AquaSeaFoam
journeyman
Reged: 03/15/05
Posts: 91
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to someone who bitches about you sucking them out?
I've always liked;
1) dont be embarrassed, crying is a natural human emotion; let it out
2) want some cheese with that whine?
3) last time I seen that much crying, it was on a Barbara Walters special
4) sorry could you repeat that? I was busy thinking about where I was gonna spend your money
5) (borrowed from Eric Cartman)....I'm gonna cash your money into 1's, fill a kiddy swimming pool with it and roll around in it....."oh (insert name) your money feels soooo good"
6) looks like somebody needs a hug....come here sweetie, mommy will make it better
7) if they are from another country a simple chant of "USA USA USA" or reminding them how we bailed em out of WWII seems to work....yea i know its a cheap shot, but arrogant americans piss people off real good.
Ah, the joys of online poker; in the real world I'd get pummeled in 10 seconds. If they come back with the usual 'gay' or 'screwin your mom' reply, you have a sucker ready for tilt. I never attack first....but if they start it, its gloves off. At lower limits with a typical testosterone filled male player, this actually works quite well as a tactical manuver....nobody wants to get beat by a smartass. They are too dang stupid to seperate their emotions from the game and just turn off the chat.
Give me some other good comebacks folks.......
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AngryCola
old hand
Reged: 09/09/04
Posts: 999
Loc: Wichita
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Quote:
Whats you favorite comeback to someone who bitches about you sucking them out?
Silence.
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JordanIB
member
Reged: 09/20/04
Posts: 134
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Brilliant....
I prefer:
"Any two can win!"
"I can't win the pot if I fold!"
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Baulucky
member
Reged: 12/15/03
Posts: 194
Loc: MARS
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"Rebuy please, I need more cash".
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stinkypete
addict
Reged: 07/26/04
Posts: 412
Loc: Toronto
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Quote:
7) if they are from another country a simple chant of "USA USA USA" or reminding them how we bailed em out of WWII seems to work....yea i know its a cheap shot, but arrogant americans piss people off real good.
haha... that's a good one... almost makes me wish i was amer... wait, no, no it doesn't.
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KaiShin
old hand
Reged: 01/14/05
Posts: 1195
Loc: thanks for all the fish
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I don't say anything. Letting them stew in their own juices works well enough.
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dlk9s
member
Reged: 11/28/04
Posts: 130
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"Shh....I'm busy counting your chips."
Or, if I led out the betting, "I didn't think you'd call." That one either makes them think I'm even more of a fish or they just can't figure out how to argue against that reasoning.
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Patrick del Poker Grande
stranger
Reged: 04/27/04
Posts: 8
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I'm more a fan of a smug "yep" or "I guess" or "I guess I was lucky", whatever's appropriate, usually accompanied with some sort of shoulder shrug and eyebrow movement. Hopefully, I can raise the next hand.
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Spartacus
member
Reged: 01/15/03
Posts: 184
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I like to say, "I am not good enough to lay that hand down." If it's a real bad suckout, it buys me alot of action.
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AquaSeaFoam
journeyman
Reged: 03/15/05
Posts: 91
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great avator patrick.....that cow bell skit was classic. Also love Will's nude model in the art class "well, well...look whos waking up down there"
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ttleistdci
addict
Reged: 12/24/04
Posts: 535
Loc: Video Michael Vick
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Playing on Full Tilt the other day, I had J5o in the BB. Flop came J55. UTG held KJ, and I sucked her out for as much money as I could. I got a couple "nh" comments, and this lady comes back with "he got lucky." I say "no sh*t...it's not like I willed a Jack and two 5's to come on the flop"
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37offsuit
member
Reged: 12/15/03
Posts: 172
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"I'm a horrible player, sorry. Don't worry, if you're as good as you say, then you'll take it back quickly."
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dlk9s
member
Reged: 11/28/04
Posts: 130
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Quote:
Playing on Full Tilt the other day, I had J5o in the BB. Flop came J55. UTG held KJ, and I sucked her out for as much money as I could. I got a couple "nh" comments, and this lady comes back with "he got lucky." I say "no sh*t...it's not like I willed a Jack and two 5's to come on the flop"
I love it when players say "lucky". Really? You mean there's luck involved in the cards that I get, that my opponents get, and that fall on the board? Really?
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Sponger15SB
veteran
Reged: 05/20/04
Posts: 1536
Loc: Isla Vista
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Quote:
to someone who bitches about you sucking them out?
I will [censored] your girlfriend in the ass
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AquaSeaFoam
journeyman
Reged: 03/15/05
Posts: 91
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Quote:
Quote:
to someone who bitches about you sucking them out?
I will [censored] your girlfriend in the ass
there ya go.....right for the jugular....i like it
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joeski19
member
Reged: 01/29/05
Posts: 150
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Quote:
"Rebuy please, I need more cash".
That was you! 
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FlFishOn
member
Reged: 07/19/04
Posts: 142
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I try to beat them to it. When I suck out it's usually a doozie, kicker hit or two outer.
"Olympic calibre suck-out!" I'll type.
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Six_of_One
member
Reged: 09/06/02
Posts: 150
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Keep it simple. "I rule."
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slickpoppa
addict
Reged: 08/23/04
Posts: 631
Loc: the cream, the clear
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The jerk store called, they're running out of you.
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dw9619
stranger
Reged: 02/08/05
Posts: 16
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"I'd rather be lucky than good any day"
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BeantownCaller
member
Reged: 12/15/04
Posts: 153
Loc: Anna's Taqueria
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My absolute favorite is "that's why you don't slowplay aces/kings/other huge hand" when they bet hard the whole way and my J9 suited rivered them 
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Drewboy22
stranger
Reged: 10/20/04
Posts: 19
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Take your bad beats like a man
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Baulucky
member
Reged: 12/15/03
Posts: 194
Loc: MARS
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Quote:
That was you!
Sadly I'm doing the rebuying as of late...
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moondogg
member
Reged: 10/29/03
Posts: 145
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Quote:
The jerk store called, they're running out of you.
Oh yeah? Well I just had sex with your wife.
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Russ McGinley
old hand
Reged: 11/21/04
Posts: 1047
Loc: Can't beat .50/1
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Quote:
Quote:
The jerk store called, they're running out of you.
Oh yeah? Well I just had sex with your wife.
(whispers) His wife is in a coma.
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Bob L
member
Reged: 09/02/02
Posts: 161
Loc: Maple Ridge,Canada
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Eat it!
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gasoltub
addict
Reged: 01/04/05
Posts: 496
Loc: Party 2/4
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Quote:
Quote:
7) if they are from another country a simple chant of "USA USA USA" or reminding them how we bailed em out of WWII seems to work....yea i know its a cheap shot, but arrogant americans piss people off real good.
haha... that's a good one... almost makes me wish i was amer... wait, no, no it doesn't.
Hehe, I'm from sweden but I think I'm gonna start using that one. At least on people from europe 
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Gambler
newbie
Reged: 08/13/04
Posts: 37
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I wouldn't know what they say. I play with "Totally Silent" selected. All that chat is just noise I don't need to read.
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gasoltub
addict
Reged: 01/04/05
Posts: 496
Loc: Party 2/4
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"I can't win by folding" is one of my favorites.
Yesterday I won a pot where this guy folded to my turn bet and for some reason he got angry about it and goes "you XXXX! You took my money!"
So I say "What do you mean? I didn't take it. You gave it to me. You folded. You can't win by folding."
I then get several threats like "U R dead meat" and "I'm gonna eat your children". (I have a screen name with "mom" in it)
Very amusing 
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ApolloQuiet
journeyman
Reged: 12/19/03
Posts: 55
Loc: Chicago
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I use this one a lot when I'm playing on Party skins. "Hey, why don't you try Ultimate Bet, I hear they deal with b*itches really well".
Otherwise I just say, "Shutup and play, and at the end of the day we'll see who has the most money". This is a more civil approach, and usually ends up with a "You're right" or "OK".
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mantasm
addict
Reged: 10/02/04
Posts: 431
Loc: popped collar
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Because of my sixth grade sense of humor, I like:
"do u liek boiz??"
"do u watn to kiss me : )?"
and
"wanna do it wiht each other?? : )"
Creepy misspelled homosexual advances are fun. No one ever responds.
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parttimepro
enthusiast
Reged: 12/13/04
Posts: 227
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POKAR IS EASY!
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lacky
stranger
Reged: 04/05/04
Posts: 13
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here's the honest answer. If you have time to read peoples crap and respond to it your not playing enough tables yet.
Steve
BTW, that only applies if you win long term. If not, talk more and play less.
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CORed
enthusiast
Reged: 09/03/02
Posts: 273
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Good response to table coaches (whether you're the target or someone else is).
"ScreenName is giving free poker lessons, and they're worth every penny."
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chollowa
journeyman
Reged: 03/07/05
Posts: 69
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I hate getting sucked out on, yes I realize its part of the game, and yes I realize it happens to everybody, but it well it sucks.
That being said, after reading this post, I need to stop complaining/venting when it happens.
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thirddan
old hand
Reged: 11/09/03
Posts: 849
Loc: San Francisco CA
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its best not to show that there is a distinction between good and bad players...
im with angrycola, silence is best...
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AquaSeaFoam
journeyman
Reged: 03/15/05
Posts: 91
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Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
7) if they are from another country a simple chant of "USA USA USA" or reminding them how we bailed em out of WWII seems to work....yea i know its a cheap shot, but arrogant americans piss people off real good.
haha... that's a good one... almost makes me wish i was amer... wait, no, no it doesn't.
Hehe, I'm from sweden but I think I'm gonna start using that one. At least on people from europe
Funny how the those from europe like this one; I've always found you guys are very laid back and always get the joke; especially the scandinavians....almost always a joy to play with. Maybe Dubya has us americans wound so tight anymore we forgot how to laugh.
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Sponger15SB
veteran
Reged: 05/20/04
Posts: 1536
Loc: Isla Vista
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Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
The jerk store called, they're running out of you.
Oh yeah? Well I just had sex with your wife.
(whispers) His wife is in a coma.
Well the life support machine called.....
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Dex
enthusiast
Reged: 02/22/05
Posts: 269
Loc: Typing "nice runner runner" ov...
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Quote:
Give me some other good comebacks folks.......
"What'd you say? Oh, I'm sorry, I couldn't see you over my chip stack."
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logistik
stranger
Reged: 01/17/05
Posts: 14
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I usually say, "Hrmmm, must be rigged."
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AquaSeaFoam
journeyman
Reged: 03/15/05
Posts: 91
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Quote:
its best not to show that there is a distinction between good and bad players...
im with angrycola, silence is best...
opportuity lost.....when ya have a player that cant keep quiet about a bad beat, you have one that cant keep their emotions in check.....and ya got one that you can take out of their 'A' game. A good zinger not only frustrates the bad beat bitcher, it sometimes builds other allies at the table who think 'I wish I would have said that', and they pile on too. I've seen many a tilt at the lower levels started this way.
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IggyWH
enthusiast
Reged: 09/28/04
Posts: 317
Loc: Pittsburgh - FIESTA BOWL BITCH...
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Quote:
Silence.
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JoeC
newbie
Reged: 06/06/04
Posts: 37
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I like it... just the other day some fish told me "I am going to bust you if you stick around."
Natural reply: "I busted on your girlfriend's face"
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Mobed
member
Reged: 12/18/04
Posts: 168
Loc: Upstate
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"Not my fault you lost your mothers bankroll!" 
and
"Thank you, come again!"
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Sand
stranger
Reged: 08/02/04
Posts: 19
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Quote:
POKAR IS EASY!
One night I sucked out on a table coach (truly obnoxious individual) and he whined about it in typical coach style. I simply replied: "Pure skill, baby!"
Talk about a tirade... Full tilt.
It is now my favorite poker line. Very effective tilt inducer.
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AlienCorpse
stranger
Reged: 08/14/04
Posts: 7
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I usually reply something like Holy crap for once you got all the money in and actually had the best hand!!! To bad my dad owns this site. Later fish.
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skcubrats
stranger
Reged: 01/01/04
Posts: 5
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I like the cliche
"Sorry, my bad."
or
"No skill required."
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shayneon
journeyman
Reged: 02/24/05
Posts: 67
Loc: PHX
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Not my original - saw it on Party. - CLASSIC
fishyfish: XXXXIN CHASER IDIOT !!
hero: *yawn*
Indifference can really put people on TILT.
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AquaSeaFoam
journeyman
Reged: 03/15/05
Posts: 91
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Quote:
I usually reply something like Holy crap for once you got all the money in and actually had the best hand!!! To bad my dad owns this site. Later fish.
classic
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nebben
member
Reged: 12/02/04
Posts: 120
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I enjoy telling them that I am a beginner, and I then ask for tips on how to properly play next time.
Not only does it make them think Im an idiot, I have a good time laughing at their lines
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Ian M.
member
Reged: 03/01/03
Posts: 124
Loc: London, Ontario, Canada
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For some reason I always think its hilarious to pretend I don't know english very well when someone berates me for a suckout.
Idiot: Wow lucky river fish
Me: river fish hand good?
Idiot: What??
Me: my hand good river no? yours no $
Idiot: What the **** are you talking about, you got ****** lucky
Me: you no $, my $
haha, this kind of dialogue cracks me up every time.
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gasoltub
addict
Reged: 01/04/05
Posts: 496
Loc: Party 2/4
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Quote:
For some reason I always think its hilarious to pretend I don't know english very well when someone berates me for a suckout.
Idiot: Wow lucky river fish
Me: river fish hand good?
Idiot: What??
Me: my hand good river no? yours no $
Idiot: What the **** are you talking about, you got ****** lucky
Me: you no $, my $
haha, this kind of dialogue cracks me up every time.
You are not alone, I find it very amusing too 
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AquaSeaFoam
journeyman
Reged: 03/15/05
Posts: 91
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Quote:
For some reason I always think its hilarious to pretend I don't know english very well when someone berates me for a suckout.
Idiot: Wow lucky river fish
Me: river fish hand good?
Idiot: What??
Me: my hand good river no? yours no $
Idiot: What the **** are you talking about, you got ****** lucky
Me: you no $, my $
haha, this kind of dialogue cracks me up every time.
absolute genius.....will definately add this to my collection
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SoftcoreRevolt
old hand
Reged: 01/09/05
Posts: 902
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"THIS IS MY FIRST DAY PLAYING TAXES HOLD THEM I THINK I AM DOING PRETTY OK"
The confused foreigner is always worth about 3-4 BB before the guy leaves for the night.
But usually I just stick to "nh"
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Ian M.
member
Reged: 03/01/03
Posts: 124
Loc: London, Ontario, Canada
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I suspected I was not the only one
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Yeknom58
addict
Reged: 05/15/03
Posts: 552
Loc: seattle
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I like...silence while I add them to my buddy list. Usually the people who bitch the most tend to play the worst.
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Lurshy
stranger
Reged: 05/31/04
Posts: 21
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On party I usually through a couple of crying smiley's at them  (
This generally sets them off real good.
A line I use on occassion:
"Ahhh, its good to be friends with the site owner"
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scotty34
addict
Reged: 11/23/04
Posts: 686
Loc: Vancouver BC
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You think so? Whiners usually aren't great players, but they usually are better than the fish that sucked them out. They have some concept of a good hand and odds.
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DrewOnTilt
member
Reged: 11/16/03
Posts: 173
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I posted something similar to this some time ago and got some great responses.
http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=&Number=1259345&page=&view=&sb=5&o=
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Brain
newbie
Reged: 12/29/03
Posts: 47
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One of my favorites (stolen from a stand-up act):
"I hope you die on Christmas morning."
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Vince Young
addict
Reged: 12/20/04
Posts: 438
Loc: Texas, United States, etc.
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Don't tap the glass.
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PotatoStew
member
Reged: 06/23/04
Posts: 104
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Quote:
"THIS IS MY FIRST DAY PLAYING TAXES HOLD THEM I THINK I AM DOING PRETTY OK"
Oh man... this just had me laughing out loud. Taxes Hold Them... classic.
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SoftcoreRevolt
old hand
Reged: 01/09/05
Posts: 902
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It works especially well when you just continue it to non sensical lengths.
If someone flops a straight
"OH NO I AM BEATEN BY THE MISSISSIPEE!"
"I JUST WON LAST HAND I SHOULD RAISE THIS ONE TOO YES?"
"THESE ARE GOOD CARDS BUT THEY WILL JUST LOSE SO I WILL NOT PLAY THEM"
As long as it makes no sense and completely contradicts what you are doing it'll be patently awesome.
But god damn, that post in the linked thread about saying "I flopped a full house" when he rivered a full house is incredible.
I'll throw in a random "THREE OF A KIND BEATS A FLUSH?" When my set hits a river full house to beat someone's flush and they get all pissy.
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SackUp
stranger
Reged: 02/08/04
Posts: 4
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I use a lot of the same ones from above. But i'm always a sucker for the mom joke.
Loser: You f*cking suckout!
Me: Ya, now if I could only suckout as well as your mom I'd be rich!
Very 8 grade/In Living color, but I still love it
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pottie
member
Reged: 01/06/05
Posts: 135
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Quote:
But god damn, that post in the linked thread about saying "I flopped a full house" when he rivered a full house is incredible.
I'll throw in a random "THREE OF A KIND BEATS A FLUSH?" When my set hits a river full house to beat someone's flush and they get all pissy.
The best!
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lightw1thoutheat
journeyman
Reged: 09/27/04
Posts: 88
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i'm a big fan of apologizing (genuinely)immediately when i suck out on someone. makes me look like a wuss that they can push around. usually i cant follow the dialogue though. Silence is probably best. BUt it is amusing when you type i'm sorry just before someone curses you out with periods between the letters.
-light
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codewarrior
journeyman
Reged: 09/12/02
Posts: 79
Loc: Mentor, OH, USA
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I've been using the :yawn: thing for years. Simple. Effective.
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rory
newbie
Reged: 09/29/03
Posts: 29
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It's All Right to Cry
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DrewOnTilt
member
Reged: 11/16/03
Posts: 173
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Good GRIEF. I have not heard that song since kindergarden. Rory where do you come up with these things?
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Oilcan
stranger
Reged: 01/28/04
Posts: 8
Loc: Burford, Ontario, Canada
|
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I c the cheese, I chase!
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rory
newbie
Reged: 09/29/03
Posts: 29
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im a jerk
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akaLogic
stranger
Reged: 09/02/02
Posts: 12
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Game over. Insert coin.
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joeski19
member
Reged: 01/29/05
Posts: 150
|
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After I've been sucked out on a couple of times...
"More suck outs than a porno."
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wabe
enthusiast
Reged: 05/27/04
Posts: 227
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My favorite as well.
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JTrout
addict
Reged: 07/24/03
Posts: 471
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When a fish plays really crappy, and sucks out on whiner's made hand, and the whiner starts berating the fish, I like to type:
"Pot odds."
The fish likes it, and the whiner usually goes off.
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TheNoodleMan
enthusiast
Reged: 01/22/05
Posts: 325
Loc: Bloomington , IN
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A little freestyle I popped off with once...
"I learned to play from a ceral box"
I followed it up with some sort of reference to "Doyle-O's"
I've been using "Pokar is Easy!" for a while now and I just love it. It doesn't even need to be a suckout, its goes great with aces.
The "Taxes Hold them" line is definitely a keeper.
Also, anything about learning form TV is good.
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charmy
stranger
Reged: 03/22/04
Posts: 1
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"Sorry" or I just keep quiet. Afterall, I do know that they are going to suck out on me too.
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cnfuzzd
newbie
Reged: 03/09/04
Posts: 38
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Im still using my old standby of "its a good thing jesus loves me so much" although ive lately been branching off into variations about how jesus is standing next to me telling me what cards to play, that jesus loves me so much because i put out like no other for him, and that the reason i won is because baby jesus hates my opponent. Yeah, im probably going to hell if there is one, but at least they [censored] rock there. None of this harp bullshit.
Ive begun experimenting with something along the line of "Dude i thought you were bluffing man, youre playing everyhand" but that taps a little too much on the aquarium. Gimme some time though, i will come up with something.
peace
john nickle
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CountDeMonet
stranger
Reged: 10/08/04
Posts: 16
|
|
Quote:
its best not to show that there is a distinction between good and bad players...
im with angrycola, silence is best...
But, silence is nothing. Literally. It can never be better than something said that is good. Just have to figure out what words would get the best impact.
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tripdad
enthusiast
Reged: 01/08/04
Posts: 291
Loc: east central indiana
|
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"i put you on a pair of 2's"
cheers!
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AlienCorpse
stranger
Reged: 08/14/04
Posts: 7
|
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Quote:
"i put you on a pair of 2's"
cheers!
nice one. Even cooler if the board has a pair of twos on it.
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DocMartin
member
Reged: 08/24/04
Posts: 119
Loc: The Forx
|
|
Quote:
If you have time to read peoples crap and respond to it your not playing enough tables yet.
This certainly has some merit but I would rather time out on a table than miss out on an oppotunity for that kind of entertainment. My most used are "pokar is EZ" "I Rock!" "thats what you get for being in a hand with ME" and my fave.. "U loooooooooooove me!"
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Two Plus Two 
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