Re: what\'s better?
 

[ QUOTE ]

i still don't get it. [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

Okay, girl screws up her life with drugs and alcohol. Comes to recovery to change her life. Meets me, three years sober. Starts coming after me. At first I was like, "yeah, whatever." Then I start liking her too. We start getting close. I say, "I would like to have a more serious relationship with you, but I need you to be healthier first, but lets be friends." She says she loves me. My sponsor says not to hang out with her, and to just leave her alone until she has six months sober. Not to date her until she has a year. She has two months right now.

I'm not asking for a solution. I have my instructions that I can't deviate from. I'm just saying, it feels crappy.

There's no guarantee that I'll feel good (with her) later, but at least there's a possibility. Plus knowing I did the right thing might feel good down the road too.

Re: what\'s better?
 

Since you didn't really put a question up there, I was going to say that I almost always choose good now, crappy later, as evinced by how often I drink.

Since it turns out this is about a couple of recovering alcoholics, I'd say that's not the way to go.

Re: what\'s better?
 

I remember when you first posted about this situation.

I dunno, I think going very very very slow is better than not hanging out with her. Be a friend now, and follow your sponsor's advice about later.

Then again I don't know much about alcoholism.

Re: what\'s better?
 

did I mention she's dating my best guy friend now? He's a player, so I know he's not serious. But yeah, uggh.

Re: what\'s better?
 

Your addict sponsor tells you who you can [censored]? Is this normal? Get a new sponsor.

Re: what\'s better?
 

Plus she would go on and on about her ex back east. Finally I asked her how long they were together. Eight weeks. She surely has some issues to work through.

Re: what\'s better?
 

[ QUOTE ]
did I mention she's dating my best guy friend now? He's a player, so I know he's not serious. But yeah, uggh.

[/ QUOTE ]

Um, that sounds bad. Getting involved with a player who will inevitably dump you a few months later is not a good situation for a recovering alcoholic to be in.

On the bright side dating your friend is a good situation for keeping the friendship existant but not a relationship.

Re: what\'s better?
 

[ QUOTE ]
did I mention she's dating my best guy friend now? He's a player, so I know he's not serious. But yeah, uggh.

[/ QUOTE ]

That means you are "safe". Ugh. Dude, be her friend, nothing more, nothing less. If you can't just be her friend, then maybe you need to explain to her that you have feelings for her and can't be around her if she just wants to be friends.

Of course, since your boy is now hooking up with her, you're in no man's land. I'd not hang out with her, be nice, cordial at the meetings, and that's about it. Ask your friend not to hang out with her and you at the same time if it bothers you.

Dude, you gotta get out and about and meet other women. That's the best course of action, and probably the hardest.

Re: what\'s better?
 

[ QUOTE ]
Dude, you gotta get out and about and meet other women. That's the best course of action, and probably the hardest.

[/ QUOTE ]

Agreed. But what's hard about it?

Re: what\'s better?
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Dude, you gotta get out and about and meet other women. That's the best course of action, and probably the hardest.

[/ QUOTE ]

Agreed. But what's hard about it?

[/ QUOTE ]

I based this off of info El Stranger gave us in previous posts. I believe he said he doesn't get out much.