Re: Poker and Life
 

I'm in my 40's and one thing you'll learn with life experience is to do things that make you happy. You'll learn over time when to more or less tell your parents and others to mind their own business. At 41 years-old my Mom still wants to mother me every once in a while. Basically I tell her that that "it's" not up for discussion and I'm not looking for advice. She knows me well enough to let it go at that point. Don't every live your life based on others expectations. It's your life, you're making your own decisions and you'll live with the consequences.

Re: Poker and Life
 

Hi!

I do not think that all this is black and white decision as many people suggest here. It's true that familiy often holds you back in a way to make themselves feel less miserable. But honestly, I don't think you can assume this just because they don't like your lifestyle. Therefore I think you should take their concerns seriously and have a conversation with them about what they REALLY do not like about your occupation. Is it the gambling? Is it that they don't think, it's a "job"? Is it that they think it's all luck-dependent? Because if you depend so much on your family that you try to act like they want you to do, just splitting from them and never looking back probably won't make you any happier either...
So you should try to filter what they say: where could they be right, what is just prejudice? I think there are many cons to professional gambling, esp. online. You just depend on too many variables. This is true for many jobs these day, too. But I would feel unsafe only having the perspective of getting other peoples money from something that is a GAME to them. Left aside the problems you get, when you don't have a "job" like loans etc.


So you shouldn't just close your eyes and say: they are all nothing to me anymore. Make an informed decision instead. Listen to what concerns them and try to find counter-arguments. Discuss those with people that are unbiased. On the other hand: if your parents really are just trying to pull you down: you really need to leave them.

Another suggestion that may sound silly to many people but is meant 100% serious: have you thought about talking to a gay person about their experiences with their parents or experiences of other people they know of? Being gay is extremly unpopular with most parents so the people coming out often had a very tough time with their family (and life in general). They certainly have great advice for you.

Re: Poker and Life
 

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Thanks for all the responses again guys i really apreciate it. Was partially expecting some bashing responses but have really gotten some good thoughts about things threw this thread.

Any idea how to clear the guilt, confusion, and personal turmoil about some pretty hard life decisions and just go for it? You have convinced me of what i knew which is that i need to be me and not worry so much about other people's prejudices. Any clues on how to be proud of what i do, and not cringe at the question "Do you have a job?" from extended family? How do i discuss what i do with a side of the family that is very fundamentalist christian and views what i do as morally wrong?

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Think about why you feel guilty. Do you agree that it is morally wrong? If so, then I have no advice except to quit. If you feel guilty because you don't feel that this is a worthwhile job, then do something worthwhile in your spare time.

Many people work in jobs that really do not contribute to society in any meaningful way. Find something that you believe in and contribute your spare time to that. Use your finance knowledge to help the local homeless shelter or help tutor underprivileged kids. How you earn your living and how you contribute to society can be two very different things. Then when someone asks what you do, you can tell them I about the work you do when you are not making money.

Re: Poker and Life
 

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How do i discuss what i do with a side of the family that is very fundamentalist christian and views what i do as morally wrong?

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I'm a Christian and a current poker pro myself(although I may be going to law school and pursuing other work). God has taught me a ton through poker. I've gone broke two times. Both times sucked. I was miserable...and yet it was at these times that God met me the most. I can definitely say that I've grown closer to God through playing poker.

Christianity isn't about judging. If you honesty feel that this is the path God has for your life, then you shouldn't feel any reservations whatsoever as far as telling your family about it.

Re: Poker and Life
 

Most gamblers are losers who will eventually end up broke, so your family and friends are smart to view you this way. It's not their fault, they're making the smart play.

However...most people who own real estate, and businesses (car washes, jiffy lubes, etc) are winners.

The analogy to a drug dealer is similar. Lots of cash, disreputable occupation. The dealers who segway into legitimacy (kennedys) get respect.

Re: Poker and Life
 

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To many extents i like what i do, poker interests me in a way that nothing else really ever has, however i constantly feel guily and worry that i am "making nothing of my life".

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Pursue your interests. Live your dreams. I have a sneaking feeling that there is some jealousy going on here. There's no reason to spend your life doing something you don't enjoy, if money is not an issue.

This may sound crazy, but how about doing some kind of volunteer work? You would be setting a great example for your future child. As long as you use your money to help others, and to secure a good life for you and your loved ones, you shouldn't have to feel guilty.

Think 'Barry Greenstein' [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Re: Poker and Life
 

Very good advice!

Nothing worse than to wake up an old man and say, I wish I would have....

If the finances are there, let yourself dream, just make sure it is a dream and do not let it become a nightmare.

Re: Poker and Life
 

If it really is other people who make you feel guilty, have you ever spoken to them, and figured out exactly why they have a problem with you playing poker? The answer "because it isn't a conventional job" doesn't count. If no one can give you a real answer as to why they are concerned about you, then disregard their opinions. However, you may get some good responses which will help you deal with the "guilt".

You can't deal with it unless you know why you're really bothered, and it sounds to me like you're not sure why you're bothered.

I think many conceptions of Pro-poker is that there is no security, which is a valid point. So invest your money well, real estate is a great option. Don't ever get above your head with your money, things like these.

Other common issues are that gambling is immoral...however if you don't have a problem with it, then screw other people's morals.

My point is, there are many reasons why people judge..figure out why they're judging. Is it legitimate concern? (if so, try and show them that you have considered and gone over all their concerns yourself) Or is it a lack of understanding for what you do? Or is it more along the lines of jealousy, that you can do something that you love, and not work 9-5?

Re: Poker and Life
 

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I'll be turning 40 on thursday. My Grandpa used to tell me that a man lives until he dies, so make sure you live. I didn't know what he meant by that when I was your age.
One thing I have learned over the last forty years is that family and friends have a tendency to try and hold us back. Sometimes to protect us and sometimes to keep us from rising above them, which is really proctecting themselves from feeling like failures.
You're 24 and free to chase your dreams. My advice for you and everyone else in your position would be to chase them. Chase them with all the passion and energy you can muster because tomorrow it will be you turning forty.

Regards,
G.I.

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This really is fantastic advice. I'm 31 now but when I was 21 I was really in a funk. Didn't really know where I was going in life and one day had a conversation with a coworker. He knew I was feeling down and asked me how old I was. I told him I was 21 (he was 45).
He told me that he would give up everything he owns to be 21 again. At 21 he traveled all over the world working odd jobs like picking strawberries, etc. He's seen the world and I've never seen a happier person. He never stayed in one location more than a few months. He chose to do what he wanted in life and at that time I found it so fascinating.

Time passes by really quickly and I can't believe it's been 10 years since I had that conversation. You just have to do what you want in life provided that you can provide for your family. Your situation is not unique as there are lots of people in your pedicament. Start living your life for yourself and not for others. I know it sounds a lot harder than it is but eventually you'll have to make a choice. If you live your life for others you'll end up resenting them later on if you're not happy.

It took me 10 years to realize that I want to go pro and travel the world. Don't let it take you that long.

Re: Poker and Life
 

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Basically im stuck. Im stuck because going from 150-200k a year to 30-40k a year is a huge difference.

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I'd like to have this problem. Just curious, what stakes/games are you playing now and how did you arrive at this point? Your parents/family/girlfriend are probably more concerned about the possibility of you not making steady income, or the possiblity of you losing it all on a downswing. With that kind of money, if you save aggressively enough for a little while, you probably could easily invest enough to give you a pretty much safe income for life. Once you do that, then you are pretty much free to continue doing poker, but you don't have to do it to pay the bills, you'd have the opportinity to pursue other interests (like a fulfilling job/travel/hobbies/volunteer since you won't have the pressure of having to make money. When you get to the point of having 40k or so, steady income coming in, I think that would reassure your parents.

Is the reason you don't feel like you am "doing something with your life" because you are home most of the time playing online and not really doing much else? Or just because your career is not a typical one? I would say that a lot of people find meaning/enjoying social interaction from a career. If that is something you want/are not getting from poker, then having enough passive income coming to cover all expenses in would totally free you up to find meaningful things to do with your time. Retired people do it, but it does take a little adjustment or so I have heard.

Joseph