Re: Shutting up the Table Coach
 

Hi Drew,

Try these:

* "Sprechen Sie Deutsch?"

* "You can't make a purse from a banana." (Let him figure out what it means.)

* "You should get that mole looked at."

* "I'm sorry. My dog peed on my shoes this morning."

* "I am a jelly donut." If he asks where the hell that came from, tell him you're quoting John F. Kennedy.

* "I misunderestimated you."

* "Nine out of ten women surveyed would choose Dr. David's solution."

* "Why are there no mosquitoes in Hawaii?" (There aren't, or so I'm told.)

* "Remember those hot summer nights when you were a kid and you used to slip a hand under the pillow to see if the bottom side was cooler, then flip the pillow over? Why not just put your head under the pillow where it's always cool?"

Cris

Re: Shutting up the Table Coach
 

FU F <return> A <return> G <return>

Re: Shutting up the Table Coach
 

"May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits."

Re: Shutting up the Table Coach
 

"Dealer, please push my girlfriend over there the second place pot."

NT

Re: Shutting up the Table Coach
 

On a related theme, I recently read 'Evolution of a Poker Player' by Steven James. There's a great bit in it where one of the good guys puts down the local know it all pro:

The pro calls him a "pussy" for not betting on the end when he had the best hand.

Good guy responds, "Well, you know, you are what you eat."

Everyone laughs.

Good guy continues, "Which must make you a dick."

Re: Shutting up the Table Coach
 

Diablo has a good line. He'll river someone and catch his flush, FH or whatever. Victim will say some derogatory comment like "nice river".

His response. "I flopped the full house!"
Sets the dude off, "You rivered the full house moron!"
Diablo repeat. I flopped the full house!

Amazing he still gets action. [img]/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img]


My personal favorite is I just tell them they can drop to their knees to earn some of the money back. [img]/images/graemlins/smirk.gif[/img]

Bunky's bad, real bad.

Re: Shutting up the Table Coach
 

how about...

Hold on, say all that over again, and go REALLY REALLY slow, I'm writing it all down now.

Wow! You are really a Super-Genius! I'd like to subscribe to your newsletter!

Hey, thanks so much for being the self-appointed table captain. Without your guidance and wizdum, this game would have surely broken up hours ago.

When was the last time someone told you to shut the hell up?

Better to be silent and thought a fool than open your mouth and remove all doubt.

Hey, if I cared what you thought, I would have already sent you an email.

If you need something to help you keep your big mouth shut, you can borrow one of my gym socks.

Your advanced strategic knowledge is beyond the scope of this discussion, why don't you give a seminar at the WPT?

al

Re: Shutting up the Table Coach
 

Microers posit:

"I like to gambool" (pronounce the o's)

"they were sooted" (runner-runner flush)

"poker is easy" (when you take a monster pot)

I like "Shh...i'm stacking your chips".

But i really prefer them to keep telling me EXACTLY how they play, so i rarely use them.

Regards,
Pete Harris

Re: Shutting up the Table Coach
 

These are from my spouse:

"It's a privilege to take your money"

(Tossing him a chip) "Can you grab me a coke on your way back from the ATM?" [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

Re: Shutting up the Table Coach
 

My wife caught a flush on the river to be a guys AA in the hole. He started bitching about how he deserved the pot and going on and on about how she should have never seen the flop. My wife looks right at him and asks...

"Did you think we were playing 2 card stud?"

everyone at the table had a good laugh....