snakehead
01-09-2004, 04:05 PM
DEMOCRAT
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you.
REPUBLICAN
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
SOCIALIST
You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your
neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with
milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of
cows.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to
sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one
cow, which was a gift from our government.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks
the
other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an
IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of
four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an
announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are
reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one tenth the size
of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to
travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their
class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink
lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an
hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling
around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is
good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You also have some vodka. You count the cows and
learn you have five. You drink more vodka. You count them again and
learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however
many cows you really have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don't milk
them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. Then you
kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the
hospital.
IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows. They go into hiding. They send radio tapes of
their mooing.
POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed
attempting to milk them.
FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best
looking one. Some of the people, who like the brown one best, vote
for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for
neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally,
a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best looking
cow.
CALIFORNIAN
You have a cow and a bull. The bull is depressed. It has spent its
life living a lie. It goes away for two weeks. It comes back after
a taxpayer-paid sex-change operation. You now have two cows. One
makes milk; the other doesn't. You try to sell the transgender cow.
Its lawyer sues you for discrimination. You lose in court. You sell
the milk-generating cow to pay the damages. You now have one rich,
transgender, non-milk-producing cow. You change your business to
beef. PETA pickets your farm. Jesse Jackson makes a speech in your
driveway. Cruz Bustamante calls for higher farm taxes to help
"working cows." Hillary Clinton calls for the nationalization of 1/7
of your farm "for the children." Before he left office, Gray Davis
signed a bill giving your farm to Mexico. The L.A. Times quotes five
anonymous cows claiming you groped their teats. You declare
bankruptcy and shut down all operations. The cow starves to death.
The L.A. Times' analysis shows your business failure is Bush's fault.
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you.
REPUBLICAN
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
SOCIALIST
You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your
neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with
milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of
cows.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to
sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one
cow, which was a gift from our government.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks
the
other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an
IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of
four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an
announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are
reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one tenth the size
of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to
travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their
class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink
lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an
hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling
around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is
good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You also have some vodka. You count the cows and
learn you have five. You drink more vodka. You count them again and
learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however
many cows you really have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don't milk
them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. Then you
kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the
hospital.
IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows. They go into hiding. They send radio tapes of
their mooing.
POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed
attempting to milk them.
FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best
looking one. Some of the people, who like the brown one best, vote
for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for
neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally,
a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best looking
cow.
CALIFORNIAN
You have a cow and a bull. The bull is depressed. It has spent its
life living a lie. It goes away for two weeks. It comes back after
a taxpayer-paid sex-change operation. You now have two cows. One
makes milk; the other doesn't. You try to sell the transgender cow.
Its lawyer sues you for discrimination. You lose in court. You sell
the milk-generating cow to pay the damages. You now have one rich,
transgender, non-milk-producing cow. You change your business to
beef. PETA pickets your farm. Jesse Jackson makes a speech in your
driveway. Cruz Bustamante calls for higher farm taxes to help
"working cows." Hillary Clinton calls for the nationalization of 1/7
of your farm "for the children." Before he left office, Gray Davis
signed a bill giving your farm to Mexico. The L.A. Times quotes five
anonymous cows claiming you groped their teats. You declare
bankruptcy and shut down all operations. The cow starves to death.
The L.A. Times' analysis shows your business failure is Bush's fault.