Zeno
07-28-2003, 01:41 AM
I have a book called “ The 776 Stupidest Thing Ever Said”. Time to pull it out and inject some humor into this overwrought and somber forum of late.
#1 British Admiralty instruction dealing with the storage of warheads and torpedoes:
It is necessary for technical reasons that these warheads should be stored with the top at the bottom, and the bottom at the top. In order that there may be no doubt as to which is the top and which is the bottom, for storage purposes, it will be seen that the bottom of each warhead has been labeled with the word TOP.
#2 Internal Revenue Service Handbook, 1976:
During state of national emergency resulting from enemy attack, the essential functions of the Service will be as follows: (1) assessing, collecting, and recording taxes…
[The IRS is SO dedicated]
#3 Federal Reserve System suggestion:
It would be a good thing to take your bankbook to the fallout shelter with you.
[Your bankbook would probably taste better than the 50-year-old biscuits they would feed you]
#4 Othal Brand, Member of a Texas pesticide review board, on the pesticide chlordane:
Sure, it’s going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway.
#5 A jail building resolution of a Board of Councilman, Canton, Mississippi, mid-1800s:
1. Resolved, by this council, that we build a new jail.
2. Resolved, that the new jail be built out of the materials of the old jail.
3. Resolved, that the old jail be used until the new jail is finished.
#1 British Admiralty instruction dealing with the storage of warheads and torpedoes:
It is necessary for technical reasons that these warheads should be stored with the top at the bottom, and the bottom at the top. In order that there may be no doubt as to which is the top and which is the bottom, for storage purposes, it will be seen that the bottom of each warhead has been labeled with the word TOP.
#2 Internal Revenue Service Handbook, 1976:
During state of national emergency resulting from enemy attack, the essential functions of the Service will be as follows: (1) assessing, collecting, and recording taxes…
[The IRS is SO dedicated]
#3 Federal Reserve System suggestion:
It would be a good thing to take your bankbook to the fallout shelter with you.
[Your bankbook would probably taste better than the 50-year-old biscuits they would feed you]
#4 Othal Brand, Member of a Texas pesticide review board, on the pesticide chlordane:
Sure, it’s going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway.
#5 A jail building resolution of a Board of Councilman, Canton, Mississippi, mid-1800s:
1. Resolved, by this council, that we build a new jail.
2. Resolved, that the new jail be built out of the materials of the old jail.
3. Resolved, that the old jail be used until the new jail is finished.