can you cheat and still have an intimate relationship?

gamblore99 · #1 04-02-2005, 04:58 PM

the banged her best friend post sparked this. I don't understand how people can cheat on there girlfriend/fiance/wife whom they claim to really care about. I mean, how can you look this person in the eye after you have lied and decieved them? All trust is shattered. It's one thing if it is just a sexual relationship with no real feelings involved (though i don't think i would cheat here, dunno really), but if you really care about someone, wouldn't cheating ruin your entire relationship? especially if you haven't told her.

ucfryan · #2 04-02-2005, 05:07 PM

[ QUOTE ]
can you cheat and still have an intimate relationship?

[/ QUOTE ]

No.

PoBoy321 · #3 04-02-2005, 05:10 PM

I think that it's situation dependent. For example, I think that a college kid who's in a serious relationship, but one night goes out, gets trashed and ends up hooking up with some girl is more forgivable than a married guy with kids who's screwing around with his secretary. In the former relationship, there's still a chance for the guy to redeem himself, while I think that the marriage in the second example is unsalvagable.

tdarko · #4 04-02-2005, 05:13 PM

i have (ignorantly) been in the first situation you mention and it's unsalvagable as well because once trust is broken its over. the only difference is that in the first situation its easier to move on b/c it is just a college relationship where as a marriage has alternate factors such as kids.

trying2learn · #5 04-02-2005, 05:19 PM

there are marriages and solid relationships that continue on after adultry. my parents had a great marriage for 30 years (until my moms death) and my father cheated on her, yet still cared for her deeply. he regrets it quite a bit now...but it happened...and they got through it. to say this is a situational topic would be an understatement.

tdarko · #6 04-02-2005, 05:22 PM

i completely understand that you can still deeply love and care for and work things out after adultry, but the trust is broken and that can't be changed is all i am saying.

uw_madtown · #7 04-02-2005, 05:27 PM

[ QUOTE ]
i completely understand that you can still deeply love and care for and work things out after adultry, but the trust is broken and that can't be changed is all i am saying.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm sure it's possible for some, even many, people.

I don't think it's so much situation dependent as it is dependent on the individuals involved.

uw_madtown · #8 04-02-2005, 05:18 PM

No. I'm one of those people, if a chick cheated on me, it's over. Don't care what the excuse is, don't want to hear it. We're done, get out.

Mostly because I'm NOT a jealous guy. I trust people I'm seeing a lot, so I don't feel jealous when they have guys as friends that they hang out with, or whatever. I know I'm just-friends with many girls, frequently flirt and joke around with them all in the name of fun.

But I see that as okay, because I'm incapable of cheating. I just couldn't do it, ever. If I'm in a relationship, I'd trust her the same way.

If you break that simplest level of trust, I have no time for you. I'd expect the same if I, for some unforeseeable reason, was the cheater.

Felix_Nietsche · #9 04-02-2005, 08:05 PM

If a chick cheats on me....it is over FOREVER. NO forgiveness.
I've learned the hard way.

I cheated once and it was because an ex-GF showed up at my apartment while my GF was out of town and threw herself at me... She seduced me. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] She walked in in her sexiest outfit and talking honey into my ear. If any guy here could say no in that situation, then you have more self-control than me.
I blew my ex-gf off after that... And I stayed w/ my GF and we had a nice thing going for two years afterwards.

But with my ex-GF it was just closure sex and I zero no desire to see her again... My ex was probably hurt by the blow-off because wanted to get back together... But I didn't care...I loved my GF and she is who I wanted to be with.

oreogod · #10 04-02-2005, 08:29 PM

[ QUOTE ]
If a chick cheats on me....it is over FOREVER. NO forgiveness.
I've learned the hard way.

I cheated once and it was because an ex-GF showed up at my apartment while my GF was out of town and threw herself at me... She seduced me. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] She walked in in her sexiest outfit and talking honey into my ear. If any guy here could say no in that situation, then you have more self-control than me.
I blew my ex-gf off after that... And I stayed w/ my GF and we had a nice thing going for two years afterwards.

But with my ex-GF it was just closure sex and I zero no desire to see her again... My ex was probably hurt by the blow-off because wanted to get back together... But I didn't care...I loved my GF and she is who I wanted to be with.

[/ QUOTE ]

Haha, Ive been in a similar situation about two years ago. I know most pple read the above post will find it ridicioulous but, for me, its much harder when the Ex comes around -- especially if shes hot, you still care about her somewhat and when u parted ways it didnt go over to horribly. Especially if she shows up unannounced looking way sexy, christ thats a hard one.

I wont try and justify that situation, obviously it's unethical, and showcases no morals...it was a mistake at the time, but the gf never found out, I just kept it to myself. Of course I have since moved on and past even that relationship.