02-14-2002, 04:36 PM
HEY SWINES,
WHY DO SOME OF YOU ALLOW FAT HUMP POKER PLAYERS INTO YOUR HOMES? WHEN I SEE THESE DISGUSTING PEOPLE AT THE BELLAGIO, I WANT TO VOMMIT. I RECENTLY HAD THE DISTINCT DISPLEASURE OF SMELLING SOME POKER PLAYERS IN MY HOME. A FRIEND OF MINE FROM OUT OF STATE HAS BEEN STAYING WITH ME FOR A WHILE. WE'LL CALL HIM "MARK" SINCE HE'S SUCH AN EASY TARGET FOR MY SOPHISTICATED POKER PLAYS. WELL, THIS IDIOT INVITES SEVERAL FRIENDS OVER FOR A DEALER'S CHOICE HOME GAME. SINCE I HAVE TO ENDURE THEIR PRESENCE, I DECIDE TO PLAY AND TAKE ALL THEIR MONEY. FOR THIS PARTICULAR HAND, I'M THE DEALER AND, OF COURSE, WE'RE PLAYING JOEY'S SPECIALTY, HOLD'EM. SEVERAL PLAYERS LIMP INCLUDING MARK. I'VE GOT ACE ACE ON THE BUTTON. USUALLY I DON'T LIKE PLAYING THIS CHEESE BUT I WANT TO KEEP THE HUMPS HAPPY SO I LIMP TOO. THE FLOP IS ACE KING TEN, ALL SPADES. EVERYBODY CHECKS TO ME AND I CHECK. THE TURN IS ANOTHER ACE. IT GETS CHECKED TO ME AND I BET. MARK CHECKRAISES ME. EVERYBODY ELSE FOLDS. I SAY TO HIM "MARK, I'LL MAKE THIS NO-LIMIT IF YOU WANT AND PUT MY ENTIRE FIVE FIGURE BANKROLL UP AGAINST YOUR THREE FIGURE BANKROLL." HE AGREES AND WE PUT OUR ENTIRE ROLLS IN THE CENTER OF THE TABLE. MARK SAYS "THERE WILL BE NO TWO-OUTER FOR YOU THIS TIME, JOEY. I'VE GOT A ROYAL FLUSH" AND TURNS OVER QUEEN JACK OF SPADES. I SAY "DON'T YOU KNOW ANY BETTER THAN TO MAKE SMART-ASS COMMENTS AT SOMEBODY WHO'S SHOOTING BULLETS AT YOU" AND I TURN OVER MY ACE ACE. MARK LAUGHS AND SAYS "BUT, YOU'VE GOT NO OUTS. I WIN." I SAY "OH, REALLY?" AND DEAL THE RIVER CARD. IT'S THE JOKER. "I'VE GOT FIVE ACES AND THAT BEATS A ROYAL FLUSH." THE WHOLE TABLE IS STUNNED. AFTER BUSTING MARK, I BUSTED ALL THE OTHER HUMPS AS FAST AS POSSIBLE SO I COULD GET THEM OUT OF MY HOME. LATER, I NEEDED TO GET THEIR SMELL OF OFF ME SO I TOOK A SHOWER. WHILE SHOWERING, MARK SNUCK IN THE BATHROOM AND FLUSHED THE TOILET. THE SHOWER WATER SCALDED ME, I SLIPPED AND FELL FACE-DOWN GETTING SOAP IN MY EYES IN THE PROCESS. MARK SEIZED THE OPPORTUNITY AND PINNED ME TO THE SHOWER FLOOR. IT'S DELICATE TIME. HE THEN SLID HIMSELF INSIDE MY WET BACKSIDE WHILE I WAS HOPELESSLY PINNED AND BLINDED. WHILE HE WAS DOING IT, HE SAID "WHO'S SHOOTING BULLETS AT WHO NOW?". OH, WELL. I GOT HIS ENTIRE ROLL. SEE YA AND WOULDN'T WANT TO BE YA, YOU FAT HUMPS.
WHY DO SOME OF YOU ALLOW FAT HUMP POKER PLAYERS INTO YOUR HOMES? WHEN I SEE THESE DISGUSTING PEOPLE AT THE BELLAGIO, I WANT TO VOMMIT. I RECENTLY HAD THE DISTINCT DISPLEASURE OF SMELLING SOME POKER PLAYERS IN MY HOME. A FRIEND OF MINE FROM OUT OF STATE HAS BEEN STAYING WITH ME FOR A WHILE. WE'LL CALL HIM "MARK" SINCE HE'S SUCH AN EASY TARGET FOR MY SOPHISTICATED POKER PLAYS. WELL, THIS IDIOT INVITES SEVERAL FRIENDS OVER FOR A DEALER'S CHOICE HOME GAME. SINCE I HAVE TO ENDURE THEIR PRESENCE, I DECIDE TO PLAY AND TAKE ALL THEIR MONEY. FOR THIS PARTICULAR HAND, I'M THE DEALER AND, OF COURSE, WE'RE PLAYING JOEY'S SPECIALTY, HOLD'EM. SEVERAL PLAYERS LIMP INCLUDING MARK. I'VE GOT ACE ACE ON THE BUTTON. USUALLY I DON'T LIKE PLAYING THIS CHEESE BUT I WANT TO KEEP THE HUMPS HAPPY SO I LIMP TOO. THE FLOP IS ACE KING TEN, ALL SPADES. EVERYBODY CHECKS TO ME AND I CHECK. THE TURN IS ANOTHER ACE. IT GETS CHECKED TO ME AND I BET. MARK CHECKRAISES ME. EVERYBODY ELSE FOLDS. I SAY TO HIM "MARK, I'LL MAKE THIS NO-LIMIT IF YOU WANT AND PUT MY ENTIRE FIVE FIGURE BANKROLL UP AGAINST YOUR THREE FIGURE BANKROLL." HE AGREES AND WE PUT OUR ENTIRE ROLLS IN THE CENTER OF THE TABLE. MARK SAYS "THERE WILL BE NO TWO-OUTER FOR YOU THIS TIME, JOEY. I'VE GOT A ROYAL FLUSH" AND TURNS OVER QUEEN JACK OF SPADES. I SAY "DON'T YOU KNOW ANY BETTER THAN TO MAKE SMART-ASS COMMENTS AT SOMEBODY WHO'S SHOOTING BULLETS AT YOU" AND I TURN OVER MY ACE ACE. MARK LAUGHS AND SAYS "BUT, YOU'VE GOT NO OUTS. I WIN." I SAY "OH, REALLY?" AND DEAL THE RIVER CARD. IT'S THE JOKER. "I'VE GOT FIVE ACES AND THAT BEATS A ROYAL FLUSH." THE WHOLE TABLE IS STUNNED. AFTER BUSTING MARK, I BUSTED ALL THE OTHER HUMPS AS FAST AS POSSIBLE SO I COULD GET THEM OUT OF MY HOME. LATER, I NEEDED TO GET THEIR SMELL OF OFF ME SO I TOOK A SHOWER. WHILE SHOWERING, MARK SNUCK IN THE BATHROOM AND FLUSHED THE TOILET. THE SHOWER WATER SCALDED ME, I SLIPPED AND FELL FACE-DOWN GETTING SOAP IN MY EYES IN THE PROCESS. MARK SEIZED THE OPPORTUNITY AND PINNED ME TO THE SHOWER FLOOR. IT'S DELICATE TIME. HE THEN SLID HIMSELF INSIDE MY WET BACKSIDE WHILE I WAS HOPELESSLY PINNED AND BLINDED. WHILE HE WAS DOING IT, HE SAID "WHO'S SHOOTING BULLETS AT WHO NOW?". OH, WELL. I GOT HIS ENTIRE ROLL. SEE YA AND WOULDN'T WANT TO BE YA, YOU FAT HUMPS.