Re: Having to give it all up for good (long message), advice appreciat
 

Woman are freaks.

Re: Having to give it all up for good (long message), advice appreciat
 

i think its ok for him to feel dedicated to poker in such a way that he wants to either play regularly, or not play at all. we all have compulsions to our own extents, and i feel the same way he does about alot of things. however, its true that the fact poker diminished his love life may be recognized as a problem. i think as long as he knows he is able to quit poker forever, whether he wants to or not, he is not addicted. he is a winning player and therefore his addiction isnt causing any financial problems. the advice many of the posters on this thread should hold true for many addictions other than poker, such as fishing, golfing, working, travelling, etc. there are many things that people feel dedicated to, that make them happy, that their wives would prefer if they spent less time doing. poker should be no different.

Re: Having to give it all up for good (long message), advice appreciated
 

i had a friend who has a very successful business. he and his wife went to counseling because she was ready to leave him. the psychologist after seeing them both seperately and together, explained to the wife that he did not have a gambling problem, and did not get the thrill out of it. that worked for them

however, why not keep it as a hobby. like golf is for most. play a night or 2 a week for several hours, one weekend day. playing poker is a tough life - my brother is a pro.

however, if you really love it, and are certain you do not have a gambling problem, i'd check it out with a professional first, then do what you love. being happy is impt. do not worry about what others think.

Re: Having to give it all up for good (long message), advice appreciated
 

I haven't read all of the other posts, but it seems simple to me.

Find a good woman who accepts your choices, it's not like you have a horse fetish or something, it's North American's new favorite past time.

Don't doctors get all the chicks anyway? [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

Re: Having to give it all up for good (long message), advice appreciated
 

Hey Mizzles.

First, I'd like to commend you on your openness with your situation, and more importantly being honest with yourself.

Now, I see alot of controversy over the following part of your post:

[ QUOTE ]
One big problem is that for me it’s either all or none. I’m either in or I’m out. I’m either full on or rather not play at all.

[/ QUOTE ]

Interestingly I share this same "feeling" when it comes to pretty much anything in my life. I am an extremist with my hobbies and either am 100% into them or hardly to not into them at all. I don't believe in doing anything half assed, and strive to be the best I can be at everything I do. Poker is no different, so I take it seriously just as I take "fun" things such as my other hobbies just as seriously. Some people say it detracts from the fun, but winning/success is my reward, although the experience is equally important. But experiencing for the sake of experiencing is insufficient for my own "goals" almost regardless of the medium.

So, some are seeing that as a "problem" or an "addiction", whereas I view it as "dedication to excellence". Granted I am not the "best" at anything I do, and more times that not merely average, but giving it my all and being 100% "into it" and getting positive results is what is rewarding to me.

I am not sure if that is what you intended in the meaning of what you posted or not, but I think (at least from my own interpretation) it is not quite as simple as scratching the surface of your words.

As far as your now ex-wife, I'm sorry for that experience. It is unclear as to why she reacted the way she did to your playing poker, but be sure of one thing...it was merely a scapegoat for her affair. And if was a "reason", it is a weak one as divorce is always an option before having an affair. I'm guessing either she had bad experiences in her family with gambling or somewhere in your marriage gambling negative effected your marriage's finanicial, mental, and/or emotional stability. I am not sure which, or if either is the case, but only one is moot in respect to this discussion.

If you have a problem with playing poker to a point where you cannot live without it, i.e. cannot function without playing poker for money, then you may indeed have a problem. Also, if poker is impacting your life and profession such that your life and/or other people's lives in your hands are at stake, then again you may indeed have a problem. And as others have mentioned, professional counseling is your best route to resolve those issues.

But that is not what I took away from your post, I saw it more as a dedication and enjoyment in pursuing a mastery of the game, and you are indicating you are a winning player as well. Perhaps early on, as was the case with most all of us, poker was addicting and you were entranced with playing incredible amounts of hours because the game is new, and you were excited about playing it, learning it, understanding it, and excelling at it. It is also not abnormal for college students to abandon their college duties for other activities (mostly drinking/partying/sex). Poker and gaming for ungodly amounts of hours are probably not too distant from the previous three.

So now on to the future. The next significant other in your life should support you in the things you do (poker being one of many things in your life), not alienate you for them. As far as time, age, etc, I understand...time is extremely valueable to me, and often times I have to step away from it all and reassess my place and path in life. In doing that, you will see whether or not you are reaching the levels in life you desire, and if not adjustments should be made. But more times than not, adjustments are rushed and made in haste, so just relax and let life unfold. Eventually things come together and equalize themselves. In fact, despite what you may feel right now, they are nearly equalized in the long run of life. Everything you are experiencing day to day is just a speed bump in the long road of life. Just cruise along and enjoy the scenery, there are alot of sights to see and enjoy between now and your final destination.

Good luck man, hang in there...things will work out just fine over time! [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

Re: Having to give it all up for good (long message), advice appreciated
 

Just tell anyone you become serious with about poker. If she's cool, she'll understand. You don't drop all of the things you love for someone. That just breeds resentment.

edit - oh yeah, if this was in the psychology forum, you may get more responses there.

Re: Having to give it all up for good (long message), advice appreciat
 

Our stories sound very similar. I am a 35. My wife hates poker. I have my own small law office, I take a few clients a month. Nothing like before when I was working 6 days a week. For the past year, I made more money from poker than law. My goal is to give up the office, but I am struggling to win a small bet per hour, so unless I improve, I am not sure.

Playing poker professionally is my dream. When you chase a dream, you are going to run into people who want to "save you" from your dream. These people, your friends and family, mean well. But for me, life is all about chasing your dream. Its my life, and it seems like a short life at that.

When I started chasing my dream, I was a slave to my dream. I wanted to succeed so bad. I still want to succeed, but I am trying to make the actual pursuit the goal. I read that once you start living your dream you really start living. So I am living, but I can't say the poker life is that great. My marriage is not good. I don't blame her, from a woman's perspective, she married a hard working lawyer, not a card player! I can see myself giving up poker down the road, and finding something else to go for. Perhaps something more noble than poker. I had some happy moments at law, but mostly it was for the money and killing me. So if nothing else, I learned that its vital to find your dream and go for it. Don't hurt others with your chase, but don't concern yourself so much with it either.

I understand the desire to give poker your all. I am not sure if it is healthy, but that is what it is. Good luck, bro.

Re: Having to give it all up for good (long message), advice appreciat
 

[ QUOTE ]
Don't doctors get all the chicks anyway?

[/ QUOTE ]

Clearly this is a rhetorical question but since you asked...the answer is yes, yes they do.

I mean, no, only the one that counts. (wife reading this thread over my shoulder)

Re: Having to give it all up for good (long message), advice appreciated
 

"But I will get married again at some point, I’m 34 and don’t want to wait too much longer. So what then? I’m faced with the reality of probably having to give it all up."

no. marry someone who's sane because your first wife was most certainly not.

Re: Having to give it all up for good (long message), advice appreciat
 

[ QUOTE ]
dont listen to lilfeller, just because you want to either be dedicated to poker or quit entirely does not mean you need help at all

[/ QUOTE ]

There is a difference between being dedicated to making yourself the best player you can be, and needing to focus all of your energy on poker. He said he had to go to med school over seas, because the temptation of poker caused him to bomb his first 4 years of college. At any rate, I'm not a medical professional, but I have plenty of experience with compulsive behavior, and his description of himself fits the mold. We're all entitled to our opinions, feel free to disagree.

lf

EDIT:: After reading the other posts, it is obvious that I am not alone on my opinion.