So I Kicked an Old Lady to the Curb Tonite (long)

[WLVRYN]

Sorry for the length, but I have to get this off my chest.

We hosted a dinner tonite for 3 other couples and their kids for the kids to exchange gifts and decorate Christmas cookies, and for the adults to hang out, drink and bitch about the Lions. Each couple has two kids ranging from 4 months to 4 years old (ours are 2.5 and 5 months).

While we were getting ready earlier tonite, one of our friends calls and asks if it would be OK if they brought their grandma who decided to come to visit a day earlier than planned. Now this is the type of lady who has no filter between her brain and her mouth, especially as it relates to parenting/kid issues. She constantly comments about having better ways to raise kids, cook, keep your house and generally live your life (including to my buddy and his wife). We've had dinner with her a couple of times in the past, and while I'm generally a pretty laid back guy, I hate this old hag. I've talked to my buddy about my dislike of her (its his wife's grandmother) in the past, and he can barely tolerate her, nor can the wife, but they are her only family (the wife's mom died two years ago). My wife is a softie and says fine since otherwise she'd be at their house all by herself.

Fast forward to tonite, and before dinner, we had some chips and salsa and cheese and crackers for appetizers. Not knowing that she has a restricted diet (and also not knowing that she would be there), we didnt have any appetizers that fit her dietary "needs". She proceeds to tell us about a dinner party that she hosted where she ran to the store 10 minutes before dinner was to be served because someone was allergic to something she was serving, because that's what good hosts do. I'm starting to get pissed at this point, but whatever, its Christmas and I'm in a jolly mood (except for the Lions sucking). At the same time, we offer her a glass of wine, but apparently she's a wine snob and our Kendall Jackson isnt good enough for her. She says "Do you have any bottles of wine that cost more than $10? No? Hmpf, I'll have water." My mood is souring and I'm about to kill Grandma and my friends at this point, but I let it go.

While we were appetizing, we had the kids decorate some sugar cookies with frosting and sprinkles. Obviously with kids under 4, this becomes a big mess, but the kids are having fun, so whatever. One of the kids (not ours) takes his frosting laden cookie and rubs it in his brother's face (which most of us thought was funny), and Grandma starts commenting to the parents about how they need to teach their kids better manners and she would be embarrased if her kids did that. I immediately shoot a look at my buddy and get him in the other room. I tell him that if he cant get Grandma under control, I'm going to lose it. He promises to have his wife talk to her. Fine, I'm feeling better since I said something now, and hopefully she will be less of a beeyatch for the rest of the night.

We sit down for dinner (pizza and pasta for the adults, hot dogs, PBJ and chicken nuggets for the kids), but again this doesnt mesh with grandma's dietary needs. We end up cooking her a bowl of soup and some crackers because that's all she can find in the pantry that works for her. Again the same story about running out to the store 10 minutes before her dinner party, and I'm getting pissed again.

Dinner progresses nicely otherwise until my 2.5 year old son announces that he's done and wants to get down from his booster to open his presents. We tell him to wait until everyone is finished, but he doesnt like that answer and throws his kid-fork down the table. It ends up near grandma's soup bowl (but doesnt hit it or spill any soup). My wife takes him from the table for a "discussion", and grandma again makes a comment about manners. At this point I had enough, and I tell her "You know what, grandma, he's 2, so we cant expect him to be an angel all the time. I know you think that you were a parent extraordinaire, but I'd really appreciate it if you could keep your comments to yourself." I felt that I needed to say something but didnt want to be totally rude since she was my friends' grandma. I get a nasty sneer and no comment back from her, and the rest of dinner is fine because she doesnt say anything else.

After dinner, we let the kids open their presents. While they were playing, my 2.5 year old takes one of the toys from my buddy's kid (typical kid stuff). Grandma's on the other side of the room and I hear her say to the wife, not too softly I might add since almost everyone stopped, "No wonder that kid is so poorly behaved with the way his father (me) acts".

At this point, I've lost it completely (not to mention I've got 6 beers in me). Without saying a word, I go to the closet and get her purse and coat. I return, toss them on her lap, and say "Get the hell out of my house you ungrateful, rude old bat. We have you over to our house and all you do is insult us and our friends. Here's your stuff, there's the door. Out."

Now she gives me the "I never..." comment and she starts crying, but my buddy grabs the kids, his wife gets grandma and they leave without saying too much else. The rest of the couples had a pretty good laugh about it once they left (since apparently she had commented on everyone at least once that night) and the rest of the night was fine. I felt pretty bad for my friends, but I had enough (and I know that her comments had embarrased my buddy and his wife too) so something needed to be done.

I called my buddy a few minutes ago, and I apologized to him and his wife. He said things were cool with us (and the wife), but grandma went into her room right when they got home and hasnt come out. I'm pretty sure I wont see her again (nor will I apologize to her), but right now I'm not too broken up about it. I so feel like Jihad right now.

Sorry again for the long post, but I had to vent.

[J-Lo]

o shnap! how awkward was it the first time u told off grandma at the dinner table? What was the next comment made-- did u talk at all after u said what u said? Man that woulda made the dinner hella awkward.

[Glenn]

Well played. That takes balls.

[BreakEvenPlayer]

This is awesome. You did exactly what you should have done at every point in the night. I'm not sure I could have kicked Granny out, but I'm not married with kids and I'm sure there is an extra level of protection you feel towards them which led you to eventually get rid of the lady.

[astroglide]

well worth the read

I thought you'd dumped one of your many girlfriends, when I read the thread title.

Nice job with the old bag.

[MyTurn2Raise]

POTD

[Doc7]

Why didn't the adults get chicken nuggets?

[WLVRYN]

[ QUOTE ]
o shnap! how awkward was it the first time u told off grandma at the dinner table? What was the next comment made-- did u talk at all after u said what u said? Man that woulda made the dinner hella awkward.

[/ QUOTE ]

Dinner was pretty quiet after that. Fortunately the other table in the kitchen (we were in the dining room) had finished shortly after and the kids were headed to the family room to open gifts, so we didnt spend too much time sitting there. Since some people were in the kitchen and didnt hear the exchange, my reaction when the kids were opening presents caught a few people off guard though.

[ononimo]

nh, sir.

[EMcWilliams]

You did what needed to be done. I dont take lip from anyone, especially a grandma that is annoying in my own house.

[ QUOTE ]
Well played. That takes balls.

[/ QUOTE ]

[Isura]

Good story. BTW, the Lions will always suck. I came to that realization 3 years ago and I've been happier since. You should try it.

[Doc7]

http://cgi.ebay.com/Buy-my-NFL-fan-loyal...1QQcmdZViewItem (http://cgi.ebay.com/Buy-my-NFL-fan-loyalty-Tired-of-Detroit-Lions-loosing_W0QQitemZ8737393761QQcategoryZ25197QQrdZ1Q QcmdZViewItem)

[ QUOTE ]
For nearly 25 years I have been a loyal Detroit Lions fan. But one fan can only take so much loosing. The 2005 season began with excitement that the franchise had finally built a solid team. However its been proven that solid talent will not give a team a winning season. To recap...

The Lions won their first game against division rival Green Bay (17-3), but were humiliated by the Bears in the second game (38-6). The Lions then lost a close game to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers after a seemingly game winning touchdown was reviewed and controversially reversed (17-13). However, the Lions went to 2-2 after a win against the Baltimore Ravens (35-17). After a last-second loss to the Carolina Panthers (21-20), Jeff Garcia was named the starting quarterback, and he led the Lions to a 13-10 win over Cleveland in Week 7. However the Lions went into week 8 and lost to the Bears once again. Garcia threw a heartbreaking interception in OT which the Bears returned for a TD (19-13). The next week, the Lions had high hopes as Joey Harrington was reinserted as the starter vs. the troubled Minnesota Vikings. However the Lions went down early and lost 27-14. The Lions did get a 29-21 win in week 10 against the Arizona Cardinals. However, losses to the Dallas Cowboys, 20-7, and the Atlanta Falcons on Thanksgiving, 27-7, pushed their regular season record to 4-7. As a result, head coach Steve Mariucci was fired a few days later on November 28, and Dick Jauron was named interim head coach. Why Matt Millen was not fired still remains a mystery. After the release of Mariucci, Cornerback Dré Bly, placed the blame on Harrington, saying that "he [Harrington] had been there for 4 years and had not done anything for the team. (finally someone speaks the truth!)" Bly later apologized for his statement. (why apologize for the truth?)

Things only got worse for the Lions. They lost their Week 13 home game to the Minnesota Vikings 27-7 and then dropped to 4-9 with a Week 14 road loss at Lambeau Field in overtime 16-13 to the Green Bay Packers. To loose to a team that was 2-10 just hurts. And now its time for a change...

I'm selling my fan loyalty National Football League fan to the highest bidder.

As the winner of this auction I will become a fan for the NFL team of your choice!

The winning bidder will get to pick my new favorite NFL team. For a term of 2 years I will be a dedicated and loyal fan to the team of your choice. Regardless of their wins or losses I will remain faithful as a fan and cheer under good times and bad. (its can't be any worse than being a Lions fan)

My promise to the winner of this auction naming my new favorite NFL team is:

* I'll watch televised games and cheer proudly for my new favorite team
* I will discuss my new team with co workers after the Sunday or Monday game (regardless win/ loose)
* Any and all NFL apparel I purchase will now be that of my new favorite team
* When that team plays my once favorite Lions I will attempt to purchase tickets to that game and cheer for my new favorite team
* If bidding exceeds $100 I will immediately purchase the jersey of my new favorite team to be worn on Football Sundays/ Monday night games
* If my new favorite team makes it to the Super Bowl I will host a party in honor of my new favorite team
* Finally and most importantly I promise to be dedicated, loyal and committed to my new favorite team

Post this auction, if General Manager- Matt Millen is FIRED I will immediately refund 50% of the closing auction price to you. I would still remain a #1 fan of my new team but just be happy that some justice has been served in Detroit to all of the other loyal fans. The winner of this auction reserves all rights to name my new favorite team, if they wish to choose the Detroit Lions as my continued favorite team there will be a service charge of $5 charged for emotional distress and suffering.

[/ QUOTE ]

Congrats. Didn't read the post, your subject heading was enough.

[SmileyEH]

Excellent.

-SmileyEH

[-Skeme-]

Your kid needs to stop throwing [censored].

[ QUOTE ]
http://cgi.ebay.com/Buy-my-NFL-fan-loyal...1QQcmdZViewItem


[/ QUOTE ]

That... is... AWESOME. I am this close to bidding on that.

And fwiw, I agree that the line was correct on every street in that story. Don't think I'd have the balls to do it myself, but good work.

[Sooga]

Your only mistake was not kicking her bitch-ass out sooner.

No way you called her an old bat. Thats kinda harsh, but I like that you had the balls to kick her out. Grandmas can suck real bad sumtimes, grandpas dont seem to suck as bad.

[Doc7]

[ QUOTE ]
grandpas dont seem to suck as bad.


[/ QUOTE ]

My grandpa asked me "So have you <censored> a girl yet?" this summer when my parents were temporarily out of the room.

I looked up, said "Excuse me?!" he said "What?" and i went back to watching TV. It was kind of awkward

[InchoateHand]

Nice work.

Doc,

I really think your grandfather is way more awesome than you give him credit for, you should not have shut that convo down.

OP,

You should have seen this coming. Clearly grandma was an awful choice and is just an evening ruiner in general. However once she arrives I don't see any better way to play it all out. Well done.

Perrier

[man]

I think this was nearly perfectly played. congrats. as the host, you have a responsibility to maintain a respectful atmosphere (or some [censored] like that).

I will say that it doesn't hurt to consider the fact that most old ladies are miserable and unhealthy, and they take it out on other people by being rude. I mean they're human. not saying that's the case here or that it excuses her actions, but maybe if you had fewer beers you could've found a nicer way to kick her out.

POTW, dare I say??

[astroglide]

[ QUOTE ]
My grandpa asked me "So have you <censored> a girl yet?" this summer when my parents were temporarily out of the room.

I looked up, said "Excuse me?!" he said "What?" and i went back to watching TV. It was kind of awkward

[/ QUOTE ]

your grandpa sounds [censored] awesome

from your "excuse me?" response you sound decidedly non-awesome

[Doc7]

The guy was a minister for like 50 years of his life...he was a chaplain in the army in WWII ... it was the comment i LEAST expected to come out of his mouth

Doc,

THAT IS WHY HE'S OBVIOUSLY SO AWESOME!

On a very serious note, connect with your grandfather man, obviously he is the man.

Perrier

[youtalkfunny]

[ QUOTE ]
"Get the hell out of my house you ungrateful, rude old bat. We have you over to our house and all you do is insult us and our friends. Here's your stuff, there's the door. Out."

[/ QUOTE ]

Is there a way I can frame that? It ought to be immortalized, somehow.

[Iplayragstoo]

You sir, is da man!

[astroglide]

[ QUOTE ]
The guy was a minister for like 50 years of his life...he was a chaplain in the army in WWII ... it was the comment i LEAST expected to come out of his mouth

[/ QUOTE ]

you're just making it worse. that guy rules.

[Escape]

Awesome post!

Good stuff here. After reading this post, added to teh fact that I went to dinner with my grandparents tonight, I have a question. Has anyone noticed the propensity for old ladies to be rude, overbearing pains in the ass, while old guys are cool, funny, and interesting? I dont know if its sample size, but my grandpa is a war hero, double masters in phramacolgy and chemistry, has more stories than jesus christ, very witty etc. While my grandma does nothing but things similar to the old lady above. And I dont believe that its just my grandparents, it seems that most old folks I meet are this way. Weird drunk observation I guess.

[Eurotrash]

sounds like she deserved it. good story.

[mikeyvegas]

It's stories like this that make it clear that Matt Millen needs to be fired.

[astroglide]

my grandma rules. she's literally the sweetest woman in the world. late 70s, wits completely about her, very intelligent (but keeps it more or less socially hidden behind a sweet old lady attitude). watches sports like crazy, yells "WILL YOU STOP GIVING THE BALL TO THIS MORON?!?!" at the tv set and such.

many do seem to be crappy though. if they're not the bitching/moaning/"this may be the last christmas you see me..." types they're often the nodding, smiling through confusing useless types. the latter could be an artifact of intense male domination though, i would expect some kind of changes in that area with newer generations of old women.

[ilya]

I'm glad you feel guilty, cos you deserve to. she does sound horrible but once you agree to have her over you have to bear the consequences.

[whiskeytown]

You lasted about 3 incidents longer then me...

I have no tolerance for people who are that rude - she'd have literally found her ass in the snow after that comment about my son - (if I had one) -

good job.

RB

[SackUp]

Great read. At first glance of the title I thought you were booting your wife and I felt awful when I began to read about everyone having kids and you having 2 yourself. Then I read about the grandma and it was gametime. Well worth the read. Poor lady, but fck it. Being old is not excuse for being rude.

[Chairman Wood]

[ QUOTE ]
Without saying a word, I go to the closet and get her purse and coat. I return, toss them on her lap, and say "Get the hell out of my house you ungrateful, rude old bat. We have you over to our house and all you do is insult us and our friends. Here's your stuff, there's the door. Out."



[/ QUOTE ]

I dig your style.

[glorfindel]

Beautiful. Great lesson to teach your children: Bad behavior warrants worse behavior. Too bad your domicile is not in the tundra so the wolves could finish where you left off.

Next time, just laugh at her or ignore her. She's a lonely, bitter, frustrated, scared old lady faced with impending mortality; in other words, pitiful.

I'm twenty so what the hell do I know.. but how about having one 'warning' conversation with grandma in private? Public comments at the dinner table are embarassing, and likely to antagonize her. Now she'll be aching for an opportunity to say something bad about you in 'revenge'. But then again, it sounds like she deserves what happens.

[eviljeff]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
My grandpa asked me "So have you <censored> a girl yet?" this summer when my parents were temporarily out of the room.

I looked up, said "Excuse me?!" he said "What?" and i went back to watching TV. It was kind of awkward

[/ QUOTE ]

your grandpa sounds [censored] awesome

from your "excuse me?" response you sound decidedly non-awesome

[/ QUOTE ]

I used to think the mods were here to make us feel welcome and facillitate discussions. they're not.

[chesspain]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
grandpas dont seem to suck as bad.


[/ QUOTE ]

My grandpa asked me "So have you <censored> a girl yet?" this summer when my parents were temporarily out of the room.

I looked up, said "Excuse me?!" he said "What?, but thought "Jeez, he's still a little pussy," and i went back to watching TV. It was kind of awkward

[/ QUOTE ]

FYP

[chesspain]

You demonstrated way more restraint than I would have shown.

[GuyOnTilt]

You sound like a good guy with good intentions. I think you handled yourself well. Good write up.

GoT

[pokerstudAA]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
"Get the hell out of my house you ungrateful, rude old bat. We have you over to our house and all you do is insult us and our friends. Here's your stuff, there's the door. Out."

[/ QUOTE ]

Is there a way I can frame that? It ought to be immortalized, somehow.

[/ QUOTE ]

This should really be on a welcome mat to put outside on your front porch.

[WackityWhiz]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
My grandpa asked me "So have you <censored> a girl yet?" this summer when my parents were temporarily out of the room.

I looked up, said "Excuse me?!" he said "What?" and i went back to watching TV. It was kind of awkward

[/ QUOTE ]

your grandpa sounds [censored] awesome

from your "excuse me?" response you sound decidedly non-awesome

[/ QUOTE ]

I used to think the mods were here to make us feel welcome and facillitate discussions. they're not.

[/ QUOTE ]

mods are actually just like us normies... just green

[WLVRYN]

[ QUOTE ]
Beautiful. Great lesson to teach your children: Bad behavior warrants worse behavior. Too bad your domicile is not in the tundra so the wolves could finish where you left off.

Next time, just laugh at her or ignore her. She's a lonely, bitter, frustrated, scared old lady faced with impending mortality; in other words, pitiful.

[/ QUOTE ]

If my kid was being a brat, he would be sent out of the room for timeout, and then a spanking if his behavior persisted (which is what happened with the fork throwing incident - he ended up getting a timeout first, and then a spanking because he wouldnt apologize). I gave her a chance to not make more rude comments by letting her know that I didnt appreciate them, and she made another one, clearly loud enough for everyone to hear. Just because she's old, cranky and has whatever other problems, doesnt mean she has the right to be rude to me, my family and my friends in my house at an event she wasnt really invited to in the first place. After sleeping on this, I feel much better about how I handled it.

[WLVRYN]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm twenty so what the hell do I know.. but how about having one 'warning' conversation with grandma in private? Public comments at the dinner table are embarassing, and likely to antagonize her. Now she'll be aching for an opportunity to say something bad about you in 'revenge'. But then again, it sounds like she deserves what happens.

[/ QUOTE ]

At the table at the time was me (my wife was upstairs with the kid in timeout), grandma, my buddy and his wife (the granddaughter) and their two little kids (one is 3 and the other is a baby). The other two couples were in the kitchen at the other table. This was about as private as could be. I'm not sure if the wife ever talked to grandma after I pulled my buddy aside, but if she didnt, then someone needed to say something.

Oh, and yes, the Lions suck, but they are the hometown team, so I inevitably root for them. Usually I have college football to fall back on, but UM isnt much better this year. I will be wearing orange tomorrow at the game though.

[Homer]

[ QUOTE ]
I so feel like Jihad right now.

[/ QUOTE ]

This in no way resembles what Jihad did...

[VeryTnA]

[ QUOTE ]
My grandpa asked me "So have you <censored> a girl yet?" this summer when my parents were temporarily out of the room.

I looked up, said "Excuse me?!" he said "What?" and i went back to watching TV. It was kind of awkward


[/ QUOTE ]

Sounds like you are a pimple faced virgin. You missed a chance for some manly talk about getting laid. Your loss.....you probably need help. Maybe he was going to buy you a hooker.

[Alobar]

[ QUOTE ]
well worth the read

[/ QUOTE ]

[censored], now I actually have to read it :/

[Klepton]

old people suck. nice work.

[ QUOTE ]
Beautiful. Great lesson to teach your children: Bad behavior warrants worse behavior. Too bad your domicile is not in the tundra so the wolves could finish where you left off.

Next time, just laugh at her or ignore her. She's a lonely, bitter, frustrated, scared old lady faced with impending mortality; in other words, pitiful.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm a bigger fan of teaching your kids to be true to themselves than teaching them to allow unchecked behavior to remain unchecked. Granny's problems are no excuse. Nice hand WLVRYN,

G

[1800GAMBLER]

Any update from your buddy on what grandma has said after she left her room?

I'm really curious what goes through her mind after this. If she has thoughts of possibly being wrong all her life and realised it was well deserved or if she simply thinks you're a [censored].

Since the Myspace train wreck isn't going to work, you should send grandma all the responses in this thread.

pretty sure she's just going to think he's a dick. Old dogs, new tricks etc.

[quarkncover]

[ QUOTE ]
Good stuff here. After reading this post, added to teh fact that I went to dinner with my grandparents tonight, I have a question. Has anyone noticed the propensity for old ladies to be rude, overbearing pains in the ass, while old guys are cool, funny, and interesting? I dont know if its sample size, but my grandpa is a war hero, double masters in phramacolgy and chemistry, has more stories than jesus christ, very witty etc. While my grandma does nothing but things similar to the old lady above. And I dont believe that its just my grandparents, it seems that most old folks I meet are this way. Weird drunk observation I guess.

[/ QUOTE ]

Menopause turned my mother into a hag, and it turned her mother into a nasty old cod, etc., etc.

Of course I love my mother dearly...

I think this deserved action far before when you said something, but at least you took action.

Maybe you should have your kid throw things at grandma instead of on the floor? "See? He can follow directions."

[HopeydaFish]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm glad you feel guilty, cos you deserve to. she does sound horrible but once you agree to have her over you have to bear the consequences.

[/ QUOTE ]

So she has free rein to say and do whatever she wants in the OP's home? What if she wanted to take a dump on the dining room table? Would he have had to grin and bear it through that?

The fault lies with the OP's friends for making him feel obligated to invite her over in the first place. They should have done much more to control grandma -- if anything grandma should have been seen as the THEIR guest, not the OP's.

[pokerdirty]

first the OSU loss. then the lions sucking. then this old hag. wow, your autumn has really sucked. at least you have the pistons.

I'm going to go along with everyone else and say you really couldn't have done anything differently. Hopefully this bitch won't sour your relationship with your friend.

[radek2166]

I got a hard on reading this

[FoxwoodsFiend]

[ QUOTE ]
Sorry for the length, but I have to get this off my chest.

We hosted a dinner tonite for 3 other couples and their kids for the kids to exchange gifts and decorate Christmas cookies, and for the adults to hang out, drink and bitch about the Lions. Each couple has two kids ranging from 4 months to 4 years old (ours are 2.5 and 5 months).

While we were getting ready earlier tonite, one of our friends calls and asks if it would be OK if they brought their grandma who decided to come to visit a day earlier than planned. Now this is the type of lady who has no filter between her brain and her mouth, especially as it relates to parenting/kid issues. She constantly comments about having better ways to raise kids, cook, keep your house and generally live your life (including to my buddy and his wife). We've had dinner with her a couple of times in the past, and while I'm generally a pretty laid back guy, I hate this old hag. I've talked to my buddy about my dislike of her (its his wife's grandmother) in the past, and he can barely tolerate her, nor can the wife, but they are her only family (the wife's mom died two years ago). My wife is a softie and says fine since otherwise she'd be at their house all by herself.

Fast forward to tonite, and before dinner, we had some chips and salsa and cheese and crackers for appetizers. Not knowing that she has a restricted diet (and also not knowing that she would be there), we didnt have any appetizers that fit her dietary "needs". She proceeds to tell us about a dinner party that she hosted where she ran to the store 10 minutes before dinner was to be served because someone was allergic to something she was serving, because that's what good hosts do. I'm starting to get pissed at this point, but whatever, its Christmas and I'm in a jolly mood (except for the Lions sucking). At the same time, we offer her a glass of wine, but apparently she's a wine snob and our Kendall Jackson isnt good enough for her. She says "Do you have any bottles of wine that cost more than $10? No? Hmpf, I'll have water." My mood is souring and I'm about to kill Grandma and my friends at this point, but I let it go.

While we were appetizing, we had the kids decorate some sugar cookies with frosting and sprinkles. Obviously with kids under 4, this becomes a big mess, but the kids are having fun, so whatever. One of the kids (not ours) takes his frosting laden cookie and rubs it in his brother's face (which most of us thought was funny), and Grandma starts commenting to the parents about how they need to teach their kids better manners and she would be embarrased if her kids did that. I immediately shoot a look at my buddy and get him in the other room. I tell him that if he cant get Grandma under control, I'm going to lose it. He promises to have his wife talk to her. Fine, I'm feeling better since I said something now, and hopefully she will be less of a beeyatch for the rest of the night.

We sit down for dinner (pizza and pasta for the adults, hot dogs, PBJ and chicken nuggets for the kids), but again this doesnt mesh with grandma's dietary needs. We end up cooking her a bowl of soup and some crackers because that's all she can find in the pantry that works for her. Again the same story about running out to the store 10 minutes before her dinner party, and I'm getting pissed again.

Dinner progresses nicely otherwise until my 2.5 year old son announces that he's done and wants to get down from his booster to open his presents. We tell him to wait until everyone is finished, but he doesnt like that answer and throws his kid-fork down the table. It ends up near grandma's soup bowl (but doesnt hit it or spill any soup). My wife takes him from the table for a "discussion", and grandma again makes a comment about manners. At this point I had enough, and I tell her "You know what, grandma, he's 2, so we cant expect him to be an angel all the time. I know you think that you were a parent extraordinaire, but I'd really appreciate it if you could keep your comments to yourself." I felt that I needed to say something but didnt want to be totally rude since she was my friends' grandma. I get a nasty sneer and no comment back from her, and the rest of dinner is fine because she doesnt say anything else.

After dinner, we let the kids open their presents. While they were playing, my 2.5 year old takes one of the toys from my buddy's kid (typical kid stuff). Grandma's on the other side of the room and I hear her say to the wife, not too softly I might add since almost everyone stopped, "No wonder that kid is so poorly behaved with the way his father (me) acts".

At this point, I've lost it completely (not to mention I've got 6 beers in me). Without saying a word, I go to the closet and get her purse and coat. I return, toss them on her lap, and say "Get the hell out of my house you ungrateful, rude old bat. We have you over to our house and all you do is insult us and our friends. Here's your stuff, there's the door. Out."

Now she gives me the "I never..." comment and she starts crying, but my buddy grabs the kids, his wife gets grandma and they leave without saying too much else. The rest of the couples had a pretty good laugh about it once they left (since apparently she had commented on everyone at least once that night) and the rest of the night was fine. I felt pretty bad for my friends, but I had enough (and I know that her comments had embarrased my buddy and his wife too) so something needed to be done.

I called my buddy a few minutes ago, and I apologized to him and his wife. He said things were cool with us (and the wife), but grandma went into her room right when they got home and hasnt come out. I'm pretty sure I wont see her again (nor will I apologize to her), but right now I'm not too broken up about it. I so feel like Jihad right now.

Sorry again for the long post, but I had to vent.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is a sweet story. Could do without the little "Lions suck" flourish, but other than that well-done.

[Yobz]

[ QUOTE ]
old people suck. nice work.

[/ QUOTE ]

[FoxwoodsFiend]

[ QUOTE ]
http://cgi.ebay.com/Buy-my-NFL-fan-loyal...1QQcmdZViewItem (http://cgi.ebay.com/Buy-my-NFL-fan-loyalty-Tired-of-Detroit-Lions-loosing_W0QQitemZ8737393761QQcategoryZ25197QQrdZ1Q QcmdZViewItem)

[ QUOTE ]
For nearly 25 years I have been a loyal Detroit Lions fan. But one fan can only take so much loosing. The 2005 season began with excitement that the franchise had finally built a solid team. However its been proven that solid talent will not give a team a winning season. To recap...

The Lions won their first game against division rival Green Bay (17-3), but were humiliated by the Bears in the second game (38-6). The Lions then lost a close game to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers after a seemingly game winning touchdown was reviewed and controversially reversed (17-13). However, the Lions went to 2-2 after a win against the Baltimore Ravens (35-17). After a last-second loss to the Carolina Panthers (21-20), Jeff Garcia was named the starting quarterback, and he led the Lions to a 13-10 win over Cleveland in Week 7. However the Lions went into week 8 and lost to the Bears once again. Garcia threw a heartbreaking interception in OT which the Bears returned for a TD (19-13). The next week, the Lions had high hopes as Joey Harrington was reinserted as the starter vs. the troubled Minnesota Vikings. However the Lions went down early and lost 27-14. The Lions did get a 29-21 win in week 10 against the Arizona Cardinals. However, losses to the Dallas Cowboys, 20-7, and the Atlanta Falcons on Thanksgiving, 27-7, pushed their regular season record to 4-7. As a result, head coach Steve Mariucci was fired a few days later on November 28, and Dick Jauron was named interim head coach. Why Matt Millen was not fired still remains a mystery. After the release of Mariucci, Cornerback Dré Bly, placed the blame on Harrington, saying that "he [Harrington] had been there for 4 years and had not done anything for the team. (finally someone speaks the truth!)" Bly later apologized for his statement. (why apologize for the truth?)

Things only got worse for the Lions. They lost their Week 13 home game to the Minnesota Vikings 27-7 and then dropped to 4-9 with a Week 14 road loss at Lambeau Field in overtime 16-13 to the Green Bay Packers. To loose to a team that was 2-10 just hurts. And now its time for a change...

I'm selling my fan loyalty National Football League fan to the highest bidder.

As the winner of this auction I will become a fan for the NFL team of your choice!

The winning bidder will get to pick my new favorite NFL team. For a term of 2 years I will be a dedicated and loyal fan to the team of your choice. Regardless of their wins or losses I will remain faithful as a fan and cheer under good times and bad. (its can't be any worse than being a Lions fan)

My promise to the winner of this auction naming my new favorite NFL team is:

* I'll watch televised games and cheer proudly for my new favorite team
* I will discuss my new team with co workers after the Sunday or Monday game (regardless win/ loose)
* Any and all NFL apparel I purchase will now be that of my new favorite team
* When that team plays my once favorite Lions I will attempt to purchase tickets to that game and cheer for my new favorite team
* If bidding exceeds $100 I will immediately purchase the jersey of my new favorite team to be worn on Football Sundays/ Monday night games
* If my new favorite team makes it to the Super Bowl I will host a party in honor of my new favorite team
* Finally and most importantly I promise to be dedicated, loyal and committed to my new favorite team

Post this auction, if General Manager- Matt Millen is FIRED I will immediately refund 50% of the closing auction price to you. I would still remain a #1 fan of my new team but just be happy that some justice has been served in Detroit to all of the other loyal fans. The winner of this auction reserves all rights to name my new favorite team, if they wish to choose the Detroit Lions as my continued favorite team there will be a service charge of $5 charged for emotional distress and suffering.

[/ QUOTE ]

[/ QUOTE ]

So tempted to make him root for the Texans or Cardinals...too bad I wouldn't get to see him suffer.

[Boris]

you're a dick. you should have just made fun of her instead of kicking her out. you really embarrassed your friend and his wife.

[shant]

You should've called her a cab so your friends could stay and kick it.

[SammyKid11]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
grandpas dont seem to suck as bad.


[/ QUOTE ]

My grandpa asked me "So have you <censored> a girl yet?" this summer when my parents were temporarily out of the room.

I looked up, said "Excuse me?!" he said "What?" and i went back to watching TV. It was kind of awkward

[/ QUOTE ]

Can't believe you blew this opportunity. Go back to him and ask for stories of his conquests -- sounds like they're probably a lot more interesting than anything that's happened to you.

FWIW (to everyone in general)...old people don't suck. SOME old people suck just like some younger people suck. My grandpa is a cool mo'fucka. Took him 'til he was 21 to graduate HS because he had to take off each fall and spring to run the family farm that fed his mom, dad, and four siblings...fought in WWII, came home, worked his ass off, married my grandmother, raised a family, stayed in the reserves, invested wisely, made tons of dough, is the patriarch of the family, and above all...tells great stories!!!!!! He's lived life and has lots of wisdom. Sure, some of his wisdom is seen on the surface to be out-of-date...but dig a little deeper and there's something there to learn. More often, his stories are hilarious and make me have no doubt that his was truly "The Greatest Generation." If you've got a grandparent or older relative like that and you do not soak up their experience, then you have no excuses for the dumbassed mistakes you'll make in your life.

Now, as for the OP -- quite right. You act like a bitch in my home toward my wife and kids and friends...EVENTUALLY, I'm gonna kick you to the curb, too...no matter what age, gender, race, or sexual orientation you happen to be. Nicely played and a good read.

[4_2_it]

Your friend showed he had no balls by not telling grandma to stay home and watch a movie because he was going to a party with friends. Instead he decides to share grandma's reign of terror with his friends.

You did what any reasonable adult would have done. You gave grandma several hints and warnings and when she ignored them you asked her to leave.

The only thing missing from this fine story is a Milwaukee Best can falling on your p-whipped friend's head.

[RunDownHouse]

Here is a dramatic recreation of the events depicted in the OP.

Video (20-30 secs) (http://www.wiggerl.com/ccr/01.mov)

[WLVRYN]

For those that care, here is the update. I went to the Lions game with my buddy yesterday. Other than the phone call late Friday night, I hadnt talked to him before the game. No comment about the game other than I was disappointed in that I thought there would be a lot more orange there (though I did like the march around the stadium beforehand).

I guess she finally came out of her room on Saturday morning, and just kind of played it off as if nothing had happened. Wife/granddaughter (who it turns out had not spoken to grandma like I had asked before the incident) told her that she acted like a bitch and daughter was embarrased since both other couples were somewhat insulted/bothered by grandma's behavior also. Grandma apologized to the wife and said that she was feeling a little depressed being the holidays and all, but declined to call and apologize to me because I was "rude" to her, and said that she would like to not ever see me again (shocking, I know). Oh well, no skin off my teeth since I dont have to hang with her old bat-ass again. We have another party on Thursday night with the same group of friends, which I have been told grandma is not invited to.

RDH - That is sweet. I could have used him on Friday.

[tonypaladino]

[ QUOTE ]
Beautiful. Great lesson to teach your children: Bad behavior warrants worse behavior. Too bad your domicile is not in the tundra so the wolves could finish where you left off.

Next time, just laugh at her or ignore her. She's a lonely, bitter, frustrated, scared old lady faced with impending mortality; in other words, pitiful.

[/ QUOTE ]

Maybe you should volunteer at a retirement home. Old people usually like boring asshats.

[tonypaladino]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
My grandpa asked me "So have you <censored> a girl yet?" this summer when my parents were temporarily out of the room.

I looked up, said "Excuse me?!" he said "What?" and i went back to watching TV. It was kind of awkward

[/ QUOTE ]

your grandpa sounds [censored] awesome

from your "excuse me?" response you sound decidedly non-awesome

[/ QUOTE ]

I have to agree with this 100%

Good work. Unfortunately, my grandma's become an old nag too...I only see her at holidays and funerals. My great aunt is a nice old widow who bends over backwards to still cook and help out. She's a sweetheart.

ScottieK

[orange]

Awesome post. Nice work man.

[ QUOTE ]
I'm glad you feel guilty, cos you deserve to. she does sound horrible but once you agree to have her over you have to bear the consequences.

[/ QUOTE ]

You must be kidding. So, if she starts anally plundering the two year old with a strap on, its ok because "you agreed to have her over?" This isn't Dracula. Once cranky ass grandma steps into my domain she doesn't have control over me or anything, and she better follow the general rules of respect that basic society requires.

Ray

[HopeydaFish]

The update makes it even sweeter for you. Had you not said anything to her (as some of the panty-waists on here were suggesting), you would have had to put up with at least one more repeat performance. Now you'll never have to deal with her again. This couldn't have worked out better for you.

Too many people are willing to put up with boorish behaviour from others, especially when this behaviour comes from family and friends. This only encourages the boors to keep acting the way they do, without any consideration for those around them. Chances are "grandma" had never been told off before. I doubt very much that she'll learn from her experience, but at least the next day she seemed to acknowledge the fact that she was in the wrong.

[Terrabon98]

Nice job with the situation. Way to make us fellow Wolverines (and Lions) fans proud...

[hyde]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm glad you feel guilty, cos you deserve to. she does sound horrible but once you agree to have her over you have to bear the consequences.

[/ QUOTE ]

ABUSE, ABUSE, ABUSE
1. I have calls in to Judith Martin and Carolyn Hax, I suspect they will both agree that an invitation to your home does not include an obligation to take abuse from your guest. The OP was a bit rude as well, far less rude than the guest, but I think I might have told my buddy that his motherinlaw was out of line and needed to leave. Tempting as it might have been to t off on the old bat.
2. The OP might want to rethink the spanking thing. It's been decades since a thinking person hit a child as a teaching tool. If one thinks it was good enough for them, it's good enough for their kid.......interesting that you need a license to drive but anyone can have a kid....wtf?
3. The Lions have always been the pits and will be for the near future. The good news is Lion fans got to watch Barry Sanders every week while it lasted. The guy was magic...

[EliteNinja]

I say that was a pwnage story.
Grandma got pwnt.