favourite movie rants

[diebitter]

I have 2.

From the 25th Hour, there's the Ed Norton 'fk you' rant:

"[censored] me? [censored] you! [censored] you and this whole city and everyone in it. [censored] the panhandlers, grubbing for money, and smiling at me behind my back. [censored] the squeegee men dirtying up the clean windshield of my car. Get a [censored] job! [censored] the Sikhs and the Pakistanis bombing down the avenues in decrepit cabs, curry steaming out their pores, stinking up my day. Terrorists in [censored] training. SLOW THE [censored] DOWN! [censored] the Chelsea boys with their waxed chests and pumped up biceps. Going down on each other in my parks and on my piers, jingling their dicks on my Channel 35. [censored] the Korean grocers with their pyramids of overpriced fruit and their tulips and roses wrapped in plastic. Ten years in the country, still no speaky English? [censored] the Russians in Brighton Beach. Mobster thugs sitting in cafés, sipping tea in little glasses, sugar cubes between their teeth. Wheelin' and dealin' and schemin'. Go back where you [censored] came from! [censored] the black-hatted Hasidim, strolling up and down 47th street in their dirty gabardine with their dandruff. Selling South African apartheid diamonds! [censored] the Wall Street brokers. Self-styled masters of the universe. Michael Douglas, Gordon Gecko wannabe mother [censored], figuring out new ways to rob hard working people blind. Send those Enron assholes to jail for [censored] LIFE! You think Bush and Cheney didn't know about that [censored]? Give me a [censored] break! Tyco! Worldcom! [censored] the Puerto Ricans. 20 to a car, swelling up the welfare rolls, worst [censored]' parade in the city. And don't even get me started on the Dom-in-i-cans, 'cause they make the Puerto Ricans look good. [censored] the Bensonhurst Italians with their pomaded hair, their nylon warm-up suits, their St. Anthony medallions, swinging their, Jason Giambi, Louisville slugger, baseball bats, trying to audition for the Sopranos. [censored] the Upper East Side wives with their Hermes scarves and their fifty-dollar Balducci artichokes. Overfed faces getting pulled and lifted and stretched, all taut and shiny. You're not fooling anybody, sweetheart! [censored] the uptown brothers. They never pass the ball, they don't want to play defense, they take fives steps on every lay-up to the hoop. And then they want to turn around and blame everything on the white man. Slavery ended one hundred and thirty seven years ago. Move the [censored] on! [censored] the corrupt cops with their anus violating plungers and their 41 shots, standing behind a blue wall of silence. You betray our trust! [censored] the priests who put their hands down some innocent child's pants. [censored] the church that protects them, delivering us into evil. And while you're at it, [censored] JC! He got off easy! A day on the cross, a weekend in hell, and all the hallelujahs of the legioned angels for eternity! Try seven years in [censored]' Otisville, J! [censored] Osama Bin Laden, Al Qaeda, and backward-ass, cave-dwelling, fundamentalist assholes everywhere. On the names of innocent thousands murdered, I pray you spend the rest of eternity with your seventy-two whores roasting in a jet-fueled fire in hell. You towel headed camel jockeys can kiss my royal Irish ass!"


And Johnny from Naked:

"Was I bored? No, I wasn't [censored] bored. I'm never bored. That's the trouble with everybody - you're all so bored. You've had nature explained to you and you're bored with it, you've had the living body explained to you and you're bored with it, you've had the universe explained to you and you're bored with it, so now you want cheap thrills and, like, plenty of them, and it doesn't matter how tawdry or vacuous they are as long as it's new as long as it's new as long as it flashes and [censored] bleeps in forty [censored] different colors. So whatever else you can say about me, I'm not [censored] bored."


Any you like?

[CrazyEyez]

Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey [censored] he is. Hallelujah. Holy [censored]. Where's the Tylenol?

[SL__72]

No, I'm not okay! Do I look okay? The [censored] shot me! What the [censored]-ass [censored] of a bum-[censored] shithole town is this? I make a business call. I give him my card. And the hick-ass [censored] shoots my foot off! Cock-[censored] [censored]!

[jba]

easy. not sure the exact definition of "rant" but this has to be close right??


Blake: Let me have your attention for a moment! So you're talking about what? You're talking about...(puts out his cigarette)...bitching about that sale you shot, some son of a bitch that doesn't want to buy, somebody that doesn't want what you're selling, some broad you're trying to screw and so forth. Let's talk about something important. Are they all here?
Williamson: All but one.
Blake: Well, I'm going anyway. Let's talk about something important! (to Levene) Put that coffee down!! Coffee's for closers only. (Levene scoffs) Do you think I'm [censored] with you? I am not [censored] with you. I'm here from downtown. I'm here from Mitch and Murray. And I'm here on a mission of mercy. Your name's Levene?
Levene: Yeah.
Blake: You call yourself a salesman, you son of a bitch?
Moss: I don't have to listen to this [censored].
Blake: You certainly don't pal. 'Cause the good news is -- you're fired. The bad news is you've got, all you got, just one week to regain your jobs, starting tonight. Starting with tonights sit. Oh, have I got your attention now? Good. 'Cause we're adding a little something to this months sales contest. As you all know, first prize is a Cadillac Eldorado. Anyone want to see second prize? Second prize's a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired. You get the picture? You're laughing now? You got leads. Mitch and Murray paid good money. Get their names to sell them! You can't close the leads you're given, you can't close [censored], you ARE [censored], hit the bricks pal and beat it 'cause you are going out!!!
Levene: The leads are weak.
Blake: 'The leads are weak.' [censored] leads are weak? You're weak. I've been in this business fifteen years.
Moss: What's your name?
Blake: [censored] YOU, that's my name!! You know why, Mister? 'Cause you drove a Hyundai to get here tonight, I drove a eighty thousand dollar BMW. That's my name!! (to Levene) And your name is "you're wanting." And you can't play in a man's game. You can't close them. (at a near whisper) And you go home and tell your wife your troubles. (to everyone again) Because only one thing counts in this life! Get them to sign on the line which is dotted! You hear me, you [censored] faggots?
(Blake flips over a blackboard which has two sets of letters on it: ABC, and AIDA.)
Blake: A-B-C. A-always, B-be, C-closing. Always be closing! Always be closing!! A-I-D-A. Attention, interest, decision, action. Attention -- do I have your attention? Interest -- are you interested? I know you are because it's [censored] or walk. You close or you hit the bricks! Decision -- have you made your decision for Christ?!! And action. A-I-D-A; get out there!! You got the prospects comin' in; you think they came in to get out of the rain? Guy doesn't walk on the lot unless he wants to buy. Sitting out there waiting to give you their money! Are you gonna take it? Are you man enough to take it? (to Moss) What's the problem pal? You. Moss.
Moss: You're such a hero, you're so rich. Why you coming down here and waste your time on a bunch of bums?
(Blake sits and takes off his gold watch)
Blake: You see this watch? You see this watch?
Moss: Yeah.
Blake: That watch cost more than your car. I made $970,000 last year. How much you make? You see, pal, that's who I am. And you're nothing. Nice guy? I don't give a [censored]. Good father? [censored] you -- go home and play with your kids!! (to everyone) You wanna work here? Close!! (to Aaronow) You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you [censored]? You can't take this -- how can you take the abuse you get on a sit?! You don't like it -- leave. I can go out there tonight with the materials you got, make myself fifteen thousand dollars! Tonight! In two hours! Can you? Can you? Go and do likewise! A-I-D-A!! Get mad! You sons of bitches! Get mad!! You know what it takes to sell real estate?
(He pulls something out of his briefcase)
Blake: It takes brass balls to sell real estate.
(He's holding two brass balls on string, over the appropriate "area"--he puts them away after a pause)
Blake: Go and do likewise, gents. The money's out there, you pick it up, it's yours. You don't--I have no sympathy for you. You wanna go out on those sits tonight and close, close, it's yours. If not you're going to be shining my shoes. Bunch of losers sitting around in a bar. (in a mocking weak voice) "Oh yeah, I used to be a salesman, it's a tough racket." (he takes out large stack of red index cards tied together with string from his briefcase) These are the new leads. These are the Glengarry leads. And to you, they're gold. And you don't get them. Because to give them to you is just throwing them away. (he hands the stack to Williamson) They're for closers.
I'd wish you good luck but you wouldn't know what to do with it if you got it. (to Moss as he puts on his watch again) And to answer your question, pal: why am I here? I came here because Mitch and Murray asked me to, they asked me for a favor. I said, the real favor, follow my advice and fire your [censored] ass because a loser is a loser.

[Macdaddy Warsaw]

[ QUOTE ]
Janice, I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, you're wondering do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested I'm not really interested, should I play like I'm interested but I'm not that interested but I think she might be interested but do I want to be interested but now she's not interested? So all of the sudden I'm getting, I'm starting to get interested... And when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door cause then it's awkward, it's like well goodnight. Do you do like that ass-out hug? Where you like, you hug each other like this and your ass sticks out cause you're trying not to get too close or do you just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don't kiss them at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you're just really wondering are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? Perhaps play a little game called "just the tip". Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Or, ouch, ouch you're on my hair.

[/ QUOTE ]

[jba]

a couple more:

[ QUOTE ]
They [censored] YOU at the drive-thru, okay? They [censored] YOU at the drive-thru! They know you're gonna be miles away before you find out you got [censored]! They know you're not gonna turn around and go back, they don't care. So who gets [censored]? Ol' Leo Getz! Okay, sure! I don't give a [censored]! I'm not eating this tuna, okay?

[/ QUOTE ]


[ QUOTE ]

Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a [censored] big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of [censored] fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the [censored] you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing [censored] junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, [censored] up brats you spawned to replace yourself.

Choose your future.

Choose life.

But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin' else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got heroin?

[/ QUOTE ]

You see, according to Cocteau's plan I'm the enemy, 'cause I like to think; I like to read. I'm into freedom of speech and freedom of choice. I'm the kind of guy likes to sit in a greasy spoon and wonder - "Gee, should I have the T-bone steak or the jumbo rack of barbecued ribs with the side order of gravy fries?" I WANT high cholesterol. I wanna eat bacon and butter and BUCKETS of cheese, okay? I want to smoke Cuban cigar the size of Cincinnati in the non-smoking section. I want to run through the streets naked with green jello all over my body reading playboy magazine. Why? Because I suddenly might feel the need to, okay, pal? I've SEEN the future. Do you know what it is? It's a 47-year-old virgin sitting around in his beige pajamas, drinking a banana-broccoli shake, singing "I'm an Oscar Meyer Wiener".

[Georgia Avenue]

[ QUOTE ]
War's over. Wormer dropped the big one.



What? "Over"?



Did you say "over"?



Nothing's over until we decide it is!



Was it over when the Germans
bombed Pearl Harbor?



Hell, no!



-Germans?
-Forget it, he's rolling.



And it ain't over now.



'Cause when the going gets tough...



(Patriotic instrumental music)



the tough get going! Who's with me?



Let's go! Come on!



(Bluto screaming)



(Tense instrumental music)



What the [censored] happened
to the Delta l used to know?



Where's the spirit?



Where's the guts?



This could be the greatest night
of our lives...



but you're gonna let it be the worst.



"We're afraid to go with you, Bluto.
We might get in trouble."



(Shouting) Just kiss my ass from now on.



Not me! l won't take this!
Wormer is a dead man!



-Marmalard: dead! Neidermeyer--
-Dead.



Bluto's right.



Psychotic...



but absolutely right.



[/ QUOTE ]

[WillMagic]

Now, I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country. Men, all this stuff you’ve heard about America not wanting to fight, wanting to stay out of the war, is a lot of horse dung. Americans traditionally love to fight. All real Americans love the sting of battle. When you were kids, you all admired the champion marble shooter, the fastest runner, the big league ball player, the toughest boxer. Americans love a winner and will not tolerate a loser. Americans play to win all the time. I wouldn’t give a hoot in hell for a man who lost and laughed. That’s why Americans have never lost and will never lose a war. Because the very thought of losing is hateful to Americans.

Now, an Army is a team. It lives, eats, sleeps, fights as a team. This individuality stuff is a bunch of crap. The bilious bastards who wrote that stuff about individuality for the Saturday Evening Post don’t know anything more about real battle than they do about fornicating.

We have the finest food and equipment, the best spirit and the best men in the world. You know, by God I actually pity those poor bastards we’re going up against. By God, I do. We’re not just going to shoot the bastards, we’re going to cut out their living guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks. We’re going to murder those lousy Hun bastards by the bushel.

Now, some of you boys, I know, are wondering whether or not you'll chicken out under fire. Don't worry about it. I can assure you that you will all do your duty. The Nazis are the enemy. Wade into them. Spill their blood. Shoot them in the belly. When you put your hand into a bunch of goo that a moment before was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do.

Now there’s another thing I want you to remember. I don’t want to get any messages saying that we are holding our position. We’re not holding anything. Let the Hun do that. We are advancing constantly and we’re not interested in holding onto anything except the enemy. We're going to hold onto him by the nose and we're going to kick him in the ass. We're going to kick the hell out of him all the time and we're gonna go through him like crap through a goose.

There’s one thing that you men will be able to say when you get back home. And you may thank God for it. Thirty years from now when you’re sitting around your fireside with your grandson on your knee and he asks you what did you do in the great World War II, you won’t have to say, "Well, I shoveled [censored] in Louisiana."

Alright now, you sons-of-bitches, you know how I feel. Oh, and I will be proud to lead you wonderful guys into battle – anytime, anywhere.

That’s all.

Will

A Few Good Men

Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Whose gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Weinburg? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago, and you curse the marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And that my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall, you need me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon, and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to.

Oh that's right, Private Pyle, don't make any [censored] effort to get to the top of the [censored] obstacle. If God would have wanted you up there he would have miracled your ass up there by now, wouldn't he?


Are you quitting on me? Well, are you? Then quit, you slimy [censored] walrus-looking piece of [censored]. Get the [censored] off of my obstacle. Get the [censored] down off of my obstacle. Now. Move it. I'm going to rip your balls off, so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world. I will motivate you, Private Pyle, if it short-dicks every cannibal on the Congo.


Today... is Christmas! There will be a magic show at zero-nine-thirty! Chaplain Charlie will tell you about how the free world will conquer Communism with the aid of God and a few marines! God has a hard-on for marines because we kill everything we see! He plays His games, we play ours! To show our appreciation for so much power, we keep heaven packed with fresh souls! God was here before the Marine Corps! So you can give your heart to Jesus, but your ass belongs to the Corps! Do you ladies understand?

Well, ladies and gentlemen, we're not here to indulge in fantasy, but in political and economic reality. America, America has become a second-rate power. Its trade deficit and its fiscal deficit are at nightmare proportions. Now, in the days of the free market, when our country was a top industrial power, there was accountability to the stockholder. The Carnegies, the Mellons, the men that built this great industrial empire, made sure of it because it was their money at stake. Today, management has no stake in the company!

All together, these men sitting up here [Teldar management] own less than 3 percent of the company. And where does Mr. Cromwell put his million-dollar salary? Not in Teldar stock; he owns less than 1 percent.


You own the company. That's right -- you, the stockholder.


And you are all being royally screwed over by these, these bureaucrats, with their luncheons, their hunting and fishing trips, their corporate jets and golden parachutes.
Teldar Paper, Mr. Cromwell, Teldar Paper has 33 different vice presidents, each earning over 200 thousand dollars a year. Now, I have spent the last two months analyzing what all these guys do, and I still can't figure it out. One thing I do know is that our paper company lost 110 million dollars last year, and I'll bet that half of that was spent in all the paperwork going back and forth between all these vice presidents.

The new law of evolution in corporate America seems to be survival of the unfittest. Well, in my book you either do it right or you get eliminated.

In the last seven deals that I've been involved with, there were 2.5 million stockholders who have made a pretax profit of 12 billion dollars. Thank you.

I am not a destroyer of companies. I am a liberator of them!

The point is, ladies and gentleman, that greed -- for lack of a better word -- is good.

Greed is right.

Greed works.

Greed clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit.

Greed, in all of its forms -- greed for life, for money, for love, knowledge -- has marked the upward surge of mankind.

And greed -- you mark my words -- will not only save Teldar Paper, but that other malfunctioning corporation called the USA.



Thank you very much.

[MonkeeMan]

I'll go with a mini-rant (if there is such a thing):

"When have I ever, when have I ever let you down before you [censored] rat?"

My favorite 2

Pulp Fiction
"Jules: Well I'm a mushroom-cloud-layin' [censored], [censored]! Every time my fingers touch brain I'm SUPERFLY T.N.T, I'm the GUNS OF THE NAVARONE. In fact, what the [censored] am I doin' in the back? You're the [censored] should be on brain detail. We're [censored]' switchin' right now. I'm washin' the windows and you're pickin' up this nigga's skull"

SLC Punk
"Stevo: The Fight: What does it mean and where does it come from? An Essay: Homosapien. A man. He is alone in the universe. A punker. Still a man. He is alone in the universe, but he connects. How? They hit each other. No clearer way to evaluate whether or not you're alive. Now. Complications. A reason to fight. Somebody different. Difference creates dispute. Dispute is a reason to fight. Now, to fight is a reason to feel pain. Life is pain. So to fight with reason is to be alive with reason. Final analysis: To fight, a reason to live. Problems and Contradictions: I am an anarchist. I believe that there should be no rules, only chaos. Fighting appears to be chaos. And when we slam in the pit a show it is. But when we fight for a reason, like rednecks, there's a system, we fight for what we stand for, chaos. Fighting is a structure, fighting is to establish power, power is government and government is not anarchy. Government is war and war is fighting. The circle goes like this: our redneck skirmishes are cheap perversions of conventional warfare. War implies extreme government because wars are fought to enforce rules or ideals, even freedom. But other people ideals forced on someone else, even if it is something like freedom, is still a rule; not anarchy. This contradiction was becoming clear to me in the fall of '85. Even as early as my first party, "Why did I love to fight?" I framed it, but still, I don't understand it. It goes against my beliefs as a true anarchist. But there it was. Competition, fighting, capitalism, government, THE SYSTEM. That's what we did. It's what we always did. Rednecks kicked the [censored] out of punks, punks kicked the [censored] out of mods, mods kicked the [censored] out of skinheads, skinheads took out the heavy metal guys, and the heavy metal guys beat the living [censored] out of new wavers and the new wavers did nothing. What was the point? Final summation? None. "

[jba]

I'm very sorry the government taxes their tips, that's [censored] up. That ain't my fault. It would seem to me that waitresses are one of the many groups the government [censored] in the ass on a regular basis. Look, if you ask me to sign something that says the government shouldn't do that, I'll sign it, put it to a vote, I'll vote for it, but what I won't do is play ball. And as for this non-college [censored] I got two words for that: learn to [censored]' type, 'cause if you're expecting me to help out with the rent you're in for a big [censored]' surprise.

-Mr. Pink

[Hornacek]

How has this not been listed yet?

"I am William Wallace. And I see a whole army of my countrymen,
here in defiance of tyranny! You have come to fight as free men. And
free man you are! What will you do without freedom? Will you fight?"
"Two thousand against ten?" - the veteran shouted. "No! We will
run - and live!"
"Yes!" Wallace shouted back. "Fight and you may die. Run and you
will live at least awhile. And dying in your bed many years from now,
would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for
one chance, just one chance, to come back here as young men and tell
our enemies that they may take our lives but they will never take
our freedom!"

[diebitter]

What no speech from ID4 yet?

Anyway another one from Naked:

Johnny: Has nobody not told you, Brian, that you’ve got this kind of gleeful preoccupation with the future? I wouldn’t even mind, but you don’t even have a [censored]' future, I don’t have a future. Nobody has a future. The party's over. Take a look around you man, it’s all breaking up. Are you not familiar with the book of Revelations of St. John, the final book of the Bible prophesying the apocalypse?... He forced everyone to receive a mark on his right hand or on his forehead so that no one shall be able to buy or sell unless he has the mark, which is the name of the beast, or the number of his name, and the number of the beast is 6-6-6. ...What can such a specific prophecy mean? What is the mark? Well the mark, Brian, is the barcode, the ubiquitous barcode that you’ll find on every bog roll and packet of johnnies and every poxy pork pie, and every [censored]' barcode is divided into two parts by three markers, and those three markers are always represented by the number 6. 6-6-6. Now what does it say? No one shall be able to buy or sell without that mark. And now what they’re planning to do in order to eradicate all credit card fraud and in order to precipitate a totally cashless society, what they’re planning to do, what they’ve already tested on the American troops, they’re going to subcutaneously laser tattoo that mark onto your right hand, or onto your forehead. They’re going to replace plastic with flesh. Fact. In the same book of Revelations when the seven seals are broken open on the day of judgment and the seven angels blow the trumpets, when the third angel blows her bugle, wormwood will fall from the sky, wormwood will poison a third part of all the waters and a third part of all the land and many many many people will die. Now do you know what the Russian translation for wormwood is? ....Chernobyl. Fact. On August the 18th, 1999, the planets of our solar system are gonna line up into the shape of a cross... They’re gonna line up in the signs of Aquarius, Leo, Taurus, and Scorpio, which just happen to correspond to the four beasts of the apocalypse, as mentioned in the book of Daniel, another [censored]' fact! Do you want me to go on? The end of the world is nigh, Brian, the game is up.

[SL__72]

Look, we're gonna spend half the night driving around the Hills looking for this one party and you're going to say it sucks and we're all gonna leave and then we're gonna go look for this other party. But all the parties and all the bars, they all suck. I spend half the night talking to some girl who's looking around the room to see if there's somebody else who's more important she should be talking to. And it's like I'm supposed to be all happy 'cause she's wearing a backpack, you know? And half of them are just nasty skanks who wouldn't be nothing except they're surrounded by a bunch of drunken horny assholes. And I'm gonna tell you something T. Are you listening?





You know what wakes me up in the middle of the night covered in a cold sweat? Knowing that you aren't any worse than anyone else in your whole screwed up generation. In the old days, you know how you got to the top? Huh? By being better than the guy ahead of you. How do you people get to the top? By being so [censored] incompetent, that the guy ahead of you can't do his job, so he falls on his ass and congratulations, you are now on top. And now the top is down here, it used to be up here... and you don't even know the [censored] difference.

[miajag81]

[ QUOTE ]
What no speech from ID4 yet?



[/ QUOTE ]

That's not really a "rant" (though neither are over half of the speeches listed so far in this thread).

You pick out something nice to wear.

"I'm not a cob of corn, so you can stop butterin' me up. I don't need you to tell me how good my coffee is. I'm the one who buys it, I know how [censored]' good it is. When Bonnie goes shoppin', she buys [censored]. I buy the gourmet expensive stuff 'cause when I drink it, I wanna taste it. But what's on my mind at this moment isn't the coffee in my kitchen, it's the dead [censored] in my garage."

And all that follows.

ScottieK

[maryfield48]

Bill Murray in Meatballs:

"And even if we win, if we win, HAH! Even if we play so far above our heads that our noses bleed for a week to ten days; even if God in Heaven above points his hand at our side of the field; even if every man woman and child joined hands together and prayed for us to win, it just wouldn't matter because all the really good looking girls would still go out with the guys from Mohawk because they've got all the money! It just doesn't matter if we win or if we lose. IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER!

Rest of group: IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER! IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER..."

[Aces McGee]

"Wait, I thought all you did was kill innocent people?"

"Innocent? Is that supposed to be funny? An obese man -- a disgusting man who could barely stand up; a man who, if you saw him on the street, you'd point him out to your friends so they could join you in mocking him; a man who, if you saw him while you were eating, you wouldn't be able to finish your meal. After him, I picked the lawyer, and you both must have been secretly thanking him for that. This is a man who dedicated his life to making money by lying with every breath that he could muster to keep murderers and rapists off the streets --"

"Murderers?"

"A woman --"

"Murderers, John, like yourself."

"A woman! So ugly on the inside that she couldn't bear to go on living if she couldn't be beautiful on the outside. A drug dealer -- a drug dealing pederast, actually! And let's not forget the disease-spreading whore! Only in a world this [censored] could you even try to say these were innocent people and keep a straight face. But that's the point. We see a deadly sin on every street corner, in every home, and we tolerate it. We tolerate it because it's common, it's trivial. We tolerate it morning, noon, and night. Well, not anymore. I'm setting the example. What I've done is going to be puzzled over, and studied, and followed...forever."

-McGee

[ChipWrecked]

Morrie in GoodFellas:


I've been looking all over for you.

Can I talk to you a second?

I masterminded the whole
thing, I'm left with dick.

They be up a creek if not for me.
[censored] him! I want my money.

I want my money.
I've had it up to here.

- [censored] him! I want my money!
- Good. Go tell him.

Now will you keep you mouth shut?

Morrie, you'll get your money.
You just got to stop busting balls.

All right. You hear me?
Everything's going to be fine.

[TiK]

Arthur Kirkland: That man is guilty! that man, there, that man is a slime! he is a *slime*! If he's supposed to go free, then something really wrong is goin' on here!

Judge Rayford: Mr. Kirkland you are out of order!

Arthur Kirkland: You're out of order! You're out of order! The whole trial is out of order! They're out of order! That man, that sick, crazy, depraved man, raped and beat that woman there, and he'd like to do it again! It's just a show! It's a show! It's "Let's Make A Deal"! "Let's Make A Deal"! Hey Frank, you wanna "Make A Deal"? I got an insane judge who likes to beat the [censored] out of women! Whaddya wanna gimme Frank, 3 weeks probation?...You, you sonofabitch, you! You're supposed to STAND for somethin'! You're supposed to protect people! But instead you rape and murder them!...You killed McCullough! You killed him! Hold it! Hold it! I just completed my opening statement!

Dr. Evil: The details of my life are quite inconsequential.
Therapist (Carrie Fisher): Oh no, please, please, let's hear about your childhood.
Dr Evil: Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Some times he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds, pretty standard really. At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian woman named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it's breathtaking, I suggest you try it.
Therapist: You know, we have to stop.

[pryor15]

Tyler Durden: Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy [censored] we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off.

[pryor15]

[ QUOTE ]
Look, we're gonna spend half the night driving around the Hills looking for this one party and you're going to say it sucks and we're all gonna leave and then we're gonna go look for this other party. But all the parties and all the bars, they all suck. I spend half the night talking to some girl who's looking around the room to see if there's somebody else who's more important she should be talking to. And it's like I'm supposed to be all happy 'cause she's wearing a backpack, you know? And half of them are just nasty skanks who wouldn't be nothing except they're surrounded by a bunch of drunken horny assholes. And I'm gonna tell you something T. Are you listening?


[/ QUOTE ]

nice, but it wouldn't be complete w/o this:

Trent: You know what you are? You're like a big bear with claws and with fangs...
Sue: ...big [censored] teeth, man.
Trent: Yeah... big [censored]' teeth on ya'. And she's just like this little bunny, who's just kinda cowering in the corner.
Sue: Shivering.
Trent: Yeah, man just kinda... you know, you got these claws and you're staring at these claws and your thinking to yourself, and with these claws you're thinking, "How am I supposed to kill this bunny, how am I supposed to kill this bunny?"
Sue: And you're poking at it, you're poking at it...
Trent: Yeah, you're not hurting it. You're just kinda gently batting the bunny around, you know what I mean? And the bunny's scared Mike, the bunny's scared of you, shivering.
Sue: And you got these [censored] claws and these fangs...
Trent: And you got these [censored] claws and these fangs, man! And you're looking at your claws and you're looking at your fangs. And you're thinking to yourself, you don't know what to do, man. "I don't know how to kill the bunny." With *this* you don't know how to kill the bunny, do you know what I mean?
Sue: You're like a big bear, man.
Mike: So you're not just like [censored] with me?
Trent: No I'm not [censored] with you.
Sue: Honestly, man.

[highlife]

can't believe this one slipped through the cracks!

Lt. Col. Frank Slade: Out of order, I show you out of order. You don't know what out of order is, Mr. Trask. I'd show you, but I'm too old, I'm too tired, I'm too [censored]' blind. If I were the man I was five years ago, I'd take a FLAMETHROWER to this place! Out of order? Who the hell do you think you're talkin' to? I've been around, you know? There was a time I could see. And I have seen. Boys like these, younger than these, their arms torn out, their legs ripped off. But there isn't nothin' like the sight of an amputated spirit. There is no prosthetic for that. You think you're merely sending this splendid foot soldier back home to Oregon with his tail between his legs, but I say you are... executin' his soul! And why? Because he's not a Bairdman. Bairdmen. You hurt this boy, you're gonna be Baird bums, the lot of ya. And Harry, Jimmy, Trent, wherever you are out there, F*** YOU TOO!

[astroglide]

I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It's a depression. Everybody's out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel's work, banks are going bust, shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter. Punks are running wild in the street and there's nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there's no end to it. We know the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat, and we sit watching our TV's while some local newscaster tells us that today we had fifteen homicides and sixty-three violent crimes, as if that's the way it's supposed to be.

We know things are bad - worse than bad. They're crazy. It's like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don't go out anymore. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we are living in is getting smaller, and all we say is, 'Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials and I won't say anything. Just leave us alone.' Well, I'm not gonna leave you alone. I want you to get mad! I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to riot - I don't want you to write to your congressman because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the street. All I know is that first you've got to get mad.

You've got to say, 'I'm a HUMAN BEING, Goddamnit! My life has VALUE!' So I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window. Open it, and stick your head out, and yell,

'I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!' I want you to get up right now, sit up, go to your windows, open them and stick your head out and yell - 'I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!' Things have got to change. But first, you've gotta get mad!... You've got to say, 'I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!' Then we'll figure out what to do about the depression and the inflation and the oil crisis. But first get up out of your chairs, open the window, stick your head out, and yell, and say it:

"I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!"

http://www.courttv.com/graphics/onair/shows/hollywood_heat/new/photos/network167.jpg

the great peter finch in "network"

[SuitedSixes]

What is this one from? I have heard it played as a sound bite, but never knew where it was originally from:

[ QUOTE ]
You don't know [censored]. In fact, you know less than [censored]. If you and [censored] went to the movies, [censored] would wear a shirt that says, 'I'm with stupid.'

[/ QUOTE ]

[samjjones]

Frank: Listen, what am I paying my [censored] dues for? This is my golf course! If I wanna play here, I will play here. If he gets hit with my titleist, that's his [censored] problem. Fore! Fore!
[Hits ball]
Bill Foster: [the ball barely misses his head; whips out rifle] Five! What the hell are you trying to do? Kill me with a golf ball? It's not enough you have all these beautiful acres fenced in for your little game, but you gotta kill me with a golf ball? You should have children playing here, you should have families having picnics, you should have a goddamn petting zoo. But instead you've got these stupid electric carts for you old men with nothing better to do.
[Fires his rifle at a golf cart, causing it to roll down the hill]
Bill Foster: Now aren't you ashamed?

[lapoker17]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm here from Mitch and Murray.

[/ QUOTE ]

mitch and murray rule.

Only a partial, but I'm particularly proud of myself:

"Out of order, I show you out of order. You don't know what out of order is, Mr. Trask. I'd show you, but I'm too old, I'm too tired, I'm too [censored]' blind. If I were the man I was five years ago, I'd take a FLAMETHROWER to this place! Out of order? Who the hell do you think you're talkin' to? I've been around, you know? There was a time I could see. And I have seen. Boys like these, younger than these, their arms torn out, their legs ripped off. But there isn't nothin' like the sight of an amputated spirit. There is no prosthetic for that. You think you're merely sending this splendid foot soldier back home to Oregon with his tail between his legs, but I say you are... executin' his soul! And why? Because he's not a Bairdman. Bairdmen. You hurt this boy, you're gonna be Baird bums, the lot of ya. And Harry, Jimmy, Trent, wherever you are out there, [censored] YOU TOO!"

[samjjones]

Hilarious.

"I hate being Scottish. We're the lowest of the [censored] low, the scum of the earth, the most wretched, servile, miserable, pathetic trash that was ever shat into civilization. Some people hate the English, but I don't. They're just wankers. We, on the other hand, are colonized by wankers. We can't even pick a decent culture to be colonized by. We are ruled by effete arseholes. It's a shite state of affairs and all the fresh air in the world will not make any [censored] difference."

ScottieK

[MrFeelNothin]

Crash Davis: After 12 years in the minor leagues, I don't try out. Besides, uh, I don't believe in quantum physics when it comes to matters of the heart.
Annie Savoy: What do you believe in, then?
Crash Davis: Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.
[pause]
Crash Davis: Goodnight.

-Bull Durham.....along with The Untouchables, one of the two good movies Kevin Costner has ever starred in.

[Toro]

I'm really enjoying this thread but have to ask. Where do you guys find the verbatim dialogues?

[Noo Yawk]

War's over, man. Wormer dropped the big one.
Bluto: Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!
Otter: Germans?
Boon: Forget it, he's rolling.
Bluto: And it ain't over now. 'Cause when the goin' gets tough...
[thinks hard]
Bluto: the tough get goin'! Who's with me? Let's go!
[runs out, alone; then returns]
Bluto: What the [censored] happened to the Delta I used to know? Where's the spirit? Where's the guts, huh? "Ooh, we're afraid to go with you Bluto, we might get in trouble." Well just kiss my ass from now on! Not me! I'm not gonna take this. Wormer, he's a dead man! Marmalard, dead! Niedermeyer...
Otter: Dead! Bluto's right. Psychotic, but absolutely right. We gotta take these bastards. Now we could do it with conventional weapons that could take years and cost millions of lives. No, I think we have to go all out. I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part.
Bluto: We're just the guys to do it.
D-Day: Let's do it.
Bluto: LET'S DO IT!

[samjjones]

What about "Field of Dreams"?

[Noo Yawk]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
McMurphy: She was fifteen years old, going on thirty-five, Doc, and she told me she was eighteen, she was very willing, I practically had to take to sewing my pants shut. Between you and me, uh, she might have been fifteen, but when you get that little red beaver right up there in front of you, I don't think it's crazy at all and I don't think you do either. No man alive could resist that, and that's why I got into jail to begin with. And now they're telling me I'm crazy over here because I don't sit there like a goddamn vegetable. Don't make a bit of sense to me. If that's what's being crazy is, then I'm senseless, out of it, gone-down-the-road, wacko. But no more, no less, that's it.

[Cumulonimbus]

This thread = /images/graemlins/heart.gif.

Why shouldn't I work for the NSA? That's a tough one. But I'll take a shot. Say I'm workin' at the NSA and somebody puts a code on my desk, somethin' no one else can break. Maybe I take a shot at it and maybe I break it and I'm real happy with myself cause I did my job well, but maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East and once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels are hiding, fifteen hundred people I never met, never had no problem with get killed.

Now the politicains are sayin' "Oh send in the marines to secure the area, cause they don't give a [censored], won't be their kid over there gettin' shot just like it wasn't them when their number got called cause they were all pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some kid from Southy over there takin' shrapnel in the ass. He comes back to find that the plant he used to work at, got exploited to the country he just got back from, and the guy that put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job cause he'll work for 15 cents a day and no bathroom breaks.

Meanwhile, he realises the only reason he was over there in the first place was so that we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price, and ofcourse the oil companies use a little skirmish over there to scare up domestic oil prices, a cute little antilary benefit for them, but it ain't helpin' my buddy at 2.50 a gallon. Their takin' their sweet time bringin' the oil back, of course maybe they even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martini's and [censored]' play slolum with the icebergs. It ain't to long til he hits one, spills the oil, and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic... so now my buddy's out of work, he can't afford to drive, so he's walkin' to the [censored]' job interviews which sucks cause the shrapnel in his ass is givin' him cronic hemroids and meanwhile, he's starvin' cause everytime he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special their serving is North Atlantic squad with Quaker State....

So what did I think? I'm holdin' out for somethin' better. I figure [censored] it, while Im at it why not just shoot my buddy, take his job, give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe, and join the National Guard. I could be elected President.

[highlife]

[ QUOTE ]
This thread = /images/graemlins/heart.gif.

Why shouldn't I work for the NSA? That's a tough one. But I'll take a shot. Say I'm workin' at the NSA and somebody puts a code on my desk, somethin' no one else can break. Maybe I take a shot at it and maybe I break it and I'm real happy with myself cause I did my job well, but maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East and once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels are hiding, fifteen hundred people I never met, never had no problem with get killed.

Now the politicains are sayin' "Oh send in the marines to secure the area, cause they don't give a [censored], won't be their kid over there gettin' shot just like it wasn't them when their number got called cause they were all pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some kid from Southy over there takin' shrapnel in the ass. He comes back to find that the plant he used to work at, got exploited to the country he just got back from, and the guy that put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job cause he'll work for 15 cents a day and no bathroom breaks.

Meanwhile, he realises the only reason he was over there in the first place was so that we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price, and ofcourse the oil companies use a little skirmish over there to scare up domestic oil prices, a cute little antilary benefit for them, but it ain't helpin' my buddy at 2.50 a gallon. Their takin' their sweet time bringin' the oil back, of course maybe they even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martini's and [censored]' play slolum with the icebergs. It ain't to long til he hits one, spills the oil, and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic... so now my buddy's out of work, he can't afford to drive, so he's walkin' to the [censored]' job interviews which sucks cause the shrapnel in his ass is givin' him cronic hemroids and meanwhile, he's starvin' cause everytime he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special their serving is North Atlantic squad with Quaker State....

So what did I think? I'm holdin' out for somethin' better. I figure [censored] it, while Im at it why not just shoot my buddy, take his job, give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe, and join the National Guard. I could be elected President.

[/ QUOTE ]

you win this thread.

[Jaskohouston]

[ QUOTE ]
This thread = /images/graemlins/heart.gif.

Why shouldn't I work for the NSA? That's a tough one. But I'll take a shot. Say I'm workin' at the NSA and somebody puts a code on my desk, somethin' no one else can break. Maybe I take a shot at it and maybe I break it and I'm real happy with myself cause I did my job well, but maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East and once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels are hiding, fifteen hundred people I never met, never had no problem with get killed.

Now the politicains are sayin' "Oh send in the marines to secure the area, cause they don't give a [censored], won't be their kid over there gettin' shot just like it wasn't them when their number got called cause they were all pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some kid from Southy over there takin' shrapnel in the ass. He comes back to find that the plant he used to work at, got exploited to the country he just got back from, and the guy that put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job cause he'll work for 15 cents a day and no bathroom breaks.

Meanwhile, he realises the only reason he was over there in the first place was so that we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price, and ofcourse the oil companies use a little skirmish over there to scare up domestic oil prices, a cute little antilary benefit for them, but it ain't helpin' my buddy at 2.50 a gallon. Their takin' their sweet time bringin' the oil back, of course maybe they even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martini's and [censored]' play slolum with the icebergs. It ain't to long til he hits one, spills the oil, and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic... so now my buddy's out of work, he can't afford to drive, so he's walkin' to the [censored]' job interviews which sucks cause the shrapnel in his ass is givin' him cronic hemroids and meanwhile, he's starvin' cause everytime he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special their serving is North Atlantic squad with Quaker State....

So what did I think? I'm holdin' out for somethin' better. I figure [censored] it, while Im at it why not just shoot my buddy, take his job, give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe, and join the National Guard. I could be elected President.

[/ QUOTE ]

I was copying and pasting this thread as I noticed yours pop up. Damnit.

I had a buddy in college spend an entire semester memorizing this.

[Blarg]

[ QUOTE ]
"I hate being Scottish. We're the lowest of the [censored] low, the scum of the earth, the most wretched, servile, miserable, pathetic trash that was ever shat into civilization. Some people hate the English, but I don't. They're just wankers. We, on the other hand, are colonized by wankers. We can't even pick a decent culture to be colonized by. We are ruled by effete arseholes. It's a shite state of affairs and all the fresh air in the world will not make any [censored] difference."

ScottieK

[/ QUOTE ]

This was very funny. I remember when I saw that, I wanted to hear every Scotsman's opinion of that. I still do, actually, very much. Whether they've seen the movie or not.

[MrFeelNothin]

[ QUOTE ]
What about "Field of Dreams"?

[/ QUOTE ]

I love baseball and I like the book, but the movie dissapointed me. I could see the argument made for FoD, so maybe 3 good movies Costner has failed to destroy.

[MrFeelNothin]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm really enjoying this thread but have to ask. Where do you guys find the verbatim dialogues?

[/ QUOTE ]

IMDB.com-->main page of desired movie--->scroll down left hand side-->memorable quotes--->world peace.

[Blarg]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm really enjoying this thread but have to ask. Where do you guys find the verbatim dialogues?

[/ QUOTE ]

Wondering too. They got 'em and fast.

Great reads in this thread by the way.

Sam Jackson's monologue at the end of Pulp Fiction is conspicuously missing, though, as is Dennis Hopper's wops came from [censored] speech in True Romance.

Ricky Slade: We need guns.

Bobby: We don't need guns.

Ricky Slade: I'm telling you man, i'm pretty sure we need guns.

Bobby: I listened to them and they specifically said we don't need guns.

Ricky Slade: That's all the more reason why you do need a gun.

Bobby: You couldn't even get a gun.
Ricky Slade: You wanna bet, you wanna bet me if i could get a gun?

Bobby: You couldn't get a handjob from the bridge and tunnel posse.

Ricky Slade: That's because that [censored]' girl had issues with the bathtub and the other thing. Now float me a hundred bucks.

Bobby: For what?

Ricky Slade: You wanna see how fast I can get a gun?

Bobby: What happened to your money?

Ricky Slade: I have it, i have some stuff left.

Bobby: How much?

Ricky Slade: I've got like 80.

Bobby: $80!

Ricky Slade: 80 plus five, I've got five in the room, $85.

Bobby: $85, what happened to the 1500?

Ricky Slade: Well you could have picked up a [censored]' tab once in a while!

Bobby: I picked up half the [censored]' tab!

Another classic from that movie...


Ricky Slade: I don't know why we don't get a drink, sittin' inside this place.

Bobby: Chloe wanted to come here.

Ricky Slade: She doesn't know where the hell she is, Bob. She'd have more fun if we were at Bordner's. She could play the trivia game that she likes or the little racing game thing she does .

Bobby: She's a little girl, little girls don't like going to bars.

Ricky Slade: We had fun. We went to bars when we were kids. Met all the different people. Right? When we met Slimmy.

Chloe: Isn't it fun?

Ricky Slade: What's that, sweetie?

Chloe: Isn't it fun?

Ricky Slade: What's that?

Chloe: Isn't it fun?

Ricky Slade: What fun?

Chloe: Isn't it fun to paint?

Ricky Slade: To paint? Yeah, I love it! Really calms me down. Frogs aren't purple by the way. Have you ever seen a purple frog?

Chloe: Yes.

Ricky Slade: Yeah. Okay, when? When you were asleep?

Female Salesperson: Excuse me sir, there's no smoking in here.

Ricky Slade: Why, you serving food?

Salesperson: No, it's store policy. And you can't sit at a station without purchasing a ceramic.

Ricky Slade: You believe this [censored]. I can't sit at a station without purchasing a ceramic. Well, why don't you bring me a ashtray then. Can I color me that, a ceramic ashtray?

[after a pottery clerk throws an ashtray on his table]

Ricky Slade: There's a nice way to do that!

NH Good Will Hunting

For Goodfellas, I always liked the end:

The hardest thing was to leave the life. I love the life. We were treated like movie stars with muscle. We had it all. Our wives, mothers, kids, everybody rode along. I had bags filled with jewelry stashed in the kitchen. I had a bowl of coke next to the bed.

Anything I wanted was a phone call away. Free cars. Keys to a dozen hideouts all over the city. I'd bet a grand over a weekend...then blow the winnings in a week or go to sharks to pay the bookies. Didn't matter. It didn't mean anything. When I was broke I would go rob some more.

We ran everything. We paid off cops. We paid off lawyers. We paid off judges. Everybody had their hands out. Everything was for the taking. And now it's all over. That's the hardest part.

Today everything is different. There's no action. I have to wait around like everyone else. Can't even get decent food. After I got here I ordered spaghetti with marinara sauce......and I got egg noodles with ketchup.

I'm an average nobody. I get to live the rest of my life like a schnook.

ScottieK

[ QUOTE ]
and ofcourse the oil companies use a little skirmish over there to scare up domestic oil prices, a cute little antilary benefit for them, but it ain't helpin' my buddy at 2.50 a gallon.

[/ QUOTE ]

$2.50 a gallon. LOL. Back in '97, I'm sure this was preposterous!

EDIT: The word is "ancillary", no? What is "antilary"?

Jimmy Dugan: Evelyn, could you come here for a second? Which team do you play for?

Evelyn Gardner: Well, I'm a Peach.

Jimmy Dugan: Well I was just wonderin' why you would throw home when we got a two-run lead. You let the tying run get on second base and we lost the lead because of you. Start using your head. That's the lump that's three feet above your ass.
[Evelyn starts to cry]

Jimmy Dugan: Are you crying? Are you crying? ARE YOU CRYING? There's no crying, there's no crying in baseball. Rogers Hornsby was my manager, and he called me a talking pile of pigshit. And that was when my parents drove all the way down from Michigan to see me play the game. And did I cry? NO. NO. And do you know why?

Evelyn Gardner: No, no, no.

Jimmy Dugan: Because there's no crying in baseball. There's no CRYING IN BASEBALL. NO CRYING!

[modaddy]

I think you're all [censored] in the head! We're 10 hours from the [censored]' fun park and you want to bail out! Well I'll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation. It's a quest. It's a quest for fun. I'm gonna have fun, and you're gonna have fun. We're all gonna have so much [censored]' fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles! You'll be whistling "Zippity Do-da" out of your assholes! I gotta be crazy! I'm on a pilgrammage to see a moose! Praise Marty Moose! Holy [censored]!

[CrazyEyez]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
and ofcourse the oil companies use a little skirmish over there to scare up domestic oil prices, a cute little antilary benefit for them, but it ain't helpin' my buddy at 2.50 a gallon.

[/ QUOTE ]

$2.50 a gallon. LOL. Back in '97, I'm sure this was preposterous!

EDIT: The word is "ancillary", no? What is "antilary"?

[/ QUOTE ]
Since we're picking nits, I thought it was North Atlantic "scrod," not "squad."

Sweet rant, though.

[Ulysses]

die: nice thread.

loyalguard: How the F did you leave off the first sentence (and perhaps the best line!) of that rant?!?! You can't handle the truth!

Toro: Google.

Villainaire: That was neither a rant nor even a good monologue. From that movie, you should have chosen something like this:

RUIZ
'Dis?' 'Dis?' You're not in a
position to 'dis', or 'give props',
or whatever your Real World sense of
[censored] decorum tells you to do.
You're nothing. You're wallpaper.
You're not here to make [censored]
friends. Asking a [censored] where
he lives. And who the [censored] told you
'Red Dragon'?.

[MrFeelNothin]

[ QUOTE ]
Jimmy Dugan: Evelyn, could you come here for a second? Which team do you play for?

Evelyn Gardner: Well, I'm a Peach.

Jimmy Dugan: Well I was just wonderin' why you would throw home when we got a two-run lead. You let the tying run get on second base and we lost the lead because of you. Start using your head. That's the lump that's three feet above your ass.
[Evelyn starts to cry]

Jimmy Dugan: Are you crying? Are you crying? ARE YOU CRYING? There's no crying, there's no crying in baseball. Rogers Hornsby was my manager, and he called me a talking pile of pigshit. And that was when my parents drove all the way down from Michigan to see me play the game. And did I cry? NO. NO. And do you know why?

Evelyn Gardner: No, no, no.

Jimmy Dugan: Because there's no crying in baseball. There's no CRYING IN BASEBALL. NO CRYING!

[/ QUOTE ]

YES!!!!! I almost forgot about this one!

[CrazyEyez]

El D,

Nicely done. If he's gonna go the gun route, here's the gun rant:

Ricky Slade: Here's scenario B for you Bob, see how you feel about this one. Now I don't know if you've noticed this or not, but I think I'm starting to get under Ruiz's skin as well, OK? It all started with the whole Red Dragon, or the Welsh guy, whatever, they can play it down all they want but you know 200 grand's a lot of [censored] money! It's a [censored] lot of money! OK? 200 grand is definitely a lot of [censored] money! And now I've got Ruiz calling me [censored] Fruit-Pie the [censored] magician! Tellin' me that I can't [censored] call my main man Max, who [censored] sent me out on the [censored] operation? And what about the Welsh guy? He's [censored] scat all over, they [censored] disappear and talk! And you haven't noticed this either but when he's not [censored] looking at me or you're [censored] doing whatever, I've got [censored] Jimmy in the mirror with his [censored] too. It's [censored] coming at me from here, I don't know where it is! It might be coming this way, it might be coming that way, but the [censored] [censored]'s coming and I'm not gonna be late for the [censored] dance man, I'm not gonna be [censored] late for the dance on this one.
Bobby: You're not getting a gun.

Going home to watch Made,
CE

[Ulysses]

CE,

Actually, the best gun rant would be this mini-rant:


HORRACE
I know what 'strapped' means,
[censored]. What the [censored] you
think this [censored] is? '21 Jump Street?'

[CrazyEyez]

[ QUOTE ]
CE,

Actually, the best gun rant would be this mini-rant:


HORRACE
I know what 'strapped' means,
[censored]. What the [censored] you
think this [censored] is? '21 Jump Street?'

[/ QUOTE ]
What, you gonna step to him Snoop Dogg?

Whoops, wrong movie. Got a little carried away.

[Noo Yawk]

this is too fun. Raging Bull:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jake La Motta: Did you [censored] my wife?
Joey LaMotta: Did you [censored] your mother?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jake La Motta: Did you [censored] my wife?
Joey LaMotta: What?
Jake La Motta: Did you [censored] my wife?
Joey LaMotta: [pauses] How do you ask me that? I'm your brother and you ask me that? Where do you get you're balls big enough to ask me that?
Jake La Motta: I'm gonna ask you again, did you or didn't you? Just answer the question.
Joey LaMotta: I'm not gonna answer that. It's stupid. It's a sick question and you're a sick [censored] and I'm not that sick that I'm gonna answer it. I'm leaving, If Nora calls tell her I went home. You know what you should do? Do a little more [censored] and a little less eating, so you don't have to blame it all on me and everybody else, you understand me? You're cracking up! Ya' [censored] screw ball ya'!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tried to edit it from what I remember...

"Goddammit you [censored] guys. You passed your sevens over a month ago...Seth is the only one who has opened the necessary forty accounts for their team leader. When I was a junior broker, I did it in twenty six days. You're not sending out press packets anymore. None of this Debbie the Time Life operator [censored]. It's time to go to work. Get on the phones and be aggressive. Learn how to push. Move around! Motion creates emotion.

I remember this guy once called me to sell me some stock. So I let him. I got every [censored] rebuttal out of this guy. Kept him on the phone for an hour and a half. Toward the end I started asking him buying questions. Like, what's the firm minimum? That's a buying question. I ask a question like that, BOOM right there he should take me down. It's not like I asked him what his 800 number was. That's a [censored] off question. I was giving him a run and he blew it. To a question like, What's the firm minimum the answer is zero! You don't like the idea, don't pick up a single share. This putz is telling me...(mocking)...ummm, a hundred shares? Wrong answer! No!You have to learn how to close. Keep asking questions. Ask rhetorical questions, doesn't matter...just to get a yes out of them. If you were drowning and I threw you a life jacket would you grab it? Yes? Good. Pick up two hundred shares, I won't let you down. Ask a guy if he'll be happy to see thirty to forty percent return. What's he gonna say? No? [censored] you, I don't want to see those returns?

*one guy laughs*

Stop laughing, it's not funny. If you can't close then start thinking about another career. I'm serious. I am dead [censored] serious about that. Have your rebuttals ready. Anybody says call me tomorrow, [censored]! Anybody says they got money problems about two hundred shares is lying to you. You know what I say to that? I say hey, tell me you don't like my idea, tell me you don't like my firm, tell me you don't like my [censored] necktie, but don't tell me you can't pull twenty five hundred together. And remember...there is no such thing as a "no sale" call. A sale is made on every call you make. You either sell the client some stock or he sells you a reason he can't. Either way a sale is made. The question is, who's gonna close, you or him? Now be relentless! That's it, I'm done."

ScottieK

[modaddy]

(my wife made me post this one...)

I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

[Noo Yawk]

at a spelling bee]
Teacher: The word is "forensics".
Kid: Ah, [censored] that. Why should we [censored] have to spell forensics?
[cheers from kids in audience]
Kid: S-U-C-K-M-Y-A-S-S. Forensics.

[Ulysses]

modaddy and others,

From a movie about this thread:

WHAT THE [censored] IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? HOW THE [censored] DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT A [censored] RANT IS? A RANT IS NOT RANDOM ENTERTAINING DIALOGUE FROM A MOVIE. A RANT IS NOT ANY MONOLOGUE THAT YOU HAPPEN TO LIKE. IF YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT RANT MEANS HOW ABOUT MAYBE LOOKING IT UP FIRST INSTEAD OF POSTING SOME RANDOM [censored] IN THIS THREAD?

[maryfield48]

Not a rant, but a great speech by Pacino:

Mayor John Pappas: I was warned not to come here. I was warned. They warned me, "Don't stand behind that coffin." But why should I heed such a warning, when a heartbeat is silent and a child lies dead? "Don't stand behind" this coffin. That boy was as pure and as innocent as the driven snow. But I must stand here, because I have not given you what you should have. Until we can walk abroad and recreate ourselves; until we can stroll along the streets like boulevards; congregate in parks free from fear, our families mingling, our children laughing, our hearts joined - until that day we have no city. You can label me a failure until that day. The first and perhaps only great mayor was Greek. He was Pericles of Athens, and he lived some 2500 years ago, and he said, "All things good on this Earth flow into the City, because of the City's greatness." Well, we were great once. Can we not be great again? Now, I put that question to James Bone, and there's only silence. Yet could not something pass from this sweet youth to me? Could he not empower me to find in myself the strength to have the knowledge to summon up the courage to accomplish this seemingly insurmountable task of making a city livable? Just livable. There was a palace that was a city. It was a PALACE! It was a PALACE and it CAN BE A PALACE AGAIN! A PALACE, in which there is no king or queen, or dukes or earls or princes, but subjects all: subjects beholden to each other, to make a better place to live. Is that too much to ask?
Audience: No!
Mayor John Pappas: Are we asking too much for this?
Audience: No!
Mayor John Pappas: Is it beyond our reach?
Some Audience Members: No!
Mayor John Pappas: Because if it is, then we are nothing but sheep being herded to the final SLAUGHTERHOUSE! I will not go down, THAT WAY!
[The audience begins shouting approval]
Mayor John Pappas: I choose to FIGHT BACK! I choose to RISE, not fall! I choose to LIVE, not die! And I know, I know that what's within me is also WITHIN YOU.
Audience Member: Amen!
Mayor John Pappas: That's why I ask you now to join me. Join me, RISE UP with me, RISE UP on the wings of this slain angel.
[Audience members begin shouting "Yes" at every pause]
Mayor John Pappas: We'll rebuild on the soul of this little warrior. We will pick up his standard and RAISE it high! Carry it forward until THIS CITY - YOUR CITY - OUR CITY - HIS CITY - IS A PALACE OF GOD! IS A PALACE OF GOD! I am with you, little James. I am you.

[modaddy]

I want to tell you a story. I'm going to ask you all to close your eyes while I tell you the story. I want you to listen to me. I want you to listen to yourselves. Go ahead. Close your eyes, please. This is a story about a little girl walking home from the grocery store one sunny afternoon. I want you to picture this little girl. Suddenly a truck races up. Two men jump out and grab her. They drag her into a nearby field and they tie her up and they rip her clothes from her body. Now they climb on. First one, then the other, raping her, shattering everything innocent and pure with a vicious thrust in a fog of drunken breath and sweat. And when they're done, after they've killed her tiny womb, murdered any chance for her to have children, to have life beyond her own, they decide to use her for target practice. They start throwing full beer cans at her. They throw them so hard that it tears the flesh all the way to her bones. Then they urinate on her. Now comes the hanging. They have a rope. They tie a noose. Imagine the noose going tight around her neck and with a sudden blinding jerk she's pulled into the air and her feet and legs go kicking. They don't find the ground. The hanging branch isn't strong enough. It snaps and she falls back to the earth. So they pick her up, throw her in the back of the truck and drive out to Foggy Creek Bridge. Pitch her over the edge. And she drops some thirty feet down to the creek bottom below. Can you see her? Her raped, beaten, broken body soaked in their urine, soaked in their semen, soaked in her blood, left to die. Can you see her? I want you to picture that little girl. Now imagine she's white.

[Ulysses]

modaddy,

Maybe the third time will be a charm.

[modaddy]

El Diablo,

"Suck my fat one, you cheap dime store hood"

[sublime]

[ QUOTE ]
modaddy,

Maybe the third time will be a charm.

[/ QUOTE ]

maybe he will go off a rant about you. would that suffice? /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[The Ocho]

[ QUOTE ]
El Diablo,

"Suck my fat one, you cheap dime store hood"

[/ QUOTE ]

swing and a miss.

[Ulysses]

modaddy,

Guess the third time didn't work out either.

[The Ocho]

semi-rantish:

Whoa whoa whoa, Miss Lippy. The part of the story I don't like is that the little boy gave up looking for Happy after an hour. He didn't put posters up or anything, he just sat on the porch like a goon and waited. That little boy's gotta think 'You got a pet. You got a responsibility.' If your dog is lost you don't look for an hour then call it quits. You get your ass out there and you find that [censored] dog.

[Keats13]

You're no saint. You got a free cab, you got a free room - and someone who'll listen to your boring stories! Didn't you notice on the plane when you started talking, eventually I started reading the vomit bag? Didn't that give you some sort of clue, like maybe this guy's not enjoying it?

You know, not everything is an anecdote, you have to discriminate! You choose things are funny or mildly amusing! You're a miracle! Your stories have none of that! They're not even amusing accidentally! "Honey, I'd like you to meet Del Griffith, he's got some amusing anecdotes for ya! And, oh, here's a gun so you can blow your brains out, you'll thank me for it!"

I could tolerate any insurance seminar. For days, I could sit there, and listen to them go on and on with a big smile on my face! And they'd say, "How can you stand it?" And I'd say, "Because I've been with Del Griffith, I can take anything!" Y'know what they'd say? They'd say, "I know what you mean, shower curtain ring guy...whoa!" It's like going on a date with a Chatty-Kathy doll. I expect you to have a string on your chest that you pull out and have to snap back. Except I wouldn't pull it out and snap it back, you would! Dyah dyah dyah dyah!

And, you know, when you're telling these little stories, here's a good idea: have a point. It makes it makes it so much more interesting for the listener!

[beta1607]

Ricky: You stupid [censored] [censored]. You, Williamson, I'm talking to you, [censored]. You just cost me $6,000. $6,000, and one Cadillac. That's right. What are you gonna do about it? What are you gonna do about it, [censored]? You're [censored] [censored]. Where did you learn your trade, you stupid [censored] [censored], you idiot? Who ever told you that you could work with men?
Detective (Jude Ciccolella): Could I, uh---
Ricky: Oh, I'm gonna have your job, [censored]. I'm going downtown. I'm gonna talk to Mitch and Murray. I'm going to Lemkin! I don't care whose nephew you are, who you know, whose dick you're sucking on, you're going out. I swear to you, you're going--
Detective: Hey, fella, let's get this done.
Ricky: Anyone in this office lives on his wits. I'm gonna be with you in a second. What you're hired for is to help us. Does thot seem clear to you? To help us! Not to [censored] us up! To help men who are going out there to try to earn a living, you fairy. You company man. I'll tell you something else, I hope you ripped the joint off. I can tell our friend here something might help him to catch you. You wanna learn the first rule you'd know if you ever spent a day in your life? You never open your mouth till you know what the shot is. You [censored] child.

link to the audio (http://www.gotwavs.com/cgi-bin/wavs.cgi?Glengarry_Glen_Ross=justcostme.wav)

[SL__72]

I'm not sure these qualify as rants, but all the gun talk made me think of them:

Turkish: [censored] me, hold tight. What's that?
Tommy: It's me belt, Turkish.
Turkish: No, Tommy. There's a gun in your trousers. What's a gun doing in your trousers?
Tommy: It's for protection.
Turkish: Protection from what? "Zee Germans"?

Bullet Tooth Tony: Now, dicks have drive and clarity of vision, but they are not clever. They smell pussy and they want a piece of the action. And you thought you smelled some good old pussy, and have brought your two small mincey [censored] balls along for a good old time. But you've got your parties mangled up. There's no pussy here, just a dose that'll make you wish you were born a woman. Like a prick, you are having second thoughts. You are shrinking, and your two little balls are shrinking with ya. The fact that you've got "Replica" written down the side of your gun. (withdraws his gun) And the fact that I've got "Desert Eagle point five O" written on the side of mine, should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now... [censored] off.


The bit about feeding dead bodies to pigs was good too, but again, not sure it qualifies.

[Buckmulligan]

Jerry Maguire

Don't worry... don't worry. I'm not gonna do... what you all think i'm gonna do, which is just flip out!! But let me just say, as I ease out of the office, that i helped build... I'm sorry, but it is a fact... that there is such a thing... as manners. A way of treating people. These fish have manners. These fish have manners. In fact, they're coming with me. I'm starting a new company, and the fish are coming with me. You can call me sentimental, but the fish are coming with me.
(he takes a long beat scooping two goldfish into a plastic baggie)
Now. If you come with me, this will be the moment of something new, and fun, and inspiring in this GOD FORSAKEN business. And we will do it together. So... who's coming with me? who's coming with me and (he points at the baggie, thinks) flipper, here? Huh? (he makes little finger gestures) Who's coming with me? WHO'S COMING WITH ME?

[surfinillini]

[ QUOTE ]
My favorite 2

Pulp Fiction
"Jules: Well I'm a mushroom-cloud-layin' [censored], [censored]! Every time my fingers touch brain I'm SUPERFLY T.N.T, I'm the GUNS OF THE NAVARONE. In fact, what the [censored] am I doin' in the back? You're the [censored] should be on brain detail. We're [censored]' switchin' right now. I'm washin' the windows and you're pickin' up this nigga's skull"

SLC Punk
"Stevo: The Fight: What does it mean and where does it come from? An Essay: Homosapien. A man. He is alone in the universe. A punker. Still a man. He is alone in the universe, but he connects. How? They hit each other. No clearer way to evaluate whether or not you're alive. Now. Complications. A reason to fight. Somebody different. Difference creates dispute. Dispute is a reason to fight. Now, to fight is a reason to feel pain. Life is pain. So to fight with reason is to be alive with reason. Final analysis: To fight, a reason to live. Problems and Contradictions: I am an anarchist. I believe that there should be no rules, only chaos. Fighting appears to be chaos. And when we slam in the pit a show it is. But when we fight for a reason, like rednecks, there's a system, we fight for what we stand for, chaos. Fighting is a structure, fighting is to establish power, power is government and government is not anarchy. Government is war and war is fighting. The circle goes like this: our redneck skirmishes are cheap perversions of conventional warfare. War implies extreme government because wars are fought to enforce rules or ideals, even freedom. But other people ideals forced on someone else, even if it is something like freedom, is still a rule; not anarchy. This contradiction was becoming clear to me in the fall of '85. Even as early as my first party, "Why did I love to fight?" I framed it, but still, I don't understand it. It goes against my beliefs as a true anarchist. But there it was. Competition, fighting, capitalism, government, THE SYSTEM. That's what we did. It's what we always did. Rednecks kicked the [censored] out of punks, punks kicked the [censored] out of mods, mods kicked the [censored] out of skinheads, skinheads took out the heavy metal guys, and the heavy metal guys beat the living [censored] out of new wavers and the new wavers did nothing. What was the point? Final summation? None. "

[/ QUOTE ]

SLC was a really good movie imho

[ QUOTE ]
Today... is Christmas! There will be a magic show at zero-nine-thirty! Chaplain Charlie will tell you about how the free world will conquer Communism with the aid of God and a few marines! God has a hard-on for marines because we kill everything we see! He plays His games, we play ours! To show our appreciation for so much power, we keep heaven packed with fresh souls! God was here before the Marine Corps! So you can give your heart to Jesus, but your ass belongs to the Corps! Do you ladies understand?


[/ QUOTE ]

greatest rant ever

[HoldingFolding]

[Gal is sunbathing by poolside]
Oh, yeah. Bloody hell. I'm sweating in here. Roasting. Boiling. Baking. Sweltering. It's like a sauna. Furnace. You can fry an egg on my stomach. Ohh, who wouldn't lap this up? It's ridiculous. Tremendous. Fantastic. Fan-dabby-dozy-tastic. People say, "Don't you miss it, Gal?" I say, "What, England? Nah. [censored] place. It's a dump. Don't make me laugh. Grey, grimy, sooty. What a [censored] hole. What a toilet. Every [censored] with a long face shuffling about, moaning, all worried. No thanks, not for me." They say, "What's it like, then, Spain?" And I'll say, "It's hot. Hot. Oh, it's [censored] hot. Too hot? Not for me, I love it."

Juxtaposed with:

Shut up, [censored]. You louse. You got some [censored]' neck ain't you. Retired? [censored] off, you're revolting. Look at your suntan, it's leather, it's like leather man, your skin. We could make a [censored] suitcase out of you. Like a crocodile, fat crocodile, fat bastard. You look like [censored] Idi Amin, you know what I mean? Stay here? You should be ashamed of yourself. Who do you think you are? King of the castle? Cock of the walk?
[He gut-punches Gal]
Don: What you think this is the wheel of fortune? You think you can make your dough and [censored] off? Leave the table? Thanks Don, see you Don, off to sunny Spain now Don, [censored] off Don. Lying in your pool like a fat blob laughing at me, you think I'm gonna have that? You really think I'm gonna have that, ya ponce. All right, I'll make it easy for you. God knows you're [censored] trying. Are you gonna do the job? It's not a difficult question, are you gonna do the job, yes or no?

[HoldingFolding]

One more for the rodeo:

Ray: She took his dinner in to him once. Me mum, in the pub, and plonked it in front of him on a tray. Knife and fork, salt and pepper. He said, "What's that?" She said, "It's your dinner. I thought you might be hungry. You ain't eaten for three [censored] days. You live in here, you might as well [censored] eat in here." It's funny. He didn't like that, did he? Mugged him up in front of his mates. Thought more of them [censored] than he did us. Lovely. Yeah. She got a clump over that. Well, she would, wouldn't she? He was always pissed in there, weren't he? You know? We go in the pub to get our living, you know? That's where we do our business. He'd be there spunking out while we're sitting at home without a dinar, you know, thank you. And he'd promise things. You know? Promise to take us places, you know? Never did. Never took us anywhere. And when he did bother to come home he'd sit in that [censored] chair, doss off with his tray in his lap. And I'd just stand there looking at him. I'd look in his face, and my mother'd go upstairs, and I'd say, "Say, Mum, ain't Daddy coming to bed?" And she'd say, "No. No, he's all right, son. He'll come up when he wakes up." He's gotta wake up to go to bed! Now, I'd stand there looking at this [censored] old man, you know, my dad, you know, in that chair, that horrible [censored] chair with the shiny, worn-out arms. I should've burnt the [censored] thing. By the end he was hemorrhaging from both ends, you know? I used to hear him in the morning hanging on to the kharzi. It was lovely. Never stopped him going to the pub, though. No, he was well enough to do that. Now, one day, right, he's staggering across the pub pissed from the night before. He's gone over, crunch, right on his mooey, like a [censored] ironing board. His hooter's around here, his railings all over the [censored] place. Me and me mum had to go the hospital to see him. We walked in. He's laying in bed. He's got tubes up his arms, [censored] up his nose, down the back of his Gregory. He didn't look well. [censored] vodka was keeping him alive. Well, I ain't that interested, so I'm having a little mooch about, you know. I looked above his bed, and there's this sign, right, with some weird writing on it. I couldn't read too well at the time. I said to my mum, "Mum, what's that say? You know, that sign above Daddy's head." All right? She said, "Nil by mouth." "What's that, a football score?" One-nil, three-nil, two-nil, a geezer called [censored] Nil. Yeah. I said, "Well, what's it mean?" She said, "It means..."
Mark: It means nothing to eat.
Ray: Yeah, nothing down the...
[points into his mouth]
Mark: Nothing down the... Yeah.
Ray: Yeah, all right. I remembered that day, because I could've put that on his [censored] tombstone, you know? Because I don't remember one kiss, you know, one cuddle. Nothing. I mean, plenty went down, not a lot came out, you know, nothing that was any [censored] good. And I'd look at this man that I call Dad, you know? My father, I knew him as Dad. He was my [censored] dad but he weren't like other kids' dads, you know? It was as if the word itself were enough, and it ain't.
Mark: That ain't when he died though, is it?
Ray: No. He lived another ten years, slippery old [censored]. He died one afternoon in that [censored] armchair. About right. I went around to see him, you know, when he was plotted up at me mother's.
Mark: Hatcham Road?
Ray: Yeah, Hatcham Road. He was upstairs in that front bedroom. Laid out.
Mark: Free.
Ray: Yeah. Yeah. I've gone up there, gone in. I'm sitting on the bed looking at him. He's laying there like... Mullered. And it was like he'd shrunk, you know? He was a big man.
Mark: He was a lump.
Ray: Yeah. You should know. You got enough clumps off the [censored]. (sighs) And I just touched him, you know? He was [censored] freezing cold. It frightened the life out of me. I was looking at him, you know? For the first time in my life, I talked to him. I said, "Why didn't you ever love me?"

[jba]

a couple more


[ QUOTE ]
"Of course that's your contention. You're a first year grad student. You just got finished readin' some Marxian historian -- Pete Garrison probably. You're gonna be convinced of that 'til next month when you get to James Lemon, and then you're gonna be talkin' about how the economies of Virginia and Pennsylvania were entrepreneurial and capitalist way back in 1740. That's gonna last until next year -- you're gonna be in here regurgitating Gordon Wood, talkin' about, you know, the Pre-revolutionary utopia and the capital-forming effects of military mobilization... Wood drastically -- Wood drastically underestimates the impact of social distinctions predicated upon wealth, especially inherited wealth.' You got that from Vickers, 'Work in Essex County,' page 98, right? Yeah, I read that too. Were you gonna plagiarize the whole thing for us? Do you have any thoughts of your own on this matter? Or do you...is that your thing? You come into a bar. You read some obscure passage and then pretend...you pawn it off as your own idea just to impress some girls and embarrass my friend? See, the sad thing about a guy like you is in 50 years you're gonna start doin' some thinkin' on your own and you're gonna come up with the fact that there are two certainties in life. One: don't do that. And two: You dropped a hundred and fifty grand on a f----n' education you coulda' got for a dollar fifty in late charges at the public library.

[/ QUOTE ]



#2:

[ QUOTE ]

"How To Fake Like You Are Nice and Caring."
This is...obviously...quite an important
section...I mean, let's face it...face the
facts...Men Are [censored], right? I mean,
that is what they all say. We've all done
bad things...bad things that no woman
has ever done...that's what they say.
We As Men are taught to apologize: "I've done wrong."
"I'm sorry." "My needs as a man made me..."
Something, something...[censored]....well what
I would like to say....
If you feel, made to feel like you need
them, like -- like you can't live if
you're without them or you need, what?
They're pussy? They're love? [censored] that.
Self Sufficient, gents. That's the truth.
What you are -- we are -- you need them
for what? To [censored] make you a piece of
snot rag? A puppett? huh? Hear them
bitch and moan? bitch and moan --
and we're taught one thing -- go the other
way -- there is No Excuse I will give you,
I'm not gonna apologize -- I'm not gonna
apologize for my NEED my DESIRE...my, the
things that I need as a man to feel comfortable...
You understand? You understand? You need
to say something, "my mommy hit me or
daddy hit me or didn't let me play soccer,
so now I make mistakes, cause a that -- something,
so now I piss and [censored] on it and do this."
[censored]. I'm sorry. ok. yeah. no. [censored].
go. [censored]. alright. go make a new mistake.
maybe not, I dunno...[censored]....

[/ QUOTE ]

[PokerBob]

i like the one in "A Few Good Men" where Tom Cruise goes nuts and finishes with the line "Thank you for playing should we or should we not take the advice of the galacticly stupid.

[nomadtla]

Not a rant. More a statement of purpose. But given some of the other non-rants that have been mentioned I feel it a shame to leave this one out.

[ QUOTE ]
Now you will recieve us. We do not ask for your poor, or your hungry. We do not want your tired and sick. It is your corrupt we claim. It is your evil that will be sucked by us. With every breath we shall hunt them down. Each day we will spill their blood till it rains down from the skies. Do not kill! Do not rape! Do not steal! These are principles which every man of every faith can embrace. These are not polite suggestions. These are codes of behavior. And those of you that ignore them will pay the dearest cost. There are varying degrees of evil. We urge you lesser forms of filth not to push the bounds and cross over into true corruption, into our domain. But if you do one day you will look behind you and you will see we three. And on that day you will repent! And we will send you towards ever god, you wish.
And shepherds we shall be for Thee, my Lord, for Thee.
Power hath descended forth from Thy hand.
That our feet may swiftly carry out Thy command.
So we shall flow a river forth to Thee,
and teeming with souls shall it ever be.

In nomine Patris, Et Philii, Spiritus Sancti.

[/ QUOTE ]

Edit: since I put a non-rant I felt the need for a semi-rant as well.
A rant by God no less.

[ QUOTE ]
GOD: Arthur! Arthur, King of the Britons! Oh, don't grovel! If
there's one thing I can't stand, it's people groveling.
ARTHUR: Sorry--
GOD: And don't apologize. Every time I try to talk to someone
it's "sorry this" and "forgive me that" and "I'm not worthy". What
are you doing now!?
ARTHUR: I'm averting my eyes, oh Lord.
GOD: Well, don't. It's like those miserable Psalms -- they're so
depressing. Now knock it off!
ARTHUR: Yes, Lord.
GOD: Right! Arthur, King of the Britons -- you're Knights of the
Round Table shall have a task to make them an example in these dark
times.
ARTHUR: Good idea, oh Lord!
GOD: 'Course it's a good idea! Behold! Arthur, this is the Holy
Grail. Look well, Arthur, for it is your sacred task to seek
this Grail. That is your purpose, Arthur -- the Quest for the
Holy Grail.


[/ QUOTE ]

[slickpoppa]

[ QUOTE ]
You're no saint. You got a free cab, you got a free room - and someone who'll listen to your boring stories! Didn't you notice on the plane when you started talking, eventually I started reading the vomit bag? Didn't that give you some sort of clue, like maybe this guy's not enjoying it?

You know, not everything is an anecdote, you have to discriminate! You choose things are funny or mildly amusing! You're a miracle! Your stories have none of that! They're not even amusing accidentally! "Honey, I'd like you to meet Del Griffith, he's got some amusing anecdotes for ya! And, oh, here's a gun so you can blow your brains out, you'll thank me for it!"

I could tolerate any insurance seminar. For days, I could sit there, and listen to them go on and on with a big smile on my face! And they'd say, "How can you stand it?" And I'd say, "Because I've been with Del Griffith, I can take anything!" Y'know what they'd say? They'd say, "I know what you mean, shower curtain ring guy...whoa!" It's like going on a date with a Chatty-Kathy doll. I expect you to have a string on your chest that you pull out and have to snap back. Except I wouldn't pull it out and snap it back, you would! Dyah dyah dyah dyah!

And, you know, when you're telling these little stories, here's a good idea: have a point. It makes it makes it so much more interesting for the listener!

[/ QUOTE ]

From the same movie:

- You can start by wiping that [censored] dumb-ass smile off your rosy [censored] cheeks. And you can give a [censored] automobile. A [censored] Buick, a [censored] Datson, a [censored] Toyota . . four [censored] wheels and a seat!
- I really don't care for the way you're speaking to me.
- And I don't really care for the way your company left me in the middle of [censored] nowhere with [censored] keys to a [censored] car that isn't [censored] there. And I really don't care to walk across a [censored] highway and across a [censored] runway just to get back here and have you smile at my [censored] face. I want a [censored] car, right, [censored], now.

[HoldingFolding]

Well, of all the causes to take up, AIDS, cancer... hunger, poverty. I've always felt there was something special about people who commit themselves to guns. Anyone I suppose could contribute to a shelter or help the needy, but it takes a true American to dedicate himself to firearms. And you know what? We need people like you. Our country's getting a bad rep just because we kill each other. Well, that's manly... shooting people. United States, this is were men live. Australia, all their stupid bragging about how tough they are in the outback. They get about... 15 gun homicides a year. What the hell is that? We get ten thousand. The Japanese are even more pathetic. In 1999 for kids between 15 and 19 they didn't have one handgun murder, not one! We had over five thousand! Our teenagers are tough, but it can't happen unless we get the guns out there into their hands and for that we need committed, good people like all of you. Look at these idiots in Washington who think it's wrong for teenagers to have assault rifles. And the stupid Democrats think we should have ten day waiting periods. What happens if you need to kill somebody today? Next thing the government will try to crack down on incest and we won't be able to breed future NRA members. I mean, we are talking about the toothless illiterates that makes this country great. This is America. Get a gun!

[ilya]

[ QUOTE ]
[Gal is sunbathing by poolside]
Oh, yeah. Bloody hell. I'm sweating in here. Roasting. Boiling. Baking. Sweltering. It's like a sauna. Furnace. You can fry an egg on my stomach. Ohh, who wouldn't lap this up? It's ridiculous. Tremendous. Fantastic. Fan-dabby-dozy-tastic. People say, "Don't you miss it, Gal?" I say, "What, England? Nah. [censored] place. It's a dump. Don't make me laugh. Grey, grimy, sooty. What a [censored] hole. What a toilet. Every [censored] with a long face shuffling about, moaning, all worried. No thanks, not for me." They say, "What's it like, then, Spain?" And I'll say, "It's hot. Hot. Oh, it's [censored] hot. Too hot? Not for me, I love it."

Juxtaposed with:

Shut up, [censored]. You louse. You got some [censored]' neck ain't you. Retired? [censored] off, you're revolting. Look at your suntan, it's leather, it's like leather man, your skin. We could make a [censored] suitcase out of you. Like a crocodile, fat crocodile, fat bastard. You look like [censored] Idi Amin, you know what I mean? Stay here? You should be ashamed of yourself. Who do you think you are? King of the castle? Cock of the walk?
[He gut-punches Gal]
Don: What you think this is the wheel of fortune? You think you can make your dough and [censored] off? Leave the table? Thanks Don, see you Don, off to sunny Spain now Don, [censored] off Don. Lying in your pool like a fat blob laughing at me, you think I'm gonna have that? You really think I'm gonna have that, ya ponce. All right, I'll make it easy for you. God knows you're [censored] trying. Are you gonna do the job? It's not a difficult question, are you gonna do the job, yes or no?

[/ QUOTE ]

Great movie. The whole intro/credits sequence is gold.