VIP !! (very important poll) zoo memebers only

[GrannyMae]

hiya,

i'm trying to guage what would interest the most as a format for the new breed of private tourney participants.

this poll is for zoo members only. slummers are not welcomed.

slummers and lurkers votes will be immediately identified and discluded using shamholdem.com's s00per version 66.6

this version uses the latest packet and pocket sniffing, encryted SQZ-ME technology that randomizes your ISP, adds the numbers together and divides by one. these results, sent to me by the secure BLO-ME, KGC tepee server that is maintained and operated under soverign laws of the wonderful republic of the province of upper quebec. any scrambled ISP packets that i have sniffed to be from any person with posts in other forums greater than, but not equal to the sum of the persons posts, squared with log10 methods will be rejected and sent to miami for manual chad review.

remember, zoo animals only to respond


consider these parameters before answering.

1. tourney would be limited to 100 players.
2. tourney would be at blzaing speeds with 6 minute rounds**
3. tourney would be FREE to these 100 players
4. tourney would pay only the final table, but all at the final table
5. prize fund would carry a worth of $1,500+ for the top ten
(not equal prizes, but standard distribution. no deals allowed, played till only one is still standing)

** thus assuring that there will be dozens of flames about it being a crapshoot at the end, so "it did not mean SQUAT", but we could bicker about it forever.
estimated completion of a tourney with this structure would be less than 2 hours, eliminating the
3.6 DAYS time investment needed for the standard KOTZ






feel free to add any other challenges, themes you would like to see played that may have been overlooked in the poll.


thank you for your time, and please remember that urinal cakes are NOT to be fed to children under 8

http://mindscraps.com/s/contrib/edoom/urinate.gif

[lorinda]

this version uses the latest packet and pocket sniffing, encryted SQZ-ME technology that randomizes your ISP, adds the numbers together and divides by one

Did you steal that from PokerWorld?

Lori

[HUSKER'66]

sniff...........sniff.............



I smell fun! /images/graemlins/wink.gif

[yct]

Count me in as long as I'm not working on that day. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Inthacup]

I like where this idea is going.

2. tourney would be at blzaing speeds with 6 minute rounds**

This sounds like a lot of fun. Considering the way most KOTZ hands are played, I still think a table could get a lap per round. Plus, I think the format could force the players to make some interesting adjustments.

Sounds like a pretty cool change of pace to me.


Cup

[dr_mabuse]

hi granny,

i do not know if i qualify as a zoo member, but i am very interested in the idea especially fast rounds. i think the europeans would als appreciate to begin either earlier or later than a usual kotz, because it is exactly in the middle of the night.
btw. there was a very famous chess battle played every 10 years (as far as i remember), which was known as u.s.s.r against the rest of the world.

bye
dr_mauspuke

[DrSavage]

Unfortunately i smell that if this happens it would happen at some obscure site with even more obscure software.
So 100 people tourney with 1500 prize? It's 15$ a person. Honestly, I'd rather put my 30 into the pot and play at Stars like i do every KotZ.
Rivalry tournaments are fun, but are we so cheap as to do it at others expense?

[Drunk Bob]

I think I will enter my dog in this one.

He loves too sniff packets and anything else.

Gotta teach him not to fold AA though. /images/graemlins/cool.gif

[Hung]

I suppose it's a limit game?
If it's not in the middle of the night, I might give it a try. Imagine I would reach final playing limit. We'll all have a good laugh.

[GhostOfMae]

[ QUOTE ]
Unfortunately i smell that if this happens it would happen at some obscure site with even more obscure software.


[/ QUOTE ]


Good point. I would be careful of this. Sounds rouge to me.

/images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[GWB]

GrannyMae,

Got your message about GhostOfMae.

Will get Johnny Ashcroft working on it right away!

Yeah, he makes me sick too!

http://www.condutores.hpg.ig.com.br/vomito3.gif

[Simon Diamond]

Unfortunately i smell that if this happens it would happen at some obscure site with even more obscure software.

Don't count your chickens.

Simon

[William]

So this would be "The Granny Mae Invitational Championship" ?

Cool /images/graemlins/cool.gif you just forgot to mention one VERY important parameter :

6. Chances are WILLIAM won't keep his greedy fingers from this one and will probably win it.

I know, this 6th parameter may discourage some from participating; but who said life was fair? uhh? /images/graemlins/grin.gif

Take care,
William

[TheGrifter]

What exacteley is a zoo memeber?

/images/graemlins/shocked.gif

[William]

[ QUOTE ]
What exacteley is a zoo memeber?

/images/graemlins/shocked.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

You have to apply to the actual Zoo King (that's me /images/graemlins/grin.gif )

Hint: Last year it was Lori, and it was difficult to obtain membership, but corrupt as I am, if I can see a generous donation in my PS account, it shouldn't be a problem.

Contact my secretary for details (Stagemusic, not that efficient but hey, everybody has to make a living).

If the donation is large enough, you might also get a "Welcome to the Zoo" diploma signed by our Honoris Livitum Member, Granny Mae /images/graemlins/grin.gif

My Magesty,
William

[webiggy]

[ QUOTE ]
thank you for your time, and please remember that urinal cakes are NOT to be fed to children under 8



[/ QUOTE ]

Yes, they must be saved for politicians, attorneys, tourists, rgp's, and the religious right..,

How about a bounty for whomever bags the most rgpee'ers?

[Sloats]

[ QUOTE ]
Unfortunately i smell that if this happens it would happen at some obscure site with even more obscure software.
So 100 people tourney with 1500 prize? It's 15$ a person. Honestly, I'd rather put my 30 into the pot and play at Stars like i do every KotZ.
Rivalry tournaments are fun, but are we so cheap as to do it at others expense?

[/ QUOTE ]

NO NO NO NO NO

Read it again. The 100 players who play enter for free. Grannie Mae is going to collect $15 from a completely different 100 people.

Seeing as I am not a Zoo Member and will not be eligible to play, I am going to hide from the board so I am not hit up for $15.

[CCass]

Since you and I were in the final 3 at the first KOTZ this year, I am pretty sure I qualify as a member of the Zoo. If that isn't enough, just let me know how much and where to drop it at. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Elizabeth-Anne]

SS will easily win like they usually do.

[Stagemusic]

[ QUOTE ]
Contact my secretary for details (Stagemusic, not that efficient but hey, everybody has to make a living).


[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, but we have to do something about the short skirt and pumps you keep asking me to wear. If I actually wore the damn things it would be really difficult to run around the desk when you get that look in your eye. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

Sounds like a great time Granny. Count me in you no card holding, Queen Five playin, ol wench. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[TheGrifter]

Billy,

I bow to no Dane.

Good day,

Grifter

[Simon Diamond]

Yet another post where you attempt to spark conflict. And yet another post where you are talking complete garbage.

Zoo Team wins by a landslide (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showflat.php?Cat=&Board=inet&Number=560436&Forum=A ll_Forums&Words=toons&Match=Entire%20Phrase&Search page=0&Limit=25&Old=allposts&Main=560436&Search=tr ue#Post560436)

Check the link E-A, the SS boys whooped the Zoo did they?

Simon

[VinnyTheFish]

I am in!!!

I love the idea of being "dead money" in a freeroll!

[CCass]

Count me in also.

I forgot to add that to my previous post.

[Myrtle]

Count me in too.....

When will be getting further details?

[GrannyMae]

OMG..

dr.mauspuke!!

long time no see.

OF course you are welcome and we would be honored to have you on team zoo. also, just for you, i have arranged for it to be at 12.30pm EST on a sunday.

http://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/n/pukeface.gif

[GrannyMae]

I suppose it's a limit game?

i had not even thought about this. if it were NL, would the 6 minute rounds be too short? people seem to spazz a bit when fingering their sliders and i don't want to increase the round time.

would the need for sliders in NL slow the hands per round? i don't know.

http://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/3/ohno.gif

[Inthacup]

I think making it NL would drastically decrease the number of hands played per level. I vote limit.


Cup

[GrannyMae]

What exacteley is a zoo memeber?


zoo membership would be determined by a very complicated algorithm that will compute the number of leap years in a century, but counted from 27AD onward, ignoring election years, but adding back the SQRT of mason's age. this figue would be multiplied by the total of your IG forum posts, then divided by Pi. if this is an even number you go to mike haven and ask him, "what is the definition of definition?"

your answer will then be forwarded to BW for the essay panelists to detemine whether you are pro or con affiliate. when this determination is made, all results are emailed to simon diamond, at which point he will flip a coin.

however, if you would like to play on team zoo grifter, you are in.

http://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/_950/crazy.gifhttp://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/_950/crazy.gifhttp://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/_950/crazy.gifhttp://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/_950/crazy.gif

[TheGrifter]

Thanks for making my brain explode.


P.S. Count me in

[GrannyMae]

at some obscure site with even more obscure software.


heyyyyyy, who told you ??? that can NOT have just been a lucky guess!!

week from sunday, at

www.some-obscure-site.com (http://www.paradisepoker.com) ***


*** above link leads to the ONLY site on the internet certified BOT FREE.

see this VERY long thread (http://groups.google.com/groups?hl=en&lr=&ie=UTF-8&frame=right&rnum=1&thl=0,886348565,886346447,886 324464,886345579,886323896,886293970,886222271,886 221580,886214118,886299048,886294992&seekm=LWK5c.1 0866449%24Of.1819713%40news.easynews.com#link1) that exposes this admission, and check out BOTBOYS site, if you dare, for same advisory.

it seems like it will be the zoo versus the rest of 2+2. it will be one week from sunday at 12.30 in the afternoon est.

it will be password protected, but FREE to all entrants.

the TD is simon diamond, and all the details will posted today, tomorrow, or whenever i get the fuk around to doing it.

team zoo will be determined by the TD. those not making the team zoo cut will be allowed to play for team 8minus4.

if it is not 50-50, weighted paperweights will be used to smash the calculator that we use to derive a weighted scoring system.

the champ will be determined by whomever wins (duh!), but the more important question of superiority will be determined by players finishing positions. i persoannly expect an all zoo final table tho.


stay tuned. i need to go get a pedicure and cuticle scraping, then a super-size fry before mcDonalds crumples under the pressure.

http://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/h0/jump.gif

[DrSavage]

Oh well, I'll surely play at www.some-obscure-site.com (http://www.some-obscure-site.com)
Count me in too.

[jasonHoldEm]

[ QUOTE ]
it seems like it will be the zoo versus the rest of 2+2. it will be one week from sunday at 12.30 in the afternoon est.

[/ QUOTE ]

My schedule has been cleared....

[OnlinePokerCoach]

Where does the $1500 come from?

[yct]

Where does the $1500 come from?

from underneath Granny's couch or mattress. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Myrtle]

oops.....gotta back out....

I will not visit that site under ANY conditions....

Long story....

Tohse mtoherucnfikg csockkucers can ksis my rsoy red sas and eat siht and brak at the moon!

[GrannyMae]

<font color="green">Where does the $1500 come from?

</font> <font color="red">from underneath Granny's couch or mattress. </font>





as we speak, the current 'under the matress' inventory is as follows:

4 nearly empty jars of vaseline, 3 of which are pubic hair-free

12 completely dead c-batteries

snickers bar wrappers (too many to count)

1 full can of butane

22 lighters that need filling

4 emergency packs of lucky stipes

a cat that we thought ran away 6 years ago

one of those big flooppy disks to boot DOS

plenty of velveeta cheese

an opened box of arm and hammer baking soda to help with the aroma

a john holmes blow-up doll with optional foot pump

and of COURSE, mason himself, hiding from who knows what?



no cash yct /images/graemlins/frown.gif



ok, the no B.S. answer.

Paradise Poker recently launched private tournaments, and they were looking for a person to host a tournament freeroll. (with the possibility of continuing this series with future events)
They approached me and together we worked out this deal. In exchange for myself and Simon diamond putting the tournament together, Paradise has graciously donated the entire prize pool. First place will have a sOOper secret top prize that has a combined value of $650 (prize+cash). second pays $240 cash-O-la, the remainder of the top ten will also be paid cash, and paradise has also established and funded 2 bounties thus far.

details on the complete prize pool, as well as instructions on receiving the password will be posted friday. remember that this is a freeroll, so if you have not registered by 15 minutes prior to the event, TOUGH DOODY. your seat will go to the alternates, or the PW will be openly posted to fill these final seats.

look over the rules and time of the tourney when it is posted, and PLEEEEEZE don't ask for the PW if you are not certain you can attend. there are many, many newbies that would like to participate in this, so don't pull a no-show. Paradise had not imposed a cap on the amount of entrants, but when i asked them to, they agreed. this was to keep the equity UP and the time investment DOWN. we could have gone with a cap of 1,000 instead of 100, so please remember this when asking for the password.

also, KNOWN zoo members that will be defending our honor, that do NOT show, will need a note from MOMMY, or be subjected to eternal flaming.

You must have a real account at Paradise. that is the only requirement (you can't very well get paid if there is no account to put it in)

if you open a new account to play the freeroll, and decide to make a deposit, make sure to utilize the 25% first deposit bonus. see the T's&amp;C's for this at www.paradisepoker.com (http://www.paradisepoker.com) .

currently, we need only to decide on whether it is to be NLHE or LHE. the rounds will be 10 minutes, NOT 6. this adjustment was made in case we decide for NL.

anybody that has questions, feel free to email billgates@microsoft.com , cuz i don't feel like answering any yet. the complete details will be included in the post that breaks down the event. this post will be first placed in the zoo, then i will attempt to cross post it ONE TIME on each other forum, then sit back and wait for MAT to delte them. **

**i am NOT a paradise employee, so cut us some slack moderatorboy

thanks for all the feedback, and i hope to see all at this still to be named event.

i want to call it TOEJAM, but can't figure out what the letters will stand for. however, it will be listed on the Paradise tourney tab as GrannyMae 2 days prior to the roll. i'm sure whatever WE would name it would not make the censors cut anyway.


designated drivers will be provided free of charge.
http://users.pandora.be/eforum/emoticons4u/crazy/dude_tweetz.gif

[yct]

awesome, didn't know Granny is a good deal maker. /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[DrPhysic]

Just remember what happened the last time you tried this crap!


TOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSS RULE!!!!!!


Your loving and (dis)respectful DOC! /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Simon Diamond]

In exchange for myself and Simon diamond putting the tournament together, Paradise has graciously donated the entire prize pool.

Kudos to Paradise and Granny for setting this up, looking good so far. Granny has asked for my services as Tournament Director, which is a great honour and something I am very much looking forward to.

If anybody has any queries or questions about this tournament, send them to me via PM and I will sift through them to save Granny the work.

Simon

[Jim Kuhn]

Great job Granny!! You mean you REALLY DO have connections?

[Simon Diamond]

<font color="blue">Just remember what happened the last time you tried this crap!...</font>

Here are the weighted Final Scores of the Team Tournament Replay:

First : Zoo : 311 Points

Second Last : Toons : 272 Points

Last : SS : 213 Points

While some congratulations have to go to Toons' t_perkin and Al Capone Junior for their first and third individual placings, the performance of the thirteen Zoo Players who finished in the top twenty-one was nothing less than awesome! Well done, the Zoo Team!

The Zoo won Doc. Sorry to disappoint you. /images/graemlins/laugh.gif

Simon

[arod4276]

T ournament
O f
E litist
J unkies (or juveniles)
A gainst
M oderation (or Mason, moderators, Mat, Monkees, I dont know)

Just a suggestion.

[jasonHoldEm]

[ QUOTE ]
want to call it TOEJAM, but can't figure out what the letters will stand for.

[/ QUOTE ]

hmmm....

Tournament
Of
Extremely
Jolly
Active
Members

The
Only
Event
Juicy
As
Mae


The
Orgy
Expert
Just
Arrived,
Mason!

/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[kdog]

Sounds like it could be good for a laugh or two. Count me in.

[Big Mo]

Big mo will romp and roam free here.

Grannie you know my login on Paradise please keep THAT secret.

[GrannyMae]

<font color="brown">
T ournament
O f
E litist
J unkies (or juveniles)
A gainst
M oderation (or Mason, moderators, Mat, Monkees, I dont know)
</font>
<font color="red">

The
Orgy
Expert
Just
Arrived,
Mason!


</font>

ummm, these are amazing. thanks you two.

should this tournament bear either of these names (now copyrighted and owned wholly by a shill corporation in reddITCH), the author of these will be granted free entry into this tournament.

see how generous we are??

http://users.pandora.be/eforum/emoticons4u/happy/057.gif

[GrannyMae]

Grannie you know my login on Paradise please keep THAT secret.

glad you mentioned this O'largeness

this tourney will be unique in the fact that we will NEVER publish, share, convey or in any way identify your paradise handle. you have my word that simon and myself will be the ONLY ones interpolating the overall team results.

i am considering a 3rd "team anonymous" that would reserve 10 spots for players that do not want to reveal this under any condition. this is still being sorted out.

those PW's would be issued only to the most respected forum members that could be trusted to NOT miss the event. these reserved places would have no bearing on which team is dubbed DaBest.

i understand, and respect posters not wanting to reveal names, and all accomodations will be made for those that are high profile here, but do not want myself or the TD to know the handle either.


http://users.telenet.be/eforum/emoticons4u/violent/sterb079.gif

[Myrtle]

ok...ok........

After seeing the effort that Granny &amp; Simon have put into this for us. I now officialy eat my words in my last post about never going to Paradise.

Thanks to both for this effort on the ZOO's behalf...

My opinion about Paradise, however, remains unchanged at this point....

Tehy are lwoer tahn whaehslit in the Maiarnas Trnech!!

....Unless I money in the tourn!!
/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[GrannyMae]

I now officialy eat my words in my last post about never going to Paradise.


WOOHOO, team zoo has its first official entrant/rock.
(and if you win, you must unscramble the letters, submit them to lori for her anagram team to re-form as complimentary, then post them 100 times)

ty myrt



http://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/k/outtahere.gif

[Myrtle]

[ QUOTE ]
I now officialy eat my words in my last post about never going to Paradise.


WOOHOO, team zoo has its first official entrant/rock.
(and if you win, you must unscramble the letters, submit them to lori for her anagram team to re-form as complimentary, then post them 100 times)

ty myrt



http://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/k/outtahere.gif

[/ QUOTE ]


Oops.....Unscramble, re-anagram and the 100 whip lash strokes of the post??!!

Geezez....when the hell am I gonna learn to STF up.....groan!!

/images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[happyjaypee]

[ QUOTE ]
soverign laws of the wonderful republic of the province of upper quebec

[/ QUOTE ]


Amerindian reserves are under federal juridiction btw.

And count me in too! /images/graemlins/grin.gif


-Happy /images/graemlins/laugh.gif

[rusty JEDI]

[ QUOTE ]
as we speak, the current 'under the matress' inventory is as follows:

4 nearly empty jars of vaseline, 3 of which are pubic hair-free

12 completely dead c-batteries

snickers bar wrappers (too many to count)

1 full can of butane

22 lighters that need filling

4 emergency packs of lucky stipes

a cat that we thought ran away 6 years ago

one of those big flooppy disks to boot DOS

plenty of velveeta cheese

an opened box of arm and hammer baking soda to help with the aroma

a john holmes blow-up doll with optional foot pump

and of COURSE, mason himself, hiding from who knows what?


[/ QUOTE ]


WARNING: When it comes in green, its always OT


<font color="green">

Thats one big mattress.

C-batteries? I thought you had that hooked up to a hemi.

Snickers....blah

Lucky stipes? what the hell is that? and if it was a typo for lucky stripes, i still dont know. White stripes arent bad though. Furthermore, what kind of emergency calls for these things?

Would a full can of butane fill 22 empty lighters?

If so, how many farts could "under mattress Mason" light before the lighters were empty once again?


</font>

I'd love to play granny, but the zoo will be forced to win without me this time.

rJ

[RollaJ]

<font color="red"> R </font>eturn of
<font color="red"> G </font>rannymae
<font color="red"> P </font>aradise
TOURNAMENT ................hmmmmmm, at least that will confuse all the people who see it on Paradise and decide they want to come sign up /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[TylerD]

Good stuff, count me in.

[Stagemusic]

Rolla...luuuv the pic today.

Granny...whoohoo very nice work and I would be honored to add my "dead money" to the game. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[GrannyMae]

<font color="green">Thats one big mattress. </font>

2 california kings pushed together. however, normal body secretions have actually fused them for eternity

<font color="green">C-batteries? I thought you had that hooked up to a hemi. </font>

what's a hemi? does a hemi come free with the vibrator? i see no mention of a hemi on my frequent vibe purchase, punch card.

<font color="green">Lucky stipes? what the hell is that? and if it was a typo for lucky stripes, i still dont know. White stripes arent bad though. Furthermore, what kind of emergency calls for these things? </font>

white stripes? is this a canadian cigarette?? granny don't smoke no frenchie-froggy blends. and if you can't think of a scenario where 4 packs of unfiltered smokes is necessary, then you have never had a hummer from granny


<font color="green">Would a full can of butane fill 22 empty lighters? </font>

i don't know if it would fill even one. that's why the can is still full. when i try to fill them, i just get gas spray in my retinas. hence, i find it easier just to buy a new one


<font color="green"> If so, how many farts could "under mattress Mason" light before the lighters were empty once again? </font>

this valid question needs to be clarified. are we talking rising flatulence from him, or sinking flatulence from me?

mine need only a spark, a close electrical outlet, or cold weather and a cat to create static electricity. then BOOM, we have another a massive explosion.

OTOH, mason only farts after winning sesssions. this DEADLY methane build-up has caused many of visits from the departments of homeland security, and the EPA. thus far, none have ignited, but MASSIVE evacuations have been needed. we usually just funnel the pocket of deadly mist out of mason, through a garden hose and safely dispel it upwars to assist the international space station in refueling.

so, why valid, this question has no answer.

and why can't you play? is it one of those obscure canadian holidays that the citizens don't even know what it is for, but all the stores close?

http://users.pandora.be/eforum/emoticons4u/smoking/rauch01.gif

[Simon Diamond]

A late entry in the naming stakes...

S imon
A nd
G ranny's
G aming
Y ard

Simon

[BBill]

and an even later entry - didn't think if an acronym, but did think of some anamgrams
Toejam letters rearranged spell

- Team joe
- Tame jo (we could fondly refer to the Zoo's opposition players with this, get it?)

and my favorite, using all of he letters:

- Meat me at Joes

[Al_Capone_Junior]

[ QUOTE ]
given our superior superiority, which tourney/cage-match format would you most rather participate in?

[/ QUOTE ]

UFC octagon style.

Granny your senility is kicking in. TOONS are the ones who actually RULE. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

al

[Zool]

ummm, morgant would like to play

[GrannyMae]

UFC octagon style

sorry, but we don't know of this "UFC" group.

ever since my threeway with jack and jerry briscoe, i have stopped watching. i knew that it could get no better.

but i DID once sit on an airplane directly in front of abdullah the butcher, and pak song (sp?)

swear to god. they bought the full back row in coach (3 seats)

http://smilies.jeeptalk.org/otn/wrestling/canek.gifhttp://instagiber.net/smiliesdotcom/otn/wrestling/akira.gif

[GrannyMae]

ummm, morgant would like to play

and we would LOVE to have him. the full announcement/rules have just been completed and will be posted tomorrow.

however, pls have morgant PM for password after the announcement. you don't think i'm buying this lost PW crap you been selling do you??

imposter!!

http://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/a0/dckix.gif