Keeping secrets

[gamblore99]

A good friend tells you a secret about two other friends, about one cheating on the other. The one being cheated on is also a really good friend and totally clueless.You are not supposed to know any of this. You don't know the cheater. Would you tell your good friend who is being cheated on? If they were in a serious relatinship, getting married or engaged would that make a difference?

edited: to make slightly less confusing

[siccjay]

I'm so confused.

[jaxUp]

I tell the cheatee. Or get new friends who don't lead to such confusing situations.

[beenben]

i still don't follow it after the edit. guy A is cheating on guy B with guy B's girlfriend G? Do you tell B that A is cheating by sleeping with G?

No. Don't go out of your way to tell, but advise that you won't lie about it to cover it up, either.

[jaxUp]

If your girlfriend cheated on you, and one of your close friends (who somehow doesn't know your gf) finds out, would you want them to tell you? I would. I hope the situation I have outlined is same as OP

[gamblore99]

[ QUOTE ]
If your girlfriend cheated on you, and one of your close friends (who somehow doesn't know your gf) finds out, would you want them to tell you? I would. I hope the situation I have outlined is same as OP

[/ QUOTE ]


you are the close friend, and you were told this secret by another really good friend.

So choices are tell your friend his girl is cheating on him, and betray your good friends trust (the one who told you the secret), or don't tell him anything.

[jaxUp]

Is the friend that knows about it friends with the guy that's getting cheated on? If so, then he should already know. If one of my close friends is being cheated on, they get told.

[TheMainEvent]

I think it would depend on how I was told the secret. When someone is about to tell me a secret but says I can't tell anyone, I usually try to get them not to tell me at all cause I don't want to deal with this type of situation, and knowing some gossip doesn't really do much for me.

If they came out of the blue and said "x is cheating on y but you can't tell anyone" I would have no qualms about telling the cheatee because I never agreed to confidence anyways.

[jaxUp]

[ QUOTE ]
I think it would depend on how I was told the secret. When someone is about to tell me a secret but says I can't tell anyone, I usually try to get them not to tell me at all cause I don't want to deal with this type of situation, and knowing some gossip doesn't really do much for me.

If they came out of the blue and said "x is cheating on y but you can't tell anyone" I would have no qualms about telling the cheatee because I never agreed to confidence anyways.

[/ QUOTE ]

hmmm. This is a good point. I assumed it was the second situation. If it's the first, then I'd try to convince the other friend to tell him.

[tolbiny]

"Would you tell your good friend who is being cheated on?"

Yes. If its a serious relationship then it could effect many years of their life (not to mention other problems like stds), this should be much more important to you than some bizarre notion of your own pride/honor.

[MyTurn2Raise]

if it's a girl cheating on a guy...you tell the guy
vice-versa....mouth shut

bros before hos

[Alobar]

this still doesnt make any sense....why would your really good friend tell you that your other really good friend is getting cheated on, but you dont know the cheater?

I would straight up told my friend right after he told me that that he was stupid for telling me, of course im gunna tell a really close friend his girl is slutting out on him, and my other friend would be an idiot to think I wouldnt.

The only way this situation would be hard was if a good friend told me about it, and I was also good friends with the cheater and the cheatee...then its alot like p*ker, the answer depends on a ton of variables.

[[censored]]

if it's A) a guy being cheated on and B) its a really good friend then yes I tell him

[einbert]

[ QUOTE ]
if it's A) a guy being cheated on and B) its a really good friend then yes I tell him

[/ QUOTE ]

Why would it make any difference if it is a girl or guy?

[[censored]]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
if it's A) a guy being cheated on and B) its a really good friend then yes I tell him

[/ QUOTE ]

Why would it make any difference if it is a girl or guy?

[/ QUOTE ]

Why wouldn't it?

[einbert]

[ QUOTE ]
Why wouldn't it?

[/ QUOTE ]

My logic is that if someone is my good friend, it would make sense to help them out if you think they are being stabbed in the back. For my logic, it wouldn't matter whether the person is a guy or a girl.

Maybe your logic for telling the guy is different than that though.

[[censored]]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
if it's A) a guy being cheated on and B) its a really good friend then yes I tell him

[/ QUOTE ]

Why would it make any difference if it is a girl or guy?

[/ QUOTE ]

Why wouldn't it?

[/ QUOTE ]

serious answer because I don't become good friends with chicks even though there are several who think otherwise. I bang chicks and any friendships are secondary to that. additionally women are evil. additionally [censored] em that's why

[Klepton]

when someone tells you a secret, you keep it. if you tell this secret to someone, the person you told now knows you don't keep secrets. no one will ever tell you a secret again.

so shut the [censored] up.

[tolbiny]

[ QUOTE ]
If you steal a bike, you keep it. if you sell this bike to someone, the person will rat you out to the cops if he is busted. and there are no bikes to steal in prison.

so shut the [censored] up.

[/ QUOTE ]

[tolbiny]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
if it's A) a guy being cheated on and B) its a really good friend then yes I tell him

[/ QUOTE ]

Why would it make any difference if it is a girl or guy?

[/ QUOTE ]

Because if its a girl who breaks up with her boyfriend you ahve a better chance at nailing her. if its a guy, you can [censored] his GF anyway (sinc ehes cheating on him)- tell the girl don't the guy, right?

[Sephus]

[ QUOTE ]
when someone tells you a secret, you keep it. if you tell this secret to someone, the person you told now knows you don't keep secrets. no one will ever tell you a secret again.

so shut the [censored] up.

[/ QUOTE ]

the person knows you don't keep secrets that you believe someone really needs to know about, because you care about that person.

seriously, not doing what you think is in your friend's best interests for fear of being left out of future gossip from said friend is stupid.

if my friends trust me to do what i think is right that's better than having them trust me to keep a secret to protect the person who couldnt keep his mouth shut to me himself.

[PokerFink]

Secrets go up the pyramid. If someone tells me dirt that involves a close buddy (inner circle), I'm going to tell him. If a close buddy tells me dirt about a fringe friend, there is no way in hell I'm telling the fringe friend.

Doesn't really matter what the dirt/secret is.

[Blarg]

[ QUOTE ]
A good friend tells you a secret about two other friends, about one cheating on the other. The one being cheated on is also a really good friend and totally clueless.You are not supposed to know any of this. You don't know the cheater. Would you tell your good friend who is being cheated on? If they were in a serious relatinship, getting married or engaged would that make a difference?

edited: to make slightly less confusing

[/ QUOTE ]

No, I wouldn't tell.

Two reasons both very important and can't be dismissed.

First, you were told in confidence. That means you don't really "own" the information, as something you can trade freely. If it was told to you in confidence, you have no right to tell it.

It doesn't matter if you agree or don't agree on the reason for it being kept in confidence. That decision is made by the person who told you, not you at your discretion.

Otherwise, there's really no such thing as a secret, no such thing as your word, and probably no such thing as friendship.

The second major reason why not to tell secrets is that you may think you know that it's not traceable if you tell, but you could be dead wrong. So could the person who told you. Blabbing can cause a chain reaction that goes all the way back to the original bigmouth or, as it sometimes happens, innocent party. Don't gamble with your friend's rep or with the relatively unbusted state of his face by blabbing.

Basically, you owe it to people to keep their confidence, and when you start playing around with that, you can screw over a lot of people really fast, including yourself.

Of course, there are limits. If somebody is out back setting the house on fire, etc. But don't make yourself unworthy of trust or make people pay a price for trusting you.

[Alobar]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
A good friend tells you a secret about two other friends, about one cheating on the other. The one being cheated on is also a really good friend and totally clueless.You are not supposed to know any of this. You don't know the cheater. Would you tell your good friend who is being cheated on? If they were in a serious relatinship, getting married or engaged would that make a difference?

edited: to make slightly less confusing

[/ QUOTE ]

No, I wouldn't tell.

Two reasons both very important and can't be dismissed.

First, you were told in confidence. That means you don't really "own" the information, as something you can trade freely. If it was told to you in confidence, you have no right to tell it.

It doesn't matter if you agree or don't agree on the reason for it being kept in confidence. That decision is made by the person who told you, not you at your discretion.

Otherwise, there's really no such thing as a secret, no such thing as your word, and probably no such thing as friendship.

The second major reason why not to tell secrets is that you may think you know that it's not traceable if you tell, but you could be dead wrong. So could the person who told you. Blabbing can cause a chain reaction that goes all the way back to the original bigmouth or, as it sometimes happens, innocent party. Don't gamble with your friend's rep or with the relatively unbusted state of his face by blabbing.

Basically, you owe it to people to keep their confidence, and when you start playing around with that, you can screw over a lot of people really fast, including yourself.

Of course, there are limits. If somebody is out back setting the house on fire, etc. But don't make yourself unworthy of trust or make people pay a price for trusting you.

[/ QUOTE ]

So you sit by and watch your friend get hurt, and possibly hurt badly? All because you have another friend stupid enough to tell you something he should know better than to tell you.

That doesnt sound like a very Blarg plan.

You wanna talk about trust, what about the trust your friend (the one whos getting cheated on) places in you by being really good friends with you, friendship isnt something to take likely, its not just some nice title to introduce someone by, there is a major trust shared by close friends. You know hes got your back, and youve got his. Sitting by and watching him get hurt breaks that trust. And if I was that friend and found out later that you knew and didnt tell me, that would cut really deep.

You said it yourself, there are limits, and this is one of those times.

[Sponger15SB]

[ QUOTE ]
when someone tells you a secret, you keep it. if you tell this secret to someone, the person you told now knows you don't keep secrets. no one will ever tell you a secret again.

[/ QUOTE ]

What are you in 2nd grade?

[MelchyBeau]

Blarg,

what if someone told you in confidence that they were going to kill someone? Is it alright to keep a secret then?

what if they were planning on torturing someone or planning to distribute meth as candy to little kids?

Some things should be kept in confidence, others shouldn't

Melch

[censored] any dick who tells me i can't tell my close friend his/her partner is cheating on him/her. i don't really give a [censored] about keeping that loser as a friend.

[Sponger15SB]

[ QUOTE ]
[censored] any dick who tells me i can't tell my close friend his/her partner is cheating on him/her. i don't really give a [censored] about keeping that loser as a friend.

[/ QUOTE ]

I tried writing something like that but it didnt look correct, but yeah this person doesn't sound like that good of a friend.

Think of it if you were the person who was getting cheated on, and one of your good friends told another of your friends not to tell you. That seems pretty [censored] up.

[gamblore99]

Ok. Addition to the situation. The couple has broken up, and you were not told the info until after they broke up. Now do you just let this thing die or do you still tell him.

[college kid]

You said it. Women are such hypocritical [censored]. They are MUCH worse than guys and much more manipulative and evil about it. I've seen it time and time again, and also had the misfortune of finding out the hard way a while back.

Women are evil. Period.

[college kid]

Absolutely tell. Knowledge is power. Period.

[OtisTheMarsupial]

I would tell the friend that their partner is cheating if
1. I knew for a fact that there was actual cheating going on and
2. I thought the friend would believe me and
3. I thought the friend wouldn't react badly towards me

I would not tell if I only heard it second-hand. I'd have to know (see it in action, hear from multiple sources, etc.).