View Full Version : Unintentional Humor From the Archives: The Newbie Chronicles

12-19-2005, 03:59 AM
The 2+2 archives are loaded with extraordinary information. Posters long gone provide analysis that is just as good, and often better, than today's best posters.

There are also strange stories in the archives. One of the strangest is that of a poster named mdlm. I would eventually learn that mdlm was an old aquaintance of mine by the name of Michael de la Maza, a person who has made a small name for himself in the chess world for developing a system to help hobby players improve their play.

In the fall of 2002, Michael started posting on 2+2 with the intention of developing a poker system to become a semi-pro. He provided updates weekly on his progress. Here are the threads he started.

The Newbie Chronicles: The Road to Semi-Pro (http://archiveserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=0&Board=begin&Number=154590&S earchpage=1&Main=154590&Words=+mdlm&topic=&Search= true#Post154590)

2 The Newbie Chronicles: ABC Poker Strategy (http://archiveserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=0&Board=begin&Number=157256&S earchpage=1&Main=157256&Words=+mdlm&topic=&Search= true#Post157256)

3 The Newbie Chronicles: Winning Money, Not Pots (http://archiveserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=0&Board=begin&Number=159539&S earchpage=1&Main=159539&Words=+mdlm&topic=&Search= true#Post159539)

4 The Newbie Chronicles: Genetics and Poker (http://archiveserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=0&Board=begin&Number=162624&S earchpage=1&Main=162624&Words=+mdlm&topic=&Search= true#Post162624)

5 The Newbie Chronicles: Thinking vs. Practicing (http://archiveserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=0&Board=begin&Number=165911&S earchpage=1&Main=165911&Words=+mdlm&topic=&Search= true#Post165911)

6 The Newbie Chronicles: ONe down, three to go (http://archiveserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=0&Board=begin&Number=168965&S earchpage=1&Main=168965&Words=+mdlm&topic=&Search= true#Post168965)

7 The Newbie Chronicles: Jones Is It (http://archiveserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=0&Board=begin&Number=171659&S earchpage=1&Main=171659&Words=+mdlm&topic=&Search= true#Post171659)

8 The Newbie Chronicles: Masque WSOP Champion (http://archiveserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=0&Board=begin&Number=175286&S earchpage=1&Main=175286&Words=+mdlm&topic=&Search= true#Post175286)

9 The Newbie Chronicles: PokerPages Tournament Analysis (http://archiveserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=0&Board=begin&Number=178697&S earchpage=1&Main=178697&Words=+mdlm&topic=&Search= true#Post178697)

10 The Newbie Chronicles: Determining Truth in Poker (http://archiveserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=0&Board=begin&Number=181610&S earchpage=1&Main=181610&Words=+mdlm&topic=&Search= true#Post181610)

11 The Newbie Chronicles: Am I Ahead? (http://archiveserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=0&Board=begin&Number=184843&S earchpage=1&Main=184843&Words=+mdlm&topic=&Search= true#Post184843)

12 The Newbie Chronicles: Internet Promos (http://archiveserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=0&Board=begin&Number=187346&S earchpage=1&Main=187346&Words=+mdlm&topic=&Search= true#Post187346)

13 The Newbie Chronicles: Raising for Information (http://archiveserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=0&Board=begin&Number=189739&S earchpage=1&Main=189739&Words=+mdlm&topic=&Search= true#Post189739)

14 The Newbie Chronicles: Mid-term Quiz (http://archiveserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=0&Board=begin&Number=191105&S earchpage=1&Main=191105&Words=+mdlm&topic=&Search= true#Post191105)

15 The Newbie Chronicles: Three Hands (http://archiveserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=0&Board=begin&Number=193439&S earchpage=1&Main=193439&Words=+mdlm&topic=&Search= true#Post193439)

16 The Newbie Chronicles: Softcore Grifting:- Food (http://archiveserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=0&Board=begin&Number=196614&S earchpage=1&Main=196614&Words=+mdlm&topic=&Search= true#Post196614)

17 The Newbie Chronicles: Going All-In (http://archiveserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=0&Board=begin&Number=199582&S earchpage=1&Main=199582&Words=+mdlm&topic=&Search= true#Post199582)

18 The Newbie Chronicles: JTG51 vs. Jones (http://archiveserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=0&Board=begin&Number=202456&S earchpage=1&Main=202456&Words=+mdlm&topic=&Search= true#Post202456)

19 The Newbie Chronicles: Mason's Favorite Books (http://archiveserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=0&Board=begin&Number=205143&S earchpage=1&Main=205143&Words=+mdlm&topic=&Search= true#Post205143[/url)

20 The Newbie Chronicles: Dynasty+Clarkmeister in Vegas (http://archiveserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=0&Board=begin&Number=208484&S earchpage=1&Main=208484&Words=+mdlm&topic=&Search= true#Post208484)

An interesting side converstaion started in this thread. It's a piece of 2+2 history now:

Ed Miller (to Clarkmeister): I'm currently at a bit of a crossroads... I'm sick of drab, dreary Seattle and my dull software job. I'd love to be able to quit and move to Vegas and just play poker... but I doubt I could make more than $30K/year even if I played long long hours at this point.

21 The Newbie Chronicles: Is Randomness Intrinsically Good? (http://archiveserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=0&Board=begin&Number=212607&S earchpage=1&Main=212607&Words=+mdlm&topic=&Search= true#Post212607)

22 The Newbie Chronicles: Turbo Texas Hold 'Em (http://archiveserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=0&Board=begin&Number=216806&S earchpage=1&Main=216806&Words=+mdlm&topic=&Search= true#Post216806)

23 The Newbie Chronicles: Top Poker's Amazing Aggressiveness (http://archiveserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=0&Board=begin&Number=220351&S earchpage=1&Main=220351&Words=+mdlm&topic=&Search= true#Post220351)

24 The Newbie Chronicles: Quantitative Self-tests (http://archiveserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=0&Board=begin&Number=223960&S earchpage=1&Main=223960&Words=+mdlm&topic=&Search= true#Post223960)

25 The Newbie Chronicles: The Old RGP (http://archiveserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=0&Board=begin&Number=227645&S earchpage=1&Main=227645&Words=+mdlm&topic=&Search= true#Post227645)

26 The Newbie Chronicles: The Fat Lady Sings (http://archiveserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=0&Board=begin&Number=230957&S earchpage=1&Main=230957&Words=+mdlm&topic=&Search= true#Post230957)

As far as I know, Michael never posted on 2+2 again.

12-19-2005, 06:06 AM
Hahaha good ol Vehn was even bitter 4 years ago.

I figured he snapped when I started lurking.

12-19-2005, 07:53 AM
how the hell did I miss this guy -

Well, I was drinking a lot back then...nevermind.

Very cool - thanks, Dynasty.


12-19-2005, 10:40 AM
Angelina Fekali says that she invented an older brother, Izmet Fekali, because in her country women are not respected. She also says that she traveled with her father to Las Vegas, met David Sklansky, and then fell in love with him. She also says that she met Michael “Abdul” Hall and is “sorry to bring some pain into [his wife’s] life.”

[/ QUOTE ]

From Episode 10 (http://archiveserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=0&Board=begin&Number=181610&S earchpage=1&Main=181610&Words=+mdlm&topic=&Search= true#Post181610)

Woah WTF, this is new to me, and brings some new light on the Ljubljana Conspiracy. Did everyone know this?

12-19-2005, 04:52 PM
I totally forgot about this guy. Oh man, this was funny stuff.

Clarkmeister responds to mdlm's last post: "LOL, dude quit after never playing." Classic.

12-19-2005, 05:30 PM
My best internet sleuthing, evah!!! (http://archiveserver.twoplustwo.com/showflat.php?Cat=0&Board=begin&Number=191570&Searc hpage=1&Main=191570&Words=%26quot%3Bsome+questions +on+origin%26quot%3B&topic=&Search=true#Post191570 )

Army Eye
12-19-2005, 06:23 PM
My god, these posts are so funny. It is astonishing how much time he wastes (seems like several hundred hours, at least) on the silliest, most pointless exercises, and then on top of that, he throws it all away and quits when he doesn't meet some completely arbitrary goal. It's almost tragic, but, anybody who is that stubborn deserves the wasted time.

And that chapter on free food!!! If there is ever a 2+2 forum Hall of Fame, that post has GOT to be in there.

So the guy went on to came up with a 'system' for chess too. Fantastic. I can see it now..

The Foolproof Way to Become a Chess Pro, by mdlm, PHASE ONE:

1. Solve twenty retrograde analysis problems in one calendar month
2. Find three typographical errors or ink smudges in MCO-14
3. Defeat the computer at the lowest difficulty settings in Reversi for Windows
4. Profit!

12-19-2005, 06:30 PM

The Foolproof Way to Become a Chess Pro, by mdlm, PHASE ONE:

1. Solve twenty retrograde analysis problems in one calendar month
2. Find three typographical errors or ink smudges in MCO-14
3. Defeat the computer at the lowest difficulty settings in Reversi for Windows
4. Profit!

[/ QUOTE ]

Why don't you just read his book, instead?


12-19-2005, 11:21 PM
For the impatient, here are a few highlights:

/images/graemlins/diamond.gif Ouch:

....unless you are one of those bone-heads that automatically checks an obvious best one pair on the river. --Louie Landale

/images/graemlins/diamond.gif Yeah, right:

Oh good, I was afraid I might be a bonehead --BruceZ

/images/graemlins/diamond.gif The following quotes are not representative-- it's surprising how many earnest responses he got.

I have to admire your percistancy in ignoring advice from very reputable people. I guess there is some merrit in sticking to a plan, nomatter how [censored] it might be. --Rigolleto

Why is anyone still paying attention to this guy? --Vehn

I will be frank and say that you show a very disappointing lack of understanding of some basic
fundamentals and logic after six months of study. D-. --Ullyses

/images/graemlins/diamond.gif Who would have guessed?

In person, Dynasty and Clarkmeister are just like they are on 2+2. Dynasty says little and is very blunt. Clarkmeister is more expansive. Both are friendly. --mdlm

/images/graemlins/diamond.gif In-person instruction for these prices? Is this deal still available?

This past week I spent $10 buying Dynasty a steak. I have spent a total of $476.43 out of my $1000 budget. --mdlm

A $10 steak is called a hamburger.

Give me some credit for ordering a half-decent meal. It was a $19 steak dinner. That's nothing extraordinary but a $19 steak sounds about ten times better than a $10 steak. --Dynasty

Dentist asks if Dynasty and Clarkmeister are legends. Clarkmeister gave a very modest reply. Dynasty
is definitely a member of Sklansky's 500 Club (see Sklansky's essay "Pros Versus Wannabes" in the Essays
section on this site) or at least he was until he decided to hang out with Clarkmeister and play LL poker. Clarkmeister would be a member of the 500 Club if he took poker seriously. --mdlm

/images/graemlins/diamond.gif Ed counts outs, and he's not happy:

IMO, folding in this situation is a horrible play....

Bottom line, mdlm, is that playing aggressively (here and in other situations) forces your opponents to make a hand or fold. Yes.. you are behind AT... but is AT really going to call you down when you raise preflop, raise the K-high flop, bet the turn, and bet the river? Because the answer is a resounding no for the large majority of opponents... are you really behind here? He will view himself as probably behind to a K... possibly AK... and be counting his outs. And he won't like them.

/images/graemlins/spade.gif The tragic ending:

And congratulations to everyone who has beaten poker. It sure is a tough thing to do.

Thanks to all and to all a good night!

mdlm, The Newbie

12-20-2005, 12:01 AM
This is the most amazing post since Dynasty's Three Years in Vegas. What makes both so wonderful, is that they are so honestly real. Or at least I believe this guy was real. His story about eating bags of day old cookies while in germany so he could meet a self imposed $50 a month food budget described his personality so perfectly it can't be fiction. Can it?

I lay even odds this fellow is suffering from a severe compulsive personality disorder right now. He's tying his shoelaces three times before he leaves the house and refuses to step on cracks in sidewalks. If you shake his hand, he rushes to the restroom to wash it, but then can't get out again when he realises he's going to have to touch the door knob. Maybe never playing poker was the smart thing for him...

12-20-2005, 04:28 AM
un f'ing real

thx Dynasty

Army Eye
12-20-2005, 07:01 AM

Why don't you just read his book, instead?

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't think I'll be reading it, but, I did look up its page on Amazon. The foundation of the book seems to be that studying tactics are the way for a weak player to improve. This is pretty much common knowledge, but, hey it's certainly better than his poker regimen.

Gunny Highway
12-20-2005, 09:59 AM
Thanks, Dynasty.

12-20-2005, 12:52 PM
I love that guy who posts anonomously in order to not give away his poker alias.

12-20-2005, 02:39 PM
I'm getting frustrated all over again... /images/graemlins/mad.gif /images/graemlins/mad.gif /images/graemlins/mad.gif

12-20-2005, 03:30 PM
I figure enough "thanks" have been thrown into this thread, but, whatever, thanks for spotlighting this hilarious (unintentional or otherwise) series of posts.

Hopefully more will do this in the future as I'm sure there are some gems from yesteryear many of us have missed.

Barron Vangor Toth

12-20-2005, 05:52 PM
Finally, I’ve noticed that poor food has recently become much cheaper. Both McDonald’s and Burger King now have a dollar menu. I have tried McDonald’s Big ‘n Tasty, a hamburger which is neither big nor tasty but does cost only one dollar and it does have quite a few calories. The cheapest food I have found is Maruchan Noodles which, when purchased in packages of twelve, costs only eighteen cents per package.

Using these techniques just about everyone can drastically reduce their food costs. I look forward to your comments.

[/ QUOTE ]

Love this.

12-20-2005, 08:03 PM
I hope he doesn't use this approach on girls...

I can see it now......

After reading 5 books about women and trying to pickup on hot chicks in my "Sims" game, I have been successful, but since there's this one chick on the game that turned me down, I will no longer pursue women.... or play poker....

[/ QUOTE ]

Another gem.

12-21-2005, 02:08 PM
Funny, I was just going through the archives, wondering what happened to a few of the players. It's kind of neat seeing us casual .5/1 players in 2000, aspiring to much higher levels. I remember playing with Vehn, DavidRoss, Cored, and SocietyRed in those days. And I rememver David whining about the dumb moves players were making -- "how can u raise with a group 7 hand UTG". I loved playing with David at the time.

I must thank you for all the great advice over the years, as well as all the other posters who had/have great advice -- Bernie and Clarkmeister come to mind.


12-21-2005, 03:55 PM
This is the most amazing post since Dynasty's Three Years in Vegas.

[/ QUOTE ]

By any chance do you have the link handy?

12-21-2005, 07:49 PM
This is the most amazing post since Dynasty's Three Years in Vegas.

[/ QUOTE ]

By any chance do you have the link handy?

[/ QUOTE ]

Three Years in Las Vegas (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=0&Number=675552&an=&page=0&vc =1)

12-22-2005, 02:43 AM
are you still a pro poker player?

12-22-2005, 10:48 AM
This is the most amazing post since Dynasty's Three Years in Vegas.

[/ QUOTE ]

By any chance do you have the link handy?

[/ QUOTE ]

Three Years in Las Vegas (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=0&Number=675552&an=&page=0&vc =1)

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks, it's a great story.