Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.
 

I was at a party a while back, and a buddy of mine who has since quit drinking (you'll understand why he quit in a second) was absolutely hammered, and I heard him utter the the 2 most horrid pick-up lines that I've ever heard someone pitch . And he wasn't joking, this was truly his attempt to get laid that night! The conversation went as follows: He sits next to the poor girl, puts his arm around her and says: "baby, I'm all over you like white on rice." And to this she responds, "I'm sorry, Im not into one night stands" to which he promptly replys, "then how about a five night stand?" Have any of you ever heard or uttered any come-on as bad as this? Does this crap ever REALLY work?

Re: Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.
 

Alcohol is awesome.

Re: Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.
 

If delivered with charm, self-effacement and the right circumstances I'm sure they do.

Well, I deliver mine with charmless egotism at completely the wrong time, and they never work, so that's almost the same, huh?

Re: Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.
 

Suck me, beautiful.

Re: Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.
 

The worst one I ever saw that actually worked:

My friend (very drunk): "I have a magic watch".
Girl (sober & suspicous): "Oh yeah?"
MF: "It can tell what colour knickers your wearing."
Girl: "Yeah right, whatever. Go on then"
MF: Fiddles with watch a bit. Shakes it, brings it to his ear. "Woooow. OMFG. Your not wearing any".
Girl: "Ha, yes I am. There black".
MF: "Oh [censored]. My watch is running slow".

Re: Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.
 

That's gold! And locked in memory forever!

Seriously, they work if the girl wants em to work. I've used the same ones at different times, and they work great on one, and induce a pained expression or rude words from another.

(it was the old creaker of licking your finger, rubbing her sleeve suggestively with your fingertip, then rubbing your sleeve with it, and saying 'let's get out of these wet clothes' I'm thinking about here, if anyone cares).

Re: Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.
 

[ QUOTE ]
The worst one I ever saw that actually worked:

My friend (very drunk): "I have a magic watch".
Girl (sober & suspicous): "Oh yeah?"
MF: "It can tell what colour knickers your wearing."
Girl: "Yeah right, whatever. Go on then"
MF: Fiddles with watch a bit. Shakes it, brings it to his ear. "Woooow. OMFG. Your not wearing any".
Girl: "Ha, yes I am. There black".
MF: "Oh [censored]. My watch is running slow".

[/ QUOTE ]

What are you talking about? That's awesome, as is the one in the OP.

To the OP, Art Monk rules.

Re: Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.
 

guy: I have been thinking of some goals that i want to accomplish in college
Her: really, like what? good GPA? getting into a good grad school? joining a frat?
guy: ummm, no, want to help me with one?
her: sure, i guess...
Guy: want to come back to my place and piss on me?

Re: Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.
 

"you know how easy it is to get away with rape?"

Re: Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.
 

I play poker for a living

RB

Re: Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.
 

"I like every bone in your body, especially mine"
"The word of the day is legs, lets go upstairs and spread the word"

this is the worst one I've used drunk, I walked up to a hottie I knew from campus (this was on a thursday night at a college town bar, you know, "student night")

and said "Hey, do you know how much a polar bear weighs?"


ugh... "Just enough to break the ice"

Re: Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.
 

Nice shoes. Wanna ***k?

Re: Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.
 

Hey, wanna grab some pizza, head back to my place and screw?












whats the matter, dont like pizza?


and here's kind of a .... tactless one that nevertheless is impressive.


"hi, my name is eric. I have a thirteen inch long tongue, and can breathe through my ears. Can I have your number?"

Re: Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.
 

[ QUOTE ]
Nice shoes. Wanna ***k?

[/ QUOTE ]

I've used this.

Re: Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.
 

"I think the antibiotics worked this time."

Re: Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.
 

I think they pretty much all are guaranteed to fail.

My favorite has always been the groucho marx classic...

"If I told you you had a nice body would you hold it against me?"

Re: Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.
 

"Hey, are those your boobs on my arm?"

Re: Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.
 

[ QUOTE ]
If delivered with charm, self-effacement and the right circumstances I'm sure they do.


[/ QUOTE ]

Re: Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.
 

You: Hey, are you from jamaica?
Her: No
You: Cause yuo are JAMAICAN ME CRAZY

You: Hey, are you from Tennesee
Her: no
You: Cause you are the ONLY TEN I SEE

You have to scream the caps, or else it doesnt work...

Re: Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.
 

[ QUOTE ]
If delivered with charm, self-effacement and the right circumstances I'm sure they do.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yes, and the right circumstances are that you're talking to a girl who is a drunk, stupid slut.

Re: Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.
 

"You'll do." Simple and effective.

Re: Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
If delivered with charm, self-effacement and the right circumstances I'm sure they do.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yes, and the right circumstances are that you're talking to a girl who is a drunk, stupid slut.

[/ QUOTE ]

No.

Re: Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.
 

[ QUOTE ]
"You'll do." Simple and effective.

[/ QUOTE ]

I've used a slightly different version - "Yea, I would." [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

Re: Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
"You'll do." Simple and effective.

[/ QUOTE ]

I've used a slightly different version - "Yea, I would." [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

No, the point of you'll do is that you are qualifying her.

Re: Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
"You'll do." Simple and effective.

[/ QUOTE ]

I've used a slightly different version - "Yea, I would." [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

No, the point of you'll do is that you are qualifying her.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yes. The point is the same for Yea, I would.

Re: Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
If delivered with charm, self-effacement and the right circumstances I'm sure they do.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yes, and the right circumstances are that you're talking to a girl who is a drunk, stupid slut.

[/ QUOTE ]

so wrong. Charm and self-effacement is extremely effective with sober, clever nice girls.

Re: Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.
 

[ QUOTE ]
so wrong. Charm and self-effacement is extremely effective with sober, clever nice girls.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm only interested in drunk philosophy students, do you see why?

Mack

Re: Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
"You'll do." Simple and effective.

[/ QUOTE ]

I've used a slightly different version - "Yea, I would." [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

No, the point of you'll do is that you are qualifying her.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yes. The point is the same for Yea, I would.

[/ QUOTE ]

No it is not, they are very different statements that reflect very different things about the speaker.

Re: Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.
 

[ QUOTE ]
so wrong. Charm and self-effacement is extremely effective with sober, clever nice girls.

[/ QUOTE ]

ok. Here's a challenge. Someone, using "charm and self-effacement" walk up to a sober, clever, nice girl they don't know and say "Suck me, beautiful" and report back. [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

Re: Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.
 

[ QUOTE ]
No it is not, they are very different statements that reflect very different things about the speaker.

[/ QUOTE ]

They say exactly the same thing, depending on how you're saying it.

Re: Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
so wrong. Charm and self-effacement is extremely effective with sober, clever nice girls.

[/ QUOTE ]

ok. Here's a challenge. Someone, using "charm and self-effacement" walk up to a sober, clever, nice girl they don't know and say "Suck me, beautiful" and report back. [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

Film quotes almost never work, heres one I used at Chester zoo;

Shoot the ostrich

Went down like a lead balloon.

Mack

Re: Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.
 

[ QUOTE ]
I play poker for a living

RB

[/ QUOTE ]

amen, I have no idea why thats such a cock block

Re: Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.
 

I always liked:

'What likes blowjobs, speaks French and will make you cum your brains out?'

MOI!



Never fails. Always keep your mouth open when insulting a lady holding a drink.

Re: Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.
 

[ QUOTE ]
ok. Here's a challenge. Someone, using "charm and self-effacement" walk up to a sober, clever, nice girl they don't know and say "Suck me, beautiful" and report back.

[/ QUOTE ]
The doctor said the swelling will go down in a couple days.

Re: Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.
 

I'm sure your conversation accurately reflects what must be going through the womans mind. Parsing every word to determine the speakers intent.

Re: Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.
 

[ QUOTE ]
I always liked:

'What likes blowjobs, speaks French and will make you cum your brains out?'

MOI!



Never fails. Always keep your mouth open when insulting a lady holding a drink.

[/ QUOTE ]

Similar:

"What has two thumbs and likes blowjobs? *points thumbs at himself* Me!"

Of course this line is so versatile you can replace the 'likes blowjobs' with so many other things.

Re: Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.
 

[ QUOTE ]
I'm sure your conversation accurately reflects what must be going through the womans mind. Parsing every word to determine the speakers intent.

[/ QUOTE ]

True only if she posts on the politics forum of 2+2.

Mack

Re: Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.
 

Hi my name is Bill? Hasn't worked once yet.

Re: Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.
 

Try

'Hi! You know, I like to consider myself frank and earnest. At home with the wife and kids, I'm Frank, and here, I'm Ernest....'

Re: Pick-up Lines guarunteed to fail.
 

Do U pass out?