Can't Make Myself Play Anymore...

[Ozzzz]

I have been playing poker online since the start of December... My goal from the beginning was to play poker for a living. I bought and read and reread several books, and I'm fairly confident I have the skill/ability to make it. I'm a 24 year old college dropout, and i live with my mother and work a crappy 3rd shift job that pays $14/hour. I am completely sick of my routine as it is, and I see no quicker way to get out of it then to play poker 20+ hours a week and at the very least greatly supplement my income, so I can move out of the house (finally)... I've only played 20K hands, and my results so far have been good but not great (slightly over 2BB/100) playing 1/2 (6 max), 2/4, 3/6 and 5/10 (6 max) at Party.

Nevertheless, I've only played one night the last 2 weeks. I simply cannot stand the possibility of losing money. It doesn't matter that I have 500 BB's, I still get pissed off when I lose $100 playing 3/6. When I drop down limits I play carelessly, and I tend to lose money and then move up in order to get it back without grinding it out. When I get ahead, I quit. If I start playing again, and start of losing, I will play the rest of the night until I can get back to even. I KNOW I have many bad habits when it comes to poker and managing my bankroll. I've managed to win $2K so far... almost the same amount I made "working" all that time.

I can say with maybe 90% confidence that I have what it takes ability-wise to make poker very profitable for me. I just don't think I have what it takes to handle the psychological swings.

The catch is, if I quit poker, I resign myself to working at a crappy, go nowhere job where my superiors have absolutely no idea what they are doing. I do not like that option.

So lately I've just been stalling... I don't want to officially quit poker nor do I want to commit myself to playing. If I quit, I figure now is a good time so at least I can say I won some money and use it to buy a new car (my car was stolen a week ago while at work, and found totaled a couple days later). Playing occasionally isn't really an option for me...

I also see a shrink (have been since I was 14) and realize I have psychological problems (I am mildly autistic according to my pyschiatrist). Poker probably isn't for me, but grinding out a routine job most certainly isn't either.

Not sure what the point of this was. I guess I'd like to be able to start playing poker again, even though at this point it doesn't seem like a good idea.

[mosquito]

Best of luck to you, whatever you do.

Since you are seeing a shrink, you are aware that you
have 'issues'. Playing poker may not be good for you
right now, but none of us here can really say.

Suggest you bring it up with your Counsellor? Of course
you know that you are far from being into the long run
at poker, and there is some chance that you are not a
winning player. Even though you probably are.

Again, all the best.

[Harv72b]

I'm no psychiatrist, but I recognize this behavior from past experience. You want to be able to say to yourself that you have this way to escape your current station in life, but you're afraid to really give it your best shot because you might fail, and then what have you got left? It's not at all unlike people who can barely afford the rent, yet will spend $50 a week on lotto & scratch off tickets hoping to hit that one big jackpot that'll change everything.

I'm not trying to sound snide or anything, but as someone who has walked down the road you're traveling right now, you would probably be much better off taking that $2,000 you've won and investing it in tuition at a local junior college.

As far as actually making a good living off of poker, remember this: You and I and most of the people who frequent these forums are already in the minority among poker players. We win more money than we lose. I obviously don't have exact numbers, but I think it's safe to assume that somewhere in the vicinity of 0.1% of all winning players have what it takes mentally, emotionally, and skill-wise to actually make a comfortable living just by playing poker. Or somewhere in the ballpark of the odds of a random high school football player going on to an NFL career.

I'm glad to see that you're taking steps besides poker to better yourself, and I hope that everything you're doing does work out for you. If I could make one suggestion, and perhaps you've heard this before, you might want to consider trying some freelance writing work. I know this is just a random post on a web forum, but you write very well.

[peachy]

Bottom line...if ur already seeing a psychatrist and r recognizing u have a problem with the mental side of poker then thats a good indication for u to stop playin for now or play at lower limits until u learn to control the mental side of ur poker. Autism is shroaded by routine, and if u have a mild case then this shouldnt impead on u too much. Although, some people in psychology r complete morons and if they say a mild case there is a chance u dont have it at all but they r mentally handicapping u makin u THINK u do. Foremost, i wouldnt look to poker as ur "way out" of ur life as is. In a way ur looking for a quick easy way out of ur situation, and ur situation is not one that can be solved by the quick and easy way...the simple route can only hurt u and put u back to square one. If u dont like ur job ur in now...look around at how u can get into a field u enjoy...if it requires schooling...take out loans, dont look to "gambling" as an answer, unless u can overcome ur mental issue with it poker is just going to dig u into a deeper darker hole

[Derek in NYC]

The good news is you are only 24. Your life will take many turns, and I promise you that in 5 years you will be doing something totally unexpected. This is 100% true.

I do not want to sound mean, but I will be candid. You feel like a loser because you have failed at most of the things you have tried this far in life. You live at home with your mother (perhaps your friends do not), you have little money, you have a crappy job, and you dropped out of college.

Only you have the ability to change this. If you believe that professional poker is the way to go, then I encourage you to give it a shot. You are young enough that none of your mistakes are irrevocable. If in 6 months you are not making progress, then stop and reevaluate.

On the practical side, your poker sounds undisciplined, and you need to tighten up your game. The fact that you play everything from 1/2 (6 max) to 5/10 (6 max) tells me that you are just screwing around and trying for a big hit. If you want to turn pro, you need to grind and conquer a limit before moving up.

Another issue for you is bankroll management. You need to avoid the "risk of ruin" and make sure that you do not play outside your bankroll. I recommend 1000 BBs before even thinking about moving up. Ideally, you'd have 1000 BBs plus 6 months living expenses before you could consider turning pro.

Finally, don't make "moving out of the house" your first priority. The last thing you need, if you're trying to get the scratch for a bankroll, is more financial pressure. If your mom is kind enough to let you live at home, take advantage of that, and save your money--you will need it for those -200 BB downswings.

Bottom line:

1. On the poker thing, go for it! You are young. But treat it like a job, please.

2. Seriously re-evaluate your game and make sure you are playing a disciplined, grinding game. (I find multitabling an excellent way to stay tight aggressive.)

3. Don't create unnecessary external financial pressures like moving out from your mom's house. Instead, think of it as free rent and a headstart in building a bankroll.

[Al Schoonmaker]

The most intelligent thing you can do is go back to college.
Just read what you've written. You have clearly stated that you can't handle the psychological swings, but they are an ABSOLUTELY INESCAPABLE part of poker. If you can't handle them, you have no chance at all to succeed as a pro. So get the education you need to succeed at something else.
Regards,
Al

[revots33]

I can relate to what you are going through. I actually have a pretty good job that I enjoy (well, most of the time). But I don't make a lot of money. When I saw all these college kids (and my college days are long gone) on tv, or on 2+2, raking in hundreds of thousands of dollars playing poker, I began to see poker as my ticket to a more comfortable existence. I had played poker as a hobby (and done quite well) for many years, but now I began to think about poker as a part-time job, with thoughts of going full-time one day.

Well from the moment I started thinking of it like a job and not a pasttime, my play deteriorated. I was putting too much pressure on myself. I got very mad when I lost - not because my bankroll couldn't afford it, but because it made me think "who am I kidding, I'll never be a pro".

Once I decided to focus more on other areas of my life, and treat poker as a fun (and profitable) hobby, my play improved. True, I'm not getting mega-rich or quitting my day job. But I've been able to buy myself and my wife some nice extras with my poker winnings, and I enjoy playing much more than I used to.

I'm not saying you can't or shouldn't try to make it as a pro. But you can't underestimate how tough the swings can be psychologically. It looks easy on tv, but I don't think I have the personality to make poker my living - even if I was good enough (which I'm probably not, but that's another story).

There are many, many ways to improve your life and your situation and make more money. You are young. It isn't "poker or nothing". Best of luck to you.

[siriusradio]

Post deleted by Mat Sklansky

[Yeti]

Ignore the idiot.

[mcozzy1]

[ QUOTE ]
am mildly autistic according to my pyschiatrist

[/ QUOTE ]

In all seriousness, mild autism is overdiagnosed (along with adult ADD). Don't put that label on yourself just because someone else did.