in trouble
I dont know why im posting on this forum right now. I guess it's the anonymity that this gives me to really speak my mind.... I am depressed. the reasons im depressed
1. my job is really bad. i get to work on the most uninteresting stuff, that if i happen to screw up a little, I will face major repurcussions for. If I do well, do i get a reward, no.
2. i have a lot of expenses, and im always living paycheck to paycheck and it's hard to keep up
3. i play poker, i used to play 0.5/1 and lost 2000 BB at that level. i then began to play 2/4 and wiped out the loss for a total profit of 100BB at 2/4 i.e. cleaned up the $2000 loss and made abour 400 bucks. was feeling good. then tonite, dropped the 100BB. i was playing the game drunk.
4. i play the game and sometimes the bad beats that come in succession are hard to take, so i drink and play figuring it would numb the pain. it affects my play adversely instead.
5. my outlook on life has become very negative, i think i'm a total loser and of course i know i sound like one. i hate everyone. my interpersonal relationships are ceasing to exist.
6. i do not sleep enough. i play too much and it's affecting my work.
7. i spend a lot of time thinking that things are "not fair" and i think that might be a result of a succession of bad beats i took the previous night in the game. i know that bad beats are part of the game but it seems to be affecting me psychologically and makes me want to lash out when i see something in my life as being "unfair".
is there a realistic plan for me to dig myself out of this hole? anyone with similar experiences.
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