"You're Not Going to Wear THAT, Are You?"

[andyfox]

"Well, yes, I was going to wear this, why else would I have it on?"

Sound familiar? If you're married, you've had this conversation before. A hundred times.

Why do they care so much about what we wear? Don't they know that nobody is looking at us? They're either looking at the them, who have spent much more time, money, and energy worried about what they're wearing and how they otherwise look, or they're not looking at anybody. People care much more about themselves than about anyone else.

And God knows we always tell them how nice they look even when it appears their hair has been coiffed by Edward Scissorhands and their dress designed by Ray Charles.

Anyway, I, Andrew I Fox, have come up with a foolproof method for ending, forever, this conversation. It took me seventeen years with the current Mrs. Fox and thirteen with the prior Mrs. Fox, but I've solved the problem.

Last Saturday night, I had put on my shirt when the question came: "You're not going to wear that, are you?" Of course, it's not really a question, more a demand.

Now we've recently moved and before moving day, the wife and I went through all of my clothing. All of it. 100%. And we either threw away or gave to charity all of my objectionable items. So there should be no problem now, right?

Of course, it might well have been the pants I was going to wear with the shirt. How she knew what pants I would wear is, of course, a mystery, since I had only the shirt on, and hadn't even thought about considering which pants to wear. Heck, I hadn't even my underpants on yet. (Perhaps I misunderstood the "that" to which she was referring.)

Anyway, no sooner had the last word ("THAT") come out of her, I turned, cooly, calmly, collectedly, and went into the bathroom. I took out my scissors (the good pair) and slowly, deliberatrly, and forthrightly, cut the offending shirt into two equal halves.

She was in shock. The horror, the horror. You're a lunatic, she exclaimed, certifiable. A perfectly good shirt. (Well, it wasn't so perfect a minute ago, was it?) Don't you know there are people who don't have a shirt on their back, and you're destroying yours? No, I replied, they now could have two shirts on their back.

You know what? Since that night, she's kept away. I get dressed without needing apparel approval. And I've been pushing the envelope. Plaid shirts with houndstooth jackets and sneakers. Nary a word. Nothing, zilch, nada. She's too scared. Who could blame her?

So there you have it. Problem solved. Forever.

I provide this service gratis; no thanks are necessary.

And, should your better half react in a somewhat different manner, not to worry, we have plenty of more than competent attorneys on the ready here at 2+2.

[adios]

They usually mean well though.

[dsm]

NM

[Sredni Vashtar]

[ QUOTE ]
She was in shock. The horror, the horror. You're a lunatic, she exclaimed, certifiable.

[/ QUOTE ]

Well, unless something had transpired that is not fully explained, there you are with the scissors and two halves of a shirt, and "Kennedy's Vice President" exposed. That would even shock most ferrets.

[ QUOTE ]
I took out my scissors (the good pair)

[/ QUOTE ]

A good pair implies the existence of other not good pairs. Many humans have such lacking scissors. Somethimes they even have scissors that can't even possibly be good for anything. What is it about scissors that make humans keep them long past their prime? End AndyRooneyFerret.


[ QUOTE ]
So there you have it. Problem solved. Forever.

[/ QUOTE ]

Forever is a long time. Something suggests that this is not forever. It will begin with a seemingly disinterested hanging around during the dressing phase (which after 17 years has nothing whatsoever to do with Kennedy's VP), which might (unchecked) lead to seemingly innocuous glances, followed by completely innocent sounding remarks...

Yet thirty years of experience say otherwise, so I defer.

SV.

[Josh W]

Andy -

You have once again made this forum worth the price of admission.

I used to say that I wouldn't get married until I had women figured out. I've now changed that to something quasi-reasonable...I won't get married until I see the northern lights. At noon. In Pasadena.

But I thank you now for the advice you give me that I'll use then.

Josh

[andyfox]

Hope this finds you well and doing well.

Best regards,
Andy

[CCass]

Andy,

After 14 years of marriage, I just found out that I am supposed to wear a suit and tie when I run errands on Saturday.

This occurred a couple of weeks ago. After a busy Sat. (trips to Lowe's, Wal-Mart, kids BBall games, etc...) as I am trying to enjoy my supper, the Mrs. pipes up "You didn't wear that all day did you?"

Now 1st of all, I had been with my wife all day, and she just now notices what I am wearing. 2nd, I had on a clean pair of jeans, and a plain white cotten sweat-shirt (also clean). So my response was....."Yes, what is wrong with what I have on?".

I then got a 30 minute lecture on how people saw me out wearing the aforementioned sweat-shirt, and didn't I have anything better to wear. I didn't know that white was not an acceptable color, or that I should wear a suit and tie in the odd chance that someone I see cares about my clothing (I certainly do not).

One thing I have learned is that an argument like this is unwinnable, so I told her to start picking out clothes for me and all would be right with the world. She made some statement to the effect that she was already raising MY 3 children, and she didn't need another.

Just another blissful day of marriage. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Vehn]

I'd be gay if it wasn't for the sex with men part.

[Zeno]

[ QUOTE ]
Why do they care so much about what we wear? Don't they know that nobody is looking at us? They're either looking at the them, who have spent much more time, money, and energy worried about what they're wearing and how they otherwise look, or they're not looking at anybody. People care much more about themselves than about anyone else.


[/ QUOTE ]

A lot of subtleties to this. A few comments. Men always think that they are showing off 'their woman'. This alone shows how dumb we really are. You must look good, or presentable, because you represent to your wife that ‘appendage’ that is so important to your wife in her relationships with other Women and society as a whole, what I call the Woman's Sphere. Now of course men can only nebulously understand or even glance into this ever mysterious and deep enigma. In the end we are sort of useful pawns to be ever shuffled about in this Woman’s Sphere - A useful idiot to be blunt about it. There is probably much more to this but I do not want to delve any deeper or longer least I uncover even more unpleasantness. Seven years of marriage that ended, if not gracefully, at least civilly taught me something – pushing too far is often a mistake.

Which leads me to your pushing the envelope in the dressing department. You won a mayor battle (and did it with verve and style that all men can appreciate) but are now pushing your troops to the limit and spreading them thin. You will lose the war, Andy. We all lose in the end but this victory will be short lived unless you marshal the ranks closer together. The end will come, I predict, with the sox battle. Once the mismatched sox and the off-color sox and the hole in the sox is flaunted before the queen; all will be lost and you will be dressing again, Like You Should. And that will be THAT. Done in by hubris, again.

-Zeno

[andyfox]

Well, I assume you know I made up the pushing the envelope part. My taste is bad enough that I don't have to.

But you make several excellent points.

Certainly nobody ever wins the war by winning battles. You lose the war when you have a battle. Pushing too far is certainly a big mistake; pushing at all probably a fair-sized one.

I think what's probably at work here is that we idiots (your term, although I agree) have forced women to be our trophies; they want to look good because, for a long time, it was the only real way to get ahead in the world made of, by, and for men. We never needed to look good. It certainly helped if you were Cary Grant, but you could be Abe Lincoln too. (BTW, now that I think about it, the pre-botox John Kerry looked a bit like Honest Abe, don't you think?)

I think, in the long run, one of the worst things I've ever done here on 2+2 was introducing the word "hubris" to the discussions. Hoisted on my own petard and all that. /images/graemlins/wink.gif

[andyfox]

"an argument like this is unwinnable"

-As Zeno points out, the battles are winnable, but the war is lost upon commencement.


"I told her to start picking out clothes for me and all would be right with the world."

-My wife always picks the most uncomfortable ones though. The shoes that pinch, the shirt that shrunk, the pants with the pockets that are just shallow enough so that all you junk keeps falling out, the socks with the elastic stretched out, the sweater that itches, the jacket that doesn't keep you warm enough, . . .

"She made some statement to the effect that she was already raising MY 3 children, and she didn't need another."

-Yeah, notice how they're YOUR children when there's work to be done, and HERS when they bring home the "A" on the term paper? Anyway, she is, of course, correct. They want us to be smart and know what is appropriate and fashionable and acceptable. The problem is, again as Mr. Zeno correctly points out, we're idiots.

[andyfox]

Life is a series of compromises.

[Cyrus]

Andy,

Those posts of yours are great! Keep 'em coming.

Best regards,

Cyrus

[Zeno]

Enjoyed your post. Agree with it also, mostly. Women have been more powerful throughout history than most people think. It is just not as well known, written about or accepted.


[ QUOTE ]
BTW, now that I think about it, the pre-botox John Kerry looked a bit like Honest Abe, don't you think?)


[/ QUOTE ]

John Kerry does (did) have a slight resemblance to old Abe, which is why I suggested a while back that he should wear a top hat (plus it would counterbalance his long face).

'Hubris' is of course overused, but has been a part of my vocabulary since I was an upstart teenager (Remember Edith Hamilton’s Greek Myths etc from High School). The original Greek meaning was more geared toward insolence of the Gods, or Fate. Modern times have turned it more toward a meaning of overall pride, or excessive self-confidence. I like the ancient meaning better - So, a pox on the uncouth anthropomorphic hoodlums that people regard as Gods. I ooze hubris. /images/graemlins/smirk.gif

-Zeno

[John Cole]

"I cut the shirt into two equal halves."

Andy,

You know, of course, that the most feared madman displays a cool rationality. Do what you will, but keep it symmetrical.

Nice.

John

[scalf]

/images/graemlins/grin.gif anyone who wears a houndstooth jacket with a plaid shirt...they are virtually committable to a state mental facility for further assessment....look around the local public library...yup...that guy talking to himself in the corner...has the look..!!

gl gr8 article...i just wear what my wife (#2) puts out for me...yup..; she really does that..and people at work have been complimenting me on my new look...might get to be next medical director..gotta look the part..ya know...

lol

gl /images/graemlins/shocked.gif /images/graemlins/cool.gif /images/graemlins/diamond.gif

[Phat Mack]

"Well, yes, I was going to wear this, why else would I have it on?"

Sound familiar? If you're married, you've had this conversation before. A hundred times.

I've never heard this. Perhaps I have the perfect wife. Perhaps I'm a sharp dresser. Perhaps my wife has abandoned all hope. Sometimes when my wife sees what I am wearing, she smiles. It's not a sarcastic smile; more like the smile a woman gives a bassett hound puppy that has just tripped over its own ears.

[The Dude]

[ QUOTE ]
I'd be gay if it wasn't for the sex with men part.

[/ QUOTE ]

Vehn, I have to hand it to you. I've read through dozens of your posts and thought, "what the hell's wrong with this guy?" Now, one sentance later, in light of my newfound respect and admiration for you, I'm wondering "what the hell was wrong with me?"