bad beetz
04-21-2004, 09:04 PM
These are the movies I have seen in the last month and what I think of them:
1. Dirty Harry
Dirty Harry is a good movie. Movies were very different then, although when Scorpio is about to cap someone, they play this beat that is surprisingly 90’s. Cars in the 70’s were uglier than a muthafucka. The word “nigger,” is used an order of magnitude less in movies every decade after the 60’s
2. Galaxy Quest.
Cute. 2 or 3 episodes of gut wrenching laughter, but other than that it’s kind of slow and sappy. You’re not supposed to feel for the characters because it’s a comedy, but the movie tried anyway. I think my mom would like it allot.
3. The Crow.
High school Goth wet dream. Paint your face up and run around invincible killing people to core music. Blah. It’s still fun to watch. Brandon Lee died during its making, so it’s missing some things that may have made it better. It’s good; if you haven’t seen it you should see it.
4. Edward Scissorhands.
I reported about this earlier. Dope movie. Rock solid. Tim Burton is bad ass, and when combined with Danny Elfman, it’s mo bad ass. And Johnny Depp is bad ass.
5. Bulletproof monk.
The only thing I thought during this movie was, “What the hell am I doing renting Bulletproof Monk?!” It’s got Chow on Young Fat and Stiffler. It has to suck ass but I rent it anyway. Verdict? It sucks ass.
6. From the cradle to the grave.
It’s a martial arts action flick. I didn’t learn my lesson from #5. It sucks ass.
7. The Punisher
If you read the comic you’ll probably like the movie. It’s not bad, not great. Rebecca Romaine Stamos should have gotten nekkid or somtin’.
8. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
Holy Shitnuts. This movie’s fricken, like, really, really good. It’s incredible. I’m not a Jim Carrey fan, and he’s not Jim Carrey in this movie. He’s a character that you care about. The movie made me feel lonely, but I like that because I don’t feel much and it made me feel human. Haakee saw this with me, which is cool, because haakee doesn’t talk during movies, which pisses me off.
9. Bound
Oh, man, this movie is sweet. It’s like “Wild Things,” you watch this bad ass movie with a solid plot and all, and the as a bonus Jennifer Tilly and Gina Gershawn make out and touch each other. Than, just when your like, “man, this movie’s kind of sweet, but it’s kind of losing me… oh, wait, wait….. Oh, yeah, girls kissing. Sweet, I’m back. Than it’s more good movie. I highly recommend this, and of course, if you haven’t seen Wild Things, and you like hot chicks and really good movies, than your missing out on two counts by not seeing Wild Things.
10. Absalon
Jesus Christ. Crap. B-rate movie, but if fooled me because there are 20 copies available at blockbuster. I should have been tipped off by the fact that the main characters are Lou Diamond Phillips and that dude from Highlander.
11. Equilibrium
Good. If you like ludicrous fight seems, and I mean ludicrous, you’ll like this. If you like far out fantastic-futuristic-post-apocalyptic-unrealistic-plots like I do, than you’ll like this. Christian Bale is pimptacular. Remember in American Psycho when he’s doing those chicks and he keeps looking in the mirror and flexing? I love that part. And the part when the ATM says, “feed me kittens.” Hey. What? I said this movie review was useless, so shut up.
12. Dead Man
Crap. Artistic types will tell you that this movie was revolutionary. It’s not. It’s crap. I like Johnny Depp. I like westerns. I like an attempt to be stylistic. But if failed and this is crap any way you look at it. Although I liked it when I saw it because I was high, but I watched it again and realized that it is, in fact, crap.
13. Catch me if you can
Thoroughly entertaining. I’m not sure I saw this in the last month, it may have been a month and a week or something. I’ll have to check netflix.
14. Buffalo 66.
I saw this one month and a half ago, so it’s not supposed to be in here, but I like it so much I’m putting it in here anyway. It’s in my top 5 flicks of all times. If you haven’t seen it, see it. Vincent Gallo did it all, wrote, directed, and starred in. And unlike Kevin Costner, who turns every film he writes, directs and stars in into a buttf*ckathon of craperiffic proportions, this is done right. It’s so good. It made me feel allot of emotion, and I wanted desperately for the two characters to get together.
Oh, I forgot.
The “good” guy never kills the “bad” guy in cold blood in today’s movies. Five stars for anybody who can name three flicks in which this happens. All of them that I can remember are good.
15. 21 Grams. Ooof. Tough movie to watch. Will make you feel sad. Sure, it’s a good movie with fantastic performances by excellent actors, well directed with a great script. Still, it’s nothing more than a 2 hour really [censored] depressing story. If that’s your goal, congratulations, you’ve accomplished it, but I don’t think it makes a good movie.
16. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.
Crap. Sean Connery should be ashamed of himself.
17. Underworld.
Not great, but if you like vampire or werewolf science fiction, than you can’t go wrong with a “Vampires VS. Werewolf,” movie. I like it even though it’s clearly not good.
18. Mitch Hedberg’s standup DVD.
Straight Dope. If it doesn’t make you laugh you’re not human. “I bought a donut and the dude handed me a receipt. I don’t need a receipt for a donut. I hand you money, you hand me the donut, end of transaction. I cannot imagine the scenario in which I need to prove that I bought a donut. ‘Dude, don’t even be like I didn’t get that donut… I have the documentation.’” No repeat that as if you were some really stoned dude with long hair. Nuff.
19. Aqua teen hunger force season 1 DVD.
Better than all the movies above put together. But not a movie, so it can’t make it into my top five.
20. S.W.A.T.
Typical action flick, not great, not terrible. SWORDFISH is much better, and equally unbelievable.
21. High Noon, the original
Excellent western. Everybody screws this really, really, really good guy, and he tells them all to go f*ck themselves. But there’s an hour and a half of movie in between. This is one of the great westerns, up there with “The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.”
22. Chappele’s show season 1.
What did the five fingers say to the face? “Slap!” No, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go put some water in Buck Nasty’s mom’s dish. (best sketch comedy show ever)
23. The Adventures of Buckaroo Bonzai across the eight dimension.
Meh. This movie is a really, really goofy cult classic, but I ain’t sayin it’s good.
24. A boy and his dog
Totally interesting. Post apocalyptic movie (I love these) about a horny boy and his telepathic dog with radar. He gets conned into going to the underworld where they use him for sperm and a big robot smashes people’s heads. Not great, but interesting enough that if you like weird plots, get it. It’s a little violent.
25. Serpico
A classic. I still didn’t like it even if it’s a classic. It’s long and I just don’t care about Pacino’s plight to right the wrongs with the police force.
1. Dirty Harry
Dirty Harry is a good movie. Movies were very different then, although when Scorpio is about to cap someone, they play this beat that is surprisingly 90’s. Cars in the 70’s were uglier than a muthafucka. The word “nigger,” is used an order of magnitude less in movies every decade after the 60’s
2. Galaxy Quest.
Cute. 2 or 3 episodes of gut wrenching laughter, but other than that it’s kind of slow and sappy. You’re not supposed to feel for the characters because it’s a comedy, but the movie tried anyway. I think my mom would like it allot.
3. The Crow.
High school Goth wet dream. Paint your face up and run around invincible killing people to core music. Blah. It’s still fun to watch. Brandon Lee died during its making, so it’s missing some things that may have made it better. It’s good; if you haven’t seen it you should see it.
4. Edward Scissorhands.
I reported about this earlier. Dope movie. Rock solid. Tim Burton is bad ass, and when combined with Danny Elfman, it’s mo bad ass. And Johnny Depp is bad ass.
5. Bulletproof monk.
The only thing I thought during this movie was, “What the hell am I doing renting Bulletproof Monk?!” It’s got Chow on Young Fat and Stiffler. It has to suck ass but I rent it anyway. Verdict? It sucks ass.
6. From the cradle to the grave.
It’s a martial arts action flick. I didn’t learn my lesson from #5. It sucks ass.
7. The Punisher
If you read the comic you’ll probably like the movie. It’s not bad, not great. Rebecca Romaine Stamos should have gotten nekkid or somtin’.
8. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
Holy Shitnuts. This movie’s fricken, like, really, really good. It’s incredible. I’m not a Jim Carrey fan, and he’s not Jim Carrey in this movie. He’s a character that you care about. The movie made me feel lonely, but I like that because I don’t feel much and it made me feel human. Haakee saw this with me, which is cool, because haakee doesn’t talk during movies, which pisses me off.
9. Bound
Oh, man, this movie is sweet. It’s like “Wild Things,” you watch this bad ass movie with a solid plot and all, and the as a bonus Jennifer Tilly and Gina Gershawn make out and touch each other. Than, just when your like, “man, this movie’s kind of sweet, but it’s kind of losing me… oh, wait, wait….. Oh, yeah, girls kissing. Sweet, I’m back. Than it’s more good movie. I highly recommend this, and of course, if you haven’t seen Wild Things, and you like hot chicks and really good movies, than your missing out on two counts by not seeing Wild Things.
10. Absalon
Jesus Christ. Crap. B-rate movie, but if fooled me because there are 20 copies available at blockbuster. I should have been tipped off by the fact that the main characters are Lou Diamond Phillips and that dude from Highlander.
11. Equilibrium
Good. If you like ludicrous fight seems, and I mean ludicrous, you’ll like this. If you like far out fantastic-futuristic-post-apocalyptic-unrealistic-plots like I do, than you’ll like this. Christian Bale is pimptacular. Remember in American Psycho when he’s doing those chicks and he keeps looking in the mirror and flexing? I love that part. And the part when the ATM says, “feed me kittens.” Hey. What? I said this movie review was useless, so shut up.
12. Dead Man
Crap. Artistic types will tell you that this movie was revolutionary. It’s not. It’s crap. I like Johnny Depp. I like westerns. I like an attempt to be stylistic. But if failed and this is crap any way you look at it. Although I liked it when I saw it because I was high, but I watched it again and realized that it is, in fact, crap.
13. Catch me if you can
Thoroughly entertaining. I’m not sure I saw this in the last month, it may have been a month and a week or something. I’ll have to check netflix.
14. Buffalo 66.
I saw this one month and a half ago, so it’s not supposed to be in here, but I like it so much I’m putting it in here anyway. It’s in my top 5 flicks of all times. If you haven’t seen it, see it. Vincent Gallo did it all, wrote, directed, and starred in. And unlike Kevin Costner, who turns every film he writes, directs and stars in into a buttf*ckathon of craperiffic proportions, this is done right. It’s so good. It made me feel allot of emotion, and I wanted desperately for the two characters to get together.
Oh, I forgot.
The “good” guy never kills the “bad” guy in cold blood in today’s movies. Five stars for anybody who can name three flicks in which this happens. All of them that I can remember are good.
15. 21 Grams. Ooof. Tough movie to watch. Will make you feel sad. Sure, it’s a good movie with fantastic performances by excellent actors, well directed with a great script. Still, it’s nothing more than a 2 hour really [censored] depressing story. If that’s your goal, congratulations, you’ve accomplished it, but I don’t think it makes a good movie.
16. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.
Crap. Sean Connery should be ashamed of himself.
17. Underworld.
Not great, but if you like vampire or werewolf science fiction, than you can’t go wrong with a “Vampires VS. Werewolf,” movie. I like it even though it’s clearly not good.
18. Mitch Hedberg’s standup DVD.
Straight Dope. If it doesn’t make you laugh you’re not human. “I bought a donut and the dude handed me a receipt. I don’t need a receipt for a donut. I hand you money, you hand me the donut, end of transaction. I cannot imagine the scenario in which I need to prove that I bought a donut. ‘Dude, don’t even be like I didn’t get that donut… I have the documentation.’” No repeat that as if you were some really stoned dude with long hair. Nuff.
19. Aqua teen hunger force season 1 DVD.
Better than all the movies above put together. But not a movie, so it can’t make it into my top five.
20. S.W.A.T.
Typical action flick, not great, not terrible. SWORDFISH is much better, and equally unbelievable.
21. High Noon, the original
Excellent western. Everybody screws this really, really, really good guy, and he tells them all to go f*ck themselves. But there’s an hour and a half of movie in between. This is one of the great westerns, up there with “The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.”
22. Chappele’s show season 1.
What did the five fingers say to the face? “Slap!” No, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go put some water in Buck Nasty’s mom’s dish. (best sketch comedy show ever)
23. The Adventures of Buckaroo Bonzai across the eight dimension.
Meh. This movie is a really, really goofy cult classic, but I ain’t sayin it’s good.
24. A boy and his dog
Totally interesting. Post apocalyptic movie (I love these) about a horny boy and his telepathic dog with radar. He gets conned into going to the underworld where they use him for sperm and a big robot smashes people’s heads. Not great, but interesting enough that if you like weird plots, get it. It’s a little violent.
25. Serpico
A classic. I still didn’t like it even if it’s a classic. It’s long and I just don’t care about Pacino’s plight to right the wrongs with the police force.