Re: Best cab driver stories
 

I was in a cab later, where the fun progressed. It's basically part 2 to the part 1 that you experienced.

Re: Best cab driver stories
 

Wow. You're a prick.

[ QUOTE ]
This summer I flew in from Florida with my sister and parents, and we got a yellow cab at JFK. This old pakistani cab driver looked like he was 100 years old and had on this think ass glasses and had to lean way up towards the windshield, like he couldn't see if he didn't.

To get from the airport to my house in Brooklyn is pretty straightforward, and we were all tired since our flight was an hour late getting in and we weren't paying any attention to where he was going. So I glance out the window and see a sign for LaGuardia Airport, which is on the other side of town, in the complete opposite direction to where I live.

So I start going "what the [censored]? where are you going?" and the driver's ignoring me, so I say "dude, where are we going?" and he just says "patience please sir". So my mom starts yelling at the guy, saying you're going the wrong way, and all the guy keeps saying is "patience please" over and over again. So we're on the LIE now somehow, and we see a sign for the BQE, and I tell the guy to take this exit and the [censored] drives right past it.

So now I'm mad as hell, and I start screaming at the guy to stop the cab, and when he comes back with a "patience please" I open the car door as we're going 50 on the expressway and force him to pull over to the shoulder. I jump out and start screaming at the guy to get out of the cab, and that one of us was gonna drive the rest of the way. (I'm pretty drink from the flight still, but I think this is how it happened) What I do remember clearly is that I started really freaking out on the side of the highway and my father and sister had to hold me back because I was trying to knock the [censored] out of the cabbie.

Eventually we got back in the cab and the guy found his way back to the BQE and got to my house. In the end the meter wound up reading $80. We gave the guy $50 and I said something like "Hey, you wanna tip? Go [censored] yourself!" and kept cursing him out until he drove off.

[/ QUOTE ]

Re: Best cab driver stories
 

I have declared Jihad on many a cab driver (exact quote "Jihad") in my day. The last one called the cops on me. I probably deserved it.

-Jihad

Re: Best cab driver stories
 

There's really no way to do the guy justice. He was a probably mid-late 70's aged Romanian guy who was probably the most entertaining person I've ever rode in a car with. He picked us up at Bellagio.

He opened by asking me where I was from then told a degrading joke about my race. He segued that into a story about taking "BLAOU BLAOU POW POW" from a woman for a ride because the lady got into the cab and said she had no money. He went into details on that. I then told him I had no money. He didn't like my BLAU BLAU offer.

We cursed at some people in the street and he honked at people that I asked him to. At this point he took us to the Paris, we were going to the Wynn. I think at this point he told us how much he doesn't like Mexicans. Metetron who was riding with us is Mexican.

We drove around some more and he told us about how he took his wife to Catalina and F'd her on the beach until she squirted. He went on about squirting.

Then we passed by a car accident and he speculated that Mexicans had somehow caused it. I asked him if he'd consider adopting me as a grandson and he told me he already had two. I felt slightly rejected. He honked at one of the cars in the accident, a cab, and yelled something at the cab driver.

We drove past the Wynn and he took us to The Venetian. I let him know we wanted to go to the Wynn. He mumbled and said something about Mexicans. I asked him to divulge his secrets on how to make women squirt and he told me but I forgot what he said. I was drunk.

He took us to the Wynn finally and I told him I [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img]'d him. I knew I couldn't do that guy justice here.

Re: Best cab driver stories
 

Yeah. I've tried telling the story to people a few times too and end up just saying "I can't do it. I can't do the guy justice." He was just continually one-upping himself. You left out a lot of little side stories too, but it's just too hard.

Re: Best cab driver stories
 

Yeah, just when I thought he had totally made me LOL to the max, he took it a step further. I think I was a pretty good sidekick. I put in as much as I remember, but I know he went off.

Re: Best cab driver stories
 

Yeah, it's really impossible to do the guy justice.

He also told us about that asian massage parlor and about how he couldn't hang out with us as he had to pick up some girl to [censored] because she needed a cab ride.

We really should have got his number.