Two Plus Two Older Archives

We did this to a friend while in college:

Friend of mine liked the ugly ladies when he was drunk. He would bring them home, do unspeakable things (or at least I never spoke of them), and never call them again. More than once, they'd freak out later and curse him out.

This friend was pre-med, so he'd spend a lot of time in the library studying. The prank begins with us leaving him anonymous noted in his stuff at the library - "You're an [censored], Mitch", "[censored] you, Mitch" etc etc etc. This goes on for a few weeks. He's mildly concerned by it, but it's safe to assume this is coming from a woman scorned, so it's not exactly a huge mystery.

We up the ante with phone calls to our room (he was one of my roommates). Sometimes it would be me giving him messages, but sometimes a friend of mine would call and leave angry messages, or curse him out in person. He starts paying more attention at this point, but it's also a source of pride for him, in a way. So, he tells everybody all about it, "Hey, look at me! The chick's pissed!"

Endgame begins one day that he's at the library, as usual, all day. While he's gone, myself and several others steal every single thing he owns: clothes, sheets, everything. We hide it (this was in a fraternity house).

My message-leaving friend leaves about a five-minute message on our answering machine, along the lines of: "Mitch, you [censored] piece of [censored], you'll never do this to anybody else again, you sick bastard." She goes on like this, throwing in some red-herring details like "I look at you in Bio and you just make me sick." It ends like this: "[censored] YOU! [censored] YOU! AND YOU'RE NEVER GETTING ANY OF YOUR STUFF BACK EVER! [censored] YOU!" The performance was incredible.

Mitch gets back from the library around midnight, dazed and tired. He walks into our room and is like "What the [censored]". I'm high as a kite, obviously, but tell him to listen to the answering machine. He's convinced from the get-go after listening to the message, which was brilliant.

It would be difficult to do justice to his subsequent reaction and this is long enough already. If you do this to someone and you can get them to drink/smoke something mind-altering at this point, do it. Long story short (too late) we let his meltdown continue right up until the point the police were about to answer the phone, but after he had cried and called his mom.

Sorry if this sucked. It was hilarious at the time and he's still pissed today.