have freind with drug problem... it's really scaring me. help? info?

[bholdr]

I have a freind that's going down... i care about this person but cannot really help; because i don't know how, because i like to get a little faded myself, and because i've seen it too many times before and it scares the hell out of me. i KNOW about this stuff... trust me... and she's in BIG trouble and needs help.

i am trying not to be a coward and walk away from this person, but it hurts to watch it happen.

She's been drunk every night for at least a month... likes to do lots of coke and stay up for days... also, mushrooms, x, barbituates, painkillers, whatever's around. lost a good job... can't pay rent... old freinds are abandoning her... she even tried to sell some very illegal drugs, but liked the product too much to support her habit that way. it slowly got worse over several months.

and now sht has hit the fan:

The other day, on the tail end of a three day binge which started with getting drunk and doing an 8-ball of cocaine on the first night of a 72 hour bender: at bars and after-parties, then at home... taking mushrooms, not eating, etc.

A freind and I walked her home from the party and put her to bed- she was incohearantly drunk and the sharks were starting to circle.... but she didn't sleep, she called up some fresh partiers (no one else had kept up). in goes another 8-ball, some shrooms, cases of beer, a bottle of jim beam...

i slept, woke, and worked, then went to check on her... she was STILL awake, pushing 72 hours without sleep or food (beer, though nourishing and tasty, doesn't count) and she and some guy (who looked like he was trying to take advantage of her) were getting set to snort some crushed extacy.

damn. this is even more screwed up than i thought; as i look back at what i've written, I realize i haven't exaggeratted a bit.

So i insisted that she stop. she ddn't like that. she ended up fighting me for a straw to snort with. enough. i knocked all the drugs all on the ground and into the carpet. I said my peice; told her what i saw, what i've seen and done, and what was gonna happen to her.

she threw me out, she was very, very angry, naturally.

she stayed sober for about three days, even went to some AA meetings... but last night was as bad as ever. She wasnn't on coke, but was using that particular abstinance to justify her all night drunken, shrooming mess.

and then

she apologized today and says she's trying to clean up. I talked to her some more about my experiences and problems with drugs (mostly alcohol) and the ugly hole (social, financial, health-wise, and professional) that abuse put me in once. I promised to stick by her and help where i can, or to remain her freind and watch her fall into that same dark place if she can't pull it together.

scary thing is, i think she understands and believes me, but things haven't changed. bottom line: my freind will be lucky to go to jail before she ODs, gets raped, etc.

god DAMN, i need help here, guys. what can/should i do? my freinds... i love my freinds. i am willing to GO DOWN for them, do whatever i can... but i am lost. help?

I'll expand this later on.. gotta run. sry for the buzzkill post.

[send_the_msg]

have the cops pick her up

[Woolygimp]

Hve the cops pick us both up and we can have sex ual into course inthe prison system.

[ptmusic]

How old is she? Do you know her parents or other authority figure(s) in her life?

You can't do anything til she hits rock bottom and wants to help herself. She obviously has more issues that you or anyone here has the expertise to deal with. Quit trying to be the "fixer", its hard but you have to let go. You can try to get her help, but don't go down with the ship.

[MyTurn2Raise]

didn't we just have a friend who's an alcoholic post...I'm sure the same stuff applies

[craig r]

[ QUOTE ]
have the cops pick her up

[/ QUOTE ]

What will that do? She will go to jail for maybe a few days and then they will release her. Especially if it is her first offense (or even second or third); it isn't like she is a dealer.

craig

call these people (http://www.aetv.com/intervention/)

[craig r]

What a strange combinations of drugs. I think the scariest part is the amount of time this person is staying up. 72 hours is a long time, especially when messing with psychadelic drugs. Cocaine alone causes paranoia, but if you add the shrooms in, this is just a disaster waiting to happen. This person is not only a danger to herself, but if the paranoia gets bad enough, she could possibly hurt someone else.

There really isn't too much you can personally do about it. Like others have said, she will need to hit bottom first. The problem with this is that "bottom" is very subjective. Some people can start noticing that they are spending too much money and decide to quit, while others are on the streets, no teeth, and sucking cck, and still think it could be worse.

craig

[tonypaladino]

Happy Birthday

[craig r]

[ QUOTE ]
Happy Birthday

[/ QUOTE ]

Thank you!

[ QUOTE ]
call these people (http://www.aetv.com/intervention/)

[/ QUOTE ]
Funny you mention the Intervention show. They did a story on a guy who was a gambling addict. No less than a week after the show I see him at Hollywood Park with that crazed "I need action" look.

The problem with this is that "bottom" is very subjective. Some people can start noticing that they are spending too much money and decide to quit, while others are on the streets, no teeth, and sucking cck, and still think it could be worse.

craig

[/ QUOTE ]
Whats wrong with toothless cck sucking?
Actually very sad but true.

[send_the_msg]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
have the cops pick her up

[/ QUOTE ]

What will that do? She will go to jail for maybe a few days and then they will release her. Especially if it is her first offense (or even second or third); it isn't like she is a dealer.

craig

[/ QUOTE ]

yup and when she does it again, then have em come again. maybe they'll beat some sense into her.

[craig r]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
have the cops pick her up

[/ QUOTE ]

What will that do? She will go to jail for maybe a few days and then they will release her. Especially if it is her first offense (or even second or third); it isn't like she is a dealer.

craig

[/ QUOTE ]

yup and when she does it again, then have em come again. second offense and maybe they'll beat some sense into her.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, that is a good idea. Even better maybe the OP should beat some sense into her and then call the cops. Or the OP can kill himself, the cops will think it was her, and then she will go to jail for murder.

Seriously, people go to prison for years and come back out and start using heroin/cock/crack/etc... again. If one is an addict, there really isn't anything the police can do about it.

craig

[send_the_msg]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
have the cops pick her up

[/ QUOTE ]

What will that do? She will go to jail for maybe a few days and then they will release her. Especially if it is her first offense (or even second or third); it isn't like she is a dealer.

craig

[/ QUOTE ]

yup and when she does it again, then have em come again. second offense and maybe they'll beat some sense into her.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, that is a good idea. Even better maybe the OP should beat some sense into her and then call the cops. Or the OP can kill himself, the cops will think it was her, and then she will go to jail for murder.

Seriously, people go to prison for years and come back out and start using heroin/cock/crack/etc... again. If one is an addict, there really isn't anything the police can do about it.

craig

[/ QUOTE ]

i could be wrong but i think police know how to deal with addicts, they have phone numbers to call. rotting away in a cell is probably more common for people that are [censored] up without drugs.

[craig r]

You are wrong. At least in major cities that is not how it works (I have no idea how it works in Mayberry). What makes you think police know how to deal with addicts? They know how to deal with them at the time, but not once they are sober. It isn't their job to help addicts recover.

Also, most cities, once you are sober you are out. Now, like I said, after the 3rd or 4th time, they might keep you in jail for a few weeks, but even then, what will that do.

Also, why do you equate "beating sense into her" and "police know how to deal with addicts"?

craig

[garion888]

[ QUOTE ]
If one is an addict, there really isn't anything anyone else can do about it.

[/ QUOTE ]

HB

[astroglide]

it's fine to post it here, but this is another one where the psych forum (which has actual psychologists in there somtimes) might have better answers.

[tonypaladino]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
have the cops pick her up

[/ QUOTE ]

What will that do? She will go to jail for maybe a few days and then they will release her. Especially if it is her first offense (or even second or third); it isn't like she is a dealer.

craig

[/ QUOTE ]

yup and when she does it again, then have em come again. second offense and maybe they'll beat some sense into her.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, that is a good idea. Even better maybe the OP should beat some sense into her and then call the cops. Or the OP can kill himself, the cops will think it was her, and then she will go to jail for murder.

Seriously, people go to prison for years and come back out and start using heroin/cock/crack/etc... again. If one is an addict, there really isn't anything the police can do about it.

craig

[/ QUOTE ]

i could be wrong but i think police know how to deal with addicts, they have phone numbers to call. rotting away in a cell is probably more common for people that are [censored] up without drugs.

[/ QUOTE ]

Your ignorance astounds me.

[send_the_msg]

[ QUOTE ]
You are wrong. At least in major cities that is not how it works (I have no idea how it works in Mayberry). What makes you think police know how to deal with addicts? They know how to deal with them at the time, but not once they are sober. It isn't their job to help addicts recover.

Also, most cities, once you are sober you are out. Now, like I said, after the 3rd or 4th time, they might keep you in jail for a few weeks, but even then, what will that do.

Also, why do you equate "beating sense into her" and "police know how to deal with addicts"?

craig

[/ QUOTE ]

i dunno i assume they know how to deal with them because they deal with them a lot. suppose that might not be true. i agree it isn't the cops job to clean them up, but i'm pretty sure they have to report these people to detox places, and they do have to pass some classes as part of their punishment (at least that is the case in my town [eugene, OR just for note]).

[craig r]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
You are wrong. At least in major cities that is not how it works (I have no idea how it works in Mayberry). What makes you think police know how to deal with addicts? They know how to deal with them at the time, but not once they are sober. It isn't their job to help addicts recover.

Also, most cities, once you are sober you are out. Now, like I said, after the 3rd or 4th time, they might keep you in jail for a few weeks, but even then, what will that do.

Also, why do you equate "beating sense into her" and "police know how to deal with addicts"?

craig

[/ QUOTE ]

i dunno i assume they know how to deal with them because they deal with them a lot. suppose that might not be true. i agree it isn't the cops job to clean them up, but i'm pretty sure they have to report these people to detox places, and they do have to pass some classes as part of their punishment (at least that is the case in my town [eugene, OR just for note]).

[/ QUOTE ]

Forcing people to stay "clean" does not fix the problem. How long can/will they do this for? The rear of death isn't big enough to stop somebody, so why would the fear of a few months in jail (except for the fact that they won't be able to use in jail).

Police might be trained to handle somebody that is high at the moment, but they aren't counselors. Forcing somebody to get help is not going to work. The person has to want to go clean. Maybe, they should buy here 10 8-balls and make her do them all. I am joking, but these techniques that naive parents think will work usually don't.

Also, isn't Oregon one of the biggest meth states in the U.S? I guess the police aren't doing the greatest job.

craig

[bholdr]

Thanks to all the serious responses. a quickie reply:

-not gonna call the cops unles i think she's in imminent danger.

- [ QUOTE ]
The problem with this is that "bottom" is very subjective. Some people can start noticing that they are spending too much money and decide to quit, while others are on the streets, no teeth, and sucking cck, and still think it could be worse.


[/ QUOTE ]

bingo. lost job, freinds, savings, home, etc is bad... but sucking dick for drugs is worse... then there's death. she is low enough, imo, on the edge; at a fork in the road, one path leading onward, the other going nowhere or worse. *sighs*

for me rock bottom wasn't all that low, thanks to some very good freinds and an even more powerful addiction taking over (sking- crack and heroin all rolled into one for me). i want to be that freind, but don't know how.

anyone ever been present at an intervention?

[send_the_msg]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
You are wrong. At least in major cities that is not how it works (I have no idea how it works in Mayberry). What makes you think police know how to deal with addicts? They know how to deal with them at the time, but not once they are sober. It isn't their job to help addicts recover.

Also, most cities, once you are sober you are out. Now, like I said, after the 3rd or 4th time, they might keep you in jail for a few weeks, but even then, what will that do.

Also, why do you equate "beating sense into her" and "police know how to deal with addicts"?

craig

[/ QUOTE ]

i dunno i assume they know how to deal with them because they deal with them a lot. suppose that might not be true. i agree it isn't the cops job to clean them up, but i'm pretty sure they have to report these people to detox places, and they do have to pass some classes as part of their punishment (at least that is the case in my town [eugene, OR just for note]).

[/ QUOTE ]

Forcing people to stay "clean" does not fix the problem. How long can/will they do this for? The rear of death isn't big enough to stop somebody, so why would the fear of a few months in jail (except for the fact that they won't be able to use in jail).

Police might be trained to handle somebody that is high at the moment, but they aren't counselors. Forcing somebody to get help is not going to work. The person has to want to go clean. Maybe, they should buy here 10 8-balls and make her do them all. I am joking, but these techniques that naive parents think will work usually don't.

Also, isn't Oregon one of the biggest meth states in the U.S? I guess the police aren't doing the greatest job.

craig

[/ QUOTE ]

are you so sure that your first statement is correct?
also yes oregon has a very large meth problem, but that could very well be because nobodys getting arrested. that is the fault of the cops, but it doesn't appear relevant to our conversation until we see some stats that many of these people were arrested and then went back to the drug.

[craig r]

Good point about not calling the police on your friend. If you do that one time, your friend is finished with you. And most junkies don't trust others as it is.

craig

[bholdr]

[ QUOTE ]
Forcing people to stay "clean" does not fix the problem. How long can/will they do this for?

[/ QUOTE ]

learning to totally avoid the substances that cause problems for a person is just running away, IMO. learning how to drink/use responsibly is the HARD part... some people cannot, though. it's complicated.

[bholdr]

[ QUOTE ]

Good point about not calling the police on your friend. If you do that one time, your friend is finished with you. And most junkies don't trust others as it is.

craig

[/ QUOTE ]

i'd rather lose a freind and save a life than watch a freind die, though... still not calling the fuzz.

[send_the_msg]

[ QUOTE ]
anyone ever been present at an intervention?

[/ QUOTE ]

i almost saw one on seinfeld, but they don't show you that part of the plot on screen.

[send_the_msg]

[ QUOTE ]
Good point about not calling the police on your friend. If you do that one time, your friend is finished with you. And most junkies don't trust others as it is.

craig

[/ QUOTE ]

i'm not sure maintaining your friendship should be priority number one, if you are a true friend.

[craig r]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Forcing people to stay "clean" does not fix the problem. How long can/will they do this for?

[/ QUOTE ]

learning to totally avoid the substances that cause problems for a person is just running away, IMO. learning how to drink/use responsibly is the HARD part... some people cannot, though. it's complicated.

[/ QUOTE ]

I heard a different definition/explanation of finding out if you are an addict (of any kind) the other day: If you have to set limits for yourself, you are most likely an addict. For example, if you tell yourself, "I will only buy a pack of smokes instead of a carton, then I will smoke less", you are most likely addicted. I could have 10 pounds of pot in my house and I wouldn't even think about it. I wouldn't have to put any type of "limit" on myself. If you put those same pounds of cocaine in my house, well, wow.....

craig

[craig r]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

Good point about not calling the police on your friend. If you do that one time, your friend is finished with you. And most junkies don't trust others as it is.

craig

[/ QUOTE ]

i'd rather lose a freind and save a life than watch a freind die, though... still not calling the fuzz.

[/ QUOTE ]

I am not saying that losing a friend is your priority, but when the person wants to stop using, but has a hard time on her own, then you won't be there for her. There are lots of addicts who truly want to quit, but it is psychologically very tough.

craig

[irishpint]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Forcing people to stay "clean" does not fix the problem. How long can/will they do this for?

[/ QUOTE ]

learning to totally avoid the substances that cause problems for a person is just running away, IMO. learning how to drink/use responsibly is the HARD part... some people cannot, though. it's complicated.

[/ QUOTE ]

did you see the south park? it was about alcohol and the quote I like was something like...if you have to go to AA meetings and convince yourself not to drink, then drinking still has a hold on you and you have problems. When you can have a beer or two and stop is when you are in control.

something like that.

[CardSharpCook]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Forcing people to stay "clean" does not fix the problem. How long can/will they do this for?

[/ QUOTE ]

learning to totally avoid the substances that cause problems for a person is just running away, IMO. learning how to drink/use responsibly is the HARD part... some people cannot, though. it's complicated.

[/ QUOTE ]

I find this quote amusing. "Sure, I use to be an addict, but now I only smoke once a day."

I do empathize with your problem. An addict myself, I had to find my own bottom and my own way out. And then the desire to help my friends do the same. Unfortunately it doesn't work like that. Not really sure how it works. Your friend will be in my prayers tonight.

[Leaky Eye]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
You are wrong. At least in major cities that is not how it works (I have no idea how it works in Mayberry). What makes you think police know how to deal with addicts? They know how to deal with them at the time, but not once they are sober. It isn't their job to help addicts recover.

Also, most cities, once you are sober you are out. Now, like I said, after the 3rd or 4th time, they might keep you in jail for a few weeks, but even then, what will that do.

Also, why do you equate "beating sense into her" and "police know how to deal with addicts"?

craig

[/ QUOTE ]

i dunno i assume they know how to deal with them because they deal with them a lot. suppose that might not be true. i agree it isn't the cops job to clean them up, but i'm pretty sure they have to report these people to detox places, and they do have to pass some classes as part of their punishment (at least that is the case in my town [eugene, OR just for note]).

[/ QUOTE ]

Good god man. They don't deal with them in any way that is helpful to the addict. They process them. The system sorts them out. If they are lucky they don't end up in prison getting raped and wanting to kill themselves and others.

[send_the_msg]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
You are wrong. At least in major cities that is not how it works (I have no idea how it works in Mayberry). What makes you think police know how to deal with addicts? They know how to deal with them at the time, but not once they are sober. It isn't their job to help addicts recover.

Also, most cities, once you are sober you are out. Now, like I said, after the 3rd or 4th time, they might keep you in jail for a few weeks, but even then, what will that do.

Also, why do you equate "beating sense into her" and "police know how to deal with addicts"?

craig

[/ QUOTE ]

i dunno i assume they know how to deal with them because they deal with them a lot. suppose that might not be true. i agree it isn't the cops job to clean them up, but i'm pretty sure they have to report these people to detox places, and they do have to pass some classes as part of their punishment (at least that is the case in my town [eugene, OR just for note]).

[/ QUOTE ]

Good god man. They don't deal with them in any way that is helpful to the addict. They process them. The system sorts them out. If they are lucky they don't end up in prison getting raped and wanting to kill themselves and others.

[/ QUOTE ]

ok to clear things up (maybe), cops = anything gov they may experience after being arrested. i absolutely agree that police officers won't do anything, but if you go back to the original thing i said, i would have my friend arrested if he was going crazy with drugs, simply because that is a guaranteed way for something to happen, good or bad.

[craig r]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
You are wrong. At least in major cities that is not how it works (I have no idea how it works in Mayberry). What makes you think police know how to deal with addicts? They know how to deal with them at the time, but not once they are sober. It isn't their job to help addicts recover.

Also, most cities, once you are sober you are out. Now, like I said, after the 3rd or 4th time, they might keep you in jail for a few weeks, but even then, what will that do.

Also, why do you equate "beating sense into her" and "police know how to deal with addicts"?

craig

[/ QUOTE ]

i dunno i assume they know how to deal with them because they deal with them a lot. suppose that might not be true. i agree it isn't the cops job to clean them up, but i'm pretty sure they have to report these people to detox places, and they do have to pass some classes as part of their punishment (at least that is the case in my town [eugene, OR just for note]).

[/ QUOTE ]

Good god man. They don't deal with them in any way that is helpful to the addict. They process them. The system sorts them out. If they are lucky they don't end up in prison getting raped and wanting to kill themselves and others.

[/ QUOTE ]

ok to clear things up (maybe), cops = anything gov they may experience after being arrested. i absolutely agree that police officers won't do anything, but if you go back to the original thing i said, i would have my friend arrested if he was going crazy with drugs, simply because that is a guaranteed way for something to happen, good or bad.

[/ QUOTE ]

There are other things you can do for a "guaranteed way for something to happen." I mean, the OP can switch her cocaine with rat poisoning. She would most likely never do coke again.

craig

[send_the_msg]

i think you're crazier than i

[AlphaWice]

SIIHP

[bholdr]

[ QUOTE ]
SIIHP

[/ QUOTE ]

go to hell.

[bholdr]

[ QUOTE ]
I could have 10 pounds of pot in my house and I wouldn't even think about it. I wouldn't have to put any type of "limit" on myself. If you put those same pounds of cocaine in my house, well, wow.....


[/ QUOTE ]

i hear that /images/graemlins/smirk.gif

[bholdr]

[ QUOTE ]
I find this quote amusing. "Sure, I use to be an addict, but now I only smoke once a day."

I do empathize with your problem. An addict myself, I had to find my own bottom and my own way out. And then the desire to help my friends do the same. Unfortunately it doesn't work like that. Not really sure how it works. Your friend will be in my prayers tonight.

[/ QUOTE ]


well... i AM an atheist, since there's no god, etc, but...

thanks. i really appreciate your thoughts (and prayers). I seem to own my own problems, while others are owned by theirs... i have been very lucky and am thankful for that, so far.

hmmmm...

[chesspain]

[ QUOTE ]
it's fine to post it here, but this is another one where the psych forum (which has actual psychologists in there somtimes) might have better answers.

[/ QUOTE ]

I saw this thread while waking up with my coffee this frosty Monday morning, so I'll give it a shot. Unfortunately, as others have stated, there isn't much that you can do. It is difficult enough to help and support an addict who wants to stay clean and sober; it is nearly impossible to help someone like your friend who is on a self-destructive binge-ride until they hit rock-bottom, which for some people is a truly scary place.

The OP's best bet would likely be some type of "intervention," although I will be honest and state that I know little about how to do this. I would assume that there must be websites and/or books for how to try to attempt this. However, you would want to try to talk to her when she is not wasted--which may be quite a challenge it itself.

Short of attempting to convince her to get clean and sober, which is definately no better than a two outer, I would advise the OP to focus more on taking care of herself. Meaning, if the friend is a roommate (this wasn't clear from the post), try to take immediate action so that you are no longer living together, so that her lifestyle doesn't endanger you by the friends she keeps. Otherwise, I would just tell the OP to remind himself that there is little that he (she?) can do to help. Indeed, it is extremely painful to watch addicts spiral downwards into the abyss, especially when it is nearly impossible to help. It is OK to realize that you have the right to emotionally divest yourself from her at this time. You can be there to assist her if and when she asks for genuine help. Otherwise, just say a prayer and hope for the best.

Sincerely,

Dr. chesspain

[bholdr]

[ QUOTE ]
I would advise the OP to focus more on taking care of himself.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm covered; it's not really an issue in this particular situation. (FYP)


[ QUOTE ]
It is OK to realize that you have the right to emotionally divest yourself from her at this time.

[/ QUOTE ]

I have the right to walk away, sure... I'm won't, though.

[ QUOTE ]
Otherwise, I would just tell the OP to remind himself that there is little that he (she?) can do to help. Indeed, it is extremely painful to watch addicts spiral downwards into the abyss, especially when it is nearly impossible to help.

[/ QUOTE ]
i aggree with you, but, man, that really sucks, huh?

[ QUOTE ]
Sincerely,

[/ QUOTE ]

thanks. -B

[vexvelour]

bholdr-

I've been in your situation too many times. It's really up to her to decide if she wants to listen. The best advice I can give you is to try and catch her maybe after shes gotten some sleep and before she hits the blow again. Sit her down and go over the events that have happened in her life over the past few weeks and how ridiculous she's acting and how far from reality she's strayed. Explain that you care enough that you WILL do something, whether it's call the cops or drive her to a rehab clinic and you won't let up until she's straightened her [censored] out.

The key is to apply constant pressure to the situation until something (on her part) is done. If you give her even a window of opportunity to kick you out of her life or go and blow coke again, it will be a neverending story until she's dead/locked up for good.

I hope this helps you. At one point in my life almost everyone I knew blew lines (me included) all day everyday. When I started throwing up blood while it was running out of my nose I decided I had to do something about the situation. I think I'm just really realistic and once the bubble of "this is so great" popped, I could never go back. This is the outcome you're aiming for: make her see that it's killing her.

[bwana devil]

[ QUOTE ]
it's fine to post it here, but this is another one where the psych forum (which has actual psychologists in there somtimes) might have better answers.

[/ QUOTE ]

it always bugs me when people post these type of things in the pysch forum. the psych forum is under the header "general gambling" so it should be reserved for psychological issues related specifically to gambling.

just one man's opinion,

bwana

[eviljeff]

[ QUOTE ]
The OP's best bet would likely be some type of "intervention,"

[/ QUOTE ]

errr, I dunno dude. I've heard (and it seems reasonable) that interventions have a very low success rate and they're actually more so that the intervenors can feel like they've done all they can. I really can't imagine this girl reacting positively to an intervention after what happened when OP confronted her last time.

[bwana devil]

that's good that you're not calling the cops. not because of trust issues but because the justice system does not rehabilitate offenders. putting people in jail for carrying coke or crack doesnt cure people of addiction. it never has and it never will.

as people mentioned before and what it sounds like youre saying also, you cant will your friend to stop doing drugs. express to your friend how concerned you are. give your friend your support. tell her specifically what she has done to damage her life and to damage yours from her addiction. and getting other close friends involved can also be helpful too.

after that be available. good luck.

bwana

[Marnixvdb]

Radiate a very clear message both in words and in actions.

If she is on a lot of drugs, don't hesitate to make decisions for her (like you did). It may very likely anger her, but you shouldnt take any part of that anger personal.

Obviously she will have to come out of it herself. You can be support to help her stabilize. To be that support, you must be confident and very clear. Be very rational when she is high, be sensisitive when she is sober.

How did your friends help you? The same approach may not work, since you are both different characters, but think about the mindset they had, and how you view them and what they did now, compared to how you viewed them and their actions when they started pulling you out.

gl

Marnix

[DoomSlice]

Intervention. Call Dr. Phil (I am absolutely serious about this).

[Meech]

[ QUOTE ]
You can't do anything til she hits rock bottom and wants to help herself. She obviously has more issues that you or anyone here has the expertise to deal with. Quit trying to be the "fixer", its hard but you have to let go. You can try to get her help, but don't go down with the ship.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is the correct answer -- unfortunately. The people advocating calling the cops are idiots.

[ QUOTE ]

Seriously, people go to prison for years and come back out and start using heroin/cock/crack/etc... again.

[/ QUOTE ] [/b]

you use cock. DON'T YA CRAIG!

[4_2_it]

I feel for you. You want to be a friend, but the other party is making it damn near impossible for you to be a friend. Until your friend realizes she needs help there is little you can do.

AA and similar programs are what she needs. You will not be able to stop her on your own, she has to want to stop before you will be able to make a real difference. Did she assigned a sponsor in AA. If so, find her sponsor and try to get the sponsor to help you.

As is stands now, it sounds like you will be able to win a few battles, but the war will rage on until she decides it needs to stop. I wish I could give you the magic bullet to solve this, but there isn't one. Just be the best friend you know how to be, it sounds like she will need one soon. Good luck.

OP,
I think you need to go to AA, or Al-anon, and seek help from them. I would assume that they are the best ones to help you help her.
Hoping everything turns out well,
Guids

[Maulik]

Simply put she needs a drug counselor someone who understands addiction and such. Help your friend find a good one and hope time helps.

[sam h]

Your friend sounds like she's in bad, bad shape. I don't think that kind of person just wakes up one day and decides to stop, or generally has the willpower to go cold turkey after an intervention. When getting clean means staying sober for two or three days, and the way she celebrates is to go off on another bender, then the only way you can even hope to turn it around is to be forced sober for an extended period. It sounds to me like you need to convince her to go into rehab and dry out for a couple weeks (at least) somewhere. I know that costs money, but I don't see another solution.

[Jeebus]

As someone who just realized they were on the bottom with alcohol, I can say you really can't do much. I kinda think some people could have told me I was [censored] up but I still probably wouldn't have listened. Once I realized how bad I was though, I needed someone to talk to about it and agree to do things with me every now and then when everyone else was drinking. With that support I can again have a beer or two during the game or whatever and drop it.

You can only watch that she doesn't kill herself and then be the person there for her. If you see her sober, drop hints about someone else that does too many drugs.

[chesspain]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
The OP's best bet would likely be some type of "intervention,"

[/ QUOTE ]

errr, I dunno dude. I've heard (and it seems reasonable) that interventions have a very low success rate and they're actually more so that the intervenors can feel like they've done all they can. I really can't imagine this girl reacting positively to an intervention after what happened when OP confronted her last time.

[/ QUOTE ]

I never said I thought that an "intervention" would be successful--just possibly the OP's best bet for trying to shake some sense into her. And "intervention" does not have to be anything more formal than the OP (and maybe one or two other friends) having a straight talk with the addict about their care and concern for her well-being.

[chesspain]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
It is OK to realize that you have the right to emotionally divest yourself from her at this time.

[/ QUOTE ]

I have the right to walk away, sure... I'm won't, though.



[/ QUOTE ]

Emotionally divesting yourself is not the same as walking away. The former simply means that you accept that you have no control over her behavior, and you begin training yourself to not be emotionally affected by it. However, you can still be her friend--although when you get down to it, it is very difficult to be in a real friendship with someone living your friend's lifestyle.

[Cancuk]

A a close family member of mine went through some pretty rough [censored]. He was put in Rehab for a long time...a couple months I think. He came out, clean. He had one relapse, but thats been it.

Find a good Rehab clinic, and get her in

[chesspain]

[ QUOTE ]
Find a good Rehab clinic, [insert details of nearly impossible, heretofore unknown course of action], and get her in

[/ QUOTE ]

FYP

[OtisTheMarsupial]

[ QUOTE ]
even went to some AA meetings...

[/ QUOTE ]

Find out who her sponsor is and let them know she needs help. If it's a good AA or NA group, they'll gang up to help her.

Also, even if you don't get totally clean yourself, pretend you are. Tell your friend you're quitting drug use and she should too. Stop usinig any drugs around her.

Then, be her friend. Let her know you care about her and don't want her to hurt herself. Let her know you will help her if she needs it.

[bwana devil]

see if you can spot the two horrible pieces of advice.

[ QUOTE ]
If it's a good AA or NA group, they'll gang up to help her.


[/ QUOTE ]

[ QUOTE ]

Also, even if you don't get totally clean yourself, pretend you are.

[/ QUOTE ]

[send_the_msg]

TOSS HER IN THE SLAMMER!!!!

/images/graemlins/smile.gif

[craig r]

[ QUOTE ]
see if you can spot the two horrible pieces of advice.

[ QUOTE ]
If it's a good AA or NA group, they'll gang up to help her.


[/ QUOTE ]

[ QUOTE ]

Also, even if you don't get totally clean yourself, pretend you are.

[/ QUOTE ]

[/ QUOTE ]

This might be the best post in this thread. I really wonder if people are still stuck in the 19th century when it comes to addictions.

craig

p.s. Excorcisms must be performed by Priests, Rabbis fck the whole thing up. I mean, I wasn't even Jewish before.

[OtisTheMarsupial]

[ QUOTE ]
see if you can spot the two horrible pieces of advice.

[ QUOTE ]
If it's a good AA or NA group, they'll gang up to help her.


[/ QUOTE ]

[ QUOTE ]

Also, even if you don't get totally clean yourself, pretend you are.

[/ QUOTE ]

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't agree personally with AA, but it works for some people. Just like religion keeps some people from killing or stealing or whatever. Some people need it. And drug abusers are the type that can often benefit from the AA/NA religion.

And yeah, if you're a user, not an abuser, you shouldn't use around your abuser friends. You might want to consider just plain quitting, but if you're not ready for that, then for your friend's sake, don't use around her.

Whatever. My advice is good. I don't see anyone else offering useful firsthand advice for how to help drug addict friends.

[craig r]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
see if you can spot the two horrible pieces of advice.

[ QUOTE ]
If it's a good AA or NA group, they'll gang up to help her.


[/ QUOTE ]

[ QUOTE ]

Also, even if you don't get totally clean yourself, pretend you are.

[/ QUOTE ]

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't agree personally with AA, but it works for some people. Just like religion keeps some people from killing or stealing or whatever. Some people need it. And drug abusers are the type that can often benefit from the AA/NA religion.

And yeah, if you're a user, not an abuser, you shouldn't use around your abuser friends. You might want to consider just plain quitting, but if you're not ready for that, then for your friend's sake, don't use around her.

Whatever. My advice is good. I don't see anyone else offering useful firsthand advice for how to help drug addict friends.

[/ QUOTE ]

My guess is that you have no idea whether your advice is "right". They don't "gang up on you" at AA/NA. In fact, they don't make you do anything there. So, I don't think the person is knocking AA/NA, but knocking the idea that they gang up on you.

And why don't you think that people are offering good "firsthand" advice. Some of the advice in the thread is pretty good. Yes, there are differentiating opinions, but drug addiction is not black and white.

craig

[sarahbellum]

[ QUOTE ]
anyone ever been present at an intervention?

[/ QUOTE ]

Yes, and I am the one who facilitated it. I second the recommendation, as quoted below. The intervention will most likely only be successful if you have a treatment center already lined up and ready to take her in that same day. The treatment center usually can provide you with someone who will do the intervention with family/friends as part of the treatment cost.

If you're interested, I can share my story of how it went with the one I facilitated.

[ QUOTE ]
Your friend sounds like she's in bad, bad shape. I don't think that kind of person just wakes up one day and decides to stop, or generally has the willpower to go cold turkey after an intervention. When getting clean means staying sober for two or three days, and the way she celebrates is to go off on another bender, then the only way you can even hope to turn it around is to be forced sober for an extended period. It sounds to me like you need to convince her to go into rehab and dry out for a couple weeks (at least) somewhere. I know that costs money, but I don't see another solution.

[/ QUOTE ]

The above words are VERY VERY true.