[Blarg]

It's not just women, but women are worse at it in relationships with men.

Actually, everybody likes to hear the truth far less than they like to hear things that make them feel happy. Since so many women get a sense of security and define themselves very much in relation to the men they are with, they often need even more to hear what makes them feel secure.

Kind of like a child, unfortunately, sometimes.

There are some women you can be straight out honest with, but many if not the majority of men never find those women and even wind up settling down with and marrying someone else.

When a woman asks you what you're thinking and feeling, if you want the best results, don't say anything that will make her think less of you. Tell her you feel confident and happy, and for many women, most of all that you've first actually been spending time thinking about the relationship(instead of your sandwich, or how great it is when Moe slaps Curly and Larry at the same time with one slap, or the basketball game you're watching on t.v. when she comes in and asks you), and that your thoughts about the relationship are good and positive ones. Don't tell her you're worried about your job, sad or fearful about anything. Often questions are just fishing attempts to get back feelings of security and love and appreciation, and the words used to question and answer and get there are almost irrelevant.

It's not just exclusive to women, but many questions are inherently dishonest. Just like requests for advice are. People just want to hear their own ideas and hopes and outlook confirmed.

Worst example: a guy has been fighting with his girlfriend. He asks you what you think about her doing X, Y, and Z. Maybe even you put off answering with great talent, but finally he needles you into your opinion. Your opinion even agrees with him. Now he thinks you're a great guy and a true friend and really have a bead on exactly how things are.

Next day he's so lonely and pathetic and sad he goes crawling back to his girlfriend even if she's the one who started the fight, grovels and apologizes, and everything in their weird little world seems right again. But...now he remembers what you said about his girlfriend. Even if it was quite mild, even if it was well-deserved and even if it was the exact same thing he said. Even if you just said it to make him happy and he probably knows it. But, now you are someone who said something bad about his girlfriend, no matter how true and how much he agreed with you and maybe said far worse things himself. You are now someone he's embarassed in front of, angry at, or both, as your reward for letting him pry the truth out you. Uh oh!

Your fault. When people want advice, especially advice on relationships, even what they want to hear is not necessarily what they want to hear, and you should often just shut up. ANYTHING is better than the truth for most people.

You have to be prepared to lie or shut up in relations with people, and get caught doing and take the consequences for both. That's life! People are screwballs.

The best thing to do is not stumble into relationships you take too seriously before you're really sure they're worth taking so seriously. The divorce rate is so high and infidelity so common too because people shouldn't fall so quickly into things in the first place People talk about the divorce rate as if it's the problem, when the marriage rate is where it starts.

If you want to be with someone you have to lie to, good luck. Some people live very happy lives that way. Few people live very happy lives alone, so you'll probably have to settle for that and learn to live with lying a lot.

But there are ways of making it worse. Starting off a relationship with someone who requires lies or else one or the both of you will be unhappy can be a bad move, especially if it gets serious. If you're a young guy just having fun with a girlfriend, it doesn't matter as much. Lying and self-deception both are the grease that makes the world go round, the cost of ticket.

It takes a lot of luck to wind up in a relationship that's any different. There's a reason everybody marvels at those couples that not only stay together for a long time but do it very happily. The truth is, even most people who like each other a lot and find each other interesting, fun, and sexy are not really good long-term matches. Most people would rather have a less than perfect match than wait forever for perfection to come along.

Aside from which, lots of people are only married because someone "accidentally" "forgot" to take their birth control pills anyway. How much honesty is ever going to be coming from either side in a relationship like that?