elevators

[Tommy Angelo]

One could say that something even as strange as professional football is the natural extension of a species that is very good at finding ways of defining a rigid pecking order without killing each other, that also happens to provide a comforting transference of achievement and failure. No wonder sports are so popular.

Darwinism could have foreseen all that, had it gotten here first. So too could it predict skyscrapers, as the natural product of the same process that brought beaver dams.

But inside the skyscraper resides something that Darwin could not predict, and nature could not prepare us for. To stand in a moving box for 30 seconds with a stranger. I can imagine a gene that appears to be "for" throwing a football. I can picture a genes "for" using tools, and for adding to existing technology. But I cannot picture a gene for staring at the numbers until the door opens.


Tommy

[nicky g]

The Borgata lifts have plasma screens showing movies. They're superfluous however, as the speed of the lifts is entertaining enough by itself (try bending your knees as they accelerate).

[Big Mo]

[ QUOTE ]
The Borgata lifts have plasma screens showing movies. They're superfluous however, as the speed of the lifts is entertaining enough by itself (try bending your knees as they accelerate).

[/ QUOTE ]

I love bending my knees baby!

[Joe Tall]

Being 6'7", I've stopped many group conversation on an elevator. Such as the loud, Vegas, going-out on the town elavator group.

Pure Darwinism.

I wrote paper in college about elevator society. It's quite unique.

Peace,
Joe Tall

[CrackerZack]

You shouldn't be allowed in elevators.

[Ed Miller]

In the US, elevator rides with strangers are awkward moments of abrupt contemplation.

In Austria, elevator rides with strangers are abrupt moments of awkward conversation.

[MicroBob]

elevator behavious cracks me up.

[Oski]

[ QUOTE ]
elevator behavious cracks me up.

[/ QUOTE ]

1. No talking; (except for calling your floor)
2. (of course) no cell phone;
3. No direct eye contact;
4. No smiling or giggling to oneself;
5. Always maintain spacial integrity;
6. For god sakes, no passing gas;
7. Do not say goodbye, or anything while exiting;
8. At most, do a feeble wave or head nod to others you know;
9. No kissing (for couples) or overt signs of affection;
10. No audible eating or gum chewing.
11. No crackling of papers or spreading your news paper
12. Do not bring hot food, or any food with an odor on the elevator (especially open bags of Doritos or bananas)

That should cover it.

I follow these, by the way. There is plenty of time to be myself once I exit the elevator. Nothing worse than being stranded by a 30 second stand-up comedy act.

[Joe Tall]

Oski,

You forgot one major one:

0. Turn and face the door immediately upon entrance.

Peace,
Joe Tall

[hutz]

Some harmless, fun alternatives to "the rules":

1. In a really odd voice, call out the floors as you pass them.

2. Carry on a conversation with yourself that degenerates into an argument (no yelling, of course, but hitting yourself is optional).

3. When on an elevator that is headed downwards, hop up and down and explain that the rest of the people are going to regret not doing the same thing because, if the elevator breaks free and crashes, you'll be the sole survivor if you happen to have hopped into the air just before the car crashes into the ground.

4. Turn to the person next to you and say "How 'bout those [insert name of professional team from another city in a sport that is not in season]?!" Example: It's April and you're in St. Louis -- "How 'bout those Packers?!"

5. If you're in an elevator with just one other person, open your umbrella and hold it over your head.

6. Turn and face the back of the car.

7. Say "Oh no, a [insert manufacturer of elevator car here]! I swore I'd never ride in one of these again after what happened to that poor couple in Cleveland." just as you are arriving at your floor.

[Oski]

[ QUOTE ]
Oski,

You forgot one major one:

0. Turn and face the door immediately upon entrance.

Peace,
Joe Tall

[/ QUOTE ]

Yes, Thanks Joe. Feel free to change or add to this list at will, perhaps we can develop a universal code of elevator conduct and have it posted inside (and outside) of each elevator. Sort of like that license inside each one.

Here's a few more:

Affirmitive duties of those closest to door. When elevator get CLOSE to being full, you must stand right in the doorway, and give the impression the elevator is packed tightly...make sure you hold your ground and say to those attempting to push in, "there's another coming shortly."

Also, holding the door for those more than two steps away is b.s.: the utility of saving the "ride" for one person is outweighed by the collective misery inflicted on the other passengers who are eager to go.

Also, you must always be courteous and not overpower with your oversized appendage(s) (if you have one/them). Nothing is worse than getting "backed up" by a huge behind as you are pinned in the corner. This is outright foul, and the offender ALWAYS pretends this is not an issue. Furthermore, to rectify (no pun intended) the problem requires the victim to break one or more rules of the elevator code or "Universal Elevator Code of Conduct" (UECC). Big breasts are also a problem (believe it or not). Most "problem" breasts are those so big that the carrier is really not desireable and contact with those cheese bags is even less so.

If you are toting luggage or a mail cart, please make an effort to position it in such a way that there is easy egress upon arrival at your floor. Furthermore, do not obstruct the whole doorway.

Furthermore, it is not acceptable to ask at each floor: "Anybody getting off?" Then once somebody says "yes," you say, "OK, Anybody exiting on this floor?" Worked great once on BART during a heavy commute, but that is another story.

If you have kids, make sure thay are not staring at other passengers and making them uneasy. Make sure the kids are not eating or in a position to touch another passenger. Its not cute to have some strange kid hug you around your leg and make you feel like a child molester.

Also, if you are prepared to enter the elevator, FOR GOD'S SAKE wait until those exiting have passed you by. I can't stand it when the elevator door opens and some mad fool starts rushing in on you while another is efforting to exit. How many times have you had to make emergency manuvers (contortions) to avoid contact with the onrushing stranger. Most of these people don't even have the courtesy to apologize.

Conversely, one has a duty to exit the elevator by 1) taking a few steps into the lobby (or floor) in a strait manner, then making whatever turn is required. You cannot just dart to the left or right upon exiting (this is where passengers waiting to enter must stand).

Finally, if you realize you are exiting on the wrong floor, you must continue exiting until you are sure the coast is clear for reentry. You cannot just stop as you pass the threshhold causing an immediate logjam and chaos.

There are more, let's share.

[DcifrThs]

Tommy,

If you've never heard of the Landmark Forum, it is a kind of self-improvement seminar that teaches you ways to identify yourself and get to know yourself and be more detached from being "right all the time." in it, they assign a homework assignment or two. one of the homework assignments led to the following elevator encounter.

I picked a major building, and since i was working for the summer at Davis & Partner's Co. on Park avenue in NY city i figured i'd take those nice elevators in which to preform.

i waited in the corner of the lobby until a nice congregation of agitated businessmen and women convened around a soon-to-open elevator door, as signalled by the kind voice informing everybody within earshot that the elevator was going up.

After all the figety and nervous people got into the elevator there was juuuuust enough room for me to slide in right before the doors started to close. Now this elevator was one of those "Floor 25-39" deals that didn't stop until the 25th floor.

I got in with my back to the door facing the twitching throng. i gave it about 5 seconds and stared most of them in the eye as they glared away and checked the time, the tiles, the number etc.

i then cleared my throat and said, "so, i suppose you're wondering why i called you all here." the entire elevator evacuated on the 25th floor.

people are fun.
-Barron

[andyfox]

Second biggest laugh I ever got was one night after dinner, and not a few drinks, we decided to have a nightcap or three at the top floor bar. Into the elevator we go, about eight of us, all giggly and jiggly. There's a white-gloved elevator operator and as soon as the door closes and we're on our way, I say, "So I bet this job has it's ups and downs, huh?"

[toots]

For a while, when I was younger and quite irritated at elevator behavior, I'd often rush in and announce:

"Ok, we're all going to sing an elevator song! Since the ride can be so short, we have to get right to it. No point in spending the whole ride arguing over which song to sing. Ok, everyone with me?"

It was always great to maximize the personal space that people would afford me. It was always a hoot to see a dozen people trying to merge with the panelling.

[mike l.]

am i the only person who peeked here hoping it was gonna be about how you "did it" once in an elevator?

disappointed

[glen]

People elevators are a consequence of the grain elevators, though. In the larger infrastructural sense of the nation, the transportation of grain used to be done in sacks, but as a result of railroads, where larger quantities of grain could be produced, the grain elevator was essential to facilitate movement (this also had a result of unanticipated consequences like the severance of individual rights of the sack and the development of a board of trade to create national grading systems). Everything and everyone had to adjust to the speed of the new economy, and then the telegraph accelerated this even further. People standing and looking at numbers seems to be an afterthought to the main idea of not making people walk up 27 flights of stairs.

[mrbaseball]

[ QUOTE ]
"So I bet this job has it's ups and downs, huh?"



[/ QUOTE ]

I spent my summers in college working as an elevator operator. You have no idea how unoriginal and common this particular sentance is /images/graemlins/smile.gif

I'd hear it 5 or 6 times a day easy!

[Boris]

It's all in the delivery.

[turnipmonster]

someone's gotta ask, so it might as well be me. so andy, what's the first? /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[PokerBabe(aka)]

To the Babe, elevators present opportunities to get closer to the Best of the Best Boyz (or even to the 2nd best).

/images/graemlins/heart.gif

[magithighs]

My favourite elevator activity. When there's no one in the elevator it can be quite boring. My brain tends to wander, and my body gets quite relaxed. Before I know it I have a huge amount of gas buildup -- must be the thinking. If no one is around as I get out to exit, I let it rip and leave a little present for the next ride.

Cheers
Magi

[andyfox]

A big group of us at dinner, including my friends Mike and Mary. I think we were 12 people and we had perhaps 20 bottles of wine. Needless, to say, I was younger and stupider then, as were my friends. Anyway, while I was sober, I planned my attack: perusing the menu, I carefully order the lamb.

By the time the main course arrive, we're all pretty well plastered. I eat for a while, and then offer a bit of lamb to those sitting near me. All accept a taste, except my wife; I knew she wouldn't, she doesn't eat it. I insist she try it; she asks me why, she knows I know she doesn't eat it. I reply:

"Because Mary had a little lamb."

You had to be there, I guess.

Mike then tells me I bet you were planning that line all evening. I admit it, telling him it's the only reason I ordered it, I hate friggin' lamb.

The stupidest things are funny when you're drunk, aren't they?

[andyfox]

Yeah, I know I didn't make the line up. /images/graemlins/smile.gif After a few drinks, even things you heard a hundred years ago are funny.

[Clarkmeister]

[ QUOTE ]

The stupidest things are funny when you're drunk, aren't they?

[/ QUOTE ]

And thank god for that!

[HavanaBanana]

[ QUOTE ]
because, if the elevator breaks free and crashes, you'll be the sole survivor if you happen to have hopped into the air just before the car crashes into the ground.


[/ QUOTE ]

I frequently consider if this would help, or would one die anyway when the roof hits your head?

[MicroBob]

"2. Carry on a conversation with yourself that degenerates into an argument (no yelling, of course, but hitting yourself is optional)."


wait....you mean you guys DONT do this already??
no wonder i keep getting those strange looks.

[PokerChic]

<font color="blue"> </font> I try to jam the buttons when I'm on with a <font color="red"> </font> HOT guy /images/graemlins/heart.gif

[nicky g]

It wouldn't help, but not because the roof would hit your head. You'd be travelling at the same speed as the crashing elevator. When you jumped you wouldn't stop falling or actually move upwards, you'd just be travelling very slightly more slowly than the crashing elevator. Although you'd be going up relative to the elevator floor, relative to the ground you'd still be falling very fast. If your head did hit the roof, it would have the same effect jumping and hitting the roof would have when the elevator was stationary - because you'd be already be moving at the same speed as the elevator. Think of being on plane - if you jump in the air, or jump backwards, the back of the plane doesn't smack you in the ass at 500 miles per hour.

[MicroBob]

"Think of being on plane - if you jump in the air, or jump backwards, the back of the plane doesn't smack you in the ass at 500 miles per hour."

maybe so....but it would sure be damn funny if it did.

[Duke]

Oh, I had heart you were tall. You're just another little guy.

~D

[jdl22]

Yes, jumping is a serious mistake. Suppose you are falling at 100 mph along with the elevator. The problem is that when the elevator hits the bottom it will bounce up. It won't bounce up at 100 mph but some fraction, say 50 mph. But you are still falling at 100 mph to now instead of impacting at 100 mph you must combine your falling with the elevator rising so your impact is at 150 mph. Obviously I don't have the exact figures but you get the idea.

[nicky g]

Interesting point, hadn't thought of that. Regarding the head-hitting thing, I guess you have to take into account the fact that the lift will be continuing to accelerate, while you have temporarily slowed, so if you were in the air long enough the ceiling could be have reached a faster enough (sorry for the poor grammar) speed to do you some damage, but I don;t think practically you could stay up long enough and the accelartion rate could be rapid enough for this to matter.

There, I think we have conclusively managed to suck 100% of the fun out of this idea /images/graemlins/tongue.gif.

[sfer]

[ QUOTE ]
5. Always maintain spacial integrity;


[/ QUOTE ]

This is does not apply in New York.