Prayer at the Office Xmas Party

[buffett]

My boss just came by and asked me to say the prayer at tonight's office Christmas party. Here are a few ideas I've come up with so far (right now I'm leaning toward #3 because I like its application to our firm, which is an investment/financial services firm), but I wanted to see if anybody else had a better idea.....

1. "Oh, Lord, we beseech Thee. Amen."

2. "Oh Dear God...thank you...you are such a good God...to us....and such a kind and gentle and...accommodating God. And we thank you, oh sweet lord of hosts for the smorgasbord you have so aptly laid at our table this day and each day by day, day by day by day. Oh dear lord, three things we pray...to love thee more dearly, to see thee more clearly, to follow thee more nearly, day by day by day...Amen."

3. "Thou say in thine heart, 'My power and the might of mine hand hath gotten me this wealth.' But thou shalt remember the LORD thy God: for it is he that giveth thee power to get wealth, which he may establish his covenant which he sware unto thy fathers, as it is this day. And it shall be, if thou do at all forget the LORD thy God, and walk after other gods, and serve them, and worship them, I testify against you this day that ye shall surely perish. Amen."

4. "Oh, Jesus, you're so fine. You're so fine, you blow my mind. Hey, Jesus."

[Beer and Pizza]

Lawsuit!!



I envy you your coming early retirement.

[tpir90036]

Is this a joke that I am not getting? If it is, it's not funny. And if it's not, I doubt you are going to very many serious responses.

Also, why is there going to be a prayer at all? Is everyone who works there a religious person? Why not just make a toast being thankful for another good year of whatever and get on with the partying. Injecting "God" and "Amen"s into everything seems kind of disingenuous to me.

[4_2_it]

How about this one:

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee."

Of course, I'm assuming you plan to kill everyone at the party immediately after you say this so if that isn't your plan then #3 will probably do.

[Songwind]

Call the corners, invoke the God and Goddess, and end with "so mote it be."

Or, bring a chicken.

But I'm a confrontational smartass.

[istewart]

Do the Meet the Parents one. Everyone will immediately get it and LOL and those who don't will think you're a genius.

[MrMon]

Sh'ma Yisrael Adonai Elohaynu Adonai Echad...

That'll teach 'em.

"Jesus said, 'If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.' Then Jesus said to his disciples, 'I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.'"

Number 4 is good, too.

[Reqtech]

5. "Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub. Yay God!"

[IndieMatty]

Don't forget: "Nose, toes, watch, wallet"

[xadrez]

or "spectacles, testicles, wallet, watch"

[istewart]

[ QUOTE ]
5. "Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub. Yay God!"

[/ QUOTE ]

One of my favorite Family Guy moments, yet often overlooked. Amazing.

[xadrez]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
5. "Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub. Yay God!"

[/ QUOTE ]

One of my favorite Family Guy moments, yet often overlooked. Amazing.

[/ QUOTE ]

No joke, this is what my family has been saying for years. When I was a little kid, I thought it was a real prayer (my family never attended church, hence the confusion)

[BradleyT]

[ QUOTE ]
Is this a joke that I am not getting? If it is, it's not funny.

[/ QUOTE ]

If you don't get a joke, how can you possibly comment on whether it's funny or not?

[MonkeeMan]

Good drink, good meat, good God, let's eat.

[eviljeff]

"And Shepherds we shall be.
For Thee, My Lord, for Thee.
Power hath descended forth from Thy hand.
So our feet may swiftly carry out Thy commands.
We will flow a river forth to Thee.
And teeming with souls shall it ever be.
In Nomeni Patri, Et Fili, Spiritus Sancti."

[odellthurman]

Buffett:

Maybe you should have just told your boss that you'd rather not say the prayer.

[henrikrh]

Read out part of the jewish Hallel, completely deadpan:

Psalm 114

"1 When Israel went forth out of Egypt, the house of Jacob from a people of foreign language; 2 Judah became his sanctuary, Israel his dominion. 3 The sea saw it, and fled. The Jordan was driven back. 4 The mountains skipped like rams, the little hills like lambs. 5 What was it, you sea, that you fled? You Jordan, that you turned back? 6 You mountains, that you skipped like rams; you little hills, like lambs? 7 Tremble, you earth, at the presence of the Lord, at the presence of the God of Jacob, 8 who turned the rock into a pool of water, the flint into a spring of waters."

Psalm 115

"12 The Lord remembers us. He will bless us. He will bless the house of Israel. He will bless the house of Aaron. 13 He will bless those who fear the Lord, both small and great. 14 May the Lord increase you more and more, you and your children. 15 Blessed are you by the Lord, who made heaven and earth. 16 The heavens are the heavens of the Lord; but the earth has he given to the children of men. 17 The dead don’t praise God, neither any who go down into silence; 18 But we will bless God, from this time forth and forevermore. Halleluyah!"


Then at the end if they question it act like you thought it was obvious you were jewish and you thought they all were too. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[tpir90036]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Is this a joke that I am not getting? If it is, it's not funny.

[/ QUOTE ]

If you don't get a joke, how can you possibly comment on whether it's funny or not?

[/ QUOTE ]
Duly noted. What I meant was, is this a joke and I do not realize it is one? I then assumed that it was supposed to be a joke and found it unfunny.

[Reqtech]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
5. "Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub. Yay God!"

[/ QUOTE ]

One of my favorite Family Guy moments, yet often overlooked. Amazing.

[/ QUOTE ]

No joke, this is what my family has been saying for years. When I was a little kid, I thought it was a real prayer (my family never attended church, hence the confusion)

[/ QUOTE ]

Family guy moment? That's been around for decades.

[tpir90036]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
5. "Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub. Yay God!"

[/ QUOTE ]

One of my favorite Family Guy moments, yet often overlooked. Amazing.

[/ QUOTE ]

No joke, this is what my family has been saying for years. When I was a little kid, I thought it was a real prayer (my family never attended church, hence the confusion)

[/ QUOTE ]

Family guy moment? That's been around for decades.

[/ QUOTE ]
I am glad someone else pointed this out. An annoying uncle or someone used to say this when I was like 5 years old. And it wasn't *that* long ago.

[Sabrazack]

I prefer:

"And Shepherds we shall be

For thee, my Lord, for thee.

Power hath descended forth from Thy hand

Our feet may swiftly carry out Thy commands.

So we shall flow a river forth to Thee

And teeming with souls shall it ever be.

In Nomeni Patri Et Fili Spiritus Sancti."

[asofel]

The Meet the Parents quote would be amazing.

[B Dids]

"God's neat, let's eat".

I can't imagine working somewhere they had a [censored] prayer.

[KJS]

Are you serious? Where do you work, a Christian bookstore?

I would walk out if anyone said they were going to say a prayer at my company party. [censored] that.

KJS

[Warik]

"Dear Lord,

Thanks for not killing another 250,000 people with a tsunami this year.

Your humble servant,
buffett"

http://www.badmouth.net/wordpress/wp-content/Human_Torch.jpg
Flame On!

[odellthurman]

[quoteI can't imagine working somewhere they had a [censored] prayer.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm in Georgia, and it's hard to imagine working anywhere here or in the South where they didn't say a prayer. I'm a Christian, so it doesn't bother me. But I'm also not a right-wing lunatic, so it wouldn't bother me if a prayer wasn't said so as not to offend anyone.

[hyde]

[ QUOTE ]
How about this one:

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee."

Of course, I'm assuming you plan to kill everyone at the party immediately after you say this so if that isn't your plan then #3 will probably do.

[/ QUOTE ]

we have a winner, best visual

[eviljeff]

how about

"And Shepherds we shall be.
For Thee, My Lord, for Thee.
Power hath descended forth from Thy hand.
So our feet may swiftly carry out Thy commands.
We will flow a river forth to Thee.
And teeming with souls shall it ever be.
In Nomeni Patri, Et Fili, Spiritus Sancti."

[henrikrh]

[ QUOTE ]
"Dear Lord,

Thanks for not killing another 250,000 people with a tsunami this year.

Your humble servant,
buffett"

http://www.badmouth.net/wordpress/wp-content/Human_Torch.jpg
Flame On!

[/ QUOTE ]

/flame is on

you MOTHERF_CKING MORON!! THAT WAS DECEMBER 2004, don't you know your own ass chesse from current events?!?!? Were you born with a chargrilled Cuunt where you brain should be, shut your god damn labia-face piehole before I stick rotten sardine in it!!1 It's idiot like you that are causing global warming, placebo effect mofo, just sotp thinking about it and it will die away you libby hipperal douch!!!

[Warik]

[ QUOTE ]
"Dear Lord,

Thanks for not killing another 250,000 people with a tsunami this year.

Your humble servant,
buffett"

[/ QUOTE ]

[ QUOTE ]
you MOTHERF_CKING MORON!! THAT WAS DECEMBER 2004

[/ QUOTE ]

Re-read my post. You were saying?

[Warik]

[ QUOTE ]
My boss just came by and asked me to say the prayer at tonight's office Christmas party.

[/ QUOTE ]

You know... something just occurred to me...

............ what the heck is an office Christmas party anyway?

Is that where they give those "Christmas Bonus" things I keep hearing about? (what are those things too btw...? no one has told me yet)

[kyro]

[ QUOTE ]
5. "Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub. Yay God!"

[/ QUOTE ]

How incredibly inappropriate.

[tdarko]

[ QUOTE ]
what the heck is an office Christmas party anyway?


[/ QUOTE ]
i can't tell if this is rhetorical or if you are just a [censored] idiot? /images/graemlins/confused.gif

i will answer anyway. an office christmas party is a christmas party amongst people from your work/office. there ya go, that should clarify.

"If lovin' the Lord is wrong, then I don't wanna be right! Lord, please enable us all to make a lot of money next year off of other people, without adding anything of substance to society! Amen!"

Should get some nervous laughter.

[Warik]

[ QUOTE ]
i can't tell if this is rhetorical or if you are just a [censored] idiot? /images/graemlins/confused.gif

i will answer anyway. an office christmas party is a christmas party amongst people from your work/office. there ya go, that should clarify.

[/ QUOTE ]

It was me poking fun at the fact that my lame ass boss isn't having one this year, nor are we getting any Christmas Bonuses.

[Aloysius]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Is this a joke that I am not getting? If it is, it's not funny.

[/ QUOTE ]

If you don't get a joke, how can you possibly comment on whether it's funny or not?

[/ QUOTE ]
Duly noted. What I meant was, is this a joke and I do not realize it is one? I then assumed that it was supposed to be a joke and found it unfunny.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm with you on this one. If it is a joke, I don't get it / don't find it amusing. If it isn't a joke, WTF? (I actually expected a more serious thread like "is this even legal???" or something. Probably colored my view).

-Al

Edit - although the responses have been humorous.