Cheesiest Pickup Lines

[MMMMMM]

“Nice top – can I talk you out of it?”


“I may not be Fred Flintstone but I could make your Bedrock.”


“I’m here. What were your other two wishes?”


“Does God know you’ve escaped from heaven?”


“I think I’ve seen you on the cover of Playboy.”


British Tabloid Article (http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2004241459,00.html)

[M2d]

I think that top is too tight. I'd like to see you in something a little more roomy...like my bed.

[jdl22]

I'm studied Math as an undergrad. Here's two lines I came up with but sadly could never put to use:

Why don't we go back to my place and make our intersection non empty.

I'm a Cauchy sequence and your pants look like a complete metric space.

If you laughed at either of these, in particular the second one then congratulations you are a total nerd.

[Kurn, son of Mogh]

"Let's go to breakfast sometime. Should I call you, or just nudge you?"

Actually, the wierdest one I ever heard was when a guy at a restaurant bar stopped the cocktail witress and asked "So...do you windsurf?"

[M2d]

Being from hawaii gave me so many more outs in the bar scene. There's something about hawaii for mainland people that makes them oblivious to the cheese factor.

ex. 1)
You: "you're not from hawaii, are you?"
Her: "no..."
You: "Sorry, you just look a lot like my friend Mahealani (or insert any other Hawaiian or exotic name) from high school, and I thought you might be related..."
Her: swoon big time.

she doesn't know Mahealani, whether she even exists, or, if she does, if she's beastly, but being compared to an exotic Hawaiian girl will make her defenses go way down.

ex.2) (credit goes to my friend Kawika at Colorado State for this one)

her: "so, can you speak Hawaiian?"
you: "sure, ala moana kahala kuhio"
her: "that's beautiful, what does it mean?"
You: "The moonlight shines in your eyes"

she doesn't know (or need to know, for that matter) that you don't speak a lick of the language or that you just named three malls in Honolulu and Hilo. it just sounds good.

[scotnt73]

"you should wake up every day and thank your mother for giving you a butt like that!"

[jdl22]

Sadly I don't question in the slightest that these lines would work nor that you have used them.

People from the mainland (my past self included in some, but not most of these things) have an extremely distorted/ignorant view of Hawaii. People think it's some sort of fantasy land full of nothing hot women and large men where people live in grass huts and eat nothing but roast pig and pineapple (well the more thoughtful ones would likely add fish to that). Part of the problem is that the tourist industry pushes this forward and people that go on vacation and only go to Waikiki really don't know any different.

My fiance is Hawaiian and has actually been asked if they had electricity and running water. The people asking the question are being serious. If they had asked about a heater then of course the answer would be no, but that's much more understandable.

These are things I have noticed or thought:
- most people live near the beach. I thought this because where my gf's family lives (Punaluu) is right on the beach and the first time we went there we only went around to Waimea or so and into town a couple times. So basically I was only seeing the communities on Oahu that are right on the beach. The last time I went we went around to the other side a few times - to Mililani and other places that are more inland.

- most people from there are native hawaiian. I thought this until I actually met a my girlfriend. This is clearly false, and is only true in a few communities there.

- Both times I've flown out of Honolulu back to the mainland about half the people on my flight had their US passports out. I've never seen that on any other domestic flight. Tourists frequently say things like "I'm going back to the States." While I know some Hawaiians who wish that were the case it certainly isn't.

- when my girlfriend tells people she doesn't know that well where she's going for Christmas break she gets all kinds of crap. Now she just says that she's going home and hopes they don't ask where that is.

Sorry to hijack the thread.

[M2d]

When people do the whole "you get to go to hawaii again" bs, and fawn over how lucky I am to be from there (I am, but their crap gets old fast), I ask them how often they pull weeds, lay tile, babysit, transplant landscape and wash cars on their "hawaiian vacation".

[elwoodblues]

My two all-time favorites:

Do you have and Irish in you? Do you want some?


Nice shoes. Wanna f***?

[M2d]

I've used 1, but not 2.

a note on their development:

1 actually stemmed from a true incident. I actually saw a girl who looked a lot like a friend of mine from back home, and who looked like she could have been from Hawaii. Turns out that she was half Chinese/half native american, though.

2 was purely the result of my friend's drunken state. The deal was never sealed with this line, though, because he was going out with a bud girl at the time, and any action would have been a step down. I'm not really sure it this one was the line or the deliverer. Kawika was 6', blond/blue (and 1/8th hawaiian, 1/4th chinese, btw) and a starting outfielder at CSU as a freshman. He was a magnet no matter what language he was pretending to speak.

[jdl22]

Along the Irish line I prefer:
You look so nice you must not have a mean bone in your body. Would you like one?

[Victor]

walking back from class with a very very attractive friend of mine. apparently it was clear i was not her bf, because as we walked past a thuggish lookin black kid he says

"Damn girl, you look like you need some black dick."

she was repulsed, i thought it was hilarious.

[Slacker13]

Your legs must be tired because you've been running through my mind all night.

Your daddy was a thief, he stole the stars from the skies and put em in your eyes.

Baby, I've been walking through the puddle of love and I've got you all over me.


Now, thats cheesy!

[ThaSaltCracka]

"That sweater is very becoming on you, and if I was on you I would be coming too....."

[Jimbo]

You did say cheesy right?

1 If I tell you that you have a beautiful body will you hold it against me?

2 Do you know what would look good on my bedroom floor? Your clothes...


Jimbo

[James Boston]

Wanna go out to dinner later and then [censored]? No? Not hungry?

[Jim Kuhn]

Mine is a version of a previous one. 'Do you have any German in you'? Her - yes or no. Yes = would you like a little more? No = would you like a little?

[youtalkfunny]

Is it hot in here? Or is it just you?

(Maybe that's why I never got laid in my younger days--I couldn't bring myself to say this crap! Well, there's that, and the extra 100 pounds I'm carrying....)

[Cptkernow]

All these involve walking straight up to a girl preferebly in a club/disco with lots of girls/women of low social standing.

1. Get your coat youve pulled.
2. Heres 20p to phone your mum and tell her your not coming home tonight.
3. Have you got any Cornishman in you? do you want some.

These have all actually worked for me. But I am fantasticaly hansome and its general knowledge in my town that I am hung like a donkey.

[imported_Chuck Weinstock]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm George W. Bush and I approve of this massage.

[/ QUOTE ]

[BeerMoney]

[ QUOTE ]
walking back from class with a very very attractive friend of mine. apparently it was clear i was not her bf, because as we walked past a thuggish lookin black kid he says

"Damn girl, you look like you need some black dick."

she was repulsed, i thought it was hilarious.

[/ QUOTE ]

I might never stop laughing about that one. Was it on a college campus? Do you think he was a student?

[nolanfan34]

[ QUOTE ]

I'm a Cauchy sequence and your pants look like a complete metric space.

If you laughed at either of these, in particular the second one then congratulations you are a total nerd.

[/ QUOTE ]

Heck, I have no clue what that means, but I still laughed. I guess I am a nerd then.

[Punker]

I have said to many dealers at the casino "Don't they allow you to wear your wedding ring at work?" to which they usually respond "Im not married" and I offer a suggestive "Oh really...".

I kid you not, the other players at the poker room start rolling their eyes and groaning when I say the first part now, I have used it so many times. Its batting a thousand so far: failed every time! /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[ArchAngel71857]

1. If your left leg is Thanksgiving and your right leg is christmas, Can i visit you between the holidays?

2. You: How you doin?
her: I'm fine.
You: I know that, but how you doin!

3. you: Do you rent or own?
her: rent what?
you: Those wings, you angel!

4. You know what I heard the first time I saw you?
WOOOOOOOOO AOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOOOOO AOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOOO AOOOOOOOOOOO.
her: what is that?
you: the ambulance coming to pick me up, cuz lookin at you knocked me out!

5. Do you have a mirror in your pocket? cuz I can see myself in your pants!

6. Are those space pants? cuz your ass is outta this world.

7. As you walk by, turn around and say: Excuse me, did you just touch my ass? No. Damn!

And my most successful line:
Do you have condoms at your house or should I pull out?

-AA

[paland]

[ QUOTE ]
Is it hot in here? Or is it just you?

[/ QUOTE ]

You know you're in trouble when she says back, "It's definitely NOT YOU!"

[Cubswin]

My all time favorite....

"Fuk me if im wrong, but have we met before"

Another one that really works and that i have used before... when walking through a bar with a buddy approach the girl(s) and say, "Have you met my friend (insert your friends name". Its funny if you catch your friend of gaurd with this one... it makes him look silly and your chances of scoring go up. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[jdl22]

That is true because really a line with the words cauchy sequence and pants will probably make even the non nerdiest of people laugh.

Here's the point: In a complete metric space every cauchy sequence converges.

[rtrombone]

Is your dad a fisherman? Cuz you're off da hook!

[thirddan]

At a college party:

Drunk Guy: "whats your major?"

Sober Girl: (ugh) "psychology"

Drunk Guy: "Oh yeah...well (puppy face) whats your favorite psychological disease?"

Sober Girl: Walks away laughing

One of the funniest things ive seen/heard...