That's not a toilet. It's a hole in the floor!

[Gimpy]

Since this former psychology forum has been corrupted by religion, I think it is time to change the subject to something more important.

Apparently some Westerner, after inventing the straight-back chair, decided to add a hole in the seat and call it a toilet. I thought this technology had progressed rapidly around the world until I traveled to Iraq. Like many of you, that’s all I had ever used other than on a construction site port-o-let or during a camping and hunting trip.

<font color="red">Squat Toilet. </font> They’re the original toilet, invented by some unknown genius thousands of years ago, when he dug a hole, and then squatted over it. It’s the way most people have been going ever since.

As long as you restrict yourself to upscale western-style hotels, you may never see a squat toilet. But what's the fun of that? You can get the same experience at Disney World or New Orleans. If you venture off in Iraq, be ready to greet squat toilets with a spirit of adventure. For the most part I was doing a good job avoiding squat toilets. Almost all hotels and US military camps have Western flushers. The exception came in a desert military installation during a six-hour convoy across the dry moon–scape of Iraq. The curie-spiced roast lamb and MRE’s were kicking in full gear and it was my chance to participate in a new cultural experience.

You look down and see a hole in the floor. A white porcelain plate surrounds the hole, with two slightly raised footprints, about two inches over the floor-level drainage area, facing away from the wall. You have to back into it. Be careful. You might lose your balance and fall into [censored], or you might touch something you don’t want to touch. You stand on the footprints, pull down your pants, and squat, trying to line up the relevant holes. It’s even more challenging when you’ve done a mad dash from the back seat of a dusty Hummer in full body armor. Adding to the experience, the porcelain plate frequently carries the brand name "American Standard." Strange, that is one American item I have never seen in America.

What kind of facilities should you expect to find as you travel through Iraq? It's best to be prepared for anything. Iraqi military barracks have nothing but squat toilets. Bathrooms with running water frequently have a hose and water jet next to the toilet, which can take the place of toilet paper. Some establishments offer a water hose and no toilet paper. Others have toilet paper and no water jet. Most offer neither: Your only option is to carry your own paper. As a good Boy Scout you must be prepared! Looking around you will spot a nearby pail for used tissue. Use the pail. Iraqi plumbing was not engineered with toilet paper in mind. Anything such as tissue paper or even a match stick will clog the squat toilet. I would also advise against throwing lit match down there.

In a Turkish truck driver’s camp I saw two dirty footprints on the toilet seat, left by someone who really didn’t see the point in sitting.

That’s all for now, Gimpy.

[kalooki45]

[img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]great post! many thanks for the laugh.

I guess I can add a few cents...

In UK, don't ask for the "restroom", or the "bathroom". On the one hand, they think you want to lie down; on the other, they think you want the shower. You can get by OK with "loo", "gent's/ladies'", "WC", or "toilet".

If you have a blow dryer or electric shaver, forget using them in the bathroom. Because of the 220V current, it's strictly a no-no. You'll search fruitlessly for a plug, wasting valuable time that might have been spent FIGURING OUT HOW TO WORK THE SHOWER.

Stepping into a British shower is like being transported onto an alien spacecraft. You're confronted with a maze of menacing metalwork; about 18 knobs, taps, hoses, faucets, and a few things you never identify at all.

You experience a visceral fear: if you turn the wrong knob, will you be blasted into hyperspace, leaving only a pair of dirty socks behind as a clue for future generations?? The clock is ticking, too...it's like the countdown to self-destruct.

This is because the average TEMPERATURE in a British bathroom hovers between 60 and 65F.

As your joints slowly lose mobility and your mind keeps droning, "mussst sleeeep", you bend over to examine one of the simpler looking knobs in a last-ditch search for the word "hot".... and promptly burn your semi-frozen bum on the heated towel rack.

This typically results in an impromptu rendition of Early Man in "2001, A Space Odyssey". My advice is to "go with that feeling". Pick up that Bone, Wrench, Cricket Bat (whatever's handy), and get NEANDERTHAL on that sucker...cause I can tell you right now that
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHICH ONES YOU TURN, YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO GET ANY HOT WATER! [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[sluttysteve]

In China there are squat toilets all over the place.

The best restaurant that I've probably ever been to in my life, one that would get ranked 4 out of 4 stars, with Iron Chef style food and ice sculpted swans and small man-made streams running through the corridors, had squat toilets. Mind-boggling.

I often have trouble pooping on a squat toilet, as I'm always concerned that I'm going to lean back and fall in. Even though the squat toilet is obviously too narrow to be sitting into, it's still a scary thought.

[Sephus]

[ QUOTE ]
Some establishments offer a water hose and no toilet paper. Others have toilet paper and no water jet. Most offer neither: Your only option is to carry your own paper.

[/ QUOTE ]

you realize what you're really supposed to do, right? (hint: there's a reason they don't eat with their left hands in much of the world)

[stigmata]

Squat toilets are very common, even in some developed countries (e.g. france).

In fact it is the natural way to go. It opens everything up much better - once you get used to it, everything just falls out. No consipation or pushing or squeezing. In fact, they are probably better for your intestines.

[miajag81]

Yeah, but I always wonder how the elderly use them. Must be hell on those old joints.

[Blarg]

The elderly in many countries besides our own are incredibly flexible. You ever notice how many fresh off the boat Asians sit? Like the guys from Vietnam and such? Squat right down on their haunches and are as comfy as if they were sitting in a chair. Butt bones almost touching the ground.

Percentage of 25 year olds in America who could comfortably do that for any amount of time? Close enough to zero not to matter.

Heck, here people start complaining about weight problems when they're 17 and bad backs when they're 20. Where I grew up, I literally saw old men climbing coconut trees like they were walking or even sprinting up them. A lot of what we have come to assume is natural about aging and health is just a matter of us having such unbelievably lousy health and taking it for granted that that's the way it is. It's actually not that way at all -- just an unbelievably stupid choice.

[jay1313]

Great post Gimpy! I was a foreign exchange student in Turkey a few years ago and ran into quite a few WC squats. They were hard to get used to and made me glad in a lot of ways that as a guy, the whole world is my urinal [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[RydenStoompala]

China? Iraq? Try rural France! The frogs are still squatting like medieval villagers. Worse, they install "sort of modern" facilities along their highways (which are really nice and fast) and then deliberately fail to maintain them so that the experience is like visitting a fat farm the day after the prune juice festival.

I love the food and wine but the French are 200 years back on the whole toilet thing. At least the Germans could have left behind some plumbing tips.

[kevyk]

[ QUOTE ]
At least the Germans could have left behind some plumbing tips.

[/ QUOTE ]

Germanic toilets are almost as weird. At first glance, they look almost the same as ones in Britain or the US. But the similarity ends there.
In America, most of the bottom of the bowl is underwater. In Holland, Germany, etc, they have only a small drain in the front. The rest of the toilet is a sort of shelf. The result is that you finish up and your...product is sitting there, about 2 inches below where your rear end used to be, looking malignantly up at you. In Holland, no bathroom is without a toilet brush, for obvious reasons.