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The bad side of it all...
This note is a goodbye or sorts.
Not many know me, but they'd know me if I posted under another name. I used to think I was a good player, got into bad personal problems, and now have resorted to trying to get back to normal on my mother's credit. This game is no good for anyone without a great amount of luck. This is my goodbye to 2+2, my family, and the world. Don't let thinking you're good at a game of cards ruin your life like it did mine. I sat there and tried to find a suicide chat room on the internet, all you can find is phone numbers. I'm too ashamed to talk to someone over a telephone, so I figured I'd post here. Poker ruined my relationship because the money wasn't regular. I made enough, but it wasn't regular enough, and maybe that's just a bad girl. But then I tried to get more and more trying to please the chick, and I [censored] myself over. Don't fall into my trap. Online poker was a death trap for me, and I was a "winning" player. It only takes a bit of a bad run to kill you and make you hate your life. I just hope this serves as a message to all of the prospective "pros" out there. You better make a few hundred grand, and then go for a few hundred more safely. But hey, I put someone through college, paid off 2 cars and a house. I must have did OK, right? Guess not... Goodbye 2+2, and sorry for sounding like a bitch but my bipolar ass can't take this [censored] anymore. |
Re: The bad side of it all...
I just feel like writing more.
There is only 1 other way in America to go as flat ass down and out as I did, and that's being an idiot in the stock market. I hate myself right now, mainly just because I posted here instead of some dumb forum made for talk of [censored] like I'm speaking of. The game consumed me and my life, I guess that's the only point I'm trying to make and I hope someone reads this. If not hopefully to say something to maybe save my dumb ass, then maybe to save someone else. There is a bad side to this game, and you don't see it with as many top players as there are here. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img] I guess I personify the worst in everything that can happen, and I guess karma is a bitch. |
Re: The bad side of it all...
28 views and not one reply. I guess I'm the only losing player here and I should promptly get on with it. Have fun, 2+2er's, just remember there's a bad side to it all.
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Re: The bad side of it all...
So you're at the bottom now. At least there's nowhere else to go but up. Suck it up. You've been successful before and you'll get there again.
And I hope you're just joking man. |
Re: The bad side of it all...
if you wanna talk to someone, PM me and ill give you my phone numver....im not a suicide hotline, and ill prolly tell you you are just being a little bitch, but ill at least listen and [censored]
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Re: The bad side of it all...
[ QUOTE ]
So you're at the bottom now. At least there's nowhere else to go but up. Suck it up. You've been successful before and you'll get there again. And I hope you're just joking man. [/ QUOTE ] Do you really think I'm joking? I'm sitting here debating either pulling a trigger or stealing from my own mother, to try to get back to normal. At that point, I'm thinking situation 1 is probably better. |
Re: The bad side of it all...
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] So you're at the bottom now. At least there's nowhere else to go but up. Suck it up. You've been successful before and you'll get there again. And I hope you're just joking man. [/ QUOTE ] Do you really think I'm joking? I'm sitting here debating either pulling a trigger or stealing from my own mother, to try to get back to normal. At that point, I'm thinking situation 1 is probably better. [/ QUOTE ] yeah im sure thats what ure mom would want too |
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Re: The bad side of it all...
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if you wanna talk to someone, PM me and ill give you my phone numver....im not a suicide hotline, and ill prolly tell you you are just being a little bitch, but ill at least listen and [censored] [/ QUOTE ] Why do you think I posted here... probably the biggest thing I need is someone to tell me I'm being a little bitch. I'm only like a grand in the hole after taking care of everything the ex left in the warpath, and everything for her for the last 3 years. But when you have nothing, you have the tendency to want to grab something that isn't yours to get what should be yours. So in essence, I'm being a little bitch, but I'm also on the verge of stealing from loved ones, and I think I'd rather say [censored] it and go away than sit here and actually believe that I'm contemplating it. I'm just really [censored] in the head right now, and didn't know where else to turn or post. So I figured even if it was just 2+2ers screaming at me, that's better than having no one to talk to. I'm not hopeless, I'm just pissed off, bipolar, broke, alone, and contemplating [censored] theft to try to get out of a hole. [censored] Gamblers Anonymous, give me some 2+2ers to set me straight. |
Re: The bad side of it all...
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] So you're at the bottom now. At least there's nowhere else to go but up. Suck it up. You've been successful before and you'll get there again. And I hope you're just joking man. [/ QUOTE ] Do you really think I'm joking? I'm sitting here debating either pulling a trigger or stealing from my own mother, to try to get back to normal. At that point, I'm thinking situation 1 is probably better. [/ QUOTE ] yeah im sure thats what ure mom would want too [/ QUOTE ] Rather than think her son was a two-bit thief that would contemplate theft from her, quite possibly. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img] I don't know, I'm going to go have a smoke and come back. Maybe I'm just freaking out on myself. At least now, even if some of the replies I get are negative, at least I'm talking. That's more than I had 20 minutes ago. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img] |
Re: The bad side of it all...
You need to sleep off whatever you've been drinking. Just remember you live in the land of opportunity and not some crappy third world hellhole. There's always hope here.
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Re: The bad side of it all...
so then quit being a [censored] pussy, take your damn meds, make some money the old fashion way and snap out of it.
Dont cop out into the whole "I cant stop myself from doing what I knoew is wrong" lame ass excuse and just [censored] do what it is you know you should be doing. |
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Re: The bad side of it all...
I'll go into my local street where I live, in China, and take some photos of people who live next to an area which smells like an open sewer, and are sorting through garbage for there next meal whilst folding pieces of paper they find so they can pedal it 30km to sell for about $1USD. Your life is a luxury. Get over yourself.
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Re: The bad side of it all...
My life is a luxury?? I love it, you made me laugh.
All of my normal income has come to paying off delinquent bills ran up by my ex. Hence, in turn I borrow money off my family to try to make it the way I know best. It's not enough - I need more - but now I know the only way I'm getting more than $100 is to steal. I'm not a thief, and frankly I'm quite unsatisfied with my life. I lost the love of my life, my house, my car, and most of my family in a [censored] year. What the hell would you do? I've explored every damn alternative, there is no escaping the hole I'm in, other than to make a big score. It's not like I don't work a job and I'm some vagrant, the money just doesn't satisfy all I'm now responsible for because of the choices I made for my former female companionship. I guess the question is, do I try to make the big score thieving, or just blow my brains out now? I could take enough to win enough to get myself out of the hole to where life would be manageable. Even working 60+ hours a week the last two months, I'm just scratching the surface of what my ex rang up on us. So it's either A) stoop and become a thief and take 5 bills and hope to make around $1800 in the next week, - B) get them to take me to the doctor because the stress has obviously made me insane - C) Shoot myself in the head - or D) Do nothing but work, make myself worse and post more messages to a bunch of folks who could give a [censored] what I really do. What would you do? |
Re: The bad side of it all...
file for bankruptcy. go to a third world country (i suggest somewhere in africa) and spend a year or so doing nothing but helping people way less fortunate than you.
teach some poor kids how to speak english, read, and do basic math. if you are too self-censored to even consider something like this, then by all means so long nice to know you. i have always considered suicide to be one of the most selfish and cowardly things possible. |
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Re: The bad side of it all...
ever jerk it to your avatar?
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Re: The bad side of it all...
[ QUOTE ]
file for bankruptcy. go to a third world country (i suggest somewhere in africa) and spend a year or so doing nothing but helping people way less fortunate than you. teach some poor kids how to speak english, read, and do basic math. if you are too self-censored to even consider something like this, then by all means so long nice to know you. i have always considered suicide to be one of the most selfish and cowardly things possible. [/ QUOTE ] My job is helping the handicapped. I'm a wheelchair coordinator for Spirit Airlines, my only job is to help those less fortunate than me to travel. Help them get checked in, get on their planes, or get off the plane, get their baggage and get to their loved ones. It's not a question of moral fiber. It's a question of having before, and not having now with more responsibilities than I should have because of an idiot former companion. I don't even care that she's gone, I care that I'm actually contemplating thieving to make my life somewhat normal again. I do appreciate the response even though it may seem that I'm bitter towards it. I just needed people to talk to. I'm just having a really hard time coping with everything that has been shoveled into my lap. |
Please read this first
Your life probably sucks right now, and I know exactly what it's like to be unbearable, but I can't see how you are in a position where suicide is the best option.
I know exactly what you are going through. For very different reasons, I was very close to ending my life a couple of times back in 7th grade. Looking back, I am unbelievably fortunate that I decided not to end things. My life is amazing now, and it's absurd to me when I think about how close I was to ending it all. Maybe the next week of your life will suck. Maybe the next month will suck. Maybe the next year will suck. Maybe the next couple of years will suck. Maybe. If you end your life, that's it for your existence on earth. You will be no more. All that joy that you could have experienced in the rest of your life will no longer have a chance. Maybe you will fall in love. Maybe you will have kids. Maybe you will find some meaning for your life. There is no maybe if you end it all tonight. Through my depression, my biggest regret was not talking to anyone. I had a few real close friends, and my parents were very loving and supportive, but I was always too afraid to bring it up with them. There was a lot they could have done to help, from emotional support to doctors to drugs. I never gave them a chance to help out, and I almost screwed things up for myself by doing that. I am just very fortunate to be here today despite my stupid actions (or lack there of) in the past. I hope that you will make the right decision, and you will be here too, for decisions other than luck. Stealing and poker are probably not the answers for you. Talk to your mom. Talk to your other family / friends. See what they recommend. There are always other options. They're not always fun, especially at the start, but they are options none the less. -Don't do it -Justin Bonomo |
Re: The bad side of it all...
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ever jerk it to your avatar? [/ QUOTE ] ahh that was good... time to wash up? |
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Re: Please read this first
[ QUOTE ]
Your life probably sucks right now, and I know exactly what it's like to be unbearable, but I can't see how you are in a position where suicide is the best option. I know exactly what you are going through. For very different reasons, I was very close to ending my life a couple of times back in 7th grade. Looking back, I am unbelievably fortunate that I decided not to end things. My life is amazing now, and it's absurd to me when I think about how close I was to ending it all. Maybe the next week of your life will suck. Maybe the next month will suck. Maybe the next year will suck. Maybe the next couple of years will suck. Maybe. If you end your life, that's it for your existence on earth. You will be no more. All that joy that you could have experienced in the rest of your life will no longer have a chance. Maybe you will fall in love. Maybe you will have kids. Maybe you will find some meaning for your life. There is no maybe if you end it all tonight. Through my depression, my biggest regret was not talking to anyone. I had a few real close friends, and my parents were very loving and supportive, but I was always too afraid to bring it up with them. There was a lot they could have done to help, from emotional support to doctors to drugs. I never gave them a chance to help out, and I almost screwed things up for myself by doing that. I am just very fortunate to be here today despite my stupid actions (or lack there of) in the past. I hope that you will make the right decision, and you will be here too, for decisions other than luck. Stealing and poker are probably not the answers for you. Talk to your mom. Talk to your other family / friends. See what they recommend. There are always other options. They're not always fun, especially at the start, but they are options none the less. -Don't do it -Justin Bonomo [/ QUOTE ] I'm just at a loss, man. I hear your voice, and as long as I've lurked here I have a *great* idea of your success. I used to be successful too, but not to your degree. Now it's like everything that can come down, IS. I lost my father at 12 to Agent Orange (he served 3 tours in Nam). I'm diagnosed PTSS, bipolar. I should have never started in the game in the first place, but it and a job paid the bills for a long time. I paid off school for my ex, her car, my car, etc, etc, etc. I could bore you with the details, but I won't. It basically came down to the endless flood of money ran out, and when it did she was only too happy to leave, and leave all the bills and other trauma on my lap because it was nearly all in my name. I just want my life back, man. I gave it up for a woman who i thought would be the one to - as you say - "get married, have kids", type deal. I never thought about her leaving and doing me like this. I appreciate all of these responses, even the ones meant to pick fun at me for being such an idiotic little bitch. I actually unloaded the gun and put on the safety if it means anything to anyone here. I realize I'd be taking a cowards way out. But what's worse, knowing that everything will get worse if you do nothing but what you're doing (working hard), or stealing once and possibly getting quite back to a sense of normalcy? ---- Oh, and the other person who claimed I should "sleep off the drink" - I haven't had a drink in nearly 6 months. I tried to quit because my ex had an alcohol problem, so I was going to quit for her. I quit, she didn't, we split - and now here we are. ---- I thank you very much, Justin. Through my time lurking here I've become a great fan of not only your play, but your idiosyncratic posts as well, and it means a lot that someone of your stature would send a post on such a dumb subject as this. I didn't know your situation was that tough before you made it. |
Re: The bad side of it all...
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So it's either A) stoop and become a thief and take 5 bills and hope to make around $1800 in the next week, - B) get them to take me to the doctor because the stress has obviously made me insane - C) Shoot myself in the head - or D) Do nothing but work, make myself worse and post more messages to a bunch of folks who could give a [censored] what I really do. What would you do? [/ QUOTE ] Option B is the only +EV decision but you already know that. Stu |
Re: Please read this first
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I actually unloaded the gun and put on the safety if it means anything to anyone here. [/ QUOTE ] I'm very happy to hear that. I hope that you never have to think about this again. |
Re: The bad side of it all...
You gotta start thinking of life as long term. This is just short term variance that sucks, it will pass soon.
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Re: Please read this first
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Re: The bad side of it all...
after reading it all, it looks like youre thinking straight , so go file for bankruptcy and start over.
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Re: The bad side of it all...
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after reading it all, it looks like youre thinking straight , so go file for bankruptcy and start over. [/ QUOTE ] It's an idea, but I've already thrown so much money at the situation that it would probably just piss me off. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] At least I'm laughing about it now. I'd like to thank ZeeJustin and Devin especially for sending some really quality messages privately that really helped get my mind back on track. It's not that much money, but it's enough to make you not think clearly and want to blow your brains out. I think it's more the case that I know I was capable of making this type of money before my ex made me give the game up and then subsequently left me. It just feels like my life was nearly stripped from me, so it didn't seem like as much of a stretch to either steal to get it back or end it. Thanks for helping me think a bit more clearly, 2+2. I'm going to go take a nap and sleep on it a bit, and see how I feel in the afternoon. Hopefully this isn't a complete flame-fest when I return. Even though the subject matter isn't a great topic, I don't think I'm an idiot that deserves a ton of flames. I got a lot more help out of this thread than you could possibly know. Thanks again 2+2. |
Re: The bad side of it all...
by the way, this thread should have been started in the psych forum [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]
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Re: The bad side of it all...
[ QUOTE ]
This note is a goodbye or sorts. Not many know me, but they'd know me if I posted under another name. I used to think I was a good player, got into bad personal problems, and now have resorted to trying to get back to normal on my mother's credit. This game is no good for anyone without a great amount of luck. This is my goodbye to 2+2, my family, and the world. Don't let thinking you're good at a game of cards ruin your life like it did mine. I sat there and tried to find a suicide chat room on the internet, all you can find is phone numbers. I'm too ashamed to talk to someone over a telephone, so I figured I'd post here. Poker ruined my relationship because the money wasn't regular. I made enough, but it wasn't regular enough, and maybe that's just a bad girl. But then I tried to get more and more trying to please the chick, and I [censored] myself over. Don't fall into my trap. Online poker was a death trap for me, and I was a "winning" player. It only takes a bit of a bad run to kill you and make you hate your life. I just hope this serves as a message to all of the prospective "pros" out there. You better make a few hundred grand, and then go for a few hundred more safely. But hey, I put someone through college, paid off 2 cars and a house. I must have did OK, right? Guess not... Goodbye 2+2, and sorry for sounding like a bitch but my bipolar ass can't take this [censored] anymore. [/ QUOTE ] you're getting better KKF |
Re: The bad side of it all...
Visit a children's hospital with 3 year old kids with terminal diseases and you will never feel sorry for yourself again.
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Re: The bad side of it all...
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Visit a children's hospital with 3 year old kids with terminal diseases and you will never feel sorry for yourself again. [/ QUOTE ] best advice so far.... |
Re: The bad side of it all...
Didn't you just post that you needed $1800? $1800? C'mon, when my ex-wife left and I started opening my own mail I discovered that I was stuck $80,000 in credit card debt and $70,000 worth of stocks had been sold and the cash gone. It's very difficult to stand in the middle of a storm and remember that the sun is shining somewhere, but it is. And eventually it will shine on you again. $1800? I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you are 21 years old or younger. If you're actually older than 21 then you need to man up and handle your business. Either way I would strongly reccommend that you speak to a professional if for no other reason than to verbalize how you feel about your current situation. You would be amazed how that puts things into perspective. Seriously, $1800?
Regards, G.I. |
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[ QUOTE ]
Didn't you just post that you needed $1800? $1800? C'mon, when my ex-wife left and I started opening my own mail I discovered that I was stuck $80,000 in credit card debt and $70,000 worth of stocks had been sold and the cash gone. It's very difficult to stand in the middle of a storm and remember that the sun is shining somewhere, but it is. And eventually it will shine on you again. $1800? I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you are 21 years old or younger. If you're actually older than 21 then you need to man up and handle your business. Either way I would strongly reccommend that you speak to a professional if for no other reason than to verbalize how you feel about your current situation. You would be amazed how that puts things into perspective. Seriously, $1800? Regards, G.I. [/ QUOTE ] WTF? That requires a story. You didn't even notice? |
Re: The bad side of it all...
For the original poster:
Watch the movie: "What the Bleep do we know" I think it will put things into perspective for you. Also, I think think this is an important concept: No matter how f*cked up my current situation is, I just think about my life in 5 years from now and how whatever just happened to me right now, I probably wont even remember it. |
Re: The bad side of it all...
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I actually unloaded the gun and put on the safety if it means anything to anyone here. [/ QUOTE ] Good. Now go sell that gun use that $ to play cards. 2 birds/ 1 stone. The *worst* case is you bust that $, so you are back where you started, sans gun. THats still better. |
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you're getting better KKF [/ QUOTE ] I hope you're right. He hasn't posted since this a.m. |
Re: The bad side of it all...
It sounds like you're assuming a victim role stance, which isn't surprising given that you think you're powerless over other people and events. Also, you apparently have a problem with dichotomous 'all or nothing' type thinking. For example, you say either you commit suicide or you steal mom's money. I would be pretty miserable too if I believed those were my only two options. Rather, you have a whole host of other options you have discounted. Perhaps you're unaware that you don't have to allow yourself to think and behave in a self-defeating, irrational manner. In fact, people and things do not disturb us, rather we disturb ourselves by believing they CAN disturb us. You act as though you're the innocent victim of a heartless witch (ex-girlfriend) but in reality you've allowed yourself to be exploited.
Also, if we take your ideology to the extreme all people who are having severe financial problems like bankruptcy should commit suicide. Can't you see how insane this is? I think you should seriously consider seeing a cognitive behavioral therapist (and/or psychiatrist) to work on your absolutist, dichotomous, and generally irrational thinking. You are definately awfulizing and catastrophizing and the obvious result is severe depression. The problem is not what has happened to you, rather your beliefs about what have happened to you. For it's your beliefs and not the original activating event (e.g. going broke) that leads to the cognitive/emotive consequence. If you're mind isn't racing too fast and you're composed enough to read a book I recommend reading anything by Albert Ellis (founder of cognitive therapy, specifically Rational-Emotive Therapy). In particular, try 'How to Stubbornley Refuse to Allow Yourself to Feel Miserable About Anything...YES ANYTHING!' If you can't afford a copy go to your local library or try Amazon.com for used copies. If you truly feel imminently suicidal you need immediate medical help, beyond what anybody here can offer. I truly hope the best for you and can relate as I take anti-convulsants for mood-disorder (bipolar and Aspergar's). Also, I was $15,000 in the hole due to medical bills. I was extremely depressed but fought my way back over 3 years (it wasn't easy). The fight itself can be rewarding in and of itself. That being said, get thy butt to the hospital if you feel out of control or suicidal. JeffreyREBT |
Re: The bad side of it all...
sounds to me like u just want attention, seriously though $1k, even somebody at McDonalds can earn this
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