My poker (loser) experience

I started off at the beginning of this year. I learned the game from a friend of mine and deposited a couple of hundred bucks into my PP account. I lost a lot initially. I worked hard at improving my game and slowly but surely managed to recover my losses and made a lot of money playing high stakes NL on PP. I am a poster on the MHNL forums.

I am 28 and a very patient person by nature. I come from a very traditional and religious Indian family. I am not the religious type and dont believe in god. My parents were here in the US to visit me over the summer. I always knew that I cannot convince my parents about my poker habits. I never used to play much. I used to put in 15 hrs per week and mostly played my A-game. I had a fight with my parents about god sometime in September. That one night I lost 30k which was about half my bankroll. I just tilted so bad that It was a donation spree. Looking back, this was the start of a disaster for me. I managed to recover that lost money within a week. But one thing used to bother me. How I do tell my parents about my poker lifestyle? Its not so easy when you come from a tradiotional and religious Indian family. I started playing confused. I should have taken a break.

Then, I started playing limit poker(100/200 and 50/100). I had no knowledge of limit poker. Please dont ask me why I started playing limit. I lost tons of money playing limit. I had no idea of what I was getting into. I kept losing money at the rate of knots and it did not bother me. I was having 'fun' and then a certain pattern emerged. I used to lose some, win some and at the end of the week, I would be up or down by small amount. I couldnt get over the limit addiction.

And then started a bad downswing which was accentuated by my tiltiness. I lost everything that I had made playing poker and some more. I am almost broke now. In four months from sep-dec, I have had badass swings at the party NL2k and the High stakes limit tables at party. These swings were mostly tilt induced. I should have exhibited better judgement and stopped playing when I knew I was not playing my A-game.

I just woke up from another bad night(and maybe my last) at the party tables. I should have probably dropped down a few stakes. But the gambler in me wanted to make up that lost money NOW. I kind of messed up my career trying to become good at poker. So I am all the more confused as to what I should be doing. I know I can make money at poker but I need a lot of discipline. How do I tell my parents about my poker habit? This one thing could mean a lot to me. Any Indian dudes out there who want to chime in?

I welcome all advice and suggestions to get me out of this hole I have dug for myself. How many of you MHNL players have come close to losing your entire BR and have had to start from scratch again? All advice is greatly appreciated. I need help!

[Yeti]

Gamblers Anonymous. Seriously.

[BirdieLongSocks]

Give up poker, get a job and start playing again in a month or so.

[mythrilfox]

I didn't think B Buddy played on party

[aggie]

[ QUOTE ]
How many of you MHNL players have come close to losing your entire BR and have had to start from scratch again?

[/ QUOTE ]

i have. I think many have at one point or another although some of the posters in HSNL are probably some of the rare exceptions.

This is SIKH.

I had a fight with my parents about god sometime in September. That one night I lost 30k which was about half my bankroll.

[DonButtons]

get a job, and take a break from poker...

in college i went broke off my initial 3k deposit roll, and I took a little break, and worked my next $200 deposit roll up to like 100k in a couple months...

during that break, i basically made gay rules and fixed most my leaks, specially in bankroll management.

and i dunno what to say to your folks, I told mine about my habit after my break...

[buddha01]

Well I for one am very very impressed that you went from "deposited a couple of hundred bucks into my PP account" to "I lost 30k which was about half my bankroll" inside of a year. devdas you can play poker baby and you can make money.. thats the good news. The bad news is your idiot and your going through some sort of money donation phase, Now your 28 dude your not a young pup, if you need to get laid get laid, your talking about god, whats god or your parents got to do with playing poker, your not insulting any form of god playing poker, you are if the money is going towards a bad cause?

Let me tell you about god, there is no god but there is life after death, when you die in your body you go on.. All the fokes who dont believe that and think they can do as they please with no result are mistaken, any way your talking about stuff which leads me to think your not playing poker or you are using poker as a means to vent your life frustations? Poker is the best means to show a man for what he really is, who said that, you have lost a lot of money you need to feel the cold chill of reality and know were your at, im not perfect im down 3k over the last year but im learning, every time ive played my A game ive either won or been very very unlucky to lose.

I recommend you give poker a break, go do some thing else for a while, read, exercise, go to temple, sports, tv, girls, browse the web, do some charity work?

You made a lot of money I am very impressed with you, you to me are a master worth a lot of my time, if I could sit and watch you play I would do it every weekend.

Good luck man.

[howzit]

Sounds like you're a gambler and need the action. Walking away for a while should be help BUT you'll probably find yourself back at the tables before you're committed to playing your top game again.


Try hanging out w/your friends, go eat nice meals, go watch movies, concerts, and blow the money elsewhere before getting more stuck playing poker and god forbid limit poker.


a ton of top players go bust from running bad and playing worse or maybe some other vice and if you've only been playing for a year, then that's not suprising at all.

I'm no different and was broke the first year i was playing. But what turned me around was realizing the money I burnt through was long gone and it was time to just start treating my precious little nut that i did have as the beginning of a new bankroll and not the remenants of something that i once had.

I guess the analogy would be something like raising a kid only to have the kid pass away. Then a having a second kid to raise after that. You would raise the second kid as something totally new and you would nurture and bring it up up as well as you could. Hopefully not in the shadow of a kid you've lost in the past because of whatever reason.

And in the end, it's just money. seriously.

[XChamp]

If you don't believe in God, then why does any of this upset you? What rules are you trying to live your life by, and why?

I think you need to answer these questions before you can create any sort of plan for your personal life and career.

I would quit poker right now and take a long break and sort this stuff out. I lost half my bankroll (6k, I was a NL$100 player) a year ago. It was bad. I took some time off and made it all back and a lot more.

[jb9]

[ QUOTE ]
I should have exhibited better judgement and stopped playing when I knew I was not playing my A-game.

[/ QUOTE ]

This sounds much much worse than just "not playing your A-game".

I think you should give serious thought to not playing poker until you have a greater understanding of what happened to you and some confidence that you won't do it again. Even then, you should adopt a strict and conservative bankroll management plan. If you can't do that, you will do yourself a big favor by not playing at all.

It's hard to give advice about family and religion, especially to strangers. There is rarely a good answer. But, it sounds like you need to talk to them about a few things. Try to find a way to do it that doesn't lead to a fight. Maybe get advice from someone else in the family (or friend of the family) who can see both your and your parents' point of view.

Good luck.

P.S. A book you may find interesting that I just re-read. It's about family and gambling. Double Down: Reflections on Gambling and Loss (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0156010704/qid=1135097335/sr=8-1/ref=pd_bbs_1/102-9428894-7344112?n=507846&s=books&v=glance)

[greg nice]

who gives a shiit about your parents. you are 28 years old. fuuck your parents. fuuck your religion. get a grip. "woe is me" is getting old and you know it.

[ QUOTE ]
whats god or your parents got to do with playing poker, your not insulting any form of god playing poker, you are if the money is going towards a bad cause?


[/ QUOTE ]

Playing poker is a form a gambling and gambling is taboo is most traditional families. And when I speak of any religious hindu family it just magnifies a whole lot. There is that inner self that wants you to tell your parents about it. But you dont know how they would react. I have gone through some personal [censored] over the last 4 years and this poker thing is small compared to the numerous incidents and [censored] ups in my personal life. That being said, money is money and you hate to lose what you earned through effort,dedication and discipline. My mom wants me to keep faith in good and it really gets frustrating when she is lecturing you whenever she gets a chance. I agree with one of the posters that I am probably trying to vent my frustrations by playing poker.

[ QUOTE ]
If you don't believe in God, then why does any of this upset you? What rules are you trying to live your life by, and why?


[/ QUOTE ]

Its not about me. Its about my parents. For the reasons I stated above. I can see why my parents would be upset about this. I dont want to quit playing poker. It is a catch 22 situation and yes, I do understand I do need to take a break and concentrate on my job(I am not jobless).

[ QUOTE ]
who gives a shiit about your parents. you are 28 years old. fuuck your parents. fuuck your religion. get a grip. "woe is me" is getting old and you know it.

[/ QUOTE ]

Probably true. This might be my only option. Not saying it has to be my way or no way. But, I see your point.

[hit_the_set]

relax. Take a good break and analyse your options.

You obviously have skills to build a roll like that so fast. However, you obviously have some conflicts going on in your head that are going to affect your play regardless of skill level. You need to resolve those issues to play at the level you are capable of. Send me what's left of your BR for safekeeping. Either solve your problems or learn to put them aside while you play. I speak from experience, no matter how good you are, no matter how much better you are than the others sitting at your table, if you have things going on that cause you to make bad decisions, it will destroy your bankroll. Step away from the table.

[Bluffoon]

Discipline and self-control are vital poker skills. Forget all that other crap.

You must learn discipline.

[ QUOTE ]
Discipline and self-control are vital poker skills. Forget all that other crap.

You must learn discipline.

[/ QUOTE ]

What he said. Raw skill means nothing if you don't have discipline. Obviously the issues in your life are affecting your poker, don't play until you have that [censored] with your parents/God sorted out, it will ruin you.

[Fallen Hero]

I know plenty of players that were down to $0 after beating high stakes games for some time, you'll be surprise at how fast you can climb back up if you force yourself to play well at low stakes. Don't worry about that part of the problem

[ QUOTE ]
I know I can make money at poker but I need a lot of discipline.

[/ QUOTE ]

Wait...within a year you went from first deposit to NL 2K? After putting in 15 hours per week!?

LOLOL.

You are not fit for this lifestyle. You may be intelligent, but you have absolutely zero discipline whatsoever. You are greedy. Looks like your parents may have been right.

Now you don't know what to do b/c you cannot fathom telling your 'rents that you lost money playing poker. And on top of that, you are bad at poker.

Tough situation. I'd say get a job in the "real world" with the rest of the dreamers. Not trying to be rude, just honest. You have no effing clue what you are doing.

Good luck.

[Cry Me A River]

Grow some testicles and stop worrying about what your parents think! Geez, I'm not much older than you and I talk to my parents maybe once a month, max. And on the phone at that - If I don't want to talk to them about something, I don't. If you were 18 and living at home, okay this post might make sense but you're 28 freak'n years old. Grow up already!

That being said, Gamblers Anonymous, dude, seriously! Do you really think what you are doing is a sustainable lifestyle? Are you trying to prove your parents right, or are just just rebelling with no purpose? Again, if you were still a teenager, fine, whatever, but you're a grown [censored] man! Stop behaving like a spoiled [censored] child!

[XChamp]

Some of the responses on here are horrible. What is wrong with simple respect for your father and mother?!

[ QUOTE ]
Some of the responses on here are horrible. What is wrong with simple respect for your father and mother?!

[/ QUOTE ]

I was'nt expecting a lot of the posters to understand my situation. Its a reflection of the difference in traditions. Only people who come from a similar background will understand. I agree with living your own life. But your family vales and traditions should mean a thing or two. I made this post to let it out and people sure are giving it to me. Please keep them coming.

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I know I can make money at poker but I need a lot of discipline.

[/ QUOTE ]

Wait...within a year you went from first deposit to NL 2K? After putting in 15 hours per week!?

LOLOL.

You are not fit for this lifestyle. You may be intelligent, but you have absolutely zero discipline whatsoever. You are greedy. Looks like your parents may have been right.

Now you don't know what to do b/c you cannot fathom telling your 'rents that you lost money playing poker. And on top of that, you are bad at poker.

Tough situation. I'd say get a job in the "real world" with the rest of the dreamers. Not trying to be rude, just honest. You have no effing clue what you are doing.

Good luck.

[/ QUOTE ]

PM me If you want to see my PT stats. I agree with only one thing you said in this post. I lack discipline and money management skills.

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I know I can make money at poker but I need a lot of discipline.

[/ QUOTE ]

Wait...within a year you went from first deposit to NL 2K? After putting in 15 hours per week!?

LOLOL.

You are not fit for this lifestyle. You may be intelligent, but you have absolutely zero discipline whatsoever. You are greedy. Looks like your parents may have been right.

Now you don't know what to do b/c you cannot fathom telling your 'rents that you lost money playing poker. And on top of that, you are bad at poker.

Tough situation. I'd say get a job in the "real world" with the rest of the dreamers. Not trying to be rude, just honest. You have no effing clue what you are doing.

Good luck.

[/ QUOTE ]

PM me If you want to see my PT stats. I agree with only one thing you said in this post. I lack discipline and money management skills.

[/ QUOTE ]

I never said you lacked money management skills, but now that you mention it, yes. You do.

What will PMing me your PT stats show? That overall you are down this year? That you are a losing player? That you may or may not have went on a sick run of cards and were up 30 buy ins at the highest level? What is the point? By your admission, you've basically invested about 750 hours into poker this year (15x50). I simply think that this is not enough time/energy to devote before playing the highest stakes on your site.

You really probably have no idea if you are a "winning player". You may be a Mike Matusow type of cash game player. Great at collecting money, and even better at losing it.

I just hope (for your parents sake) that you were smart enough to put some of that 60K into savings/investments before you threw it all away.

Good luck.

[Bluffoon]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Some of the responses on here are horrible. What is wrong with simple respect for your father and mother?!

[/ QUOTE ]

I was'nt expecting a lot of the posters to understand my situation. Its a reflection of the difference in traditions. Only people who come from a similar background will understand. I agree with living your own life. But your family vales and traditions should mean a thing or two. I made this post to let it out and people sure are giving it to me. Please keep them coming.

[/ QUOTE ]

Your family issues and poker have nothing to do with each other and blaming poker losses on outside issues is not taking responsibility fo the problem. Stop being a victim. Take responsibility for your lack of discipline and by all means deal with your family issues, but keep them separate.

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Some of the responses on here are horrible. What is wrong with simple respect for your father and mother?!

[/ QUOTE ]

I was'nt expecting a lot of the posters to understand my situation. Its a reflection of the difference in traditions. Only people who come from a similar background will understand. I agree with living your own life. But your family vales and traditions should mean a thing or two. I made this post to let it out and people sure are giving it to me. Please keep them coming.

[/ QUOTE ]

Your family issues and poker have nothing to do with each other and blaming poker losses on outside issues is not taking responsibility fo the problem. Stop being a victim. Take responsibility for your lack of discipline and by all means deal with your family issues, but keep them separate.

[/ QUOTE ]

Maybe not directly, but it did affect my state of mind. I take full resposibility for the lack of discipline. All I am saying is I should have shown better judgement and not played when I was not in the right frame of mind. I should have seen it coming. And I shouldnt have played LIMIT poker. Obviously, I sucked at LIMIT poker and it killed my confidence and my NL game.

Few resolutions:
1. No more playing the limit [censored].
2. Get back to where my game was before september.
3. Learn to deal with other issues in my life in a way that it does not affect my game.
4. Show better judgement and set stop losses.

A competentent psychologist would say you need to "resolve your cognitive dissonance."

It is the academic way of saying what most replyers are saying: you know what's going on. Deal with it or get out.

[mythrilfox]

[ QUOTE ]

Playing poker is a form a gambling and gambling is taboo is most traditional families. And when I speak of any religious hindu family it just magnifies a whole lot.

[/ QUOTE ]

I just want to point out something here, though it's a bit of a tangent. Traditionally all of society's codes of moral conduct have come from something simply being harmful to an individual or to society as a whole. We don't kill not because killing is inherently wrong, but because society would collapse. Same with stealing. Same with lying. This is where most religious codes of conduct are derived from as well. I assume the taboo against gambling is predicated on the assumption that gambling is -EV, which it has been for years and years. In the case of poker and a disciplined player, it is clearly not. I see no reason to continue to adhere to a taboo if it is now meaningless. This is all a very complicated way of saying "poker is not gambling."

If your parents are at all reasonable and you prove to them that you are a winning player, they will understand this. If they don't, [censored] them. You're 28, man up and start living your own life. If they don't want to support you morally doing something that you know is best then they are [censored] parents, and you need to begin to deal with this fact.

[4thstreetpete]

Hey devdas I think I can somewhat sympathise with your situation. In my family gambling is pretty much frowned about but for a totally different reason. I have several extended family members with very huge gambling problems that pretty much devasted their lives.

One was very wealthy and ended up losing all his possesions including homes, cars, his boat etc. He also lost his supermodel wife after he lost everything (big surprise there). I have another uncle who amassed a huge debt and has basically pissed off everyone he knows and now has exhausted all resources. Everyone keeps giving him money but now everyone is fed up because he keeps going back and each time he is more in debt. He also refuses to get help.

There's also been instances of suicide, drug abuse and domestic violence so I've seen my fair share of the other side of gambling addiction and it's ugly. My family's view towards gambling is naturally skewed so I see no point in talking to my family about my poker habits as they will never even try to understand. I have no need or desire to otherwise. I'm responsible for myself and I feel I have an excellent sense of money managemant and in control of my finances. I didn't always have this though and learned some hard lessons along the way but now I feel I have everything in total control and couldn't be happier.

I think the cultural differences makes it very difficult for others to understand. It's hard to judge a man until you walk a mile in his shoes, and it's so true.

I know you want to make your parents happy but if religion is not your thing then just make it very clear to them and try not to discuss it with them in the future. Actually this is a quality I admire in you quite a lot. I think it takes a lot to stand up for yourself when it comes to religion when your parents are raised one way. It's not easy but if your parents made you become someone that you weren't happy with then you might resent them later in life. Just make your position clear and let your parents know that. Try not to fight with them over this issue in the future, if they bring it up just ignore it and after a while hopefully they will leave you alone. You'll have to make it clear though.

As I see it your poker habits is a much bigger problem. You're not unique in building a huge bankroll and then losing it all, I'm sure many very good 2+2'ers have been in this situation, heck many of the top pro's in the industry have gone bust many times over. Either you get your act together or go get some help. You'll definately need to sit down and reevaluate yourself.

Once you get your act together, these feelings of guilt will be a lot easier to deal with. Sometimes a lot of these pressures that we face are pressures that we put on ourselves. You honor your family and want them to be happy with you, but we see ourselves as total failures because we don't live up to their expectations. After a while you'll see that a lot of the conflicts within us are self induced.

[AceofSpades]

I'd recommend setting personal limits on poker play, ie. never play when tired, upset, etc.

Maybe the challenge of playing limit poker was the cause for "the limit addiction"

It seems like you had dominated the no limit games, and perhaps because you weren't winning at limit the challenge appealed to you. Also because you were winning and losing it met the criteria for the maximal addiction. Which could be part of the problem.

A. you probably aren't a high stakes winning limit player

B. you probably could be since you had enough skills to play high stakes no limit


so move up along with your bankroll with no limit, and if you want to play limit start at $.50/1 limit and don't move a limit until you are crushing that limit.

I know that may seem silly to go from playing 100/200 limit
to .50c/$1 but if you aren't a winning player at a game then you're just another donator...

I also blew my bankroll playing a game, that I wasn't good enough/had too many leaks and didn't have the bankroll for.

So I understand where you are coming from....

best of luck to you,

Joseph

[ QUOTE ]
I took a little break, and worked my next $200 deposit roll up to like 100k in a couple months...


[/ QUOTE ]

wtf? did you play a [censored]-load and run hot or did you just forget about bankroll management and run hot?

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I took a little break, and worked my next $200 deposit roll up to like 100k in a couple months...


[/ QUOTE ]

wtf? did you play a [censored]-load and run hot or did you just forget about bankroll management and run hot?

[/ QUOTE ]

Probably all 3

A few posters asked for my stats through PM. I will post it here just so that people can learn from my mistakes. Here are my stats. I put the date range on the x-axis. The first one is for NL and the second for LIMIT. The graphs are pretty self-explanatory. That I [censored] up playing a game I shouldnt have and should have stopped playing after that disastrous night in september. Coming to LIMIT, I have nothing to say except that I screwed up!

http://i33.photobucket.com/albums/d85/howzatt/nolimit.jpg

http://i33.photobucket.com/albums/d85/howzatt/limit.jpg