View Full Version : Under Dogs

02-12-2003, 01:54 AM
I watched the dog show today on TV.

What is that? It's like a beauty contest for dogs.

They're dogs.

What exactly is the judge doing when she feels up the dogs?It looks like a medical exam. I was hoping one of them would bite off one of her fingers or two. Now that would be fun. I half expected her to pull out a rubber glove and administer the dreaded digital rectal exam. (No doubt she would have cried out "magnificent" at some point, as one of my doctors once did. I switched physicians when I noticed him drawing little cupids and valentines onto my medical records.)

Then they lift these poor creatures by their head hair and tail and place them delicately on the floor, with all the care and attention one would give a rare and valuable Ming vase, where they are expected to walk like Eliza Doolittle after being transformed by Professor Higgins. A few dogs were described as having "manes." I was waiting for one of them to recite "The rain in Spain stays manely on the plane."

At the end, the tension builds to an almost unbearable level when the judge walks around the room and gives the dogs a few last looks. What could she have missed the first time around? Did one of them remind her of Clark Gable and she just wanted to confirm that he didn't give a damn, my dear? Be thankful none have had an accident to that point and hurry up, that's what I would do.

The suits that walk the dogs around are called handlers. I noticed some of them carry combs or brushes for last minute primping. With all due respect, a few could have used the grooming implements on themselves rather than the animals. And more tailored suits.

The announcer was quite informative. For example, we were notified that the Chinese wanted to kill their Pekingnese rather than allow Europeans to misuse them. They obviously were unsuccessful. I would love to see them have a second chance.

Where is PETA when you need them?

For all the exciting details:


Rick Nebiolo
02-12-2003, 02:28 AM
"Where is PETA when you need them?"

I heard they were busy making sure cockroaches were treated humanely on some movie set /forums/images/icons/tongue.gif

~ Rick

Billy LTL
02-12-2003, 04:13 AM
No mention of the winner Andy?


Fine looking specimen. My sister used to be into dog shows. I've got a bit of talent with a camera so she asked me to come along and snap her beloved Sir Felix in an event many years ago. Okay sis, anything for you dear.

I took my top of the line (at the time) motor-driven FM2, an assortment of lenses, and a Nikon flash. As soon as I began to shoot Sir Felix I began to be approached by other dog owners.

"Ahem, would you mind taking a picture of Blizzard?"

"Well, I kind of do this for a living ma'am."

"Of course, of course. How much would you charge?"

"$200 for an 8X10 black and white print."

Done. I made $1400 that day, shooting dogs jumping over this little barrier. A fortune at that time.

I did ask my sister not to tell any of my pals, though.

John Cole
02-12-2003, 05:40 AM

I've been watching Westminster for years now, and, okay, shoot me, but I like it. As a bonus, Joe Garagiola no longer does the color commentary. I like that dogs don't have agents, they don't talk, they don't all play the stupor-inducing West Coast offense, they pretty much do what they're told (that is, they're coachable), they actually enjoy winning, they like to compete, they rarely get arrested for banging their girlfriends around, they don't have one named Allen Iverson, and they pretty much go about their doggy lives doing doggy stuff.

So, the owners and the handlers may be a bit on the strange side, but I try to disregard them, in much the same fashion as I try to disregard Raiders fans--or Patriot fans for that matter.

You're right, they're dogs. That's the best part.


02-12-2003, 01:45 PM
You make some good points (as usual). Maybe what makes us dog lovers is exposure to the Garagiolas, Iversons and Bin Ladens of the world that give people a bad name.

I just don't understand what they're judging. If they jumped through hoops or did stupid dog tricks, there'd be some entertainment value. Some of those minature dogs yesterday looked like porcupines or some mutant Martian creature to me.

My tongue-in-cheekiness notwithstanding, I find dogloving a bit strange. I was once waiting for my son to come out of school when a woman came out to walk her dog. The dog took a dump on the neighbor's lawn (which the woman did clean up) and she told the dog, "Oh, what a good boy you are, I'm so proud of you." Well, hell, I could have taken a dump on the neighbor's lawn, would I have been a good boy for soiling someone else's property? Exactly what was the laudable achievement here that generated such pride?

When I had a dog, I really hated picking up the poop. I mean, if aliens come to earth and they see one species taking a dump and another one picking it up, who are they going to think is in charge?

02-12-2003, 02:07 PM
"I just don't understand what they're judging"

They are judging conformation. There are accepted standards for height, weight, proportion, etc. The announcer listed the key criteria when introducing each new breed of dog.

02-12-2003, 02:31 PM
Hilarious movie about dog shows, and, supposedly, pretty true to form.

02-12-2003, 02:45 PM
Well, I don't like dogs except for mine. You need to form an attachment to them. I was a total idiot for getting a dog, but once I had him, I was totally attached to him and putting him down recently was horrible. Now that the neighbor's dog is taking dumps on our yard because the fence isn't in yet, and a contractor building the house next door lets his dog use our house for a fire hydrant, I hate dogs again. But man I miss my dog. Even though I never lauded him for taking dumps. He had that activity down pat.

P.S. Before getting my dog I had the "Nothing Alive" rule for what came in the house. No pets, live plants, or restaurant leftovers made it in. Fake plants only. I stupidly broke the rule by getting a dog, but might go back to the rule.

P.P.S. I caught HDPW looking at puppies on the internet.

Ray Zee
02-13-2003, 12:50 AM
andy, why on earth would you go around picking up dog [censored]. no wonder you have your priorites all screwed up.