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View Full Version : Ask a Poker Player Who Just Lost to Runner-Runner (Onion Spoof)


ElSapo
12-10-2003, 06:46 PM
Dear Poker Player Who Just Lost to Runner-Runner: I just started my freshman year of college, and already I have a problem. My roommate and I simply can’t agree on anything. She wants to put up pictures of Tom Cruise, but I think the Backstreet Boys are way cooler. How can we work out these differences? –Freshman at USC

Dear Freshman, Despite the storm, the 10/20 game was good all weekend. I normally buy into this game for a rack and during one other session I had nearly 4 racks in front of me. Just a bit away from a 20 stack pyramid formation. I looked around and realized that I had about 1/2 of the chips on the entire table. Alas, it was late, I was tired, so was Angel Fish, and the others didn't have much left to lose, so we called it a night; a very good night. -Barry



Dear Poker Player Who Just Lost to Runner-Runner: My wife has stopped having sex with me. Four months ago we got into a vicious argument over whether or not it was right for me to kick the dog when I found out our daughter was pregnant. She’s only 17 (my daughter, not my wife). Now my wife has had me sleeping on the couch since September. What should I do? –Distraught Husband

Dear Distraught, OK, what could SB have? Not a queen or AA, no real reason to shut the field out on the turn. Whew. Only one hand that we are afraid of, KK. In the unlikely event the queen is out, its in UTG's hand and he didn't raise to keep you and the other dudes in. Awful doubtful though. Sure seems KK isn't anywhere else. As for the SB, I'd expect SB to jam up KK more on the flop. The turn checkraise smacks of something more vulnerable, the other JJ, or maybe even 66-TT. In fact, I think you are ahead of most of SB's hands here. -Clarkmeister



Dear Poker Player Who Just Lost to Runner-Runner: My situation at work has gotten intolerable. The boss has not given me a raise in two years, and I believe I am about to be passed over for yet another promotion. While I hate to go over my boss' head and speak to his supervisors, it looks like this is the only real option. Can you suggest something? – Working for Nothing

Dear Working, I'm going to disagree with the majority and say that raising the river is best. With this straight/flush board, most hands that will overcall one bet will call two. By calling, the most you can earn is 4 bets, and probably 3 since BB checked. By raising, you will earn at least 2 bets and probably 4 (maybe even 6), since one of the other three players is likely to have a one card straight. Also, you give UTG a chance to overplay his hand and re-raise with a J or smaller flush. -Homer J. Simpson



Dear Poker Player Who Just Lost to Runner-Runner: Should I raise pocket jacks out of the big blind against multiple limpers? –Not This Again

Dear Not This, I've done a few dark folds at no-limit but nothing as drastically beautiful as the one you suggest. It's always the same. A flop of Q-5-5, or K-3-3, and I've got 9-8 or so. I bet, and its folded around to the last guy who is one of the regs who is unspokenly sworn to play honest with me in spots like this and me him. As soon as he hesitates, I know I'm out. But I wait until he calls my bet, and then I fold, with the turn card still unburned. -Tommy Angelo

ElSapo
12-10-2003, 06:47 PM
Sometimes, when all I have in my head is poker, these are the types of things I find myself thinking when people ask me the most basic questions...

...you guys ever get this?

Bob T.
12-10-2003, 07:43 PM
Hey, you made my day better.

slavic
12-11-2003, 12:45 AM
You are a disturbed man. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

Barry
12-11-2003, 01:22 AM
At work I find myself using more and more poker analogies. Thank god for the WPT; people actually understand what I mean.

They Say: This is a great opportunity, but we need to spend more money in R&D to take full advantage of it.

I say: Yes, I think that this is clearly a raise or fold situation.

They say: We really screwed this one up, we should just cut our losses.

I say: OK, muck it.

ElSapo
12-11-2003, 01:42 AM
Raise or fold, lately, refers to my friends who are hitting that point with their girlfriends, and they want decisions...

baggins
12-11-2003, 04:17 AM
ha! mine is content to check it down for a few hands right now... when we raise the stakes it'll be raise or fold time, though.

RydenStoompala
12-11-2003, 05:27 AM
A fanstastic post, ElSapo! Just the other day my wife said, "are you just going to play poker the whole time we're in Vegas?" And I clearly heard her say "Don't worry about me, there's a big Christmas sale at the mall and I still have to finish this book." That's why we've been married so long, we communicate so well.

Ed Miller
12-11-2003, 08:48 AM

WDC
12-24-2003, 12:19 PM
If only the Onion was that funny.

thomastem
12-24-2003, 12:51 PM
Great Onion spook El Sapo.

Be happy that Hutz dislikes barnyard critters and not frogs or he would have attacked your spoof like he did mine. If these funnies can't bring a smile to your face I feel bad those people.

hutz
12-24-2003, 03:32 PM
spoof - n. A parody or satirical imitation.

ElSapo's post is a great example of a spoof and was quality, original, gambling-related material. I enjoyed it. On the other hand, TT, your post the other day was a copyright-infringing rip-off of another site's non-gambling materials (and I'm not the only one (or even the first one) who pointed that out to you). While some might find it amusing, they could just as easily find it amusing by (1) going to the source or (2) if you insist on pasting others' materials by going to the "other topics" forum (which is where your non-gambling posts would (and should) be if you followed this site's rules).

A few days ago, I made a polite request that you stop inserting snide remarks about me in your posts. I will repeat that request one more time in a more appropriate place (as a reply to your thread) rather than hijacking ElSapo's humorous thread.

shemp
12-24-2003, 04:19 PM