Hilarious Onlinechamp post....must read

[rusty JEDI]

This is a cross post from his forum. I found a link to it when i was checking out rgp.


Fact: Poker=Makes me CRAZY
Fact: I must quit before I get out of hand (do something I will regret)
Fact: Down $20,000-$30,000 in the past 2 months
Fact: I won't quit playing till I win ALL of that money back (I will not except this big of a loss)


So I make this post asking for generous donations payable to my pokerstars and/or partypoker accounts or via neteller/paypal. I appreciate anyone who would like to contribute to my quiting poker.

A few reasons why I must quit:
A. I am a FULL TIME student and I barely have the time for this game anymore.
B. When I lose a ton of $$$ in a day I got the illness of having to win it back ASAP and dig myself a DEEPER hole not to mention studies get put off to the last minute. (which sometimes means I never do study and my grades go down)
C. I really can't afford to keep losing $1000s a week


So if anyone has ANY IDEAS I AM ALL EARS also if there is a GENEROUS person out there who would like to help me out you can contact me through email champ@onlinechamppoker.com




I just can't take it ANYMORE. ESPECIALLY when you help people out (which I do A TON) and then they don't pay you back/ blow you off (when you are the reason they got $$$).

[crockpot]

did anyone see the guy who was selling $1.28 in change on ebay saying that all proceeds would go to his college fund? he actually got a bid over $5 for it. it was funny as hell, at the least.

[Cyndie]

what is the phone number for GA?

He doesn't sound like he is playing poker, but gambling and getting the thrill...Sounds rather sad if it is true, and not just a stab for some sympathy.

Another plea for all poker wannabe pros...if you are young, get a skill or trade that works well for part time at good money. Computer techie is a natural temperament wise and application to net poker. Substitute teacher, personal trainer, nurse, all sorts of jobs that have tremendous need and can be done on call, or part time with reasonable pay.

The mere fact that you have a fall back job can give you the security not to need it...kind of a safety play, or freeroll.

If you are the type of person who has the real highs and the real lows, find someone who can be trusted to manage your money. The best thing is not to know how much you have, so you don't think you can go up in limits.

I have seen the hi limit... $75 $150 and up players get absolutely trounced by wealthy players who are playing with chump change and don't care what it costs to see the river, just to break a pros spirit!

Sure, they lose money, but because it isn't their livelihood, they do not go broke! How many of you have seen old pros scrounging...You know they know more than you do, but they never seem to win. You love having them in your game, cause they can't win...they get bullied and put off hands because they can't afford to lose.

Don't go there! It wouldn't be fun...no pension, no place to stay and it is amazing where your friends go when you owe them money, or they owe you.

[Cubswin]

This is a great story from www.snopes.com (http://www.snopes.com) Those illini are damn smart :-)

Mike Hayes of Rochelle, Illinois, long ago proved he was one of the more clever types. Back in 1987, while a chemistry freshman at the University of Illinois, he came up with a novel idea to solve his tuition and college expenses problem. Figuring that just about anyone could spare a penny, he brazenly asked everyone to do it.

He wrote to Chicago Tribune columnist Bob Greene, asking him to request each of his readers send Hayes a penny. The notion tickled the veteran columnist's fancy enough that he was willing to go along with it. From Bob Greene's column:

No one likes being used, but in this case I'm willing. It sounds like fun.

Mike Hayes, 18, is a freshman science major at the University of Illinois in Champaign. He is looking for a way to finance his college education, and he decided that my column is the answer.

"How many people read your column?" he asked me.

I told him I didn't know.

"Millions, right?" he said. "All over the country, right?"

I said I supposed that was true.

"Well, here's my idea," he said, and proceeded to explain.

I'll break it down simply: Mike Hayes wants every person who is reading this column right this minute to send him a penny.

"Just one penny," Hayes said. "A penny doesn't mean anything to anyone. If everyone who is reading your column looks around the room right now, there will be a penny under the couch cushion, or on the corner of the desk, or on the floor. That's all I'm asking. A penny from each of your readers."
You wouldn't think a scheme like that would be wildly successful. But it was.

In less than a month, the "Many Pennies for Mike" fund was up to the equivalent of 2.3 million pennies. Not everyone was content to send merely a penny (hence the "equivalent" statement above) — many sent nickels, dimes, quarters and even more. There's something lovable about a kid who asks you for a penny. Ask Debra Sue Maffett, Miss America 1983. Not only did she send a cheque for $25, but her donation was accompanied by a letter saying she admired him. "She even signed the letter 'Love,'" Mike said.

Donations were received from every state in the United States, plus Mexico, Canada, and the Bahamas. Yes, he ended up with the $28,000 he'd set out to get.

But 1987 was a long time ago, you say. Whatever happened to this lad?

He went on to earn his degree in food science from the University of Illinois. As for why this scheme worked: ''I didn't ask for a lot of money,'' Hayes said. ''I just asked for money from a lot of people -- 2.8 million people [of Chicago].''

Perhaps the last word is best left to the lad's father, Bill Hayes: "When Mike first told me about his idea, I just laughed and said that I thought it was dumb. Which shows you that he's smarter than I am."

[hehateme]

Well said, everyone performs much better without pressure in anything.

Some people can overcome pressure, but that doesn't mean they wouldn't do better in a relaxed nothing to lose situation.

[Simon Diamond]

Well said, everyone performs much better without pressure in anything.

I do not believe this statement is always true. I perform much better in some situations when the pressure is on, because I am forced to concentrate a lot harder to succeed. When something means that much, I will strive far harder to achieve it.

When the stakes are low and there is nothing to lose, I often find my performance level dropping - simply because I cannot motivate myself in those circumstances.

Simon

[hehateme]

[ QUOTE ]
Well said, everyone performs much better without pressure in anything.

I do not believe this statement is always true. I perform much better in some situations when the pressure is on, because I am forced to concentrate a lot harder to succeed. When something means that much, I will strive far harder to achieve it.

When the stakes are low and there is nothing to lose, I often find my performance level dropping - simply because I cannot motivate myself in those circumstances.

Simon

[/ QUOTE ]

I should qualify that statement to say everyone does better with no pressure if they are trying their best.

You bring up a good point, it's easier to try your best when the pressure is on, but when it's really on (ie you are playing for your rent/food) it can't help you in poker, you will overtry and that's never good. No? Don't you a think a pro with a comfortable bankroll will perform much better than a pro worried about getting evicted the next day if he doesn't make rent?

[Simon Diamond]

Oh sure, there's no doubt that if your rent/food was on the line, that's some pressure to play under. I was referring to sporting situations where it isn't necessarily life or death, but winning is still important on a personal level.

I personally could not imagine playing with my rent money - but then I am not a pro in the first place. /images/graemlins/smile.gif

Simon

[GoBrowns]

The key is to never let your bankroll get down to "rent money". I play better as a pro than I ever did as a casual player. I play better because I treat it as a job. I try to play a certain number of hours a day, and try my damndest to ignore how much I've won or lost. (Gotta say, thats more of an aspiration than a reality).

Its definitely true, if you "have to win" today, ur bound to lose today.

[eugeneel]

Strange to hear Onlinechamp going broke. He reminds me of myself more than any of you here. I wonder why he stared losing all of the sudden... I've been told he knows what he's doing at the tables. Everyone can have their share of bad days etc. One of my worst is right now (lost 3g in 2 days even though I've played very well, but I know i'll always be a winner in the long run.)
It's funny that his affiliate thing isn't doing well either. Mine is making me more than 150/day now. Not many of you know this bu onlinechamp actually offered to buy my site for 20k a long time ago. (I wouldn't sell it to him as I don't see him as trustworthy even if I did see it as a profitable deal.)

[hehateme]

[ QUOTE ]
but I know i'll always be a winner in the long run.)

[/ QUOTE ]

No you don't.

[pokerwiz]

Onlinechamp is trustworthy eugeneel I know him personally!

[eugeneel]

LOL pokerwiz.

This is his followup to his post... I just made an accont at his forum to have some fun.

"I would have to talk to you about this eugeneel. I am still up for the year I just have had enough of poker. Imagine sitting in a lonely 1 bedroom apartment for 1.5 years straight with NO SOCIAL life AT ALL and playing 8 plus hours a day non stop (NOT EVEN TO GET FOOD) and having to lose $30,000 in the past month and a half then you might understand how I feel about poker. The reason I ask for the donations is not necessarily for me but maybe I could use that money for some good charity or something as a fund raiser I can give a % to charity fo my choice.


Let the FUND RAISING BEGIN onlinechamp on pokerstars and if anyone is interested just email me."



Inthecup u have a liking for giving money to people that really deserve it (miseryshiver) care to donate to another great cause? it goes to a great charity of OC's choice!

[Simon Diamond]

Thanks for that endorsement pokerwiz! Excuse me a second whilst I transfer my life savings over to your good friend onlinechimp...

Simon

[TimTimSalabim]

If he's a student, where did he get the 20-30k to gamble in the first place?

[tiltboy]

[ QUOTE ]
If he's a student, where did he get the 20-30k to gamble in the first place?

[/ QUOTE ]
That sir, is the $64K question. All I know is what I've read various places but it all adds up to something with a foul odor.

[Prickly Pete]

OC just keeps giving and giving. Good to see he's getting pounded in the brain, but is still looking out for the less fortunate.

Someone give me a remittance address for the Champ.
/images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[Inthacup]

sure, I'll give him some money. Not so much because I trust OC, but because my I have such a high opinion of you and your knowledge. In fact, I think I'll make a post about it now.

[Rushmore]

I am not an overly-serious person, nor am I a killjoy, nor am I an old stick-in-the-mud.

But I don't think it's funny to hear about someone's poker suffering.

But I don't rubberneck the 18-wheeler crashes on I-95 every day, either.

Anyway...Sure, the guy's a bit of a clown. And sure, it's goofy to think that anyone's going to give him any money.

But to me, it sounds like he's suffering. And, to be honest, it sounds like he's a little metally ill, all kidding aside.

I don't think any of that is funny.

I return you to your regularly-scheduled flaming. /images/graemlins/crazy.gif

[Adde]

That's simply mean, 'neel! You know what.

[MaqEvil]

[ QUOTE ]
If he's a student, where did he get the 20-30k to gamble in the first place?

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm a student and I have amassed a large bankroll in 9 months of playing from a starting point of $0. Doesn't seem entirely unreasonable to me.

[Robk]

[ QUOTE ]
If he's a student, where did he get the 20-30k to gamble in the first place

[/ QUOTE ]

Many on here have built bankrolls that size almost from scratch I'm sure. It isn't as hard as it seems, it just takes a lot of table hours.

[Schadenfreude]

"Well said, everyone performs much better without pressure in anything. "

This could not be farther from the truth. In fact, for most people, the exact opposite is true. However, much of what you said was true, but not for the reasons you stated. Pressure is not equivalent to insufficient bankroll.

[hehateme]

insufficient bankroll = pressure

(real pressure, not the "I hope I don't miss this free throw because we'll lose the game" pressure that makes everyone on this board so much better)

Few perform better under real pressure, except Mike McDermott.

[TimTimSalabim]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm a student and I have amassed a large bankroll in 9 months of playing from a starting point of $0. Doesn't seem entirely unreasonable to me.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'd be pretty impressed if you managed to get to $1, starting with 0.

[JohnShaft]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I'm a student and I have amassed a large bankroll in 9 months of playing from a starting point of $0. Doesn't seem entirely unreasonable to me.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'd be pretty impressed if you managed to get to $1, starting with 0.

[/ QUOTE ]

The beauty of Freerolls Tim. The beauty of Freerolls...

[Inthacup]

I got $50 from zero by playing in a freeroll and getting first. Impressed?

[jasonHoldEm]

I know we all have different feelings about OC, but personally I think this is just sad (assuming it's true, which it probably is).

OC always seemed to me like the typical geeky kid that figured out poker and then got addicted to the rush ("The look at me!" aspect). He probably is trying to hold onto that feeling and losing a ton of money he can't afford. If he's really a college kid, this is certainly true.

Am I going to donate? Hell no. I think people should be smart enough to know when to walk away, but I also don't think it's very funny.

jHE

[eugeneel]

It'd be funnier if you knew him better. I talked to him on the phone once... he's very cocky and a bit delusional. Since we are both in a similar situation (as far as college and poker) we compete and not I feel good about coming out the winner. (I am not a dork too that's another difference)

[Cyndie]

It becomes a matter in pressure situations of whether the winning makes you feel better than the embarrassment or loss makes you feel bad.

Does the thrill of victory overcome the agony of defeat? If it does...look out, cause occasional big and some little wins with many frequent large and small losses will be a killer to your bankroll...that is the fish syndrome.

[crockpot]

if you think the visitors to your site are all unique, try refreshing your page and notice the counter going up by one each time.

by the way, i would like to see you actually try making a worthwhile site, or posting about poker. maybe the forum would stop banning you. (i'm serious; do it.)

[Inthacup]

Do you have any suggestions on what I can do?

Crocksucker runs an affiliate site too. I don't know how much help you're going to get(or should get) when you ask your competition for help.

[crockpot]

well said. rest assured that if i had any new ideas (which i'm pretty much stalled on right now), they would go to my site first.

if you think about it long enough, i'm sure you can come up with something no one has tried yet.

and unless someone new is visiting the site every second, then hitting refresh is definitely adding to your 'unique' hits.

[Simon Diamond]

Suggestion - add something worth reading.

Simon

[crockpot]

maybe your visits don't count, but if i refresh the page enough it will give you 1000 more hits.

and i'm not trying to dare you, but anything i can suggest to you has already been done. if you want to be unoriginal there are plenty of poker sites out there to model yours after.

i really think there are better places to ask for ideas than a forum where everyone dislikes you. has RGP banned you yet? since most of the posts there are either spam, idiots, or idiots impersonating other idiots, i think you could actually get some meaningful responses.

[mosch]

I've staked a number of acquaintances in no-income situations with $50 or $100 and they then used that to play .02/.04 or .05/.10 until they had managed to earn something resembling a starter bankroll. I guess they're all amazing :-)

[TimTimSalabim]

Sure, if you never opened a real money account there and they let you play in a freeroll that payed $50, then I'm impressed.

[eugeneel]

no u don't need help as you seem to have a very low IQ and people like your self are better off left alone.
You are delusional if you think your crappy (yes everyone thinks it is crappy now and will always be crappy) site will ever make you any money.
I would go work at mcdonalds if I were you.

[Inthacup]

The requirement to get into the freeroll was 205 in play money chips, so yes, there was no deposit required to play in the freeroll, and yes, I won it.

[eugeneel]

Pasted 2 accounts here for you. Empire made ma about 7oo last month the rest haven't made ehough to mention. This is the best I can do to prove what I make. Sorry I obviousy can't let u login and check these on ur own so u gonna have to believe me. (hard to believe someone when ur in denial right?)

If u really want me to I can post my pokerroom transaction history (for my playing account)... u gonna be really amazed then.
(partypoker stats)

Display Stats for:
01-Jul-2003 to 02-Oct-2003


Back to Affiliate Main Menu






Affiliate ID: 2004825


Tracker / Bonus Code Category Beneficiary Name Sign Up Bonus Incentive Payment Plan Sub Promoting at # Total Accounts Opened # Real Accounts Opened Monthly Gross Revenue ("MGR") Payment
2004825 Master Eugene Leader 20% up to $100 20% of MGR n/a Online website 36 15 32377.96 6475.59
Total
36 15 32377.96
6475.59









(pokerroom stats)


Affiliate information (id 1042)

Current period (Oct 1, 2003 - today)

Player rakes: $81.14

Player fees: $3.60

Chargebacks: $0.00

Balance: $630.04


Last period


Period income from child affiliates: $0.00

Period total income: $547.91


Overall

Total income: $12,043.04

Total player signups: 107

Real money player signups: 18

Depositing players: 9

Child Affiliate signups: 6

Hits: 424


Pay-out history
Your current setting for receiving pay-outs is check. You can choose between check, NETeller and PrePaid ATM. To change this setting, please contact affiliate@pokerroom.com.


Date Amount

01 Oct 2003 $548.00

16 Sep 2003 $324.00

01 Sep 2003 $335.00

01 Aug 2003 $186.00

16 Jul 2003 $271.00

01 Jul 2003 $550.00

16 Jun 2003 $642.00

02 Jun 2003 $319.00

16 May 2003 $469.00

01 May 2003 $615.00

16 Apr 2003 $977.00

01 Apr 2003 $593.00

17 Mar 2003 $835.00

03 Mar 2003 $271.00

17 Feb 2003 $496.00

03 Feb 2003 $722.00

16 Jan 2003 $84.00

02 Jan 2003 $437.00

16 Dec 2002 $701.00

01 Dec 2002 $399.00

16 Nov 2002 $321.00

02 Nov 2002 $298.00

16 Oct 2002 $144.00

01 Oct 2002 $180.00

16 Sep 2002 $120.00

02 Sep 2002 $90.00

16 Aug 2002 $189.00

01 Aug 2002 $293.00

16 Jul 2002 $480.00

01 Jul 2002 $72.00

[Adde]

[ QUOTE ]
I am just thinking about what I could add to make it better. I already know moving it to a free host is a start. As well as changing the backround colors to something a bit easier on the eyes. I kinda liked the backround because it has that tacky vegasness (Is that even a word?) about it. I also got rid of the majority of spelling errors.

[/ QUOTE ]

Well, as fun as it may be to ask why crybaby, when she (sic!) appears to be aware of it, hasn't moved to another host yet, hasn't changed the background yet, why she only got rid of the majority of spelling errors instead of them all, etc, as fun as it may be, please...

DON'T ENCOURAGE ANY REINCARNATION OF MISSY POKERADVANTAGE BY RESPONDING TO HER POSTS.

[Kurn, son of Mogh]

Maybe not funny, but definitely ironic. It could have been predicted, but he wouldn't have listened.

The Chimp was arrogant and annoying. Now he's a beggar. Life teaches lessons. Maybe he'll learn, but this passage:

I just can't take it ANYMORE. ESPECIALLY when you help people out (which I do A TON) and then they don't pay you back

suggests that at present time, he hasn't.

So much for the self-proclaimed "best heads-up Omaha/8 player in the world." NEXT!!

[hehateme]

[ QUOTE ]
(I am not a dork too that's another difference)

[/ QUOTE ]

Who are you trying to convince Eugeenel?

[hehateme]

My roommate has made 8000 in two months with his. Josh you are only linking to one real site, how would you know how much you can make?

[hehateme]

Eugene you are such a douchebag, bragging about your money to Josh. Show some class.

[Inthacup]

Oh yeah? I've made 3.7 million with mine and I started last week. How you like me NOW?


Cup


btw, my dad can beat up your dad

[hehateme]

White backgroud, pay 5$/month for a host, run EVERYTHING you write through MS Word spellchecker.

Read some poker books, get some knowledge, add some REAL TIPS on how to play.