[Jman28]

[ QUOTE ]
1A) My modifcation - "I got pwned at the STTF-HUC and all I got is this f**cking t-shirt (and crabs)."

[/ QUOTE ]

This is the best of the ones you listed. Although, I really have a soft spot for the word 'BATCH'

I'd modify it further to:
"I got pwned at the STTF-HUC and all I got is this f**cking t-shirt (and crabs. on my weiner)."

But now we're getting a little wordy. I dunno. I'll get back to you.