[The Armchair]

You're sitting at the 2/6 table at the Excal. You, being a cordial 2+2er, know to answer logic puzzles in white-on-white text, as to not give it away for your fellow boardmates. A seat opens on your left, and a guy you've never seen before sits down. (We'll call him "Left.") But the guy on your right ("Right") does know him -- they were former college roommates!

Putting collusion issues aside (the guy on the right is a total fish), you stay at the table.

And then the strangest conversation happens:

Left: Hey, Right, how's it goin! Long time no see!
Right: Hey! How's by you?
Left: Good, good... on vacation with the fam. Wife's upstairs with the three kids.
Right: Three? Wow, congrats, how old are they?
Left: I'm not going to tell you.
Right: ???

At this point, you're struggling mightily to figure out how Right successfully said "???," given the lack of vowels. But no matter -- the conversation just got interesting.

Left: I'm sure you can figure it out.
Right: Uh. . . how.
Left: I'll give you clues, of course.
Right: Of course.

(Apparently, they used to do this all the time. It's amazingly that either of them ever got far enough into a relationship to have children.)

Left: Multiple their ages together and you'll get 36, then --
Right: Okay, so, they're . . . wait a sec, I can't figure it out yet!
Left: Maybe you shouldn't interrupt, then? In any event, you're right, you can't figure it out yet. You also need to know that if you add their ages together, it equal our old dorm room mumber.
Right: Hey, neato. So they're . . . wait, I also need to know --
Left: The oldest one can read.
Right: Cool. Thanks.

At this point, you're confused. Left, always looking to screw with someone, turns to you and says:

Left: I'll pay your next three blinds if you can tell me how old my kids are. Five if you can tell me how you figured it out.

You answer. . . ?

(Edit in italics)