JonB
12-02-2003, 05:05 PM
This is all true. Read. No stud should own one I'm serious.
Hack the stache, it's time
I was born in the prime years of mustaches, bad music and tinted optical glasses, otherwise known as the 80s. The mustache has been apart of human history for a long time and has somehow made it to the 21st century. How? I couldn’t tell you. But what I can tell you is how unfashionable the *stache has become. Now I’m no fashion model or anything, but come on. How does the mustache make you look good? It doesn’t and below are my arguments for why.
My main point is how the mustache looks like a uni-brow but below your nose. First off why don’t people shave off their uni-brow. How can they think that looks good or fashionable? They may argue that they were born like that. But men were born to grow beards yet we shave those off every day. So why not grab a razor and break the brow? It looks ridiculous. I could write a whole other story on the breaking of the brow, if I really wanted, but right now let us focus on the mustache.
Now what about when that person, and yes I’m including women because sadly some women have mustaches too but don’t shave them off. They do this - or don’t - so that they won’t have in the back of their mind that they have shaved a part of their face, like a MAN! Oh no! Get rid of your stache ladies. It looks worse than the man’s. Back to the topic. This person in subject has eaten a very hearty meal. Many crumbs have been sprayed from their pie or the grease has splattered from their Kentucky Fried Chicken up into their mustache. Now the slob that owns the mustache just goes and watches TV and doesn’t do anything about. After having a few cigarettes, he falls asleep. The last one he had ends up burning his fingers in his sleep and awakes only to stomp out the cigarette and find his couch’s arm has burned half way through. He tramples upstairs and smears his stache in his pillow. Now there is grease and apple all over the place. Next morning he has flies circling him trying to grab that last piece of apple pie or some chicken fat. To sum up, it’s unsanitary to own a mustache. Even as a pet. As a pet it will need shots almost every week or rabies could emerge.
These are some extreme points, so let us get down to earth. There can only be few realistic reasons for the wearing of a mustache. Living and working close to a military base, I can safely say why people in the military have mustaches.
Soldiers in the military need to shave every day they are on duty. Now, since people are by nature lazy, what do you do to combat the senseless need of shaving every single day of your life? Grow a mustache. You my friend look stupid. Especially to the people around you not just myself, but heck it’s one less place you have to shave right? Well it is and I’m not saying anything false. But Christ, get around the laziness and take pride in yourself.
Do women like the stache? I’ve only heard a few comments. I’m sure there are a few. But how could women like the mustache. Having to kiss that hideous hair growth. It just makes sense how that whole deal works out.
Now the mustache looks to be hiding something. I don’t know for sure what. But that’s the question here. What’s to hide behind that lump of fur? It’s just an upper lip. Do you really think your upper lip looks that bad? I don’t know. I can’t tell you. But personally I’d rather see someone without a mustache than with one. There are the perverts and pederasts out there though. They have a lot to hide. And is the reason why they grow the mustache and wear trench coats. My suggestion is hack the stache if your not a pederast. It only makes sense.
Now some of you people out there that want to defend the mustache will say, “what about the beard or goatee, they are just as stupid.” This were you simple rotarians are wrong. Let me explain.
The beard is just plain laziness. And heck it’s coming into style, somewhat. Not that full grown beard or anything that half grown in beard. It looks ok, I admit, kind of. But still the beard is laziness. If it looks stupid so be it. But the person growing the beard is not going out of their way to shave the rest of their face to look like a retard or as I mentioned before, a pervert.
The goatee takes effort. And is more stylish than the plain mustache. It’s the look of the devil it makes you look tough, somewhat. Not gay. Not like a village person. Personally I don’t have a goatee. But I will defend it.
Talking about working on your facial hair. What about those handle bars? Does anyone know the reason behind them? I can’t figure it out. Some are curly some are straight. Some are just full of wax and looks like they have been... I won’t say anymore. Now, I give some respect to the people that put in the work to making themselves look like bonafide scum. Doesn’t mean I like it. Just what drives me up the wall is when that handlebar wearing piece of pig manure doesn’t take care of his precious bars. That’s when this imposter needs to be clubbed like a baby seal.
There are many questions above and most will probably go unanswered. Could we some day see the mustache become the eighth wonder of the world? Maybe so. Or will the mustache just take over before we can do anything about it.
So here’s the deal people. Hack the stache. It’s my new campaign. “Hack the stache, it’s time” is the slogan. A petition would be a great idea but I know this world is full of to many simpletons that would like the mustache to mingle.
*mustache
Hack the stache, it's time
I was born in the prime years of mustaches, bad music and tinted optical glasses, otherwise known as the 80s. The mustache has been apart of human history for a long time and has somehow made it to the 21st century. How? I couldn’t tell you. But what I can tell you is how unfashionable the *stache has become. Now I’m no fashion model or anything, but come on. How does the mustache make you look good? It doesn’t and below are my arguments for why.
My main point is how the mustache looks like a uni-brow but below your nose. First off why don’t people shave off their uni-brow. How can they think that looks good or fashionable? They may argue that they were born like that. But men were born to grow beards yet we shave those off every day. So why not grab a razor and break the brow? It looks ridiculous. I could write a whole other story on the breaking of the brow, if I really wanted, but right now let us focus on the mustache.
Now what about when that person, and yes I’m including women because sadly some women have mustaches too but don’t shave them off. They do this - or don’t - so that they won’t have in the back of their mind that they have shaved a part of their face, like a MAN! Oh no! Get rid of your stache ladies. It looks worse than the man’s. Back to the topic. This person in subject has eaten a very hearty meal. Many crumbs have been sprayed from their pie or the grease has splattered from their Kentucky Fried Chicken up into their mustache. Now the slob that owns the mustache just goes and watches TV and doesn’t do anything about. After having a few cigarettes, he falls asleep. The last one he had ends up burning his fingers in his sleep and awakes only to stomp out the cigarette and find his couch’s arm has burned half way through. He tramples upstairs and smears his stache in his pillow. Now there is grease and apple all over the place. Next morning he has flies circling him trying to grab that last piece of apple pie or some chicken fat. To sum up, it’s unsanitary to own a mustache. Even as a pet. As a pet it will need shots almost every week or rabies could emerge.
These are some extreme points, so let us get down to earth. There can only be few realistic reasons for the wearing of a mustache. Living and working close to a military base, I can safely say why people in the military have mustaches.
Soldiers in the military need to shave every day they are on duty. Now, since people are by nature lazy, what do you do to combat the senseless need of shaving every single day of your life? Grow a mustache. You my friend look stupid. Especially to the people around you not just myself, but heck it’s one less place you have to shave right? Well it is and I’m not saying anything false. But Christ, get around the laziness and take pride in yourself.
Do women like the stache? I’ve only heard a few comments. I’m sure there are a few. But how could women like the mustache. Having to kiss that hideous hair growth. It just makes sense how that whole deal works out.
Now the mustache looks to be hiding something. I don’t know for sure what. But that’s the question here. What’s to hide behind that lump of fur? It’s just an upper lip. Do you really think your upper lip looks that bad? I don’t know. I can’t tell you. But personally I’d rather see someone without a mustache than with one. There are the perverts and pederasts out there though. They have a lot to hide. And is the reason why they grow the mustache and wear trench coats. My suggestion is hack the stache if your not a pederast. It only makes sense.
Now some of you people out there that want to defend the mustache will say, “what about the beard or goatee, they are just as stupid.” This were you simple rotarians are wrong. Let me explain.
The beard is just plain laziness. And heck it’s coming into style, somewhat. Not that full grown beard or anything that half grown in beard. It looks ok, I admit, kind of. But still the beard is laziness. If it looks stupid so be it. But the person growing the beard is not going out of their way to shave the rest of their face to look like a retard or as I mentioned before, a pervert.
The goatee takes effort. And is more stylish than the plain mustache. It’s the look of the devil it makes you look tough, somewhat. Not gay. Not like a village person. Personally I don’t have a goatee. But I will defend it.
Talking about working on your facial hair. What about those handle bars? Does anyone know the reason behind them? I can’t figure it out. Some are curly some are straight. Some are just full of wax and looks like they have been... I won’t say anymore. Now, I give some respect to the people that put in the work to making themselves look like bonafide scum. Doesn’t mean I like it. Just what drives me up the wall is when that handlebar wearing piece of pig manure doesn’t take care of his precious bars. That’s when this imposter needs to be clubbed like a baby seal.
There are many questions above and most will probably go unanswered. Could we some day see the mustache become the eighth wonder of the world? Maybe so. Or will the mustache just take over before we can do anything about it.
So here’s the deal people. Hack the stache. It’s my new campaign. “Hack the stache, it’s time” is the slogan. A petition would be a great idea but I know this world is full of to many simpletons that would like the mustache to mingle.
*mustache