Is this standard or spewage?

Here's my situation:

I'm 21. I have a serious gf who I've been with for a shade under a year. For various reasons including a broken down car I'll probably be spending x-mas with my gf's family (who I get along well with).

My family and I are not too keen on x-mas and usually don't get each other stuff. I haven't got anyone (except for my gf) anything as of yet and have no intention of doing so. My gf said her Mother got me something. My gf got her family stuff already.

I'm considering offering to give my gf half of what she paid for her family's gifts in exchange for putting both our names on the card. It will cost me ~$80, which is not that big of a big deal to me. It will be awkward and I may end up looking like an ass if I don't get anyone anything even though I'm spending x-mas at their house. On the other hand absorbing half the damage of x-mas seems a little excessive considering I'm not close to her family and haven't even got my family anything.

My time is worth ~$16/hour and I'm in no financial trouble. What's my play?

[Duffman]

If this is your only option then do it. But if you can get them a gift of your own.

[highlife]

i wouldn't expect your girlfriend to just let you put your name on the card and take half credit for the gifts. the point is not how much money is spent the thought, time and consideration taken to decide what gifts to get.

[BadBoyBenny]

I would go out and buy gifts for everyone.

Excellent point. I hadn't even thought about that.

In my defense I went shopping with her for many of these gifts. I gave recommendations on some of them, even though I wasn't really qualified to.

[emonrad87]

Your view of Christmas is awful. If all you want to do is pay off your girlfriend to put your name on her gifts, you really shouldn't bother. Her family will know that you didnt shop for them anyway. If you want to not look like an ass, buy them thoughtful presents.

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If you want to not look like an ass, buy them thoughtful presents.

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Keep in mind I barely know them. There's no way I'm capable of buying them "thoughful presents". They're obviously going to know I didn't think to get these presents for them. But I'm sure they'll appreciate that put I something towards their gifts.

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Your view of Christmas is awful.

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This is dead on. My family and I haven't celebrated x-mas since I was a kid. And I'm just not into it.

[lastchance]

Definite agreement here. If your GF's family celebrates Xmas, you have to thank them for taking you in, and because they mean something to your GF.

Don't be lazy (unless you really don't have the time), go out and buy something nice for them, all of them, including your GF.

Don't buy something too nice though, $10 a gift sounds about right. Just something to increase their opinion of you, and you'll definitely get a big "thank you" from your GF.

Be thoughtful, be nice. It's cheaper, and it's a good thing to do.

[emonrad87]

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This is dead on. My family and I haven't celebrated x-mas since I was a kid. And I'm just not into it.

[/ QUOTE ]

Then tell them this. Thank them for inviting you into their tradition, but explain you aren't religous.

[Spladle Master]

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Then tell them this. Thank them for inviting you into their tradition, but explain you aren't religous.

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Not so good at this whole "life" thing, are you?

[emonrad87]

/images/graemlins/confused.gif

[lastchance]

I'm not much into Christmas either, but I am into love from a hot GF.

Ask your GF for ideas, and get something. You will get a "thank you."

Spend a hour or two, $30, and your GF will thank you even more b/c you don't celebrate Christmas.

Trust me on this one. Get some freaking presents.

Thanks for the reply. I've considered this. But feel that doing this would bring down their holidays. I'm very appreciate of them inviting me. And the last thing I want to do is have a negative affect on them.

And fwiw, my gf's family is not very religious either. My gf's Mother grew up Jehovah's Witness and never got to celebrate holidays. Now she kind of over compensates for not having holidays as a kid. She's a very nice person and I certainly can't blame her for this.

[Reef]

If the gifts are the kind that are obvious you had no part in it, go out and get your own. If they're general things, just give her the 80.

You're spending christmas at THEIR house. You will look an ass if you go halves with your girlfriend. The most basic of manners requires that you come bearing gifts. This has nothing to do with "Christmas BS", it's just something that decent people do, like bringing a bottle of wine to dinner or a plate of something to a party.

Plus you'll get hot sex fom your grateful GF in her parent's house. That's [censored] awesome. The chance of getting caught makes it very memorable.

[emonrad87]

Upon thinking it over more, just get them some flowers (poinsettas are very good for Christmas), and a food basket/wine type of thing. That will be very acceptable for thanking them for hospitality, but you don't have to go all out on the holiday thing.

[jba]

get a board game for the family

or a DVD and a couple packages of popcorn

just get them something small.. The name on the card thing is pretty lame, they're going to know what's up..

[ebranig]

Get a nice, big housewarming gift. Maybe a big thing of chocolates for everyone to share. ($30-$40)

[fyodor]

If you are prepared to give the gf $80 just go out and get the mother a gift. Get her a gift basket of bath stuff and spend about $40.

It will cost you less and make you look better. No need to get everyone in the family something.

[fnord_too]

Buy them gifts. Also try to help out while you are there (like help clean up after dinner, maybe even cook a meal if you have the aptitude). Being a gracious guest is almost always far and away the right play. In no way is it spewage to buy gifts if you can afford to. If you are stumped for gift ideas, things like coffee and coffee paraphanalia are usually safe and welcome gifts if they are coffee drinkers. Going halfsies with the gf is pedestrian, don't do it, put in the (small) extra effort.

[RunDownHouse]

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the point is not how much money is spent the thought, time and consideration taken to decide what gifts to get.

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Excellent point. I hadn't even thought about that.

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Wait, what? I know you aren't "in" to Christmas or whatever, but do you ever get people gifts? Do you go around handing out wads of cash for every birthday/Father's Day/etc? How can you possibly be anything other than socially retarded and not realize that giving gifts isn't about the price tag?

Anyways, I'd recommend getting a couple nice bottles of wine. If they don't drink that much, get them a nice bottle and one of those sausage/cheese/fruit gift baskets. If they don't drink at all, get them a really nice gift basket.

[BradleyT]

DrVanNostrin,

There's no way they expect you to buy them each a gift.

Thanks to all for the good ideas. I'll go with something cheap and simple like coffee or wine or something.

[malokoman]

(who I get along well with)

This is very important, imo, at the beginning of a relationship. Especially when within close proximity of said family. Buy gifts for them.

[nothumb]

The best ideas are clearly to get some good chocolates, a decent bottle of wine and some tea, bath items or a game/toy/DVD for any younger siblings that exist. You can do this for less than $80 and it's pretty much foolproof.

NT