can you cheat and still have an intimate relationship? - Page 2

DcifrThs · #11 04-02-2005, 05:47 PM

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the banged her best friend post sparked this. I don't understand how people can cheat on there girlfriend/fiance/wife whom they claim to really care about. I mean, how can you look this person in the eye after you have lied and decieved them? All trust is shattered. It's one thing if it is just a sexual relationship with no real feelings involved (though i don't think i would cheat here, dunno really), but if you really care about someone, wouldn't cheating ruin your entire relationship? especially if you haven't told her.

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polyamorous relationships exist and are successful. jealousy for the one you love is probably the most difficult to deal with but its very possible...monogomy is one way to live. and within THAT way to live, cheating is unacceptable b/c trust is broken.

similarly, in a polyamorous relationship, its the same in that if you have sex or "cheat" in that you gave your word about not having/having sex with somebody and you do it then the trust wihtin THAT relationship is also broken.

-Barron

PS- for accurate and good discussion of this topic read "The Ethical Slut"

BusterStacks · #12 04-02-2005, 05:50 PM

"The problem is, you dudes treat the one that you lovin
with the same respect that you treat the one that you humpin"

Yes.

thatpfunk · #13 04-02-2005, 05:54 PM

Yes. Many people do it.

bogey · #14 04-02-2005, 06:17 PM

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Yes. The idea of monogamy is recent, unnatural, and unsuccessful.

The trick is finding a girl who understands this. Preferably an Anthropology major. =]

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No the trick is finding a girl who understand this, but also understands the double standard that it only applies to guys. [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

Girchuck · #15 04-02-2005, 06:49 PM

Open relationship. If you can handle open relationship, this issue becomes moot.
Also, lies of omission are very easy. If you cheated once in a remote town and no one ever finds out, you would be wise to hold your peace. Trust is only shattered if you get caught/give a reason to strongly suspect you.

trying2learn · #16 04-02-2005, 06:51 PM

that's a good point...people assume cheating is breaking the trust but it's like the tree in the woods argument.

you haven't broken trust until that person finds out...now were into a moral thing.

gamblore99 · #17 04-02-2005, 07:43 PM

polyamorous relationships exist and are successful. jealousy for the one you love is probably the most difficult to deal with but its very possible...monogomy is one way to live. and within THAT way to live, cheating is unacceptable b/c trust is broken.

I think polyamarous relationships are fine. And like you said it is not cheating. I don't think polyamarous relationships apply here because there is no breach of trust or betrayal.

gamblore99 · #18 04-02-2005, 07:46 PM

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that's a good point...people assume cheating is breaking the trust but it's like the tree in the woods argument.

you haven't broken trust until that person finds out...now were into a moral thing.

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No it still is cheating. You are aware of the fact that you have cheated. Everytime you tell this girl how much you love her and all that [censored] you know its all a lie.

gamblore99 · #19 04-02-2005, 07:56 PM

oh ya. another question. how far into a relationship do you consider it cheating?

like if you get a girls number, then later that night you meet another girl who just wants a 1 night thing, is that cheating? what about after lik 3 dates?

trying2learn · #20 04-02-2005, 07:57 PM

are you serious?! after you get a girls number?! i think you may be one of those cats who falls for someone WAY to quickly.

you get a girls phone number and sleep with another girl that night and you want to know if that's cheating? that's the oddest thing i've heard in awhile.