Rushmore
03-27-2004, 01:36 PM
Good lord. Oh my God. Sweet fancy Moses.
What if you gave a dumb little party, and everyone you had ever met showed up?
If, by "dumb little party," you think I mean "a little $300 buyin NL tourney," and by "everyone you had ever met" you think I mean "over 1100 people," then you know what I mean.
Now, Foxwoods, well, they always seem to fall under one of the following 3 categories:
a. "We didn't know!"
b. "We couldn't help it!", or
c. "We couldn't care less!"
On Friday, March 26, 2004, the answer was a, b, and c.
I get to the God-forsaken place at about 9AM to register for what I assumed would be a nice, civilized little test of poker accumen, contested by 4-500 moderately-talented folks out for a good time and a little prize money.
Uh, no.
There was a line about 150 feet long to the registration desk. It was not moving. I was then told it was to be used only for "alternates, as there were 1100 entrants."
I did not stay in the line. I left the line. The line was, simply, not for me , all things considered.
So, quite naturally, I stumble over to the board to try and get a 40/80 or maybe even a little bigger.
There were 40 people at the desk, all vying for the attention of ONE man, who, perhaps in defiance of convention, perhaps as a result of some misanthropic power trip, or perhaps because he was simply temperamentally ill-suited for his position (read: Foxwoods Employment Guidebook and Regulations), was categorically disinterested in providing the attention required to perform the task. Rather, he was having a personal conversation with one of the many Racing Form-carrying mopes who people the place. They seemed to enjoy themselves, and that's nice, I suppose.
There are no holdem games above 20/40. There are six 5/10 games, AND 110 NAMES ON THE LIST. There are lists, but no tables or dealers available for, a 75/150 and a 50/100. Plenty o'names. Yup. You betcha.
So, uh...onto the 20/40, the 50/100, and the 75/150 lists.
OK. After about 45 minutes, I'm first on the 20/40 list, and each of the four 20/40 tables is SHOUTING "Seat open, 20/40!" for like 15 minutes. Nothing. Finally, I say to myself, I say "Self, why not just go and sit down?"
Just as you do not tug on Superman's cape or spit in the wind, do not "just go and sit down" if you visit Foxwoods. You will be verbally bitch-slapped (which is NOTHING compared to what happens if you even think about using your cellphone).
Anyway, I stand for another 15 minutes, everyone's unpleasant, this trip is unpleasant, this place is unpleasant, this entire LIFE is becoming unpleasant, and I say to myself, I say, "Self, let's you and me get back into our Q45 and drive ourselves back to our home and be with our good woman, who would, of course, love it if we were to come home right now."
I start to walk away. Then, of course, just as lighting a cigarette is the best way to get the bus to come, "D.T.--20/40 HOLDEM. D.T. 20/40 HOLDEM."
Honey will just have to wait.
I rappel, spellunk, and otherwise--and with great grace and athleticism--maneuver my way to the table, sit, beat it for about $400 in two hours (in spite of the fact that they clearly have the janitorial staff dealing today), and then, miracle of miracles...
"New 75/150 game starting...", and he calls the names on the list. I am one of the names.
Maybe they've recruited some of the busboys to deal this game.
Abject and inane story short, I drop a little under a rack in 7 hours at a table that Scott Stapp and David Schwimmer could have murdered. I was never up more than a thousand. I took several brutal beats, and I made ONE bad play the whole time, none of which I'll post, because you've heard it all before, and because it might detract from the snide and generally ugly tone of this post.
Why muddy the water with poker, of all things?
At 2AM, I go down to the valet to get my beautiful luxury vehicle from the grade school kids who were running the valet (everyone else was dealing).
As I was walking past the Sunrise Sunnyside Sunburst whatever Ballroom, where the tourney had been taking place earlier, I happen to catch a glimpse of the room, and make a mental note to edit the above sentence from the past tense ("had been") to the present tense ("is still.")
The style that I have chosen here does not require an edit, as the fact has now been stated.
Math Time: The tournament started at 10AM. It was, at that moment, 2AM. There were 4 tables still playing. Therefore...
I swing the V8 onto Rte. 2, jump onto 95, take the Tanker Disaster Detour at exit 38 over to the Merritt, jump off at exit 44, snake along 58, pull into the driveway, go upstairs, and tell my girlfriend (whose name, by the way, is Deborah) that I love her, and that from now on, she need only walk downstairs to my office to see me when I am playing poker, as I shan't be attending any more of these gatherings.
She is glad to hear this, so I'd just like to go on record and thank Foxwoods for their inability to even aspire to the prescience necessary to avoid such a fiasco as yesterday's.
I hope everyone else enjoyed themselves, though. /images/graemlins/grin.gif
What if you gave a dumb little party, and everyone you had ever met showed up?
If, by "dumb little party," you think I mean "a little $300 buyin NL tourney," and by "everyone you had ever met" you think I mean "over 1100 people," then you know what I mean.
Now, Foxwoods, well, they always seem to fall under one of the following 3 categories:
a. "We didn't know!"
b. "We couldn't help it!", or
c. "We couldn't care less!"
On Friday, March 26, 2004, the answer was a, b, and c.
I get to the God-forsaken place at about 9AM to register for what I assumed would be a nice, civilized little test of poker accumen, contested by 4-500 moderately-talented folks out for a good time and a little prize money.
Uh, no.
There was a line about 150 feet long to the registration desk. It was not moving. I was then told it was to be used only for "alternates, as there were 1100 entrants."
I did not stay in the line. I left the line. The line was, simply, not for me , all things considered.
So, quite naturally, I stumble over to the board to try and get a 40/80 or maybe even a little bigger.
There were 40 people at the desk, all vying for the attention of ONE man, who, perhaps in defiance of convention, perhaps as a result of some misanthropic power trip, or perhaps because he was simply temperamentally ill-suited for his position (read: Foxwoods Employment Guidebook and Regulations), was categorically disinterested in providing the attention required to perform the task. Rather, he was having a personal conversation with one of the many Racing Form-carrying mopes who people the place. They seemed to enjoy themselves, and that's nice, I suppose.
There are no holdem games above 20/40. There are six 5/10 games, AND 110 NAMES ON THE LIST. There are lists, but no tables or dealers available for, a 75/150 and a 50/100. Plenty o'names. Yup. You betcha.
So, uh...onto the 20/40, the 50/100, and the 75/150 lists.
OK. After about 45 minutes, I'm first on the 20/40 list, and each of the four 20/40 tables is SHOUTING "Seat open, 20/40!" for like 15 minutes. Nothing. Finally, I say to myself, I say "Self, why not just go and sit down?"
Just as you do not tug on Superman's cape or spit in the wind, do not "just go and sit down" if you visit Foxwoods. You will be verbally bitch-slapped (which is NOTHING compared to what happens if you even think about using your cellphone).
Anyway, I stand for another 15 minutes, everyone's unpleasant, this trip is unpleasant, this place is unpleasant, this entire LIFE is becoming unpleasant, and I say to myself, I say, "Self, let's you and me get back into our Q45 and drive ourselves back to our home and be with our good woman, who would, of course, love it if we were to come home right now."
I start to walk away. Then, of course, just as lighting a cigarette is the best way to get the bus to come, "D.T.--20/40 HOLDEM. D.T. 20/40 HOLDEM."
Honey will just have to wait.
I rappel, spellunk, and otherwise--and with great grace and athleticism--maneuver my way to the table, sit, beat it for about $400 in two hours (in spite of the fact that they clearly have the janitorial staff dealing today), and then, miracle of miracles...
"New 75/150 game starting...", and he calls the names on the list. I am one of the names.
Maybe they've recruited some of the busboys to deal this game.
Abject and inane story short, I drop a little under a rack in 7 hours at a table that Scott Stapp and David Schwimmer could have murdered. I was never up more than a thousand. I took several brutal beats, and I made ONE bad play the whole time, none of which I'll post, because you've heard it all before, and because it might detract from the snide and generally ugly tone of this post.
Why muddy the water with poker, of all things?
At 2AM, I go down to the valet to get my beautiful luxury vehicle from the grade school kids who were running the valet (everyone else was dealing).
As I was walking past the Sunrise Sunnyside Sunburst whatever Ballroom, where the tourney had been taking place earlier, I happen to catch a glimpse of the room, and make a mental note to edit the above sentence from the past tense ("had been") to the present tense ("is still.")
The style that I have chosen here does not require an edit, as the fact has now been stated.
Math Time: The tournament started at 10AM. It was, at that moment, 2AM. There were 4 tables still playing. Therefore...
I swing the V8 onto Rte. 2, jump onto 95, take the Tanker Disaster Detour at exit 38 over to the Merritt, jump off at exit 44, snake along 58, pull into the driveway, go upstairs, and tell my girlfriend (whose name, by the way, is Deborah) that I love her, and that from now on, she need only walk downstairs to my office to see me when I am playing poker, as I shan't be attending any more of these gatherings.
She is glad to hear this, so I'd just like to go on record and thank Foxwoods for their inability to even aspire to the prescience necessary to avoid such a fiasco as yesterday's.
I hope everyone else enjoyed themselves, though. /images/graemlins/grin.gif