OOT come up with the worst opening sentence of a novel that you can.

[offTopic]

Wrinkled and sweaty, Ashok dropped the wrestling mask down next to the keyboard, where it stared back at him, standing out against the tabletop like a shiny blue and silver bruise, a bruise not unlike that which troubled his heart, conflicted, counterfeited, false, like an imaginary girlfriend, or a token purchased outside the dominion of the batting cage, "How long...", he wondered, "...could this double life continue...", as if he were at once two people (or more) known, yet anonymous, controlled, yet seeking moderation, "...how can I go on like this? I should stop now, never to return!" and with that, he picked up the mask and started typing anew.

[sfer]

It's a well known contest with many hilarious entries. Found here.

EDIT: My favorite: "The night resembled nothing so much as the nose of a giant Labrador in excellent health: cold, black, and wet."
Devery Doleman
Brooklyn, NY

[hobbsmann]

[ QUOTE ]
Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendia was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice.

[/ QUOTE ]

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But this is actually a great beginning to a great novel.

[sfer]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendia was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice.

[/ QUOTE ]

[/ QUOTE ]

But this is actually a great beginning to a great novel.

[/ QUOTE ]

That's the point.

[offTopic]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendia was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice.

[/ QUOTE ]
But this is actually a great beginning to a great novel.

[/ QUOTE ]

Concur. Some parts get a little confusing, though...too many characters with the same name. [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

[Patrick del Poker Grande]

[ QUOTE ]
Wrinkled and sweaty, Ashok dropped the wrestling mask down next to the keyboard, where it stared back at him, standing out against the tabletop like a shiny blue and silver bruise, a bruise not unlike that which troubled his heart, conflicted, counterfeited, false, like an imaginary girlfriend, or a token purchased outside the dominion of the batting cage, "How long...", he wondered, "...could this double life continue...", as if he were at once two people (or more) known, yet anonymous, controlled, yet seeking moderation, "...how can I go on like this? I should stop now, never to return!" and with that, he picked up the mask and started typing anew.

[/ QUOTE ]
Brilliant. There needs to be a chipotle wrapper/remnants in there somewhere. Also, SIIHP.

[Jersey Nick]

As Jason stared blankly at his hands on the computer keyboard he felt a hopeless sympathy for his former lover (a model) while he struggled with a way to console her via instant message conversation over the tragic ruin of her favorite jeans in an unfortunate laundry accident, he did not even notice the thin nine inch scar that ran up his right forearm, a defensive wound from the knife attack this same woman had inflicted upon him while they were still dating, but after she cheated on him - he knew his friends would only remember her as “that crazy attention-whore”.

[coffeecrazy1]

This one killed me:

Captain Burton stood at the bow of his massive sailing ship, his weathered face resembling improperly cured leather that wouldn't even be used to make a coat or something.
Bryan Semrow
Oshkosh, WI

[antidan444]

[ QUOTE ]
"In the beginning, there was nothing.."

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End of thread.

[Justin A]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
"In the beginning, there was nothing.."

[/ QUOTE ]

End of thread.

[/ QUOTE ]

Except it's very incorrect. Nice try though.