jasonHoldEm
08-04-2003, 12:27 AM
Hi everyone!
It’s been a crazy few weeks around here. As you may remember from my last update, I’m preparing to move home to live with my parents in hopes to land a career job in their area. I quit my part-time job as a waiter as of the first of August and have a few weeks to relax (if you can call this relaxing... /images/graemlins/crazy.gif ), before I actually move around the end of the month.
My decision to quit my job "early" was based mostly on the fact that I have enough cash to cover my expenses until I move home (and then some, thankfully), and the desire to spend the next couple weeks hanging out with my friends that I have in the area, packing, and (of course) playing some poker.
Poker has been on the back burner (somewhat) since July, when I put the Odyssey on hiatus. I've actually been playing fairly steadily since then, but I feel as though my game lost some of the edge it had when I was still writing. I've mentioned before that I often feel the "need" to write about the game, because it helps to keep me focused, and after taking a break from writing I’m finding that to be very true.
Is it freezing in here?
The big event that occurred during my time away from writing was that I went through my first cold streak as a player. This actually occurred about two weeks ago, and I’m not even sure if I’m “out” of it yet. It’s said that you never forget your first time, and I believe the frustration I’ve gone through these last few weeks will be etched into my memory forever.
The first week started out as a break-even week (which was in some ways frustrating in itself). I had gotten my bankroll up to a comfortable level and I would log a winning session followed by a losing session of essentially the same amount. I bounced back and forth between these two for several days and then slowly began to creep into more and more losing sessions. In reality, I believe this was when I started tilting, trying to "play for the win" and staying in games that were no longer good and gradually losing control of my judgment.
The second week was 5 straight losing sessions and some hardcore stupidity (tilt) to make things worse. My crowning achievement was losing my entire $50 buy-in at a 1/2 game in about twenty minutes.
You mean I'm to blame??
That "half hour disaster" was what finally made me wake up and realize I was badly tilting and I needed to get away from the game for a while. Otherwise, I seriously think I would have pissed away my entire bankroll (I lost about 1/3 of my BR during the two weeks as it was). Looking back, I’m confident that my loss of control emotionally had more to do with my disastrous results than cold cards did.
I took some time off, and tried to do some reading to get my focus back. As luck (or maybe fate) would have it, I picked up John Feeney's, Inside the Poker Mind. I had started reading this book months ago, but had put it aside as other things had come up....ironically my bookmark was stuck in page 212, and the essay that begins on that page is entitled "On Tilt: Part I". The next 40 pages of that book will probably have as a dramatic effect on my game as going through my first cold streak.
Feeney's Poker and Emotion essays (Part 4 of the book) hit me incredibly hard because I was in the perfect frame of mind to learn from them. Coming off a bad run of cards that I had made exponentially worse with my loss of control. I realized I had done much of the damage to myself.
I probably have read Part 4 about a half-dozen times now, and it has dramatically improved my appreciation of just how important it is to play correctly all the time. I know that sounds silly (because you should always be playing correctly, of course), but so many of us let our emotions cloud our judgment and never realize it.
I find Feeney's explanation of "Subtle Tilt" to be fascinating, and I know that I have had this happen to me countless times...oh I'll just call him down this hand, he might be bluffing...it'll be fun to play 72o this time, maybe I'll get lucky...let's bet that flop even though we missed, maybe we can pick it up (in a1/2 game populated with calling stations)...etc.
I've realized the SECOND you stop thinking clearly you become a LOSING PLAYER. I wonder how much money I've thrown away because I was bored, upset, or distracted? I've found my biggest leak...it's my emotions.
Back in my fifth Odyssey post, I made the "discovery" of the importance of discipline in poker. Unfortunately, I was too focused on applying this discipline to my "game" (the way I play the cards), and I completely missed the part about being disciplined emotionally...that has been a costly lesson.
In the end, I'm glad for what has happened. This was the biggest challenge (so far) to my "career" as a player and while I stumbled through it, I learned from it, and I'm a better player because of it. I’ve started playing again (after taking most of a week off), and while my results have been mixed (2 wins, 4 losses), I’m confident that I’m not tilting. This time it is due to some bad luck, but the losses haven’t been huge so I feel like I’ve turned the corner, even though I’m still down.
I know I'm a better player because I've begun to include my emotional state when I'm evaluating my game at the tables. Am I focused on the game? Am I upset? Am I bored? I am able to keep a better focus on my game and find it easier to walk away from the game if I find that my mind isn't focused on the game. I'd rather walk away when I'm not "feeling it" than stay and lose money.
I certainly have quite a bit of work ahead of me to master emotional control. I suspect (whether or not players realize it) this is the toughest area for everyone. Discovering this "leak" so early in my career and being able to focus on it from this point forward will definitely help me to become a stronger player.
The "Pro" Experiment
I have a unique opportunity that I’m going to be able to take advantage of over the next few weeks. My roommate is moving out next week and I will have the apartment to myself for the last three weeks of August. I plan to move sometime during the last week of August, but that leaves me with two solid weeks with “nothing” to do (except packing, but that’s no big deal).
I’ve decided to conduct a little experiment over those two weeks and see what it would be like to live the life of an online “pro” player. (PLEASE NOTE: I’m using the term “pro” in quotation marks for a reason. I realize there are very few similarities between someone who plays 10/20 or whatever for a living, and a recent college grad who’s just going to have some fun playing 1/2 and 2/4 on a “full-time” basis for a couple weeks. Failure to realize that I’m being somewhat tongue and cheek about this will only make me laugh at you.)
My disclaimer aside, I do plan to take this very seriously. I like to challenge myself and I think this will be a great opportunity to do so.
I’ve been an avid reader of Davidross’s “Playing Online For a Living” posts in the Texas Hold’em forum. He is certainly playing at a higher level than I am, but I feel there is much that can be learned from him as well. If you keep up with his posts you’ll see there is a common theme through all of them, namely the way he is continuously adjusting his game. He has played thousands upon thousands of hands over the course of his “career” and he is still learning. He continues to alter his strategy based on his experience and is gradually finding better and better ways to play and become more profitable.
In the same vein, I would say my main motivation behind my experiment is to gain some experience. Many of you have said you can learn some things from a book, but others you have to just get out there and play. I’ve been playing long enough to begin to appreciate this, but I know I still have a very long way to go. I probably won’t be able to have the game mastered in two weeks (not quite at least... /images/graemlins/smirk.gif ), but I believe that playing a large number of hours on a regular basis will help me to see things I would have missed had spread those hours over a longer period of time.
When I first dreamed up this idea, I was very tempted to put some monetary goals on it, maybe I’d try to win $500 or even $1,000. Then I thought about this and realized that any number I’d choose would be completely arbitrary, and it wouldn’t really mean anything (in the long run).
Instead, I’ve decided to focus on playing well during these two weeks, really holding myself accountable for making the proper play in the given situation, and keeping my emotions in check as well. Investing two weeks focusing solely on these areas (rather than money) will help me to become a better player than any amount of winnings would. In addition to improving my game, I will also develop good habits that will carry forward into my poker career.
I still have much to learn as far as strategy goes, and that will go along with my goals for the coming weeks as well. If I’m unsure of what to do I’ll make a note of the hand number and go look the answer up. I plan to set aside an hour or so a day to review my “problem hands” and other analysis. I’m sure after two weeks of doing this I’ll know much more about the game and have a deeper understanding for proper strategy.
My roommate will be moving sometime during the middle of the coming week, and I’ll be going with him to help unload the truck and help him move in. I’ll probably be back on Friday, which is when the “pro” experiment really begins. I’d appreciate any advice you folks have to give (one of the reasons I’m posting this several days before I begin), I’m really looking forward to “working” as a “pro” /images/graemlins/smile.gif It will no doubt be a grind, but I think it will be very rewarding at the same time.
In closing, I’ve begun to keep a notebook with observations and some quotes that go along with the game. I came upon one (I can’t remember where, my apologies to the author), but it said, “You must first make yourself undefeatable, before you worry about defeating the enemy.” I never really understood that quote until now.
Looking back I realize that I’ve given a considerable amount of winnings away by making bad plays and emotional decisions. Yes, I’m still a winning player, but I could have won so much more if I had been more disciplined. In all honesty, I am my own worst enemy. I know I will most likely struggle with for the rest of my career, but beginning to fix those mistakes is what these next few weeks are all about.
Thanks for reading, see you at the tables.
jHE
It’s been a crazy few weeks around here. As you may remember from my last update, I’m preparing to move home to live with my parents in hopes to land a career job in their area. I quit my part-time job as a waiter as of the first of August and have a few weeks to relax (if you can call this relaxing... /images/graemlins/crazy.gif ), before I actually move around the end of the month.
My decision to quit my job "early" was based mostly on the fact that I have enough cash to cover my expenses until I move home (and then some, thankfully), and the desire to spend the next couple weeks hanging out with my friends that I have in the area, packing, and (of course) playing some poker.
Poker has been on the back burner (somewhat) since July, when I put the Odyssey on hiatus. I've actually been playing fairly steadily since then, but I feel as though my game lost some of the edge it had when I was still writing. I've mentioned before that I often feel the "need" to write about the game, because it helps to keep me focused, and after taking a break from writing I’m finding that to be very true.
Is it freezing in here?
The big event that occurred during my time away from writing was that I went through my first cold streak as a player. This actually occurred about two weeks ago, and I’m not even sure if I’m “out” of it yet. It’s said that you never forget your first time, and I believe the frustration I’ve gone through these last few weeks will be etched into my memory forever.
The first week started out as a break-even week (which was in some ways frustrating in itself). I had gotten my bankroll up to a comfortable level and I would log a winning session followed by a losing session of essentially the same amount. I bounced back and forth between these two for several days and then slowly began to creep into more and more losing sessions. In reality, I believe this was when I started tilting, trying to "play for the win" and staying in games that were no longer good and gradually losing control of my judgment.
The second week was 5 straight losing sessions and some hardcore stupidity (tilt) to make things worse. My crowning achievement was losing my entire $50 buy-in at a 1/2 game in about twenty minutes.
You mean I'm to blame??
That "half hour disaster" was what finally made me wake up and realize I was badly tilting and I needed to get away from the game for a while. Otherwise, I seriously think I would have pissed away my entire bankroll (I lost about 1/3 of my BR during the two weeks as it was). Looking back, I’m confident that my loss of control emotionally had more to do with my disastrous results than cold cards did.
I took some time off, and tried to do some reading to get my focus back. As luck (or maybe fate) would have it, I picked up John Feeney's, Inside the Poker Mind. I had started reading this book months ago, but had put it aside as other things had come up....ironically my bookmark was stuck in page 212, and the essay that begins on that page is entitled "On Tilt: Part I". The next 40 pages of that book will probably have as a dramatic effect on my game as going through my first cold streak.
Feeney's Poker and Emotion essays (Part 4 of the book) hit me incredibly hard because I was in the perfect frame of mind to learn from them. Coming off a bad run of cards that I had made exponentially worse with my loss of control. I realized I had done much of the damage to myself.
I probably have read Part 4 about a half-dozen times now, and it has dramatically improved my appreciation of just how important it is to play correctly all the time. I know that sounds silly (because you should always be playing correctly, of course), but so many of us let our emotions cloud our judgment and never realize it.
I find Feeney's explanation of "Subtle Tilt" to be fascinating, and I know that I have had this happen to me countless times...oh I'll just call him down this hand, he might be bluffing...it'll be fun to play 72o this time, maybe I'll get lucky...let's bet that flop even though we missed, maybe we can pick it up (in a1/2 game populated with calling stations)...etc.
I've realized the SECOND you stop thinking clearly you become a LOSING PLAYER. I wonder how much money I've thrown away because I was bored, upset, or distracted? I've found my biggest leak...it's my emotions.
Back in my fifth Odyssey post, I made the "discovery" of the importance of discipline in poker. Unfortunately, I was too focused on applying this discipline to my "game" (the way I play the cards), and I completely missed the part about being disciplined emotionally...that has been a costly lesson.
In the end, I'm glad for what has happened. This was the biggest challenge (so far) to my "career" as a player and while I stumbled through it, I learned from it, and I'm a better player because of it. I’ve started playing again (after taking most of a week off), and while my results have been mixed (2 wins, 4 losses), I’m confident that I’m not tilting. This time it is due to some bad luck, but the losses haven’t been huge so I feel like I’ve turned the corner, even though I’m still down.
I know I'm a better player because I've begun to include my emotional state when I'm evaluating my game at the tables. Am I focused on the game? Am I upset? Am I bored? I am able to keep a better focus on my game and find it easier to walk away from the game if I find that my mind isn't focused on the game. I'd rather walk away when I'm not "feeling it" than stay and lose money.
I certainly have quite a bit of work ahead of me to master emotional control. I suspect (whether or not players realize it) this is the toughest area for everyone. Discovering this "leak" so early in my career and being able to focus on it from this point forward will definitely help me to become a stronger player.
The "Pro" Experiment
I have a unique opportunity that I’m going to be able to take advantage of over the next few weeks. My roommate is moving out next week and I will have the apartment to myself for the last three weeks of August. I plan to move sometime during the last week of August, but that leaves me with two solid weeks with “nothing” to do (except packing, but that’s no big deal).
I’ve decided to conduct a little experiment over those two weeks and see what it would be like to live the life of an online “pro” player. (PLEASE NOTE: I’m using the term “pro” in quotation marks for a reason. I realize there are very few similarities between someone who plays 10/20 or whatever for a living, and a recent college grad who’s just going to have some fun playing 1/2 and 2/4 on a “full-time” basis for a couple weeks. Failure to realize that I’m being somewhat tongue and cheek about this will only make me laugh at you.)
My disclaimer aside, I do plan to take this very seriously. I like to challenge myself and I think this will be a great opportunity to do so.
I’ve been an avid reader of Davidross’s “Playing Online For a Living” posts in the Texas Hold’em forum. He is certainly playing at a higher level than I am, but I feel there is much that can be learned from him as well. If you keep up with his posts you’ll see there is a common theme through all of them, namely the way he is continuously adjusting his game. He has played thousands upon thousands of hands over the course of his “career” and he is still learning. He continues to alter his strategy based on his experience and is gradually finding better and better ways to play and become more profitable.
In the same vein, I would say my main motivation behind my experiment is to gain some experience. Many of you have said you can learn some things from a book, but others you have to just get out there and play. I’ve been playing long enough to begin to appreciate this, but I know I still have a very long way to go. I probably won’t be able to have the game mastered in two weeks (not quite at least... /images/graemlins/smirk.gif ), but I believe that playing a large number of hours on a regular basis will help me to see things I would have missed had spread those hours over a longer period of time.
When I first dreamed up this idea, I was very tempted to put some monetary goals on it, maybe I’d try to win $500 or even $1,000. Then I thought about this and realized that any number I’d choose would be completely arbitrary, and it wouldn’t really mean anything (in the long run).
Instead, I’ve decided to focus on playing well during these two weeks, really holding myself accountable for making the proper play in the given situation, and keeping my emotions in check as well. Investing two weeks focusing solely on these areas (rather than money) will help me to become a better player than any amount of winnings would. In addition to improving my game, I will also develop good habits that will carry forward into my poker career.
I still have much to learn as far as strategy goes, and that will go along with my goals for the coming weeks as well. If I’m unsure of what to do I’ll make a note of the hand number and go look the answer up. I plan to set aside an hour or so a day to review my “problem hands” and other analysis. I’m sure after two weeks of doing this I’ll know much more about the game and have a deeper understanding for proper strategy.
My roommate will be moving sometime during the middle of the coming week, and I’ll be going with him to help unload the truck and help him move in. I’ll probably be back on Friday, which is when the “pro” experiment really begins. I’d appreciate any advice you folks have to give (one of the reasons I’m posting this several days before I begin), I’m really looking forward to “working” as a “pro” /images/graemlins/smile.gif It will no doubt be a grind, but I think it will be very rewarding at the same time.
In closing, I’ve begun to keep a notebook with observations and some quotes that go along with the game. I came upon one (I can’t remember where, my apologies to the author), but it said, “You must first make yourself undefeatable, before you worry about defeating the enemy.” I never really understood that quote until now.
Looking back I realize that I’ve given a considerable amount of winnings away by making bad plays and emotional decisions. Yes, I’m still a winning player, but I could have won so much more if I had been more disciplined. In all honesty, I am my own worst enemy. I know I will most likely struggle with for the rest of my career, but beginning to fix those mistakes is what these next few weeks are all about.
Thanks for reading, see you at the tables.
jHE