Straight up...no bull - Poker or the girl?

Love is a two way street. You don't want to start down a road where you accept that she doesn't like it and quit but she does not accept that you really like it. I think she is showing a bit of insensitivity by not hearing you out about what you enjoy about poker and accepting that you are a good, strong willed guy (assuming you are :: ) who can play for fun and not because they have to. Personally, I would not be able to overcome the resentment I would feel towards someone who made me choose between something I really enjoy and them. There is certainly enough room for both in your life. Find a girl who recognizes that.


KJS

There's one part of your message that reminds me of my tobacco addiction. "If we break up I can always go back to gambling...".


I think you're just delaying the innevitable. I made the same statement about smoking. I quit for a the woman of my dreams, thinking "hey if we break up... I can always smoke." Sure sign of an addiction that won't go away.


IMO, gambling is an addiction for many (myself included). I think she's spotted this in you and that's what's worrying her. It's not about the nights out, or the actual gambling. It's the addtiction. And, she's rightfully worried. Most of us can control our addictions, but there's a good possiblity that it can get out of control. Addmiting this is half the battle, and I dont' think she's heard that from you. Remember, not all addicitons are bad -- but they must be controlled or they will become bad.


The other half of the battle is why you would quit. If you do it for her, you will eventually resent her. It will get bad, and you'll break up. You will go back to gambling and maybe it will get the better of you because you're now doing it because you have too -- not by choice. You lost the love of your life, and your only alternative is to gamble. You're not clear of mind -- well you know what happens to gamblers who's minds are cluttered -- it's not a pretty sight.


Now, if you can stop because YOU want to. Well that's another story. You'll feel great. You'll get the woman. Even if she doesn't hang around, you'll still be free of gambling. You'll be much happier in the end. Found that out with smoking - still smoke free after 20 years!!


IMO, you need to fess up that it's an addtiction. And, the choice needs to be yours - not hers.

Cool. Do they know about each other?

I was in a similar situation a while back. I only started playing poker around last November, and of course, was terrible. I would go weekly to canterbury, drop 30 bets on 2 4 or 3 6, and go back next week. However after going the first couple times and enjoying myself I decided that it was something I wanted to do, and something that I wanted to get good at. I bought books, started playing microlimits online, and read websites. I eventually started improving to the point where I was starting to win money.


Unfortunetly after coming home WAY late one night (with a loss) my girlfriend of 4 years put her foot down. We of course had an argument about it but worked out a compromise. I now have a set budget of how much I "get" per month to spend on poker, live or online, and I don't play online while she's still awake (she goes to bed about 3 hours before me), and of course come home at a reasonable hour when I do go out to play. Ironically of course I've only needed that monthly amount the first time (I cashed out everything to start clean), and have turned it into a decent bankroll.


So essentially my advice is:


Start clean.

Keep good records.

If you don't have a working bankroll, set a limit on yourself on how much you can spend out of savings. That way she really won't care whether you won or lost, and you won't have to lie or exaggerate about it.

Make sure she knows you're more important to her than poker. Well, pretend like it, obviously. If she wants to do something with you on a day you were planning to play, play a different day.

Take a week off or two from poker to prove to her you're serious about her. Obviously take this time to review your play, reread some stuff, etc.

Win. That seems to turn her on. Spending some of the winnings on her helps too.

If you're lucky enough to hook up with a good woman--not a girl--then forget about poker. If you've got someone who loves you and who you love, and who you can talk to and be with and laugh with, and cry with, and count on when things are tough and she makes you feel like you're the most wonderful person in the world, even when (that is, especially when) you know you're not, and you can tell her things you'd never tell anyone else and, more than that, she somehow knows these things even before you tell her--well, that's worth a helluva lot more than flopping top set. As far as I'm concerned, there's no contest--poker isn't even a close second.


"lying is not an option here, buddy! - Not for me anyways." Sounds like she's a lucky person too.


Good luck.

its not an addiction. i strongly disagree with you here. is it an addiction to read books? is it an addiction to watch sports on television? is laughing at funny jokes an addiction? please define addiction, and show how poker players necessarily fall into that category.

you hit the nail on the head andy.

I acutally don't agree with a lot that I've heard.

First off- Does she do anything that you don't agree with? any hobbies?

Maybe she is feeling a little insecurity about you spending time playing poker instead of sitting home and waiting on her, she seems like she may be being a little selfish. I think you should talk to her, find out if you can make a deal, maybe you play once or twice a week and afterwards with your winnings, take her somewhere.


I think that if she sees that you can have as much fun spending time with her as you do playing poker everything should be fine.


My boyfriend and I went through almost the same thing I was in the state of mind that he would rather spend more time playing poker than with me, but I found out that it wasn't that. So to occupy my time instead of being alone at night I got a girlfriend and we've been a happy threesome since.


Now if none of the above works for you and you really think she's the one, or at least worth giving up poker for a while, then do what you think is better for you in the long run.


Oh, and another hint of advice would be- that the only person that should be with a woman who is a psych major should be a man who is a psych major. I've found that if the relationship is un-equal in the "uncovering emotions" part. The "educated" one usually ends up telling the other how they should feel, not how they do feel.

So good luck to you!

1

a)Compulsive physiological and psychological need for a habit-forming substance: a drug used in the treatment of heroin addiction.

b) An instance of this: a person with multiple chemical addictions.


2

a) The condition of being habitually or compulsively occupied with or or involved in something.

b) An instance of this: had an addiction for fast cars.


I think for most gambling falls into 2, coupled perhaps with 1 -- drinking or smoking! Like I said an addiction is not a bad thing. Are you compulsively reading books? I know my wife does -- she's addicted to books -- it's not a bad thing (other than the $200 per month we spend on paperbacks). Have you ever thought, "gee, I should stop playing right about now....go home and have dinner with my (blank)...but I'm hot I can't leave now". Sounds like compulsive behaviour to me. For most of us we can control it, for the most part. Others in this post have some sound advice on how to control the beast.


Problem happens when the addiction takes over. IT becomes the most important thing in your life and you sacrfice all else. I think that's what the woman is worried about -- being a psych. major I think she understands the potential problem and is concerned.