How do you feel about people outright asking you for money?
 

It just seems to me that the fact you have money changes peoples views on you and how they treat you. I have to admit that when I first started playing I was very fascinated with winning and im young, so naturally I felt like telling friends and family about my success because it was something I was enthusiastic about.

I kind of wish I had never told people to begin with. Well not erally that but, i just wish that people didn't react the way they do.

My room mate last year for example used to come in and watch me play and see how much money I had and would say, "Yo man how about you just give me $300, you got so much money man". And i'd say "Why would i do that? You're a college student just like myself whose trying to get by.. what reason would I have to just give away money?". He actually felt that I was stingy for not GIVING away money. He's not the only one i've had ask for money, i've had others ask me for money too.

It's partially my fault because im just a very open person and used to tell people if they asked how much I was up... i don't do that anymore though but its too late, people already know. It spreads pretty fast. I go to a game on campus and people will talk about how im up all this money and should host a party. What makes people genuinely feel as though its alright to ask for someone elses money? Is it the way that it was made? Maybe they feel I hit a jack pot or something and didn't earn it legitimately?

I just got done having a convesration with one of the people who would ask me because I wanted to make a point and see if he agreed. I asked him if I made my money working for $50 an hour over the summer at a job with some corporation would he still ask for money, and was told no. I tried to drive home the point that just because I have more money than him does not mean I have money that I can just give away, it's not like i'm rich and very well off or anything. Even if I were, what obligations would I have to just giving away money to someone else just because they ask? I have no problem helping someone to help themselves, but what good does just giving someone money do? The way I see it, I had to earn what I have on my own, shouldnt others have to do the same? If my friend were to get a nice paying job, I wouldn't just start asking them for money.. so why do other people do it and then act as though you're a greedy person when telling them no? He tried to draw an analogy to me not donating money to him with me not donating money to hurricane katrina, I told him that I would and already HAVE donated money to this and its completely different. Why should I have to give money away that I earned on my own to other people who have not earned it? How would you respond to someone saying "Wow you have X amount of money? Give me 1,000.. aww why not? You have so much, stop being greedy".

Am I in the wrong or something because this view is shared by more than one person... people just seem to want something for nothing. I do NOT just go around telling random people I don't know about what i've won, i just tell friends because most of them know I play, and then they tell others and it comes up when talking with acquantinces. I WOULD give away money to a close friend in a situation if he needed it for a legitimate purpose other than just wanting it to have it. Anyone else had experience with this? Whats your view and how do you respond.

Re: How do you feel about people outright asking you for money?
 

You are learning a valuable lesson. Don't ever discuss your financial situation outside of your immediate family (and even that can get you in trouble).

Obviously you are young and so are your friends and you are still learning about the true concept of money and what it takes to live on your own (if I am mistaken, no offense intended).

I never mention money (poker or otherwise) with any of my friends. Frankly, it is none of their business and they should have the good manners not to ask. If it ever comes up, I say something vague like "I'm doing okay" or "some days are better than others." I never say, "I just won $500 off some idiot who called my quads all-in!"

Frankly, I would question how much of friend someone really is if they expect you to share the wealth with them. You are certainly under no obligation to do so unless you believe everyone should live a communal existence and share all possessions with their neighbors. In that case, you should immediately move to the nearest communist country (hurry, there are few left), but beware, because I think that gambling and surfing the 'net may be capital offenses there.

As to helping those in need, whether financial or otherwise, I believe you should always do this when you are able because it is +EV in life. Being generous is much different than being sponged off of (if that is the correct way of saying it).

Re: How do you feel about people outright asking you for money?
 

Nice post. I am also very open with several friends about these things. But most of them are in the same boat as I am - work at a good job, have more money than they really know what to do with, also are winning poker players, etc. The friends that I have who don't play a lot of winning poker, I don't discuss finances with nearly as much because it is just uncomfortable. It will inevitably either make them feel weird or make me regret it. It is better in life just to be quiet and humble in general. Try hard, do well, accept the good with the bad, and just go about your business. I really liked the story about the woman who lived in a little apartment in New York and rarely spent a dime. Then she died and left $22 million to a college as a gift. Made me think, y'know?

Re: How do you feel about people outright asking you for money?
 

I don't discuss my finances with anyone. Not even my parents. My girlfriend knows more than most, but even she only knows my approximate deposits into my bank account, not the size of my bankroll or the levels I'm playing at.

Very few people, even other poker players, understand that there's a huge difference between an $xx,xxx bankroll and having $xx,xxx in the bank. They also don't understand that even though you can make four or five figures in one night you can't just do that whenever you want. I don't even discuss the size of the games I play in, as I don't want people making guesses at what I'm earning.

Re: How do you feel about people outright asking you for money?
 

[ QUOTE ]
It's partially my fault because im just a very open person and used to tell people if they asked how much I was up... I go to a game on campus and people will talk about how im up all this money and should host a party.

[/ QUOTE ]
If you don't mind me asking, how much are we talking about here?

Re: How do you feel about people outright asking you for money?
 

So is this a trick question?

Re: How do you feel about people outright asking you for money?
 

Hey dude, can you spare me 500 bucks? PM me for my stars name. Thanks.

Re: How do you feel about people outright asking you for money?
 

Great friends...

Anyone who tries that hard to get 'free' money from you isn't a friend.

Screw 'em. You don't have to have a reason for not lending them money. Why is the burden on you? The more they ask for a reason, that becomes the reason, imo.

None of my buds have ever asked for a dime yet I'd help 'em out if they needed it. I also don't really tell them how much I make playing. I sure never bring it up.

I'd hang out with different people.

b

Re: How do you feel about people outright asking you for money?
 

I was going to make a post just like this one, by being an open person you mean you have to tell someone you are kicking ass! I hate to say it, but its the same with me, its just that my parents keep asking, how much did you win? did you play? and my friends as well, but none have asked for money...yet. Still I have to say I still need to get that under control, I think I will never speak to anyone about poker that doesnt play poker ever again. I just need a good lie for when people ask me what I do for cash. Also I think you need some friends that play poker to tell about your wins, which is something I need as well, I need to get some friends that play poker, people that dont play poker just dont get it.

Re: How do you feel about people outright asking you for money?
 

[ QUOTE ]
Great friends...

Anyone who tries that hard to get 'free' money from you isn't a friend.

Screw 'em. You don't have to have a reason for not lending them money. Why is the burden on you? The more they ask for a reason, that becomes the reason, imo.

None of my buds have ever asked for a dime yet I'd help 'em out if they needed it. I also don't really tell them how much I make playing. I sure never bring it up.

I'd hang out with different people.

[/ QUOTE ]
Well they do it in a joking way kinda so its not like a buncha nagging negativity, that only happened with one person.. my room mate last year. But people say it in a way where its like.. they wanna sound like they're joking but still want you to respond yes or no.

Re: How do you feel about people outright asking you for money?
 

[ QUOTE ]
Well they do it in a joking way kinda so its not like a buncha nagging negativity, that only happened with one person.. my room mate last year. But people say it in a way where its like.. they wanna sound like they're joking but still want you to respond yes or no.

[/ QUOTE ]

Tell them to fxck off, in a joking manner.

Re: How do you feel about people outright asking you for money?
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Great friends...

Anyone who tries that hard to get 'free' money from you isn't a friend.

Screw 'em. You don't have to have a reason for not lending them money. Why is the burden on you? The more they ask for a reason, that becomes the reason, imo.

None of my buds have ever asked for a dime yet I'd help 'em out if they needed it. I also don't really tell them how much I make playing. I sure never bring it up.

I'd hang out with different people.

[/ QUOTE ]
Well they do it in a joking way kinda so its not like a buncha nagging negativity, that only happened with one person.. my room mate last year. But people say it in a way where its like.. they wanna sound like they're joking but still want you to respond yes or no.

[/ QUOTE ]

I treat that as not joking. They are putting you in a position.

b

Re: How do you feel about people outright asking you for money?
 

As others have already stated in their replies, these people aren't very good friends. Anybody who thinks you should give them money just because you have it is a tool. At least in my world view, that makes no sense. As soon as one of these jokers does this, tell them that you are hurt that they would even ask. When they say they were just joking, tell them no, you were not. Don't you remember, I'm a winning poker player, and I can tell when you're bluffing and when you're not. You weren't bluffing when you asked, but you are bluffing now when you say you were just joking.

Even if it's not true that you can read them so well, they'll buy it, and you'll be right, anyway.

I am aware that many people are like these friends of yours. Not long after I won, somebody asked my Dad how it feels to be rich. He said, what are you talking about, and they replied that your Son must have given you at least a million, so how does it feel to be a millionaire. My Dad just laughed at them, and asked them why they would assume that I would just give him a bunch of money. They truly believed that this was just the way it would work. To them, it was a given that if I win 5M, I give at leat 1M to my parents. Obviously, if my parents ever need anything, I'll do whatever I can to help, but why just give them money? I sure don't see things that way.

Later, Greg Raymer (FossilMan)

Re: How do you feel about people outright asking you for money?
 

Partly "yes", mainly "no".

Re: How do you feel about people outright asking you for money?
 

Re: How do you feel about people outright asking you for money?
 

C'mon man, it's like rule nombre uno:

"never let no one know
How much, dough you hold, cause you know
The cheddar breed jealousy, specially
If that man f_cked up, get your _ss stuck up"

Re: How do you feel about people outright asking you for money?
 

It's the ten crack commandments....what

Jeff

Re: How do you feel about people outright asking you for money?
 

If any of my friends seriously asked me for money just for the hell of it, I would tell them to STFU and get a job. If they felt offended by that, I could not care less. I would have immediately lost a tremendous amount of respect for them and would begin to distance myself.

If they had a serious need, or it was a loan, I would consider it.

Re: How do you feel about people outright asking you for money?
 

[ QUOTE ]
C'mon man, it's like rule nombre uno:

"never let no one know
How much, dough you hold, cause you know
The cheddar breed jealousy, specially
If that man f_cked up, get your _ss stuck up"

[/ QUOTE ]
"Never sell no crack where you rest at": No home games
"Keep your family and business completely separated": Don't talk to you parents about your winnings
"'Cause money and blood don't mix like two dicks and no chick": Ain't that the truth?

Re: How do you feel about people outright asking you for money?
 

I don't know- how do they feel when I tell them to go away?

Re: How do you feel about people outright asking you for money?
 

bernie, you have great taste in women.

Re: How do you feel about people outright asking you for money?
 

I hope that's a "what" like you'd say "whhaaaat" to your boys when they say something funny/cool and you are giving approval because I certainly think some of those rules apply to poker and for sure in this situation.

Besides, even if it didn't, quoting Biggie is fun.

Luke

Re: How do you feel about people outright asking you for money?
 

Better rethink your position on loans. There is no higher risk loan than that to a friend or a family member. Especially if they see you as somebody who has plenty of money. They will expect you to let them slide at a moments notice, or even forgive the loan (because you're so much better off than them).

If it is somebody you love, give them the money, don't lend it. That way, you won't feel bad when they don't pay you back, and it won't ruin the friendship/relationship. If you choose to lend money, make sure it is in a spot where you will sue them, foreclose on their collateral, whatever, the same as you would if they were a stranger, and you were a public lender. If you can't do that to them, do not make the loan.

Later, Greg Raymer (FossilMan)

Re: How do you feel about people outright asking you for money?
 

Maybe it came across wrong. I agree with your attitude totally. If a close friend or relative wants a loan (none would ask for handouts), I would consider giving it to them, and have in the past. Without telling them, I consider it a gift and never press them on paying it back. So far no one has "defaulted" for a serious amount, but my frame of mind is that they do not owe it anyway. I don't value money like I appear to with my relatives/friends. I just live a very meager lifestyle, so it seems like I am cheap, when I am just easily satisfied, in terms of possessions.

Re: How do you feel about people outright asking you for money?
 

In the past five years I have done very well financially (business, not poker) and people/friends started to take notice. I had two very good friends borrow money from me, one who use to pitch for the Pitsburgh Pirates (will remain nameless) and another who I went through alot with, well, I have not seen neither of them in over a year. It is now crystal clear just how good of friends they really were, not even a phone call, nothing. Now when I am approached i just say no, sorry, would love to help you but I am spread thin.
I will never lend another dime to anyone.

Re: How do you feel about people outright asking you for money?
 

And then there's the mopes that ask for the handouts in the cardrooms and the parking lots. 'Hey fossilman, you won all that money. Just a little bit so I can pay some bills.' They say that as they are walking out of the cardroom after being busted for their last $500. This happened to me. The guy even wanted to use his car as collateral. I turn him down nicely, then he gets all pissy with me. The jerk-off.

b

Re: How do you feel about people outright asking you for money?
 

That might be the worst choice of all. Nothing like somebody you care about avoiding you because they think they owe you money.

Underlieing a lot of the gambling/lending issues are the thoughts that 'cuz you won it then its more "found" then "earned".

Re: How do you feel about people outright asking you for money?
 

My money philosophy:

I currently live in Vegas, and all of my friends here are poker players also, so I don't have the "money loaning/giving" problem. But, before this summer, I lived in NC and almost all of my close friends were broke college students with crappy jobs/internships. All of them knew that I had been doing well in poker online, and after Jan all of them of course knew about my big live cash. None of them ever asked me to give them money or even loan them money, but anytime I would go over their appt I would usually bring a case of beer, or if we were ordering pizza, about half the time I would offer to cover the entire thing. Noone ever asked me to and I doubt anyone would think less of me if I didn't do it, but my thinking was that I KNOW what it's like to be broke and in college with very little spending money, and if I can pick up a $20 or $30 tab once or twice a week to make it so that thats one less thing that 3 or 4 of my buddies have to worry about, then why not?
As far as loaning people money, thats somewhat more complicated. Loaning someone you know money can sometimes lead to complacency in them paying you back, ESPECIALLY if they know that your bank account/bankroll is still healthy. I've only loaned one person money, when he had a week to come up with $1000 or he couldn't finish school (it was his last chance to take summer school to get his degree). I made sure to explain to him beforehand my concerns, and we went over a repayment plan that he stuck to so there were no problems.

Re: How do you feel about people outright asking you for money?
 

No, I think a worse choice is loaning money to a horrible decision maker who has never been successful, then actually expecting them to pay and getting upset at them when they don't. FWIW, I don't think the people I know would act the way you describe. They have strong money/debt consciousness. Maybe that's why I'm comfortable with my attitude.

I agree with the point about "found" vs "earned". Whenever I play the lottery when it's high like now ($250 million Mega-millions), everyone expects a cut if you win. Meanwhile I don't see them chipping in to risk money on a ticket (nor would I ask for a cut if they won, maybe that's where the discrepancy comes from).

Re: How do you feel about people outright asking you for money?
 

The Fossilman made several great points about loaning money.

I have had the hard luck railbirds whine to me and ask for money. Tell people that ask you for money that you dont have any money even if you do. Works most of the time.

Another approach- a calling station lousy player asked me for $20 once and I raised him. I asked him for $40 a few seconds later he had a look on his face of somebody who just got checkraised [img]/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img]

Re: How do you feel about people outright asking you for money?
 

Loans and gambling are a bad mix. If you ever loan people money you have to be serious about any money above an amount that you can write off. I wouldn't lend any gambler money unless I got some form of collateral and I would never loan a degenerate anything as he would just piss it away and would never pay you back either.....

Re: How do you feel about people outright asking you for money?
 

I hate it.

I really do.... its like... we are in a room and we are gambling.... and now you are asking me for money to gamble??


How about this one??

Its like I gamble for a living and you call me a degenerate and now you are asking me if you could borrow money?

Come on....

I can't lend you money....... Im the idiot remember.

:-)

In all honesty though I loan everyone money. I really don't care... if you need it take it...

Re: How do you feel about people outright asking you for money?
 

LOL, reading the thread I was like "man, no way would I loan friends/family money, I know better already"

And then I just remembered my bro in law has owed me $200 for about half a year now...

I'm an idiot

Re: How do you feel about people outright asking you for money?
 

[ QUOTE ]
Better rethink your position on loans. There is no higher risk loan than that to a friend or a family member. Especially if they see you as somebody who has plenty of money. They will expect you to let them slide at a moments notice, or even forgive the loan (because you're so much better off than them).

If it is somebody you love, give them the money, don't lend it. That way, you won't feel bad when they don't pay you back, and it won't ruin the friendship/relationship. If you choose to lend money, make sure it is in a spot where you will sue them, foreclose on their collateral, whatever, the same as you would if they were a stranger, and you were a public lender. If you can't do that to them, do not make the loan.

Later, Greg Raymer (FossilMan)

[/ QUOTE ]

In my poker career theres been times where id literally loan my mom tons of cash. she always pays it back w/ interest if i ask, which i normally dont.

my family is kinda weird and during an impossible divorce she was always there, if she didn't have a dime to her name she'd find a way to get me 2grand to take summer classes or a few hundred here or there if i ever really needed books or food or whatever before i learned to play poker.

now she's back on her feet and is net worth doing very well in real estate. my brother is an expense for her and both of them know my situation. im teaching my brother the value of a dollar to the best of my ability and ive loaned my mom enough currently to live off of for a bit and pay devin's school until she receives the commission from the houses she's already closed.

these kinds of situations i think are different b/c of the level of trust and love within the circle.

on the flip side, my BEST FRIEND from college knows i play and paid my way via poker. he asked me to loan him 2grand. i said, "no XXXXX, i just love you too much to do that." different kind of love b/c there was a definate chance he wouldn't repay me and i didn't want to have to ever nag for the money etc and have it be something between us. i loved him too much to sacrifice his friendship for 2k. we're still best friends

other friends have said to me "hey, why can't you just give me a few hundred??" i stone cold just said, "no." i will, however, turn right around and pick up all checks for my friends and usually pay for drinks if they let me which for the most part they dont. girls are just not allowed to pay on dates as it should be. even girls that are my friends. i'll gladly take care of those i trust and love and care for but i will never flat out give people money.

im perfectly happy with this situation and feel blessed to be where i am. Im sure you do as well greg, and more power to ya.

Barron

Re: How do you feel about people outright asking you for money?
 

I think that's bizarre if they're actually being serious. My friends joke a lot when they see me play "d0od hook me up if youre making that much, youll just make more" but they arent really seriously asking. I'd get some new friends or something.

Re: How do you feel about people outright asking you for money?
 

would that 1M get the crap taxed out of it... gifts of 10K get taxed at what? something crazy no doubt.

Re: How do you feel about people outright asking you for money?
 

actually, the way you just described them asking sounds like my friends. You don't interpret this as them pretty much putting out a feeler bet to test the waters and that you have to raise this semi bluff by saying "No"?

Re: How do you feel about people outright asking you for money?
 

Haha yea I kind of thought it sounded like that when I wrote it. I'm trying to imagine cashing out, getting a cash checked, and handing them the money saying "Here. Have it." I honestly don't know if theyd take it.

I forgot about it when reading this, but girls I'm dating or half dating (call it what you will) are the ones that most often say "Are you kidding me? Give me some money!"

I know they'd take it.

Re: How do you feel about people outright asking you for money?
 

Now theres one thing i'd never do.. tell a girl I have alot of money. Lord no.

Re: How do you feel about people outright asking you for money?
 

Worst "I win oodles of money at poker" thread EVER.

[img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]