"I'm calling impostor."


The prosecution rests and the defense takes the stand. The attorney's beaded brow reveals hopelessness.


"1) playing two hands UTG+1

2) RAISING UTG+1"


The defense concedes that the AJ hand was an even money type situation that could have been shunned to protect against positional trauma. The QQ hand --- folding here is not in the client's playbook and as to the remaining options we implore leniency on our presumed shared sympathies toward the pump-it-or-dump-it mindset.


"4) engaging in table discussion with another player "


The defense questions this usage of "discussion."


"5) sitting to the RIGHT of a tight player "


No choice.


"3) mucking face up "


The defense pleads guilty and will spare the court a litany of lame excuses in exchange for waived jail time and a life-time probation during which subsequent infractions of the no-show policy will be punishable by creamless coffee.


Tommy