridicule by making this post, and it's probably deserved, but I'd appreciate some advice as well. Is she into me? What's my play?

[/ QUOTE ]

Call her today and ask her out to dinner on December 9 or whenever before break. Tell her that you want to celebrate the end of finals with her and you would like to have something to look forward to. After dinner invite her back to your place for a movie and establish physical contact immediately. Start with just having your arm around her then work up to caressing her and then just lean in and kiss her. Its gonna be slightly awkward no matter what be sometime you just gotta say what the fvck

Re: What just happened with me and this girl??
 

Cant read all of these replies so if this said already then sorry. But you're good...She obviously likes you, and her comments as she was leaving was proof that she likes you a lot. Girls tend to do the opposite because theyre tricky, insecure, whatever. So by her saying "see you after finals" etc...she really is testing you (subconsciously) to get you to offer something sooner so she can see what is going on.

As for the couch scene...Just go for it next time cas you never have anything to lose. No girl would blame you for trying, and if they like you, it will go over fine...if they don't, better to find out early.

This one likes you and wouldve gotten somewhere if you had tried.

Re: What just happened with me and this girl??
 

Religious girls are the freakiest, trust me. Sounds like she was disappointed you didn't make a move after the comment she made when you walked her to her car. If you can't get her drunk get yourself drunk to boost your confidence and go in for the kill. What's the worst that can happen?

Re: What just happened with me and this girl??
 

I didnt read all the posts.

either pause the movie and lean in and kiss her or wait till its over and just wait for a short lull in the conversation to lean in for a kiss. If she goes to stand up or says she has to leave, pull her back towards the couch and kiss her. As for moving closer during a movie on the couch, its hard but usually just sitting closer at the beginning and pulling her into you is good....worst case be verbal "come here, lie down."

Also, dont text message her. God thats lame.

Also, i am/was/kinda am seeing a girl whos super jesus and shes not conservative in bed so dont worry too much about that. The first time i tried to kiss her she pulled away and that worried me but i just called her and asked her back out and she didnt hold anything back that date.

-JP

edit: the above two posts are good advice...just dont get drunk thats not good if she doesnt drink...just grow some balls and kiss her.

Re: What just happened with me and this girl??
 

Here's what I always find really funny about these situations. Shy guys never expose their feelings, never tip their hand towards what their feelings are, and do pretty much everything in their power to keep the girl in the dark about how much they like her. Then, they freak out if she doesnt pronounce her love from the rooftops. Guess what, shes doing the exact same thing you are, for the exact same reason you are. Fear of rejection, and people dont like to feel vunerable.

But she has an advantage, shes "supposed" to be like this because shes a girl, and shes the prey and you are the hunter. And tons of girls still view it was the guys responsibility to make the first move.

Women are super sensitive about territory and about touch. They dont share the same physical space with someone they arent comfortable with, and they definately dont let someone touch them unless they want to be touched. For whatever reason we think women are clueless about such things (or worse, cock teases), but this is just pretty much untrue. Id be willing to bet she was even more aware and hypersenstive about your "contact" than you were.

Bottom line, shes into you, or at the very least open to the idea of being into you. The ball is in your court. Dont worry about having screwed it up by not "making a move" or that you have to be bold the next time you are together or whatever. She sounds like the type that prolly doesnt like things to go that fast anyway. Your play is easy, just call her up tell her you had a really nice time the other night and ask if she wants to hang out (have something in mind). Then when you are around her, dont skirt away from being touchy or flirty, its ok if she figures out you are into her, dont be so in the dark about it. You are likely never going to know how she feels about you, until she figures out how you feel about her.

Re: What just happened with me and this girl??
 

Wait, you put your arm around a girl and she lays against your chest and you are questioning whether she likes you??!!

My god - if you cant bit up those signs there is no hope for you. What more could she have done - blown you to let you know.

The only possibility is that she was into you during the movie but then at some point decided you were lame. But man, if doesnt normally get this easy.

btw - they teach you something is sales and cold calling - Ask for the sale or appt. All the pussy footing doesnt matter unless you ASK. Hell, in sales you will get the sale or the appt simply because you asked even if if your delivery sucked ass.

Re: What just happened with me and this girl??
 

Evaluate the strength of the hug. If it was very weak, she doesn't like you - and since you dont have game (not meaning to flame), you are unlikely to have her. If it wasn't very weak, invite her over.